_House of Commons, Monday Night, March 13._--No use disguising fact
that when House discovered FREDERICK MILNER standing behind Front
Opposition Bench, brandishing heavy boot in his hand as he addressed
ASQUITH, it held its breath. Political passion runs pretty high
of late; Opposition stirred to deepest depths by persistence of
Government in attempting to read Home-Rule Bill Second Time before
Easter. There have been sittings after midnight; sittings through
Saturday; hot words bandied about; preparation for deadly duel in
lobby. No one can say whither men may be led when once they permit
angry passions to rise. CHARLES RUSSELL, whose acquaintance with
criminal classes is extensive, tells me it is by no means uncommon
thing for prisoner in dock to take off boot and hurl it at head of
presiding Magistrate or Judge.
"Usually an old woman who does it," he added.
"But this is Sir FREDERICK MILNER, Bart.," I said.
"Um!" said RUSSELL, with odd significance in the observation.
Turns out the apprehension groundless. MILNER only wants to know
why Police at Leeds and Bradford should enjoy ultimate resources of
civilisation in respect of "SCAITH'S silent boots," whilst London
Policemen not so privileged? MILNER tells me his earliest idea was
to get a pair of the boots, put 'em on, and surprise SPEAKER by
approaching with noiseless tread from behind Chair, lean over his
shoulder, and suddenly say, "Boo!" That, MILNER thought, would be
conclusive proof of the efficacy of the boots as making the tread
inaudible. On other hand, SPEAKER mightn't like it. So, by way of
compromise, brought down odd boot in tail-pocket of his coat, and
shook it at HOME SECRETARY when he put question.
ASQUITH behaved very well under trying circumstances. Did not visibly
blench; answered, in off-hand manner, that London Police had had
opportunity of substituting the silent boot for those in ordinary use,
and had not availed themselves of it. Some had objected on domestic
grounds. Female friends engaged in responsible posts in certain
households on their beat were accustomed to the sound of their
footfall on the pavement, and would not have things ready if they
approached like rose-leaves flitting over shaven lawns. Others,
assuming higher ground, resented silent boot as taking unfair
advantage of the burglar or footpad. "Give a 'ardworking cove a fair
chanst, that's my motter," one honest fellow in blue said to HOME
SECRETARY when Right Hon. Gentleman brought silent boot under his
notice. No use attempting to run counter to feeling of this kind.
Conclusion in which DICKY TEMPLE heartily concurred.
"Silent boot," he said, "forced upon Metropolitan Police might play in
history a part analogous to that of the greased cartridges on which we
slipped into the Indian Mutiny."
MILNER saw it was evidently no use, so returning boot to coat-tail
pocket, moodily regarded Treasury Bench.
But there were consolations. SQUIRE of MALWOOD, asked by Prince ARTHUR
what he now thought of prospects of reading Home-Rule Bill Second
Time before Easter, admitted impossibility; triumphant shout from
Opposition. Not in vain had they sat through morning sitting on Friday
discussing the hour at which they should adjourn on Saturday. Not
without recompense had they taken care that when Saturday came it
should see accomplished the minimum of business. Tussling with Mr.
G. ever since Session opened; in first rounds he came off best; drew
first blood; seemed likely to carry everything with him; Opposition
pulled themselves together; went at it hammer and tongs; and now it is
Mr. G. who has retired to corner; the sponge is in requisition on
the Treasury Bench; the air around it redolent of the perfume of the
indispensable vinegar.
"Guinness will go up a point or two on this," said ELLIS ASHMEAD
BARTLETT, Knight, who has taken Irish securities under his wing.
"Go down a pint or two, you mean," said WILFRID LAWSON, who is
irreclaimable.
_Business done._--Attack on Justice MATHEW and Evicted Tenants'
Commission repulsed by 287 Votes against 250.
_Tuesday._--SQUIRE of MALWOOD a changed man. No longer the
light-hearted, sometimes almost frivolous youth who through six years
sat on Front Opposition Bench, and girded at the Unionist Government.
A Minister himself now; Mr. G.'s right-hand man; First Lieutenant of
the Ship of State; acting Captain when, as happens just now, Mr. G.
temporarily turned in. Once this afternoon something of old spirit
stirred within him when HOWARD VINCENT (as he said) used the
Stationary Vote as a peg on which to hang Protection heresies. But,
for most part, he sits silent and self-communing, saying nothing, but,
probably, like the parrot of old, thinking the more. In Conservative
ranks feeling of profound respect growing in his favour. Curious to
hear them say, "Ah! if everyone on Treasury Bench bore himself like
HARCOURT, things would be different." Even the blameless BRYCE is held
up to contumely in contrast with mild-mannered MASTER of MALWOOD. As
for CHARLES RUSSELL, after his speech last night, good Conservatives,
following an Eastern custom, well enough in its place, spit when they
mention his name. For them the model of all Parliamentary virtue is
the SQUIRE of MALWOOD.
