Over the top of Part II. of _The Outline of History_ I caught the
smiling glance of the man in the opposite corner of the compartment.
"Good stuff that," he said, indicating the History with a jerk of his
head.
"Quite," I agreed, maintaining my distance.
"Immense," he continued. "And it means the dawn of a new life for
me. I'm WELLS'S hero. Every time I've appeared in his half-yearly
masterpiece, ever since _Tono Bungay_. And look at the mess he's made
of my life. Often I've had to start it under the cloud of mysterious
parentage. Invariably I have been endowed with a Mind (capital M).
Think of those uphill fights of mine against adverse conditions.
And my unhappy marriages. He has led me into every variation of
infidelity. When I _did_ hit it off with my wife for once, he sent us
to the Arctic regions as a punishment. In the depth of winter, too.
But, now he's taken up this History, I'm free. The dam has burst and
strange things come floating down ..."
He sprang to his feet in his excitement. He was wearing a
loose-fitting suit and what his master might call a lower middle-class
hat.
"And now I'm going to do all the things I've always wanted to do. A
happy marriage; well-ordered life in the suburbs; warm slippers in the
fender, and all that that stands for; kinemas, perhaps, and bowls. An
allotment ..."
"But," I objected, "this History won't occupy him for ever. There
should be only about sixteen more parts. He'll have you out again next
autumn."
"But WELLS is getting the Suburban idea too." He was standing right
over me, glaring horribly with excitement. The train had entered a
tunnel and he was shouting bravely against the din. "Look in Part
I. He acknowledges the help he has received from Mrs. WELLS. And her
watchful criticism. That from _him_! I tell you I am free--free!"
He was shaking me by the shoulders now, his face close to mine. "I
shall have my allotment. Prize parsnips--giant marrows!"
"Don't be too sure," I yelled--the tunnel seemed endless. "Remember
poor old _Sherlock_. DOYLE raised _him_ from the dead. And you"--my
voice rising to a scream--"he'll have you out--out--OUT!"
* * * * *
As I came to I heard my dentist remark to the doctor that I always had
been a bad patient under gas.
* * * * *