(_By a Student of Domestic Economy._)
Living in a remote country district, where the difficulty of obtaining
servants is at present insurmountable--the nearest "pictures" are
twelve miles off--I have been much impressed and encouraged by
two letters in recent issues of _The Spectator_. One describes a
Bloomsbury grocer's cat that bought her own cat's-meat; another
recounts the exploits of a spaniel belonging to a house painter and
glazier at Yarmouth (Isle of Wight), which, if given a penny, would
immediately amble off to a grocer's shop and purchase a cake.
Viewed in their true perspective, these exhibitions of animal
intelligence seem to indicate fruitful possibilities of the employment
of our dumb friends to assist us in these trying times. Many years
ago I remember reading of a baboon which discharged the duties of a
railway porter at a station in Cape Colony with great efficiency. I
have unfortunately mislaid the reference, but so far as I can remember
no mention was made of wages or tips; consequently the importation and
employment of skilled simian labour on a large scale might go a long
way towards reducing the expenses of our railway system.
But in view of certain obvious difficulties it is perhaps better to
restrict our attention to the sphere of domestic service and farm
labour. And here I would urge with all the power at my command the
employment of the elephant. The greatest burden of household work
is the washing of plates, and this is a task which elephants are
peculiarly well fitted to undertake; also the cleaning of windows
without the use of a ladder. A well-trained and amiable elephant,
again, would enable parents to dispense with a perambulator. I admit
that the initial outlay might be considerable, but the longevity of
elephants is notorious, and it would always be possible to hire them
out to travelling menageries.
Another neglected asset is the well-known aptitude shown by poodles
for digging out truffles, an accomplishment of which I often read in
my youth. If truffles, why not potatoes?
The extraordinary intelligence and affectionate disposition of the
runner duck has often been commented on by our serious weeklies,
but so far little attempt has been made to turn these qualities to
practical account. They forage for themselves. Why should they not be
taught to do so for their owners as well?
One more point and I have done. Greek and Latin are going or gone,
but a modicum of Mathematics seems to be indispensable to the modern
curriculum. The domestic pig has on many occasions shown a capacity
for mastering simple arithmetical processes, and we know that the
pupil always ends by bettering his master. Under a more enlightened
and humane _regime_ I confidently look forward to the time when
our children will learn the Rule of Three, not from highly-paid and
incompetent governesses, but from unsalaried porcine instructors,
trained in the best Montessorian methods.
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[Illustration: _Visitor._ "HOW IS MRS. BROWN TO-DAY?"
_Maid._ "WELL 'M, SHE EBBS AND FLOWS."]
* * * * *
Our Plutocratic Sportsmen.
"A gold course is being laid out in Ryde House Park, Isle of
Wight."--_Sunday Paper._
* * * * *
The New Rich.
"Working Man (36) requires Lodgings, full or part board; car
ride or convenient Rolls-Royce."--_Provincial Paper._
* * * * *
"Lady requires gentleman Chauffeur, repair and clean car; good
dancer."--_Times._
One who can "reverse," it is hoped.
* * * * *
"Considering the greatness of the provocation, Centralia,
Wash., yesterday showed a calmness worthy of an American
community. There were no farther attempts at lynching after
the hanging of the secretary of the I.W.W. organisation on
Tuesday night." _American Paper._
Oh, my friends, let us strive to emulate the calmness of Centralia,
Wash.
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