We [Sidenote: 146 B] may be sure, Nicarchus, that in process of time
facts will become so obscured as to be altogether beyond ascertainment,
seeing that in the present instance, where they are so fresh and recent,
the world accepts accounts of them which are pure concoctions. In the
first place, the party at dinner did not consist—as you have been
told—merely of seven, but of [Sidenote: C] more than twice that number.
I was myself included, both as being professionally intimate with
Periander and as the host of Thales, who had taken up his quarters with
me by Periander’s directions. In the second place, whoever related the
conversation to you, reported it incorrectly. Presumably he was not one
of the company. Inasmuch, therefore, as I have plenty of spare time and
my years do not warrant me in putting off the narrative with any
confidence, I will—since you are all so eager—tell you the whole story
from the beginning.
Periander [Sidenote: D] had prepared his entertainment, not in the city,
but in the banquet-hall at Lechaeum, close to the temple of Aphrodite,
the festival being in her honour. For after having refused to sacrifice
to Aphrodite since the love-affair which led to his mother’s suicide, he
was now for the first time, thanks to certain dreams on the part of
Melissa, induced to pay honour and court to that goddess.
Inasmuch as it was summer-time and the road all the way to the sea was
crowded with people and vehicles, and therefore full of dust and a
confusion of traffic, each of the invited guests was supplied with a
carriage and pair handsomely caparisoned. Thales, however, on seeing the
carriage at the door, simply [Sidenote: E] smiled and sent it away.
Accordingly we turned off the road and proceeded to walk quietly through
the fields, a third member of our party being Niloxenus of Naucratis, a
man of high character who had formed a close acquaintance with Solon and
Thales in Egypt. His presence was due to his having been sent on another
mission to Bias. Of its purpose he was himself unaware, although he
suspected that the sealed document of which he was the bearer contained
a second problem for solution. He had been instructed, in case Bias
could do nothing, to show the missive to the wisest of the Greeks. ‘It
is a godsend to me,’ [Sidenote: F] said Niloxenus, ‘to find you all
here, and, as you perceive’—showing us the paper—‘I am bringing the
letter to the dinner.’ At this Thales remarked with a laugh, ‘In case of
trouble, once more to Priene![24] For Bias will solve the difficulty, as
he did the first, without assistance.’ ‘What do you mean,’ said I, ‘by
“the first”?’ ‘The king,’ replied Thales, ‘sent him an animal for
sacrifice, and bade him pick out and send back the worst and best
portion of the meat. Thereupon our friend, with excellent judgement,
took out and sent the tongue; and he is manifestly held in high repute
and admiration in consequence.’ [Sidenote: 147] ‘That is not the only
reason,’ said Niloxenus, ‘Bias does not object—as you do—to be, and to
be called, a friend of kings. In your own case the king not only admires
you on general grounds, but he was hugely delighted with your method of
measuring the pyramid. Without any fuss or the need of any instrument,
you stood your stick at the end of the shadow thrown by the pyramid, and
the fall of the sunlight making two triangles, you showed that the
pyramid stood in the same ratio to the stick as the one shadow to the
other.[25] But, as I observed, you were charged with being a king-hater,
and [Sidenote: B] certain outrageous expressions of yours concerning
despots were reported to him. For example, when asked by the Ionian
Molpagoras what was the strangest sight you had seen, you answered, “An
aged despot.” Again, at a drinking-party, when the talk fell upon
animals, you stated that among wild animals the worst was the despot,
and among tame animals the sycophant. However much a king may claim to
differ from a despot, he does not welcome language of that kind.’ ‘Nay,’
said Thales, ‘the former remark belongs to Pittacus, who once made it in
a playful attack on Myrsilus. My own observation [Sidenote: C] was that
I should regard as a strange sight, not an aged despot, but an aged
navigator. None the less, my feelings at the altered version are those
of the young fellow who, after throwing at the dog and hitting his
step-mother, remarked, “Not so bad, after all.” Yes, I regarded Solon as
very wise in refusing to act the despot. Our Pittacus also, if he had
kept clear of monarchy, would not have said that “_it is hard to be
good_”. As for Periander, his despotism may be regarded as an inherited
disease, from which he is making a creditable recovery, inasmuch as up
to the present he keeps wholesome company, cultivates the society of
sensible men, and will have nothing to say to that “cutting down of the
tall poppies” suggested by my fellow-countryman [Sidenote: D]
