"WANTED: BOARD AND ROOM"
As Dick Minot bent over to pick up his scattered property, a knock
sounded on the half-open door, and Lord Harrowby drooped in. The
nobleman was gloom personified. He threw himself despondently down on
the bed.
"Minot, old chap," he drawled, "it's all over." His eyes took in the
wreckage. "Eh? What the deuce have you been doing, old boy?"
"I haven't been doing anything," Minot answered. "But others have been
busy. While we were at the--er--theater, fond fingers have been
searching for Chain Lightning's Collar."
"The devil! You haven't lost it?"
"No--not yet, I believe." Minot took the envelope from his pocket and
drew out the gleaming necklace. "Ah, it's still safe--"
Harrowby leaped from the bed and slammed shut the door.
"Dear old boy," he cried, "keep the accursed thing in your pocket. No
one must see it. I say, who's been searching here? Do you think it
could have been O'Malley?"
"What is O'Malley's interest in your necklace?"
"Some other time, please. Sorry to inconvenience you with the thing.
Do hang on to it, won't you? Awful mix-up if you didn't. Bad mix-up
as it is. As I said when I came in, it's all over."
"What's all over?"
"Everything. The marriage--my chance for happiness--Minot, I'm a most
unlucky chap. Meyrick has just postponed the wedding in a frightfully
loud tone of voice."
"Postponed it?" Sad news for Jephson this, yet as he spoke Mr. Minot
felt a thrill of joy in his heart. He smiled the pleasantest smile he
had so far shown San Marco.
"Exactly. He was fearfully rattled, was Meyrick. My word, how he did
go on. Considers his daughter humiliated by the antics of that
creature we saw on the stage to-night. Can't say I blame him, either.
The wedding is indefinitely postponed, unless that impostor is removed
from the scene immediately."
"Oh--unless," said Minot. His heart sank. His smile vanished.
"Unless was the word, I fancy," said Harrowby, blinking wisely.
"Lord Harrowby," Minot began, "you intimated the other day that this
man might really be your brother--"
"No," Harrowby broke in. "Impossible. I got a good look at the chap
to-night. He's no more a Harrowby than you are."
"You give me your word for that?"
"Absolutely. Even after twenty years of America no Harrowby would drag
his father's name on to the vaudeville stage. No, he is an impostor,
and as such he deserves no consideration whatever. And by the by,
Minot--you will note that the postponement is through no fault of mine."
Minot made a wry face.
"I have noted it," he said. "In other words, I go on to the stage
now--following the man who followed the trained seals. I thought my
role was that of Cupid, but it begins to look more like Captain Kidd.
Ah, well--I'll do my best." He stood up. "I'm going out into the soft
moonlight for a little while, Lord Harrowby. While I'm gone you might
call Spencer Meyrick up and ask him to do nothing definite in the way
of postponement until he hears from me--us--er--you."
"Splendid of you, really," said Harrowby enthusiastically, as Minot
held open the door for him. "I had the feeling I could fall back on
you."
"And I have the feeling that you've fallen," smiled Minot. "So
long--better wait up for my report."
Fifteen minutes later, seated in a small rowboat on the starry waters
of the harbor, Minot was loudly saluting the yacht _Lileth_. Finally
Mr. Martin Wall appeared at the rail.
"Well--what d'you want?" he demanded.
"A word with you, Mr. Wall," Minot answered. "Will you be good enough
to let down your accommodation ladder?"
For a moment Wall hesitated. And Minot, watching him, knew why he
hesitated. He suspected that the young man in the tiny boat there on
the calm bright waters had come to repay a call earlier in the
evening--a call made while the host was out. At last he decided to let
down the ladder.
"Glad to see you," he announced genially as Minot came on deck.
"Awfully nice of you to say that," Minot laughed. "Reassures me.
Because I've heard there are sharks in these waters."
They sat down in wicker chairs on the forward deck. Minot stared at
the cluster of lights that was San Marco by night.
