You've been in love, of course! If not you've got it to come. Love is
like the measles; we all have to go through it. Also like the measles,
we take it only once. One never need be afraid of catching it a second
time. The man who has had it can go into the most dangerous places and
play the most foolhardy tricks with perfect safety. He can picnic in
shady woods, ramble through leafy aisles, and linger on mossy seats to
watch the sunset. He fears a quiet country-house no more than he would
his own club. He can join a family party to go down the Rhine. He can,
to see the last of a friend, venture into the very jaws of the marriage
ceremony itself. He can keep his head through the whirl of a ravishing
waltz, and rest afterward in a dark conservatory, catching nothing more
lasting than a cold. He can brave a moonlight walk adown sweet-scented
lanes or a twilight pull among the somber rushes. He can get over a
stile without danger, scramble through a tangled hedge without being
caught, come down a slippery path without falling. He can look into
sunny eyes and not be dazzled. He listens to the siren voices, yet sails
on with unveered helm. He clasps white hands in his, but no electric
"Lulu"-like force holds him bound in their dainty pressure.
No, we never sicken with love twice. Cupid spends no second arrow on
the same heart. Love's handmaids are our life-long friends. Respect, and
admiration, and affection, our doors may always be left open for, but
their great celestial master, in his royal progress, pays but one visit
and departs. We like, we cherish, we are very, very fond of--but we
never love again. A man's heart is a firework that once in its time
flashes heavenward. Meteor-like, it blazes for a moment and lights
with its glory the whole world beneath. Then the night of our sordid
commonplace life closes in around it, and the burned-out case, falling
back to earth, lies useless and uncared for, slowly smoldering into
ashes. Once, breaking loose from our prison bonds, we dare, as mighty
old Prometheus dared, to scale the Olympian mount and snatch from
Phoebus' chariot the fire of the gods. Happy those who, hastening down
again ere it dies out, can kindle their earthly altars at its flame.
Love is too pure a light to burn long among the noisome gases that we
breathe, but before it is choked out we may use it as a torch to ignite
the cozy fire of affection.
And, after all, that warming glow is more suited to our cold little back
parlor of a world than is the burning spirit love. Love should be the
vestal fire of some mighty temple--some vast dim fane whose organ music
is the rolling of the spheres. Affection will burn cheerily when the
white flame of love is flickered out. Affection is a fire that can be
fed from day to day and be piled up ever higher as the wintry years draw
nigh. Old men and women can sit by it with their thin hands clasped, the
little children can nestle down in front, the friend and neighbor has
his welcome corner by its side, and even shaggy Fido and sleek Titty can
toast their noses at the bars.
Let us heap the coals of kindness upon that fire. Throw on your pleasant
words, your gentle pressures of the hand, your thoughtful and unselfish
deeds. Fan it with good-humor, patience, and forbearance. You can let
the wind blow and the rain fall unheeded then, for your hearth will be
warm and bright, and the faces round it will make sunshine in spite of
the clouds without.
I am afraid, dear Edwin and Angelina, you expect too much from love.
You think there is enough of your little hearts to feed this fierce,
devouring passion for all your long lives. Ah, young folk! don't rely
too much upon that unsteady flicker. It will dwindle and dwindle as the
months roll on, and there is no replenishing the fuel. You will watch it
die out in anger and disappointment. To each it will seem that it is the
other who is growing colder. Edwin sees with bitterness that Angelina no
longer runs to the gate to meet him, all smiles and blushes; and when he
has a cough now she doesn't begin to cry and, putting her arms round his
neck, say that she cannot live without him. The most she will probably
do is to suggest a lozenge, and even that in a tone implying that it is
the noise more than anything else she is anxious to get rid of.
Poor little Angelina, too, sheds silent tears, for Edwin has given up
carrying her old handkerchief in the inside pocket of his waistcoat.
Both are astonished at the falling off in the other one, but neither
sees their own change. If they did they would not suffer as they do.
They would look for the cause in the right quarter--in the littleness
of poor human nature--join hands over their common failing, and start
building their house anew on a more earthly and enduring foundation.
But we are so blind to our own shortcomings, so wide awake to those
of others. Everything that happens to us is always the other person's
fault. Angelina would have gone on loving Edwin forever and ever and
ever if only Edwin had not grown so strange and different. Edwin would
have adored Angelina through eternity if Angelina had only remained the
same as when he first adored her.