Thrasybulus. A despot who desires to rule over slaves rather than men is
no better than a farmer who is ready to reap a harvest of darnel and
cammock in preference to wheat and barley. Among the many undesirable
features of despotic rule, the one desirable element is the honour and
glory, in a case where the subjects are good but the ruler is better,
and where they are great but he is regarded as greater. If he is
satisfied with safety without honour, his right course would be to rule
over a herd of sheep, horses, or oxen, not over human beings. However,
[Sidenote: E] your visitor here has launched us upon an inopportune
topic. We are walking to a dinner, and he should have remembered to moot
questions suited to the occasion. For you will doubtless admit that
there is a certain preparation necessary for the guest as well as for
the host. The people of Sybaris, I understand, send their invitations to
the women a year in advance, so that they may have plenty of time to
prepare their dress and their jewelry before coming to dinner. In my own
opinion one who is to play the diner in the proper way requires still
more time for real and true preparation, inasmuch as it is harder to
arrive at the appropriate adornment of character than at the useless and
superfluous adornment of the person. When a man of sense comes to
[Sidenote: F] dinner, he does not bring himself to be filled like a
vessel, but to contribute something either serious or sportive. He is to
listen or talk about such matters as the occasion asks of the company,
if they are to find pleasure in each other’s society. An inferior dish
may be put aside, and if a wine is poor, one may take refuge with the
Nymphs.[26] But when your table-companion is an ill-bred bore who gives
you a headache, he utterly ruins the enjoyment of any wine or dish or
musical entertainment. [Sidenote: 148] Nor have you the resource of an
emetic for that kind of annoyance, but in some cases the mutual
antipathy lasts all your life, an insulting or angry incident at your
wine having resulted in a kind of nausea. Chilon was therefore quite
right when, on receiving his invitation yesterday, he only accepted
after ascertaining the full list of the guests. As he remarked, when
people cannot help going to sea or on a campaign, and a shipmate or
tentmate proves disagreeable, they are obliged to put up with him; but
no sensible man will form one of an indiscriminate wine-party. The mummy
which the Egyptians regularly bring in and exhibit at their parties,
bidding you [Sidenote: B] remember that you will very soon be like it,
may be an unwelcome and unseasonable boon-companion; yet the custom is
not without its point. Even if it may not incite you to drink and enjoy
yourself, it does incite to mutual liking and regard. “Life,” it urges,
“is short in duration; do not make it long by vexations.”’
After talk of this nature on the way we arrived at the house. As we had
anointed ourselves, Thales decided not to take a bath, but proceeded to
visit and inspect the race-tracks, the wrestling-grounds, and the
handsomely decorated park along the shore. Not that he was greatly taken
with anything of that kind, but he would not appear to despise or slight
Periander’s display [Sidenote: C] of public spirit. The other guests, as
soon as each had anointed himself or bathed, were being led by the
servants through the cloister into the dining-room. Anacharsis, however,
was seated in the cloister, and in front of him stood a girl, who was
parting his hair with her hands. Upon her running to meet Thales in the
frankest possible manner, he kissed her and said with a laugh, ‘That’s
right: make our foreign visitor beautiful, so that he may not frighten
us by looking like a savage, when he is really a most civilized person.’
Upon my asking him who the child was, he replied, ‘Don’t you know the
wise and far-famed [Sidenote: D] Eumetis? That, by the way, is her
father’s name for her, though most people call her Cleobuline, after
him.’ ‘I presume,’ said Niloxenus, ‘your compliment refers to the girl’s
cleverness in constructing riddles. Some of her puzzles have found their
way as far as Egypt.’ ‘Not at all,’ rejoined Thales. ‘Those are merely
the dice with which, on occasion, she plays a match for fun in
conversation. There is more in her than that: an admirable spirit, a
practical intellect, and an amiable character, by which she renders her
father’s rule over his fellow country-men more gentle and popular.’
‘Yes,’ remarked Niloxenus, ‘one [Sidenote: E] can see it by looking at
her simplicity and unpretentiousness. But how is it she is attending to
Anacharsis so affectionately?’ ‘Because,’ was the answer, ‘he is a man
of virtue and learning, and has given her zealous and ungrudging
instruction in the Scythian manner of dieting and purging the sick. I
should say that at the present moment, while looking after the gentleman
so amiably, she is getting some lesson and talking it over.’