"Corking view you have of that tourist-haunted town," he commented.
"Ah--yes," Mr. Wall's queer eyes narrowed. "Did you row out here to
tell me that?" he inquired.
"A deserved rebuke," Minot returned. "Time flies, and my errand is a
pressing one. Am I right in assuming, Mr. Wall, that you are Lord
Harrowby's friend?"
"I am."
"Good. Then you will want to help him in the very serious difficulty
in which he now finds himself. Mr. Wall, the man who calls himself the
real Lord Harrowby made his debut on a vaudeville stage to-night."
"So I've heard," said Wall, with a short laugh.
"Lord Harrowby's fiancée and her father are greatly disturbed. They
insist that this impostor must be removed from the scene at once, or
there will be no wedding. Mr. Wall--it is up to you and me to remove
him."
"Just what is your interest in the matter?" Wall inquired.
"The same as yours. I am Harrowby's friend. Now, Mr. Wall, this is
the situation as I see it--wanted, board and room in a quiet
neighborhood for Mr. George Harrowby. Far from the street-cars, the
vaudeville stage, the wedding march and other disturbing elements. And
what is more, I think I've found the quiet neighborhood. I think it's
right here aboard the _Lileth_."
"Oh--indeed!"
"Yes. A simple affair to arrange, Mr. Wall. Trimmer and his live
proposition are just about due for their final appearance of the night
at the opera-house right now. I will call at the stage door and lead
Mr. Trimmer away after his little introductory speech. I will keep him
away until you and a couple of your sailors--I suggest the two I met so
informally in the North River--have met the vaudeville lord at the
stage door and gently, but firmly, persuaded him to come aboard this
boat."
Mr. Wall regarded Minot with a cynical smile.
"A clever scheme," he said. "What would you say was the penalty for
kidnaping in this state?"
"Oh, why look it up?" asked Minot carelessly. "Surely Martin Wall is
not afraid of a backwoods constable."
"What do you mean by that, my boy?" said Wall, with an ugly stare.
"What do you think I mean?" Minot smiled back. "I'd be very glad to
take the role I've assigned you--I can't help feeling that it will be
more entertaining than the one I have. The difficulty in the way is
Trimmer. I believe I am better fitted to engage his attention. I know
him better than you do, and he trusts me--begging your pardon--further."
"He did give me a nasty dig," said Wall, flaming at the recollection.
"The noisy mountebank! Well, my boy, your young enthusiasm has won me.
I'll do what I can."
"And you can do a lot. Watch me until you see me lead Trimmer away.
Then get his pet. I'll steer Trimmer somewhere near the beach, and
keep an eye on the _Lileth_. When you get George safely aboard, wave a
red light in the bow. Then Trimmer and I shall part company for the
night."
"I'm on," said Wall, rising. "Anything to help Harrowby. And--this
won't be the first time I've waited at the stage door."
"Right-o," said Minot. "But don't stop to buy a champagne supper for a
trained seal, will you? I don't want to have to listen to Mr. Trimmer
all night."
They rowed ashore in company with two husky members of the yacht's
crew, and ten minutes later Minot was walking with the pompous Mr.
Trimmer through the quiet plaza. He had told that gentleman that he
came from Allan Harrowby to talk terms, and Trimmer was puffed with
pride accordingly.
"So Mr. Harrowby has come to his senses at last," he said. "Well, I
thought this vaudeville business would bring him round. Although I
must say I'm a bit disappointed--down in my heart. My publicity
campaign has hardly started. I had so many lovely little plans for the
future--say, it makes me sad to win so soon."
"Sorry," laughed Minot. "Lord Harrowby, however, deems it best to call
a halt. He suggests--"
"Pardon me," interrupted Mr. Trimmer grandiloquently. "As the victor
in the contest, I shall do any suggesting that is done. And what I
suggest is this--to-morrow morning I shall call upon Allan Harrowby at
his hotel. I shall bring George with me, also some newspaper friends
of mine. In front of the crowd Allan Harrowby must acknowledge his
brother as the future heir to the earldom of Raybrook."