It is a cheerless hour for you both when the lamp of love has gone out
and the fire of affection is not yet lit, and you have to grope about
in the cold, raw dawn of life to kindle it. God grant it catches light
before the day is too far spent. Many sit shivering by the dead coals
till night come.
But, there, of what use is it to preach? Who that feels the rush of
young love through his veins can think it will ever flow feeble and
slow! To the boy of twenty it seems impossible that he will not love as
wildly at sixty as he does then. He cannot call to mind any middle-aged
or elderly gentleman of his acquaintance who is known to exhibit
symptoms of frantic attachment, but that does not interfere in his
belief in himself. His love will never fall, whoever else's may. Nobody
ever loved as he loves, and so, of course, the rest of the world's
experience can be no guide in his case. Alas! alas! ere thirty he has
joined the ranks of the sneerers. It is not his fault. Our passions,
both the good and bad, cease with our blushes. We do not hate, nor
grieve, nor joy, nor despair in our thirties like we did in our teens.
Disappointment does not suggest suicide, and we quaff success without
intoxication.
We take all things in a minor key as we grow older. There are few
majestic passages in the later acts of life's opera. Ambition takes
a less ambitious aim. Honor becomes more reasonable and conveniently
adapts itself to circumstances. And love--love dies. "Irreverence for
the dreams of youth" soon creeps like a killing frost upon our hearts.
The tender shoots and the expanding flowers are nipped and withered, and
of a vine that yearned to stretch its tendrils round the world there is
left but a sapless stump.
My fair friends will deem all this rank heresy, I know. So far from a
man's not loving after he has passed boyhood, it is not till there is a
good deal of gray in his hair that they think his protestations at all
worthy of attention. Young ladies take their notions of our sex from the
novels written by their own, and compared with the monstrosities
that masquerade for men in the pages of that nightmare literature,
Pythagoras' plucked bird and Frankenstein's demon were fair average
specimens of humanity.
In these so-called books, the chief lover, or Greek god, as he is
admiringly referred to--by the way, they do not say which "Greek god"
it is that the gentleman bears such a striking likeness to; it might be
hump-backed Vulcan, or double-faced Janus, or even driveling Silenus,
the god of abstruse mysteries. He resembles the whole family of them,
however, in being a blackguard, and perhaps this is what is meant. To
even the little manliness his classical prototypes possessed, though,
he can lay no claim whatever, being a listless effeminate noodle, on
the shady side of forty. But oh! the depth and strength of this elderly
party's emotion for some bread-and-butter school-girl! Hide your heads,
ye young Romeos and Leanders! this _blase_ old beau loves with an
hysterical fervor that requires four adjectives to every noun to
properly describe.
It is well, dear ladies, for us old sinners that you study only books.
Did you read mankind, you would know that the lad's shy stammering tells
a truer tale than our bold eloquence. A boy's love comes from a full
heart; a man's is more often the result of a full stomach. Indeed, a
man's sluggish current may not be called love, compared with the rushing
fountain that wells up when a boy's heart is struck with the heavenly
rod. If you would taste love, drink of the pure stream that youth pours
out at your feet. Do not wait till it has become a muddy river before
you stoop to catch its waves.
Or is it that you like its bitter flavor--that the clear, limpid water
is insipid to your palate and that the pollution of its after-course
gives it a relish to your lips? Must we believe those who tell us that a
hand foul with the filth of a shameful life is the only one a young girl
cares to be caressed by?
That is the teaching that is bawled out day by day from between those
yellow covers. Do they ever pause to think, I wonder, those devil's
ladyhelps, what mischief they are doing crawling about God's garden, and
telling childish Eves and silly Adams that sin is sweet and that decency
is ridiculous and vulgar? How many an innocent girl do they not degrade
into an evil-minded woman? To how many a weak lad do they not point out
the dirty by-path as the shortest cut to a maiden's heart? It is not as
if they wrote of life as it really is. Speak truth, and right will take
care of itself. But their pictures are coarse daubs painted from the
sickly fancies of their own diseased imagination.
We want to think of women not--as their own sex would show them--as
Lorleis luring us to destruction, but as good angels beckoning us
upward. They have more power for good or evil than they dream of. It is
just at the very age when a man's character is forming that he tumbles
into love, and then the lass he loves has the making or marring of him.
Unconsciously he molds himself to what she would have him, good or bad.
