Professor THATCHER of New York describes President WILSON as one of the
five greatest men in the world. Sir ERIC GEDDES is anxious to know who
the other three are.
***
"The Jazz boom is dying out," says Mr. HERMAN DAREWSKI, "but the next
boom will be an Oriental one." There seems nothing to do about it except
to bear up.
***
The fact that for some time no arrest was made for the Plaistow safe
robbery seems to indicate that the thieves desired to remain anonymous.
***
Like soothing balm from the dear old days comes the intimation that Sir
THOMAS LIPTON is confident of lifting the America Cup in 1920.
***
Up to the time of going to Press it had not been officially decided what
new uniform will be designed for the R.A.F. to be worn during the Peace
Celebrations.
***
The City of Philadelphia has decreed that sitting-out places in
ball-rooms must be adequately lighted. Following upon the unauthorised
publication of the Peace Terms, this is a further blow at secret
covenants.
***
Forty thousand children visited the Zoo on Whit-Monday, and one anxious
father who had mislaid a couple of infants stayed for a long time in the
reptile-house, looking suspiciously at the swollen appearance of the boa
constrictor.
***
"The people of London have never understood that wisdom is not
concentrated here," said Sir GEORGE LUNN at the conference of Associated
Education Committees. These cheap sneers at Sir FREDERICK BANBURY are
beneath his notice.
***
The Vicar of South Acton suggests that a huge prize should be offered
for the invention of a good temperance drink. We regret to say that this
is not the first studied insult that has been offered to Government ale.
***
A new race, who had never seen a white man before, is reported to have
been found on Prince Albert Land, and one of them is being taken to
Maine, U.S.A. That ought to teach them to be discovered again.
***
Incidentally so many errors have been made of late in executing people
in Russia that in future all orders for executions will be signed by
LENIN and will bear the words, "Errors and Omissions Excepted."
***
The Bolshevists have their trials just like human beings. One of them
last week was mistaken for a bourgeois and shot.
***
Civil servants engaged by the various Ministries will in future be
required to have special qualifications for their work. We have always
thought that this would be an advantage.
***
Señor FERNANDEZ denies the allegation that Mexico is not now at war with
any nation. It is supposed to have been spread by jealous rivals.
***
In the Isle of Sheppey there is not a single person who is drawing the
unemployment donation. There seems to be no excuse whatever for this
apathy. Full particulars have appeared in the Press.
***
The embargo on the export of gold from the United States is to be raised
almost immediately; meanwhile all shipments will be carefully watched,
the stuff being now nearly worth its weight in coal.
***
County Tyrone has a dog specially trained to trace whiskey. Several
people in this country have already offered it a good home, where it
will be treated as one of the family.
***
Asked to describe the cuckoo the other day, a small boy said it was the
bird which put its eggs out to be laid by another bird.
***
At last an obliging taxi-driver has been discovered. His clock
registered six shillings and his passenger had only five-and-sixpence,
so he offered to reverse his engine in order to wipe off the deficit.
***
We now hear that the authorities have decided that, if a child should
fall into any lake or river and be in peril of drowning, any dog may be
allowed to remove its muzzle for the purpose of effecting a rescue.
***
During the removal of a safe weighing three hundredweight some burglars
last week used cushions and mats to deaden the sound. We are greatly
pleased to note a tendency to study residents a little. After all it is
most irritating to be awakened by noisy burglars in the house.
***
The No-Treating Order was revoked on June 4th, and it is generally
expected that this date will be made an annual, public holiday in
Scotland.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Small Bagsnatcher_. "RIGHT-O, GUV'NOR. I SEE YER BEEN
WOUNDED. I SHAN'T KNOCK 'YER ABAHT."]
* * * * *
There was an impenitent duke
Who would not submit to rebuke--
Not even from SMILLIE,
But called him a wily
Text-mongering Bolshi-Bazouk.
* * * * *
"PERSONAL.
"Major C. ----, late R.A.V.C., who is now disembodied, has returned
to ----, and will resume his practice as heretofore."--_Yorkshire
Observer_.
Now then, Sir OLIVER LODGE and Sir ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE, get busy.
* * * * *