My Dearest: I am now set down to write to you on a subject which fills
me with inexpressible concern, and this concern is greatly aggravated
and increased when I reflect upon the uneasiness I know it will give
you. It has been determined in Congress that the whole army raised for
the defense of the American cause shall be put under my care, and that
it is necessary for me to proceed immediately to Boston to take upon
me the command of it.
[Footnote 26: A letter written in Philadelphia on June 18, 1775, three
days after his appointment.]
You may believe me, my dear Patsy, when I assure you, in the most
solemn manner, that, so far from seeking this appointment, I have used
every endeavor in my power to avoid it, not only from my
unwillingness to part with you and the family, but from a
consciousness of its being a trust too great for my capacity, and that
I should enjoy more real happiness in one month with you at home than
I have the most distant prospect of finding abroad, if my stay were to
be seven times seven years. But as it has been a kind of destiny that
has thrown me upon this service, I shall hope that my undertaking it
is designed to answer some good purpose.
You might, and I suppose did perceive, from the tenor of my letters,
that I was apprehensive I could not avoid this appointment, as I did
not pretend to intimate when I should return. That was the case. It
was utterly out of my power to refuse this appointment without
exposing my character to such censures as would have reflected
dishonor upon myself, and given pain to my friends. This, I am sure,
could not, and ought not, to be pleasing to you, and must have
lessened me considerably in my own esteem. I shall rely, therefore,
confidently on that Providence which has heretofore preserved and been
bountiful to me, not doubting but that I shall return safe to you in
the fall. I shall feel no pain from the toil or the danger of the
campaign; my unhappiness will flow from the uneasiness I know you will
feel from being left alone. I therefore beg that you will summon your
whole fortitude, and pass your time as agreeably as possible. Nothing
will give me so much sincere satisfaction as to hear this, and to hear
it from your own pen. My earnest and ardent desire is that you would
pursue any plan that is most likely to produce content, and a
tolerable degree of tranquillity; as it must add greatly to my uneasy
feelings to hear that you are dissatisfied or complaining at what I
really could not avoid.
As life is always uncertain, and common prudence dictates to every man
the necessity of settling his temporal concerns, while it is in his
power, and while the mind is calm and undisturbed, I have, since I
came to this place (for I had not time to do it before I left home)
got Colonel Pendleton to draft a will for me, by the directions I gave
him, which will I now enclose. The provision made for you in case of
my death will, I hope, be agreeable.
I shall add nothing more, as I have several letters to write, but to
desire that you will remember me to your friends, and to assure you
that I am with the most unfeigned regard, my dear Patsy, your
affectionate, etc.