The Clockmaker Quilts a Bluenose.
The descendants of Eve have profited little by her example. The
curiosity of the fair sex is still insatiable, and, as it is often
ill directed, it frequently terminates in error. In the country this
feminine propensity is troublesome to a traveller, and he who would
avoid importunities would do well to announce at once, on his arrival
at a Cumberland inn, his name and his business, the place of his
abode and the length of his visit.
Our beautiful hostess, Mrs. Pugwash, as she took her seat at the
breakfast table this morning, exhibited the example that suggested
these reflections. She was struck with horror at our conversation,
the latter part only of which she heard, and of course misapplied
and misunderstood.
"She was run down by the President," said I, "and has been laid up
for some time. Gulard's people have stripped her, in consequence of
her making water so fast."
"Stripped whom?" said Mrs. Pugwash, as she suddenly dropped the
teapot from her hand; "stripped whom--for heaven's sake tell me
who it is?"
"The Lady Ogle," said I.
"Lady Ogle?" said she, "how horrid!"
"Two of her ribs were so broken as to require to be replaced with new
ones."
"Two new ribs!" said she, "well I never heerd the beat of that in all
my born days; poor critter, how she must have suffered."
"On examining her below the waist they found--"
"Examining her still lower," said she (all the pride of her sex
revolting at the idea of such an indecent exhibition), "you don't
pretend to say they stripped her below the waist! What did the
Admiral say? Did he stand by and see her handled in that way?"
"The Admiral, madam," said I, "did not trouble his head about it.
They found her extremely unsound there, and much worm-eaten."
"Worm-eaten," she continued, "how awful! It must have been them nasty
jiggers, that got in there; they tell me they are dreadful thick in
the West Indies; Joe Crow had them in his feet, and lost two of his
toes. Worm-eaten, dear, dear! but still that ain't so bad as having
them great he-fellows strip one. I promise you if them Gulards had
undertaken to strip me, I'd a taught them different guess manners;
I'd a died first before I'd a submitted to it. I always heerd tell
the English quality ladies were awful bold, but I never heerd the
like o' that."
"What on airth are you drivin' at?" said Mr. Slick. "I never seed you
so much out in your latitude afore, marm, I vow. We were talkin' of
reparin' a vessel, not strippin' a woman; what under the sun could
have put that 'ere crotchet into your head?"
She looked mortified and humbled at the result of her own absurd
curiosity, and soon quitted the room. "I thought I should have
snorted right out two or three times," said the Clockmaker; "I had to
pucker up my mouth like the upper eend of a silk puss, to keep from
yawhawin' in her face, to hear the critter let her clapper run that
fashion. She is not the first hand that has caught a lobster, by
puttin' in her oar afore her turn, I guess. She'll mind her steps
next hitch, I reckon." This was our last breakfast at Amherst.
An early frost that smote the potato fields, and changed the
beautiful green colour of the Indian corn into shades of light
yellow, and dark brown, reminded me of the presence of autumn, of
the season of short days and bad roads. I determined to proceed at
once to Parrsboro', and thence by the Windsor and Kentville route
to Annapolis, Yarmouth, and Shelburne, and to return by the shore
road, through Liverpool and Lunenburg to Halifax. I therefore took
leave (though not without much reluctance) of the Clockmaker, whose
intention had been to go to Fort Lawrence.
"Well," said he, "I vow I am sorry to part company along with you; a
considerable long journey like our'n, is like sitting up late with
the gals, a body knows it's getting on pretty well towards mornin',
and yet feels loth to go to bed, for it's just the time folks grow
sociable. I got a scheme in my head," said he, "that I think will
answer both on us; I got debts due to me in all them 'ere places for
clocks sold by the consarn; now suppose you leave your horse on these
mashes this fall; he'll get as fat as a fool, he won't be able to see
out of his eyes in a month; and I'll put 'Old Clay' (I call him Clay
arter our senator, who is a prime bit of stuff) into a Yankee wagon
I have here, and drive you all round the coast."
This was too good an offer to be declined. A run at grass for my
horse, an easy and comfortable wagon, and a guide so original and
amusing as Mr. Slick, were either of them enough to induce my
acquiescence.