"Is it fair, sir--fair to Helena, I mean--to put her to a test like
that--either violent separation from her father or from me? But as you
have spoken to Helena I ask you to allow me to do so also."
"No, I forbid it!" said the General.
"Don't be afraid, sir. I'm not going to appeal over your head to any
love for me in Helena's heart. That must speak for itself now--if it's
to speak at all. But"--his voice was so soft and low that it could
hardly be heard--"I wish to ask her a question. Helena----"
"I forbid it, I tell you," said the General hotly.
There was a moment of tense silence and then Gordon, who had suddenly
become hoarse, said--
"You spoke about a written order, General--give it to me."
"With pleasure!" said the General, and turning to his Military Secretary
at the desk he requested him to make out an order in the Order Book
according to the terms of his verbal command.
Nothing was heard in the silence of the next moment but the spasmodic
scratching of Captain Graham's quill pen. The Consul-General sat
motionless, and the Pasha merely smoothed one white hand over the other.
Gordon tried to glance into Helena's face, but she looked fixedly before
her out of her large, wide-open, swollen eyes.
Only one idea shaped itself clearly through the storm that raged in
Gordon's brain--to secure his happiness with Helena he must make himself
unhappy in every other relation of life--to save himself from
degradation as a soldier he must degrade himself as a man.
Presently through the whirling mist of his half-consciousness he was
aware that the Military Secretary had ceased writing, and that the
General was offering him a paper.
"Here it is," the General was saying, with a certain bitterness. "Now
you may set your mind at ease. If there are any bad consequences, you
can preserve your reputation as an officer. And if there are any
complaints from the War Office or anywhere else, you can lay the blame
on me. You can go on with your duty without fear for your honour, and
when----"
But Gordon, whose gorge had risen at every word, suddenly lost control
of himself, and getting up with the paper in his hand he said--
"No, I will not go on. Do you suppose I have been thinking of myself?
Take back your order. There is no obedience due to a sinful command,
and this command is sinful. It is wicked, it is mad, it is abominable.
You are asking me to commit murder--that's it--murder--and I will not
commit it. There's your order--take it back and damn it!"
So saying, he crushed the paper in his hands and flung it on the desk.
At the next instant everybody in the room had risen. There was
consternation on every face, and the General, who was choking with
anger, was saying in a half-stifled voice--
"You are no fool--you know what you have done now. You have not only
refused to obey orders--you have insulted your General and been guilty
of deliberate insubordination. Therefore you are unworthy of bearing
arms--give me your sword."