Don't know how long this passion of appreciation will last;
interesting to observe while yet with us. A lull all round in sympathy
with soothing moments of CHANCELLOR of EXCHEQUER. Even J. W.
LOWTHER'S perturbed mind at rest. Knows now, to a fraction, how many
lead-pencils are annually in use in directing destinies of British
Empire. Rumour current that origin of this inquiry was a little
undertaking promoted by Hon. Member in substitution of proscribed
word-guessing competitions. Sweep got up; £5 entry; every man to guess
at precise figure of lead-pencil census; the one coming nearest to
clear the pool. LOWTHER tells me not word of truth in report. In
putting his question as to number of lead-pencils in use, and in
sticking to it in spite of jeers of bystanders and guilty reticence of
Minister, he was actuated simply by motives of public policy; desired,
in short, to live up to standard of late lamented Leader and do his
duty to his QUEEN and Country.
_Business done._--Great lead-pencil question settled. Excited House
Counted Out at 9.20.
[Illustration: "Back!! Rasch intruder!"]
_Thursday Night._--House dying to know what Major FREDERICK CARNE
RASCH had to say on Navy Estimates. Not being Major of Marines,
initial difficulty is to imagine what he did in this galley. If it had
been the Army, or even the Militia, the Major would have seemed all
right. But what had he to do with the Navy? That, however, is for
the Major a minor point. "You CARNE be too RASCH when attacking this
Government," said KENYON, with his pretty elliptical speech.
It was half-past ten, and a dull night. Navy Estimates been talked
round for nearly five hours. SQUIRE of MALWOOD meekly hoped that a
Vote would now be taken; DICKY TEMPLE presented himself at footlights
with bewitching smile on his lips and elegantly bound gilt-edged
volume under his arm; bowed to audience; opened volume; proceeding to
offer few remarks when SQUIRE swooped down on him with Closure.
This was cue for RASCH. Chairman rose to put question. So did RASCH.
Closure must not be debated; attempt to speak is unpardonable breach
of order. The Major stood in the imminent deadly breach; House
howled; Chairman cried, "Order! Order!" RASCH glared round, and, after
moment's hesitation, sat down; up again as soon as Question was put;
howls more anguished than ever. Committee having agreed that Question
be put, nothing to do but put it, and here was RASCH bubbling over
with speech. Chairman on his feet peremptorily signalling Major to
sit down; Members near him tugged at his coat-tails; those further off
frantically wave deprecatory hands. Major stood to his guns; shouts of
"Name! Name!" Chairman, desperately pegging away, succeeded in putting
Question, being money-vote for Navy. Major by this time hauled down in
his seat. Up again, like Jack out of box. Chairman also on his feet,
putting next vote; hubbub tremendous; Major's lips observed in motion;
not an articulate syllable rose above uproar.
[Illustration: On the Stroke of Twelve; or, Cinderella Balfour!]
Meanwhile Chairman had dexterously put and run through supplementary
vote for Excess of Expenditure; friends near him had got the
catapultic Major down again, in time to hear Chairman declare "the
Ayes have it!" Major up again. "Order! order!" shouted the Chairman.
"Question: is----" Not quite clear amid uproar what question was;
something to do with Army. Anyhow, there was STANHOPE standing at
table discussing Army Votes. Major again on his feet, his moustache
twitching with astonishment. STANHOPE a peculiarly painful
circumstance; all very well for good Conservative to gird against
Government, and jostle Mr. G.'s Chairman of Committees; different
(especially for a Major in the Militia) to struggle with Statesman
who had been Secretary of State for War on his own side. So Major,
defiantly glaring round House slowly dropped into his seat:--"dying
with all his music in him," as JUSTIN MCCARTHY, who knows the poets,
said. But what was the tune he meditated? What is the secret of this
unspoken speech?
_Business done._--Money voted for Naval men. Halt cried on Army Vote.
_Friday._--RASCH broken out again; turns up as usual at critical
moment. Committee of Supply adjourned at ten minutes to seven; sharp
at seven morning sitting must be suspended. Report of Supply under
consideration; only tremulous ten minutes to get through it. RASCH
resolved, now or never, to finish the speech he commenced yesterday.
House, after protest, settles down to listen. Seems KAY SHUTTLEWORTH
been "saying things" about the warrior. "He behaved towards me,"
said the Major, "in a manner that would be brusque on the part of
Providence addressing a black beetle." House undecided as to which
simile more happily bestowed. On the whole, agreed more polite to
contemplate U. KAY SHUTTLEWORTH as Providence, than Major RASCH as the
other thing.
_Business done._--Some Votes in Supply.
* * * * *
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