He used to say that when in the course of his life he saw pilots, and
physicians, and philosophers, he thought man the most sensible of
animals; but when he saw interpreters of dreams, and soothsayers, and
those who paid attention to them, and those puffed up by fame or
wealth, he believed no creature was sillier than man.
Some said to him, "You are an old man. Take life easy now." He
replied, "And if I were running the long-distance race, should I when
nearing the goal slacken, and not rather exert myself?"
When he saw a child drink out of his hands, he took the cup out of his
wallet and flung it away, saying, "A child has beaten me in
simplicity."
He used to argue thus, "All things belong to the gods. The wise are
the friends of the gods. The goods of friends are common property.
Therefore all things belong to the wise."
To one who argued that _motion_ was impossible, he made no answer, but
rose and walked away.
When the Athenians urged him to be initiated into the Mysteries,
assuring him that in Hades those who were initiated have the front
seats, he replied, "It is ludicrous, if Agesilaus and Epaminondas are
to abide in the mud, and some ignoble wretches who are initiated are
to dwell in the Isles of the Blest!"
Plato made the definition "Man is a two-footed featherless animal,"
and was much praised for it. Diogenes plucked a fowl and brought it
into his school, saying "This is Plato's man!" So the addition was
made to the definition, "with broad nails."
When a man asked him what was the proper hour for lunch, he said, "If
you are rich, when you please; if you are poor, when you can get it."
He used often to shout aloud that an easy life had been given by the
gods to men, but they had covered it from sight in their search for
honey-cakes and perfumes and such things.
The musician who was always left alone by his hearers he greeted with
"Good morning, cock!" When the other asked him the reason, he said,
"Because your music starts everybody up."
When an exceedingly superstitious man said to him, "With one blow I
will break your head!" he retorted, "And with a sneeze at your left
side I will make you tremble."
When asked what animal had the worst bite, he said, "Of wild beasts,
the sycophant; and of tame creatures, the flatterer."
Being asked when was the proper time to marry, he responded, "For
young men, not yet; and for old men, not at all."
When he was asked what sort of wine he enjoyed drinking, he answered,
"Another man's." [Of a different temper was Dante, who knew too well
"how salt the bread of others tastes!"]
Some one advised him to hunt up his runaway slave. But he replied, "It
is ridiculous if Manes lives without Diogenes, but Diogenes cannot
without Manes."
When asked why men give to beggars, but not to philosophers, he said,
"Because they expect themselves to become lame and blind; but
philosophers, never!"