[After these sketches had gone through the press, and were ready for
the binder, we sent Mr. Slick a copy; and shortly afterwards received
from him the following letter, which characteristic communication we
give entire--EDITOR.]
To MR. HOWE,
Sir--I received your letter, and note its contents; I ain't over half
pleased, I tell you; I think I have been used scandalous, that's a
fact. It warn't the part of a gentleman for to go and pump me arter
that fashion and then go right off and blart it out in print. It was
a nasty dirty mean action, and I don't thank you nor the Squire a
bit for it. It will be more nor a thousand dollars out of my pocket.
There's an eend to the clock trade now, and a pretty kettle of fish
I've made of it, havn't I? I shall never hear the last on it, and
what am I to say when I go back to the States? I'll take my oath
I never said one half the stuff he has set down there; and as for
that long lochrum about Mr. Everett, and the Hon. Alden Gobble, and
Minister, there ain't a word of truth in it from beginnin' to eend.
If ever I come near hand to him agin, I'll larn him--but never mind,
I say nothin'. Now there's one thing I don't cleverly understand. If
this here book is my "Sayin's and Doin's," how comes it your'n or the
Squire's either? If my thoughts and notions are my own, how can they
be any other folks's? According to my idee you have no more right to
take them, than you have to take my clocks without payin' for 'em. A
man that would be guilty of such an action is no gentleman, that's
flat, and if you don't like it, you may lump it--for I don't vally
him, nor you neither, nor are a Bluenose that ever stepped in shoe
leather the matter of a pin's head. I don't know as ever I felt so
ugly afore since I was raised; why didn't he put his name to it, as
well as mine? When an article hain't the maker's name and factory on
it, it shows it's a cheat, and he's ashamed to own it. If I'm to have
the name I'll have the game, or I'll know the cause why, that's a
fact. Now folks say you are a considerable of a candid man, and right
up and down in your dealins, and do things above board, handsum--at
least so I've hearn tell. That's what I like; I love to deal with
such folks. Now spose you make me an offer? You'll find me not very
difficult to trade with, and I don't know but I might put off more
than half of the books myself, tu. I'll tell you how I'd work it.
I'd say, "Here's a book they've namesaked arter me, Sam Slick the
Clockmaker, but it ain't mine, and I can't altogether jist say
rightly whose it is. Some say it's the General's, and some say it's
the Bishop's, and some say it's Howe himself; but I ain't availed who
it is. It's a wise child that knows its own father. It wipes up the
Bluenoses considerable hard, and don't let off the Yankees so very
easy neither, but it's generally allowed to be about the prettiest
book ever writ in this country; and although it ain't altogether
jist gospel what's in it, there's some pretty home truths in it,
that's a fact. Whoever wrote it must be a funny feller, too, that's
sartin; for there are some queer stories in it that no soul could
help larfin' at, that's a fact. It's about the wittiest book I ever
seed. It's nearly all sold off, but jist a few copies I've kept for
my old customers. The price is just 5s. 6d. but I'll let you have it
for 5s. because you'll not get another chance to have one." Always
ax a sixpence more than the price, and then bate it, and when Bluenose
hears that, he thinks he's got a bargain, and bites directly. I never
see one on 'em yet that didn't fall right into the trap.
Yes, make me an offer, and you and I will trade, I think. But fair
play's a jewel, and I must say I feel riled and kinder sore. I hain't
been used handsum atween you two, and it don't seem to me that I had
ought to be made a fool on in that book, arter that fashion, for
folks to laugh at, and then be sheered out of the spec. If I am,
somebody had better look out for squalls, I tell you. I'm as easy
as an old glove, but a glove ain't an old shoe to be trod on, and
I think a certain person will find that out afore he is six months
older, or else I'm mistakened, that's all. Hopin' to hear from you
soon, I remain yours to command,