FLIGHT AND RECAPTURE.
Four happy weeks I enjoyed unalloyed satisfaction in the bosom of this
charming family. It was a new thing for me to feel at home, contented,
and undisturbed; to have every one around me treat me with kindness and
even affection. I sometimes feared it was too good to last. Mrs. Branard
in particular, I shall ever remember with grateful and affectionate
regard. She was more like a mother to me, than a mistress, and I shall
ever look back to the time I spent with her, as a bright spot in the
otherwise barren desert of my life. Better, far better would it have
been for me had I never left her. But I became alarmed, and thought the
convent people were after me. It was no idle whim, no imaginary terror.
I had good cause to fear, for I had several times seen a priest go
past, and gaze attentively at the house. I knew him at the first glance,
having often seen him in Montreal.
Then my heart told me that they had traced me to this place, and
were now watching a chance to get hold of me. Imagine, if you can, my
feelings. Had I suffered so much in vain? Would they be allowed to take
me back to those fearful cells, where no ray of mercy could ever reach
me? I could not endure the thought. Frightened, and almost beside
myself, I resolved to make an effort to find a more secure place. I
therefore left those kind friends in the darkness of night, without one
word of farewell, and without their knowledge. I knew they would not
allow me to go, if they were apprised of my design. In all probability,
they would have ridiculed my fears, and bade me rest in peace. How could
I expect them to comprehend my danger, when they knew so little of the
machination of my foes? I intended to go further into the state, but
did not wish to have any one know which way I had gone. It was a sad
mistake, but how often in this world do we plunge into danger when we
seek to avoid it! How often fancy ourselves in security when we stand
upon the very brink of ruin!
I left Mr. Branard's in the evening, and called upon a family in the
neighborhood whose acquaintance I had made, and whom I wished to see
once more, though I dared not say farewell. I left them between the
hours of nine and ten, and set forward on my perilous journey. I had
gone but a short distance when I heard the sound of wheels and the heavy
tread of horses' feet behind me. My heart beat with such violence it
almost stopped my breath, for I felt that they were after me. But there
was no escape--no forest or shelter near where I could seek protection.
On came the furious beasts, driven by no gentle hand. They came up with
me, and I almost began to hope that my fears were groundless, when the
horses suddenly stopped, a strong hand grasped me, a gag was thrust into
my mouth, and again the well-known box was taken from the wagon. Another
moment and I was securely caged, and on my way back to Montreal. Two men
were in the wagon and two rode on horseback beside it. Four men to guard
one poor nun!
They drove to Mt. Bly, where they stopped to change horses, and the two
men on horseback remained there, while the other two mounted the wagon
and drove to Sorel. Here the box was taken out and carried on board a
boat, where two priests were waiting for me. When the boat started, they
took me out for the first time after I was put into it at St. Albans.
Three days we had been on the way, and I had tasted neither food nor
drink. How little did I think when I took my tea at Mr. Branard's the
night I left that it was the last refreshment I would have for SEVEN
DAYS; yet such was the fact. And how little did they think, as they lay
in their quiet beds that night, that the poor fugitive they had taken to
their home was fleeing for life, or for that which, to her, was better
than life. Yet so it was. Bitterly did I reproach myself for leaving
those kind friends as I did, for I thought perhaps if I had remained
there, they would not have dared to touch me. Such were my feelings
then; but as I now look back, I can see that it would have made little
difference whether I left or remained. They were bound to get me, at all
events, and if I had stopped there until they despaired of catching me
secretly, they would undoubtedly have come with an officer, and accused
me of some crime, as a pretext for taking me away. Then, had any one
been so far interested for me as to insist on my having a fair trial,
how easy for them to produce witnesses enough to condemn me! Those
priests have many ways to accomplish their designs. The American people
don't know them yet; God grant they never may.
On my arrival at the nunnery I was taken down the coal grate, and
fastened to an iron ring in the back part of a cell. The Archbishop then
came down and read my punishment. Notwithstanding the bitter grief that
oppressed my spirit, I could not repress a smile of contempt as the
great man entered my cell. I remembered that before I ran away, my
punishments were assigned by a priest, but the first time I fled from
them a Bishop condescended to read my sentence, and now his honor the
Archbishop graciously deigned to illume my dismal cell with the light of
his countenance, and his own august lips pronounced the words of doom.
Was I rising in their esteem, or did they think to frighten me into
obedience by the grandeur of his majestic mien?
Such were my thoughts as this illustrious personage proceeded slowly,
and with suitable dignity, to unroll the document that would decide my
fate. What would it be? Death? It might be for aught I knew, or cared
to know. I had by this time become perfectly reckless, and the whole
proceeding seemed so ridiculous, I found it exceedingly difficult to
maintain a demeanor sufficiently solemn for the occasion. But when
the fixed decree came forth, when the sentence fell upon my ear that
condemned me to SEVEN DAYS' STARVATION, it sobered me at once. Yet even
then the feeling of indignation was so strong within me, I could not
hold my peace. I would speak to that man, if he killed me for it.
