It is surely a most strange matter, that whenever I come to think and to
write of the events of that period, and of my sickness at Kingswell, my
thoughts relapse into infirmity, and all which then passed move, as it
were, before me in mist, disorderly and fantastical. But wherefore need
I thus descant of my own estate, when so many things of the highest
concernment are pressing upon my tablets for registration? Be it
therefore enough that I mention here how much I was refreshed by the
prayers of Mr Cargill, who was brought into my sick-chamber, where he
wrestled with great efficacy for my recovery; and that after he had made
an end, I felt so much strengthened that I caused myself to be raised
from my bed and placed in a chair at the open window, that I might see
the men who had been heartened from on high by the sense of their
sufferings, to proclaim war against the man-sworn King, our common foe.
They were scattered before the house, to the number of more than fifty,
some sitting on stones, others stretched on the heather, and a few
walking about by themselves, ruminating on mournful fancies. Their
appearance was a thought wild and raised,--their beards had not been
shaven for many a day,--their apparel was also much rent, and they had
all endured great misfortunes in their families and substance. Their
homes had been made desolate; some had seen their sons put to death, and
not a few the ruin of their innocent daughters and the virtuous wives of
their bosoms,--all by the fruit of laws and edicts which had issued from
the councils of Charles Stuart, and were enforced by men drunken with
the authority of his arbitrary will.
But though my spirit clove to theirs, and was in unison with their
intent, I could not but doubt of so poor a handful of forlorn men,
though it be written, that the race is not to the swift nor the battle
to the strong, and I called to my son to bring me the Book, that I might
be instructed from the Word what I ought at that time to do; and when he
had done so I opened it, and the twenty-second chapter of Genesis met my
eye, and I was awed and trembled, and my heart was melted with sadness
and an agonising grief. For the command to Abraham to sacrifice Isaac
his only son, whom he so loved, on the mountains in the land of Moriah,
required of me to part with my son, and to send him with the
Cameronians; and I prayed with a weeping spirit and the imploring
silence of a parent's heart, that the Lord would be pleased not to put
my faith to so great a trial.
I took the Book again, and I opened it a second time, and the command of
the sacred oracle was presented to me in the fifth verse of the fifth
chapter of Ecclesiastes,--
"Better is it that thou shouldest not vow than that thou shouldest vow
and not pay."
But still the man and the father were powerful with my soul; and the
weakness of disease was in me, and I called my son towards me, and I
bowed my head upon his hands as he stood before me, and wept very
bitterly, and pressed him to my bosom, and was loath to send him away.
He knew not what caused the struggle wherewith he saw me so moved, and
he became touched with fear lest my reason was again going from me. But
I dried my eyes, and told him it was not so, and that maybe I would be
better if I could compose myself to read a chapter. So I again opened
the volume, and the third command was in the twenty-sixth verse of the
eight chapter of St Matthew,--
"Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?"
But still notwithstanding my rebellious heart would not consent;--and I
cried, "I am a poor, infirm, desolate, and destitute man, and he is all
that is left me. O that mine eyes were closed in death, and that this
head, which sorrow and care and much misery have made untimely grey,
were laid on its cold pillow, and the green curtain of the still kirk
yard were drawn around me in my last long sleep."
Then again the softness of a mother's fondness came upon my heart, and I
grasped the wondering stripling's hands in mine, and shook them, saying,
"But it must be so. It is the Lord's will; thrice has he commanded, and
I dare not rebel thrice."
"What has He commanded, father?" said the boy, "what is His will? for ye
ken it maun be done."
"Read," said I, "the twenty-second chapter of Genesis."
"I ken't, father; it's about Abraham and wee Isaac; but though ye tak me
into the land of Moriah, and up to the top of the hill, maybe a ram will
be catched by the horns in a whin-bush for the burnt-offering, and ye'll
no hae ony need to kill me."
At that moment Mr Cargill came again into the room to bid me farewell;
but seeing my son standing with a tear of simplicity in his eye, and me
in the weakness of my infirm estate weeping upon his hands, he stopped
and inquired what then had so moved us; whereupon I looked towards him
and said,--
"When I was taken with the malady that has thus changed the man in me to
more than the gentleness of woman, ye ken, as I have already told you,
we were bowne to seek your folk out and to fight on your side. But when
I beheld your dejected and much-persecuted host, a doubt came to me,
that surely it could not be that the Lord intended through them to bring
about the deliverance of the land; and under this doubt as to what I
should now do, and my limbs being moreover still in the fetters of
sickness, I consulted the oracle of God."
"And what has been the answer?"
"It has instructed me to send my son with you. But O, it is a terrible
probation."
"You have done well, my friend," replied the godly man, "to seek advice
from THE WORD; but apply again, and maybe--maybe, Ringan, ye'll no be
put to so great a trial."
To this I could only say, "Alas! sir, twice have I again consulted the
oracle, and twice has the answer been an exhortation and a reproach that
I should be so loath to obey."
"But what for, father," interposed my son, "need ye be sae fashed about
it. I would ne'er refuse;--I'm ready to gang if ye were na sae
weakly;--and though the folk afore the house are but a wee waff-like, ye
ken it is written in the Book that the race is not to the swift, nor the
battle to the strong."
Mr Cargill looked with admiration at the confidence of this young piety,
and, laying his hand on the boy's head, said, "I have not found so great
faith, no, not in Israel. The Lord is in this, Ringan, put your trust in
Him."
Whereupon I took my son's hand, and I placed it in the martyr's hand,
and I said, "Take him, lead him wheresoever ye will. I have sinned
almost to disobedience, but the confidence has been renewed within me."
"Rejoice," said Mr Cargill, in words that were as the gift of health to
my enfeebled spirit, "rejoice, and be exceeding glad; for great is your
reward in heaven; for so persecuted they the prophets which were before
you."
As he pronounced the latter clause I felt my thoughts flash with a wild
remembrance of the desolation of my house; but he began to return thanks
for the comfort that he himself enjoyed in his outcast condition, of
beholding so many proofs of the unshaken constancy of faith still in the
land, and prayed for me in words of such sweet eloquence, that even in
the parting from my son,--my last, whom I loved so well, they cherished
me with a joy passing all understanding.
At the conclusion of his inspired thanksgiving, I kissed my Joseph on
the forehead, and bidding him remember what his father's house had been,
bade him farewell.
His young heart was too full to reply; and Mr Cargill too was so deeply
affected that he said nothing; so, after shaking me by the hand, he led
him away.
And if I did sin when they were departed, in the complaint of my
childless desolation, for no less could I account it, it was a sin that
surely will not be heavily laid against me. "O Absalom, my son, my
son,--would I had died for thee," cried the warlike King David, when
Absalom was slain in rebellion against him, and he had still many
children; but my innocent Absalom was all that I had left.