SICKNESS AND DEATH OF A SUPERIOR.
The next excitement in our little community was caused by the sickness
and death of our Superior. I do not know what her disease was, but she
was sick two weeks, and one of the nuns from the kitchen was sent to
take care of her. One night she was so much worse, the nun thought she
would die, and she began to torment her in the most inhuman manner. She
had been severely punished a short time before at the instigation of
this woman, and she then swore revenge if she ever found an opportunity.
Now it was presented. She was in her power, too weak to resist or call
for assistance, and she resolved to let her know by experience how
bitterly she had made others suffer in days gone by. It was a fiendish
spirit, undoubtedly, that prompted her to seek revenge upon the dying,
but what else could we expect? She only followed the example of her
elders, and if she went somewhat beyond their teachings, she had, as we
shall see, her reasons for so doing. With hot irons she burned her on
various parts of her person, cut great gashes in the flesh upon her
face, sides, and arms, and then rubbed salt and pepper into the wounds.
But I will not try to describe it.
The wretched woman died before morning, and the nun went to the priest
and told him that the Superior was dead, and that she had killed her.
The priests were immediately all called together, and the Bishop called
upon for counsel. He sentenced her to be hung that morning in the chapel
before the assembled household. The Abbess came and informed us what had
taken place, and directed us to get ready and go to the chapel. When we
entered, the doomed girl sat upon a chair on the altar. She was clad
in a white robe, with a white cap on her head, and appeared calm,
self-possessed, and even joyful. The Bishop asked her if she had
anything to say for herself. She immediately rose and said, "I have
killed the Superior, for which I am to be hung. I know that I deserve
to die, but I have suffered more than death many times over, from
punishments inflicted by her order. For many years my life has been one
of continual suffering; and for what? For just nothing at all, or for
the most simple things. Is it right, is it just to starve a person two
whole days for shutting the door a little too hard? or to burn one with
hot irons because a little water was accidentally spilt on the floor?
Yet for these and similar things I have again and again been tortured
within an inch of my life. Now that I am to be hung, I am glad of
it, for I shall die quick, and be out of my misery, instead of being
tortured to death by inches. I did this thing for this very purpose,
for I do not fear death nor anything that comes after it. Talk about
the existence of a God! I don't believe a word of it. And the story of
heaven and hell, purgatory, and the Virgin Mary; why, it's all a humbug,
like the rest of the vile stuff you call religion. Religion indeed!
You wont catch us nuns believing it, and more than all that, you don't
believe it yourselves, not one of you."
She sat down, and they put a cap over her head and face, drew it tight
around her neck, adjusted the rope, and she was launched into eternity.
To me it seemed a horrid thing, and I could not look upon her dying
struggles. I did not justify the girl in what she had done, yet I knew
that the woman would have died if she had let her alone; and I also knew
that worse things than that were done in the nunnery almost every day,
and that too by the very men who had taken her life. I left the chapel
with a firm resolve to make one more effort to escape from a thraldom
that everyday became more irksome.
At the door the Abbess met me, and led me to a room I had never seen
before, where, to my great surprise, I found my bed. She said it was
removed by her order, and in future I was to sleep in that room. "What!
sleep here alone?" I exclaimed, quite forgetting, in the agitation of
the moment, the rule of silent obedience. But she did not condescend
to notice either my question or the unpleasant feelings which must have
been visible in my features. I did feel very much troubled. I had never
slept in a room alone a night in my life. Another nun always occupied
the room with me, and when she was absent, as she often was when under
punishment, the Abbess slept there, so that I was never alone. I did
not often meet the girl with whom I slept, as she did not work in the
kitchen, but whenever I did, I felt as pleased as though she had been my
sister. Yet I never spoke to her, nor did she ever attempt to converse
with me. Yes, strange as it may seem, incredible as my reader may think
it, it is a fact, that during all the years we slept together, not one
word ever passed between us. We did not even dare to communicate our
thoughts by signs, lest the Abbess should detect us.
That night I spent in my new room; but I could not sleep. I had heard
strange hints about some room where no one could sleep, and where no one
liked to go, though for what reason I could never learn. When I first
entered, I discovered that the floor was badly stained, and, while
speculating on the cause of those stains, I came to the conclusion that
this was the room to which so much mystery was attached. It was
very dark, with no window in it, situated in the midst of the house,
surrounded by other rooms, and no means of ventilation except the door.
I did not close my eyes during the whole night. I imagined that the door
opened and shut, that persons were walking in the room, and I am
certain that I heard noises near my bed for which I could not account.
Altogether, it was the most uncomfortable night I ever spent, and
I believe that few persons would have felt entirely at ease in my
situation.
To such a degree did these superstitious fears assail me, I felt as
though I would endure any amount of physical suffering rather than stay
there another night. Resolved to brave everything, I went to a priest
and asked permission to speak to him. It was an unusual thing, and I
think his curiosity was excited, for it was only in extreme cases that
a nun ventures to appeal to a priest When I told him my story, he seemed
much surprised, and asked by whose order my bed was moved to that room.
I informed him of all the particulars, when he ordered me to move my bed
back again. "No one," said he, "has slept in that room for years, and we
do not wish any one to sleep there." I accordingly moved the bed back,
and as I had permission from the priest, the Abbess dared not find fault
with me.