"Why the newspaper men?" Minot inquired.
"Publicity," said Trimmer. "It's the breath of life to me--my
business, my first love, my last. Frankly, I want all the
advertisement out of this thing I can get. At what hour shall we call?"
"You would not consider a delay of a few days?" Minot asked.
"Save your breath," advised Trimmer promptly.
"Ah--I feared it," laughed Minot. "Well then--shall we say eleven
o'clock? You are to call--with George Harrowby."
"Eleven it is," said Trimmer. They had reached a little park by the
harbor's edge. Trimmer looked at his watch. "And that being all
settled, I'll run back to the theater."
"I myself have advised Harrowby to surrender--" Minot began.
"Wise boy. Good night," said Trimmer, moving away.
"Not that I have been particularly impressed by your standing as a
publicity man," continued Minot.
Mr. Trimmer stopped in his tracks.
"As a matter of fact," went on Minot. "I never heard of you or any of
the things you claim to have advertised, until I came to San Marco."
Mr. Trimmer came slowly back up the grave walk.
"In just what inland hamlet, untouched by telegraph, telephone,
newspaper and railroad," he asked, "have you been living?"
Minot dropped to a handy bench, and smiled up into Mr. Trimmer's thin
face.
"New York City," he replied.
Mr. Trimmer glanced back at the lights of San Marco, hesitatingly.
Then--it was really a cruel temptation--he sat down beside Minot on the
bench.
"Do you mean to tell me," he inquired, "that you lived in New York two
years ago and didn't hear of Cotrell's Ink Eraser?"
"Such was my unhappy fate," smiled Minot.
"Then you were in Ludlow Street jail, that's all I've got to say,"
Trimmer replied. "Why, man--what I did for that eraser is famous. I
rigged up a big electric sign in Times Square and all night long I had
an electric Cotrell's erasing indiscreet sentences--the kind of things
people write when they get foolish with their fountain pens--for
instance--'I hereby deed to Tottie Footlights all my real and personal
property'--and the like. It took the town by storm. Theatrical
managers complained that people preferred to stand and look at my sign
rather than visit the shows. Can you look me in the eye and say that
you never saw that sign?"
"Well," Minot answered, "I begin to remember a little about it now."
"Of course you do." Mr. Trimmer gave him a congratulatory slap on the
knee. "And if you think hard, probably you can recall my neat little
stunt of the prima donna and the cough drops. I want to tell you about
that--"
He spoke with fervor. The story of his brave deeds rose high to
shatter the stars apart. A half-hour passed while his picturesque
reminiscences flowed on. Mr. Minot sat enraptured--his eyes on the
harbor where the _Lileth_, like a painted ship, graced a painted ocean.
"My boy," Trimmer was saying, "I have made the public stop, look and
listen. When I get my last publicity in the shape of an 'In Memoriam'
let them run that tag on my headstone. And the story of me that I
guess will be told longest after I am gone, is the one about the grape
juice that I--"
He paused. His audience was not listening; he felt it intuitively.
Mr. Minot sat with his eyes on the _Lileth_. In the bow of that
handsome boat a red light had been waved three times.
"Mr. Trimmer," Minot said, "your tales are more interesting than the
classics." He stood. "Some other time I hope to hear a continuation
of them. Just at present Lord Harrowby--or Mr. if you prefer--is
waiting to hear what arrangement I have made with you. You must pardon
me."
"I can talk as we walk along," said Trimmer, and proved it. In the
middle of the deserted plaza they separated. At the dark stage door of
the opera-house Trimmer sought his proposition.
"Who d'yer mean?" asked the lone stage-hand there.
"George, Lord Harrowby," insisted Mr. Trimmer.
"Oh--that bum actor. Seen him going away a while back with two men
that called for him."
