VIII

It was growing dusk when the elder Ellsworths returned, almost

hidden by great masses of autumn boughs.

“You should have been with us, Ralph,” enthusiastically said his

mother. “I never saw such gorgeous tints in all my life. We have

brought nearly the entire woods with us.”

“It was a good idea,” said Ralph. “A stunning good idea. They may

come in handy to sleep on.”

Mrs. Ellsworth turned cold.

“What do you mean?” she gasped.

“Ralph,” sternly demanded his father, “you don’t mean to tell us

that you let the Van Kamps jockey us out of those rooms after all?”

“Indeed, no,” he airily responded. “Just come right on up and see.”

He led the way into the suite and struck a match. One solitary

candle had been left upon the mantel shelf. Ralph thought that this

had been overlooked, but his mother afterwards set him right about

that. Mrs. Van Kamp had cleverly left it so that the Ellsworths

could see how dreadfully bare the place was. One candle in three

rooms is drearier than darkness anyhow.

Mrs. Ellsworth took in all the desolation, the dismal expanse

of the now enormous apartments, the shabby walls, the hideous

bright spots where pictures had hung, the splintered flooring, the

great, gaunt windows—and she gave in. She had met with snub after

snub, and cut after cut, in her social climb, she had had the

cook quit in the middle of an important dinner, she had had every

disconcerting thing possible happen to her, but this—this was the

last _bale_ of straw. She sat down on a suitcase, in the middle of

the biggest room, and cried!

Ralph, having waited for this, now told about the food transaction,

and she hastily pushed the last-coming tear back into her eye.

“Good!” she cried. “They will be up here soon. They will be

compelled to compromise, and they must not find me with red eyes.”

She cast a hasty glance around the room, then, in a sudden panic,

seized the candle and explored the other two. She went wildly

out into the hall, back into the little room over the kitchen,

downstairs, everywhere, and returned in consternation.

“There’s not a single mirror left in the house!” she moaned.

Ralph heartlessly grinned. He could appreciate that this was a

characteristic woman trick, and wondered admiringly whether Evelyn

or her mother had thought of it. However, this was a time for

action.

“I’ll get you some water to bathe your eyes,” he offered, and ran

into the little room over the kitchen to get a pitcher. A cracked

shaving-mug was the only vessel that had been left, but he hurried

down into the yard with it. This was no time for fastidiousness.

He had barely creaked the pump handle when Mr. Van Kamp hurried up

from the barn.

“I beg your pardon, sir,” said Mr. Van Kamp, “but this water

belongs to us. My daughter bought it, all that is in the ground,

above the ground, or that may fall from the sky upon these

premises.”

The Best American Humorous Short Stories · 第 74 / 88 题