I am sorry to have to be ungallant enough to say that I do not think
they always use their influence for the best. Too often the female world
is bounded hard and fast within the limits of the commonplace. Their
ideal hero is a prince of littleness, and to become that many a powerful
mind, enchanted by love, is "lost to life and use and name and fame."
And yet, women, you could make us so much better if you only would. It
rests with you, more than with all the preachers, to roll this world a
little nearer heaven. Chivalry is not dead: it only sleeps for want
of work to do. It is you who must wake it to noble deeds. You must be
worthy of knightly worship.
You must be higher than ourselves. It was for Una that the Red Cross
Knight did war. For no painted, mincing court dame could the dragon have
been slain. Oh, ladies fair, be fair in mind and soul as well as face,
so that brave knights may win glory in your service! Oh, woman, throw
off your disguising cloaks of selfishness, effrontery, and affectation!
Stand forth once more a queen in your royal robe of simple purity. A
thousand swords, now rusting in ignoble sloth, shall leap from their
scabbards to do battle for your honor against wrong. A thousand Sir
Rolands shall lay lance in rest, and Fear, Avarice, Pleasure, and
Ambition shall go down in the dust before your colors.
What noble deeds were we not ripe for in the days when we loved?
What noble lives could we not have lived for her sake? Our love was
a religion we could have died for. It was no mere human creature like
ourselves that we adored. It was a queen that we paid homage to, a
goddess that we worshiped.
And how madly we did worship! And how sweet it was to worship! Ah, lad,
cherish love's young dream while it lasts! You will know too soon how
truly little Tom Moore sang when he said that there was nothing half so
sweet in life. Even when it brings misery it is a wild, romantic misery,
all unlike the dull, worldly pain of after-sorrows. When you have lost
her--when the light is gone out from your life and the world stretches
before you a long, dark horror, even then a half-enchantment mingles
with your despair.
And who would not risk its terrors to gain its raptures? Ah, what
raptures they were! The mere recollection thrills you. How delicious
it was to tell her that you loved her, that you lived for her, that
you would die for her! How you did rave, to be sure, what floods of
extravagant nonsense you poured forth, and oh, how cruel it was of
her to pretend not to believe you! In what awe you stood of her! How
miserable you were when you had offended her! And yet, how pleasant to
be bullied by her and to sue for pardon without having the slightest
notion of what your fault was! How dark the world was when she snubbed
you, as she often did, the little rogue, just to see you look wretched;
how sunny when she smiled! How jealous you were of every one about
her! How you hated every man she shook hands with, every woman she
kissed--the maid that did her hair, the boy that cleaned her shoes, the
dog she nursed--though you had to be respectful to the last-named! How
you looked forward to seeing her, how stupid you were when you did see
her, staring at her without saying a word! How impossible it was for
you to go out at any time of the day or night without finding yourself
eventually opposite her windows! You hadn't pluck enough to go in, but
you hung about the corner and gazed at the outside. Oh, if the house had
only caught fire--it was insured, so it wouldn't have mattered--and you
could have rushed in and saved her at the risk of your life, and have
been terribly burned and injured! Anything to serve her. Even in little
things that was so sweet. How you would watch her, spaniel-like, to
anticipate her slightest wish! How proud you were to do her bidding! How
delightful it was to be ordered about by her! To devote your whole life
to her and to never think of yourself seemed such a simple thing. You
would go without a holiday to lay a humble offering at her shrine, and
felt more than repaid if she only deigned to accept it. How precious to
you was everything that she had hallowed by her touch--her little glove,
the ribbon she had worn, the rose that had nestled in her hair and whose
withered leaves still mark the poems you never care to look at now.
And oh, how beautiful she was, how wondrous beautiful! It was as some
angel entering the room, and all else became plain and earthly. She was
too sacred to be touched. It seemed almost presumption to gaze at her.
You would as soon have thought of kissing her as of singing comic songs
in a cathedral. It was desecration enough to kneel and timidly raise the
gracious little hand to your lips.
Ah, those foolish days, those foolish days when we were unselfish and
pure-minded; those foolish days when our simple hearts were full
of truth, and faith, and reverence! Ah, those foolish days of noble
longings and of noble strivings! And oh, these wise, clever days when we
know that money is the only prize worth striving for, when we believe in
nothing else but meanness and lies, when we care for no living creature
but ourselves!