Looking him full in the face (which, by the way, I knew was considered
by him a great crime), I asked, "Do you ever expect to die?" I did not,
of course, expect an answer, but he replied, with a smile, "Yes; but
you will die first." He then asked how long I had fasted, and I replied,
"Three days." He said, "You will fast four days more, and you will be
punished every day until next December, when you will take the black
veil." As he was leaving the room, he remarked, "We do not usually have
the nuns take the black veil until they are twenty-one; but you have
such good luck in getting away, we mean to put you where you can't do
it." And with this consoling thought he left me--left me in darkness and
despair, to combat, as best I could, the horrors of starvation. This
was in the early part of winter, and only about a year would transpire
before I entered that retreat from which none ever returned. And then to
be punished every day for a year! What a prospect! The priest came every
morning, with his dark lantern, to look at me; but he never spoke. On
the second day after my return, I told him if he would bring me a little
piece of bread, I would never attempt to run away again, but would serve
him faithfully the rest of my life. Had he given it to me, I would have
faithfully kept my word; but he did not notice me, and closing the door,
he left me once more to pass through all the agonies of starvation.
I remember nothing after that day. Whether I remained in the cell the
other two days, or was taken out before the time expired, I do not know.
This much, however, I do know, as a general rule a nun's punishment is
never remitted. If she lives, it is well; if she dies, no matter; there
are enough more, and no one will ever call them to an account for the
murder.
But methinks I hear the reader ask, "Did they not fear the judgment of
God and a future retribution?" In reply I can only state what I believe
to be the fact. It is my firm belief that not more than one priest in
ten thousand really believes in the truth of Christianity, or even in
the existence of a God. They are all Infidels or Atheists; and how can
they be otherwise? It is the legitimate fruit of that system of deceit
which they call religion. Of course I only give this as my opinion,
founded on what I have seen and heard. You can take it, reader, for what
it is worth; believe it or not, just us you please; but I assure you I
have often heard the nuns say that they did not believe in any religion.
The professions of holiness of heart and parity of life so often made
by the priests they KNOW to be nothing but a hypocritical pretence, and
their ceremonies they regard as a ridiculous farce.
For some time after I was taken from the cell I lay in a state of
partial unconsciousness, but how long, I do not know. I have no
recollection of being taken up stairs, but I found myself on my bed, in
my old room, and on the stand beside me were several cups, vials, etc.
The Abbess who sat beside me, occasionally gave me a tea-spoonful
of wine or brandy, and tried to make me eat. Ere long, my appetite
returned, but it was several weeks before my stomach was strong enough
to enable me to satisfy in any degree, the cravings of hunger. When I
could eat, I gained very fast, and the Abbess left me in the care of
a nun, who came in occasionally to see if I wanted anything. This nun
often stopped to talk with me, when she thought no one was near, and
expressed great curiosity to know what I saw in the world; if people
were kind to me, and if I did not mean to get away again, if possible, I
told her I should not; but she replied, "I don't believe that. You will
try again, and you will succeed yet, if you keep up good courage. You
are so good to work, they do not wish to part with you, and that is one
reason why they try so hard to get you back again. But never mind,
they won't get you next time." I assured her I should not try to escape
again, for they were sure to catch me, and as they had almost killed me
this time, they would quite the next. I did not dare to trust her, for I
supposed the Superior had given her orders to question me.
I was still weak, so weak that I could hardly walk when they obliged me
to go into the kitchen to clean vegetables and do other light work, and
as soon as I had sufficient strength, to milk the cows, and take the
care of the milk. They punished me every day, in accordance with the
Bishop's order, and sometimes, I thought, more than he intended. I wore
thorns on my head, and peas in my shoes, was whipped and pinched, burnt
with hot irons, and made to crawl through the underground passage I
have before described. In short, I was tortured and punished in every
possible way, until I was weary of my life. Still they were careful not
to go so far as to disable me from work. They did not care how much I
suffered, if I only performed my daily task.
There was an underground passage leading from the nunnery to a place
which they called, "Providence," in the south part of the city. I do not
know whether it is a school, or a convent, or what it is, but I think it
must be some distance, from what I heard said about it. The priest often
spoke of sending me there, but for some reason, he did not make me
go. Still the frequent reference to what I so much dreaded, kept me
in constant apprehension and alarm. I have heard the priest say that
underground passages extended from the convent in every direction, for
a distance of five miles; and I have reason to believe the statement is
true. But these reasons I may not attempt to give. There are things that
may not even be alluded to, and if it were possible to speak of them,
who would believe the story?