"Bum actor!" cried Trimmer indignantly. He stopped. "Two men--who
were they?"
The stage-hand asked profanely how he could know that, and Mr. Trimmer
hurriedly departed for the side-street boarding-house where he and his
fallen nobleman shared a suite.
About the same time Dick Minot blithely entered Lord Harrowby's
apartments in the Hotel de la Pax.
"Well," he announced, "you can cheer up. Little George is painlessly
removed. He sleeps to-night aboard the good ship _Lileth_, thanks to
the efforts of Martin Wall, assisted by yours truly." He stopped, and
stared in awe at his lordship. "What's the matter with you?" he
inquired.
Harrowby waved a hopeless hand.
"Minot," he said, "it was good of you. But while you have been
assisting me so kindly in that quarter, another--and a greater--blow
has fallen."
"Good lord--what?" cried Minot.
"It is no fault of mine--" Harrowby began.
"On which I would have gambled my immortal soul," Minot said.
"I thought it was all over and done with--five years ago. I was
young--sentimental--calcium-light and grease paint and that sort of
thing hit me-hard. I saw her from the stalls--fell desperately in
love--stayed so for six months--wrote letters--burning letters--and
now--"
"Yes--and now?"
"Now she's here. Gabrielle Rose is here. She's here--with the
letters."
"Oh, for a Cotrell's Ink Eraser," Minot groaned.
"My man saw her down-stairs," went on Harrowby, mopping his damp
forehead. "Fifty thousand she wants for the letters or she gives them
to a newspaper and begins to sue--at once--to-morrow."
"I suppose," said Minot, "she is the usual Gaiety girl."
"Not the usual, old chap. Quite a remarkable woman. She'll do what
she promises--trust her. And I haven't a farthing. Minot--it's all up
now. There's no way out of this."
Minot sat thinking. The telephone rang.
"I won't talk to her," cried Harrowby in a panic. "I won't have
anything to do with her. Minot, old chap--as a favor to me--"
"The old family solicitor," smiled Minot. "That's me."
He took down the receiver. But no voice that had charmed thousands at
the Gaiety answered his. Instead there came over the wire, heated,
raging, the tones of Mr. Henry Trimmer.
"Hello--I want Allan Harrowby--ah, that's Minot talking, isn't it?
Yes. Good. I want a word with you. Do you know what I think of your
methods? Well, you won't now--telephone rules in the way. Think
you're going to get ahead of Trimmer, do you? Think you've put one
over, eh? Well--let me tell you, you're wrong. You're in for it now.
You've played into my hands. Steal Lord Harrowby, will you? Do you
know what that means? Publicity. Do you know what I'll do to-morrow?
I'll start a cyclone in this town that--"
"Good night," said Minot, and hung up.
"Who was it?" Harrowby wanted to know.
"Our friend Trimmer, on the war-path," Minot replied. "It seems he's
missed his vaudeville partner." He sat down. "See here, Harrowby," he
said--it was the first time he had dropped the prefix, "it occurs to me
that an unholy lot of things are happening to spoil this wedding. So
I'm going to ask you a question."
"Yes."
"Harrowby"--Minot looked straight into the weak, but noble eyes--"are
you on the level?"
"Really--I'm not very expert in your astounding language--"
"Are you straight--honest--do you want to be married yourself?"
"Why, Minot, my dear chap! I've told you a thousand times--I want
nothing more--I never shall want anything more--"
"All right," said Minot, rising. "Then go to bed and sleep the sleep
of the innocent."
"But where are you going? What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to try and do the same."
And as he went out, Minot slammed the door on a peer.
Sticking above the knob of the door of 389 he found a telegram.
Turning on his lights, he sank wearily down on the bed and tore it open.
"It rained in torrents," said the telegram, "at the dowager duchess's
garden party. You know what that means."
It was signed "John Thacker."
"Isn't that a devil of a night-cap?" muttered Minot gloomily.