As we were just approaching the dining-room, we were met by Alexidemus
of Miletus, the natural son of the despot Thrasybulus. [Sidenote: F] He
was coming out in a state of excitement and angrily muttering something
which conveyed no meaning to us. When he saw Thales he collected himself
a little, stopped, and said: ‘Look how we have been insulted by
Periander! He would not allow me to take ship home when I was anxious to
do so, but begged me to stay for the dinner; and, when I come to it, he
assigns me a degrading place at table, and lets Aeolians, islanders, and
goodness knows whom, take precedence of Thrasybulus. For since I was
commissioned by Thrasybulus, it is evident that, in my person, he means
to insult and humiliate [Sidenote: 149] him, by treating him as if he
were nobody.’ ‘I see,’ said Thales, ‘what you are afraid of. In Egypt
they say of the stars, according to their increase or decrease of
altitude in the regions they traverse, that they become ‘better’ or
‘worse’ than themselves. You are afraid that in your own case your place
at table may mean a similar loss of brightness and eminence, and you
propose to show less spirit than the Lacedaemonian, who, upon being put
by the director in the last place in a chorus, remarked, “A capital way
of making even this place one of honour.” When we take our places,’
continued Thales, ‘we should not ask who have seats above us, but how we
are to make ourselves agreeable to our immediate neighbours. As a means
of immediately securing a beginning of friendly feeling on their part,
we should cultivate, [Sidenote: B] or rather bring with us, instead of
irritation, a tone of satisfaction at being placed in such good company.
The man who is annoyed with his place at table is more annoyed with his
next neighbour than with his host, and he earns the dislike of both.’
‘That,’ retorted Alexidemus, ‘is mere talk. In practice I notice that
even you sages are greedy for precedence’—and therewith he passed us and
went off. Upon our expressing surprise at the man’s peculiar behaviour,
Thales said, ‘A crazy person, constitutionally wrong-headed. When he was
still a mere lad and a quantity of valuable perfume had been presented
to Thrasybulus, he emptied it into a big wine-cooler, poured in some
neat wine, and drank it off, thereby bringing ill-odour upon [Sidenote:
C] Thrasybulus instead of the contrary.’
At this point an attendant came up and said, ‘Periander requests you to
take Thales here along with you and examine an object which has just
been brought to him, to see whether it is a mere matter of accident or
signifies something portentous. He appears himself to be greatly
agitated, regarding it as a pollution, and as a smirch upon the
festival.’ Whereupon he proceeded to lead us to one of the apartments
off the garden. Here a youth, apparently a herdsman, still beardless and
with considerable handsomeness of person, opened a leather wrapper and
displayed a baby thing which he told us was the offspring of a mare. The
upper parts, as far as the neck and arms, were human, the lower parts
equine; its voice when it cried was that [Sidenote: D] of a new-born
child. Niloxenus, exclaiming ‘Heaven help us!’ turned away from the
sight; but Thales took a prolonged look at the young fellow, and with a
smile remarked—in accordance with his regular habit of twitting me in
connexion with my profession—‘I suppose, Diocles, you are thinking of
setting your purifications to work and giving trouble to the averting
powers, in the belief that a great and terrible thing has happened?’ ‘Of
course I am, Thales,’ said I, ‘for the token indicates strife and
discord, and I am afraid it may affect no less a matter than marriage
and its issue. As you see, before we have expiated the original offence,
the goddess is giving warning of a second.’ [Sidenote: E] To this Thales
made no answer, but began to move off—laughing. Upon Periander coming to
the door to meet us, and putting questions as to what we had seen,
Thales turned from me, took him by the hand, and said: ‘Anything Diocles
bids you do, you will perform at your leisure. My own advice is to be
more careful as to your herdsmen.’ On hearing this speech Periander
appeared to be greatly delighted, for he burst out laughing and hugged
and kissed Thales, who observed: ‘I should say, Diocles, that the sign
has found its fulfilment already; for you see what a serious misfortune
has befallen us in the [Sidenote: F] refusal of Alexidemus to be present
at dinner.’
When we had actually entered the room, Thales, speaking in a louder
tone, said: ‘And where was the seat to which the gentleman objected?’
Upon the place being pointed out, he went round and occupied it himself,
taking me with him, and remarking: ‘Why, I would have paid something for
the [Sidenote: 150] privilege of sharing the same table with Ardalus.’
The Ardalus in question was a Troezenian, a flute-player and priest of
the Ardalian Muses, whose worship was established by the original
Ardalus of Troezen. Thereupon Aesop—who happened to have arrived
recently on a simultaneous mission from Croesus to Periander and to the
god at Delphi, and was present on a low stool close to where Solon was
reclining above—said, ‘A Lydian mule, having caught sight of his
reflection in a river and conceived an admiration for the size and
beauty of his body, gave a toss of his mane and set out to run like a
horse; but after a while, reflecting that he was the son of an ass, he
quickly [Sidenote: B] stopped his career and dropped his pride and
conceit.’ At this Chilon, speaking in broad Laconian, observed: ‘Ye’re
slow yersel, an’ ye’re running the mule’s gait.’
At this point Melissa came in and reclined beside Periander, whereas
Eumetis sat at her dinner.
Thales, addressing me—I was on the couch above Bias—said: ‘Diocles, why
don’t you inform Bias that our visitor from Naucratis has come to him
again with royal problems to solve, so that he may be sober and capable
of looking after himself when he receives the communication?’ Bias
replied: ‘Nay, our friend here has been trying for a long time to
frighten me with that warning. But I am aware that, besides his other
capacities, Dionysus is styled _Solver_[27] in right of wisdom. I feel
[Sidenote: C] no fear, therefore, that my being “filled with the god”
will cause me to make a less hopeful fight of it.’
While jokes of this kind were passing between these great men over their
dinner, I was noticing that the meal was unusually frugal, and I was led
to meditate on the fact that to invite and entertain wise and good men
means no additional expense, but rather a curtailment of it, since it
eliminates fancy dishes, out-of-the-way perfumes and sweetmeats, and
lavish decantings of costly wines. Though Periander, being a despot and
a person [Sidenote: D] of wealth and power, indulged in such things
pretty nearly every day, on this occasion he was trying to impress the
company with a show of simplicity and modest expenditure. He put aside
and out of sight not only the display usually made in other things, but
also that used by his wife, whom he made present herself in modest and
inexpensive attire.
The tables were removed; Melissa caused garlands to be distributed; and
we poured libations. After the flute-girl had played a short piece to
accompany them, and had then withdrawn, Ardalus, addressing Anacharsis,
asked if there were any flute-girls among the Scythians. Instantly he
replied, ‘No, nor [Sidenote: E] yet vines.’ When Ardalus rejoined:
‘Well, but the Scythians have gods;’ ‘Quite true,’ said he: ‘gods who
understand human language. We are not like the Greeks, who imagine they
speak better than the Scythians, and yet believe that the gods would
rather listen to pieces of bone and wood.’ ‘Ah,’ said Aesop, ‘what if
you knew, Sir Visitor, that the present-day flute-makers have given up
using the bones of fawns and have taken to those of asses? They maintain
that these sound better—a fact which explains Cleobuline’s riddle upon
the Phrygian flute: [Sidenote: F]
_With a shin that was horned
Did an ass that was dead
Deal a blow on my ear._
It is a wonderful thing that the ass, who is otherwise particularly
crass and unmusical, should supply us with a bone particularly fine and
melodious.’ ‘Now that,’ said Niloxenus, ‘is precisely the objection
which the Busirites bring against us of Naucratis; for asses’ bones for
flutes are already in use with us. With them, on the contrary, it is
profanation even to listen to a trumpet, because it sounds like the bray
of an ass. You know, I presume, that the ass is treated contemptuously
by the Egyptians because of Typhon?’
A silence here occurred, and, as Periander perceived that Niloxenus,
though eager to enter upon the subject, was shy [Sidenote: 151] of doing
so, he said: ‘To my mind, gentlemen, it is a commendable practice,
whether of community or ruler, to take the business of strangers first
and of citizens afterwards. On the present occasion, therefore, I
propose that for a short time we suspend any topics of our own, as being
local and familiar, and that we treat ourselves as an Assembly and
‘grant an audience’ to those royal communications from Egypt, of which
our excellent friend Niloxenus is the bearer to Bias, and which Bias
desires that you should join him in considering.’ ‘Yes,’ said Bias: ‘for
where, or with whom, could one more readily face the risk—if it must be
faced—of answering in a case like this, especially when the king’s
instructions are that, though [Sidenote: B] the matter is to begin with
me, it is to go the round of you all?’ Niloxenus thereupon offered him
the document, but Bias bade him open it himself and read every word to
the whole company. The contents of the letter were to the following
effect: