From the time of my evasion from the tolbooth, and during the
controversy between James Gottera and the mob in the street, there was a
whirlwind in my mind that made me incapable of reason. But when we had
passed through the town-end port, and the cart had stopped at the
minister's carse till I could throw off my female weeds and put on a
sailor's garb, provided for the occasion, tongue nor pen cannot express
the passion wherewith my yearning soul was then affected.
The thought of having left Sarah Lochrig within bolts and bars, a ready
victim to the tyranny which so thirsted for blood, lightened within me
as the lightnings of heaven in a storm. I threw myself on the ground,--I
grasped the earth,--I gathered myself as it were into a knot, and howled
with horror at my own selfish baseness. I sprung up and cried, "I will
save her yet!" and I would have run instanter to the town; but the
honest man who was with me laid his grip firmly upon my arm, and said
in a solemn manner,--
"This is no Christian conduct, Ringan Gilhaize; the Lord has not
forgotten to be gracious."
I glowered upon him, as he has often since told me, with a shudder, and
cried, "But I hae left Sarah Lochrig in their hands, and, like a coward,
run away to save mysel."
"Compose yoursel, Ringan, and let us reason together," was his discreet
reply. "It's vera true ye hae come away and left your wife as it were an
hostage in the prison, but the persecutors and oppressors will respek
the courageous affection of a loving wife, and Providence will put it in
their hearts to spare her."
"And if they do not, what shall I then be? and what's to become of my
babies?--Lord, Lord, thou hast tried me beyond my strength!"
And I again threw myself on the earth, and cried that it might open and
swallow me; for, thinking but of myself, I was becoming unworthy to
live.
The considerate man stood over me in compassionate silence for a season,
and allowed me to rave in my frenzy till I had exhausted myself.
"Ringan," said he at last, "ye were aye respekit as a thoughtful and
discreet character, and I'll no blame you for this sorrow; but I entreat
you to collek yersel, and think what's best to be done, for what avails
in trouble the cry of alas, alas! or the shedding of many tears? Your
wife is in prison, but for a fault that will wring compassion even frae
the brazen heart of the remorseless James Sharp, and bring back the
blood of humanity to the mansworn breast of Charles Stuart. But though
it were not so, they daurna harm a hair of her head; for there are
things, man, that the cruellest dread to do for fear o' the world, even
when they hae lost the fear o' God. I count her far safer, Ringan, frae
the rage of the persecutors, where she lies in prison aneath their bolts
and bars, than were she free in her own house; for it obligates them to
deal wi' her openly and afore mankind, whose goodwill the worst of
princes and prelates are from an inward power forced to respek; whereas,
were she sitting lanerly and defenceless, wi' naebody near but only your
four helpless wee birds, there's no saying what the gleds might do.
Therefore be counselled, my frien, and dinna gi'e yoursel up utterly to
despair; but, like a man, for whom the Lord has already done great
things, mak use of the means which, in this jeopardy of a' that's sae
dear to you, he has so graciously put in your power."
I felt myself in a measure heartened by this exhortation, and rising
from the ground completed the change I had begun in my apparel; but I
was still unable to speak,--which he observing, said,--
"Hae ye considered the airt ye ought now to take, for it canna be that
ye'll think of biding in this neighbourhood!"
"No; not in this land," I exclaimed; "would that I might not even in
this life!"
"Whisht! Ringan Gilhaize, that's a sinful wish for a Christian," said a
compassionate voice at my side, which made us both start; and on looking
round we saw a man who, during the earnestest of our controversy, had
approached close to us unobserved.
It was that Gospel-teacher, my fellow-sufferer, Mr Witherspoon; and his
sudden apparition at that time was a blessed accident, which did more to
draw my thoughts from the anguish of my affections than any thing it was
possible for James Gottera to have said.
He was then travelling in the cloud of night to the town, having, after
I parted from him in Lanerkshire, endured many hardships and perils, and
his intent was to pass to his friends, in order to raise a trifle of
money, to transport himself for a season into Ireland.
But James Gottera, on hearing this, interposed his opinion, and said a
rumour was abroad that in all ports and towns of embarkation orders were
given to stay the departure of passengers, so that to a surety he would
be taken if he attempted to quit the kingdom.
By this time my mind had returned into something like a state of
sobriety; so I told him how it had been concerted between me and Sarah
Lochrig that I should pass over to the wee Cumbrae, there to wait till
the destroyers had passed by; for it was thought not possible that such
an inordinate thirst for blood, as had followed upon our discomfiture at
Rullion-green, could be of a long continuance; and I beseeched him to
come with me, telling him that I was provided with a small purse of
money in case need should require it, but in the charitable hearts of
the pious we might count on a richer store.
Accordingly, we agreed to join our fortunes again; and having parted
from James Gottera at Kilwinning, we went on our way together, and my
heart was refreshed by the kind admonitions and sweet converse of my
companion, though ever and anon the thought of my wife in prison, and
our defenceless lambs, shot like a fiery arrow through my bosom. But man
is by nature a sordid creature, and the piercing December blast, the
threatening sky, and the frequent shower, soon knit up my thoughts with
the care of my worthless self: maybe there was in that the tempering
hand of a beneficent Providence; for when I have at divers times since
considered how much the anguish of my inner sufferings exceeded the
bodily molestation, I could not but confess, though it was with a
humbled sense of my own selfishness, that it was well for me, in such a
time, to be so respited from the upbraidings of my tortured affections.
But, not to dwell on the specialities of my own feelings on that
memorable night, let it suffice, that after walking some four or five
miles towards Pencorse ferry, where we meant to pass to the island, I
became less and less attentive to the edifying discourse of Mr
Witherspoon, and his nature also yielding to the influences of the time,
we travelled along the bleak and sandy shore between Ardrossan and
Kilbride hill without the interchange of conversation. The wind came
wild and gurly from the sea,--the waves broke heavily on the shore,--and
the moon, swiftly wading the cloud, threw over the dreary scene a
wandering and ghastly light. Often to the blast we were obligated to
turn our backs, and, the rain being in our faces, we little heeded each
other.
In that state, so like sullenness, we had journeyed onward, it might be
better than a mile, when, happening to observe something lying on the
shore, as if it had been cast out by the sea, I cried, under a sense of
fear,--
"Stop, Mr Witherspoon; what's that?"
In the same moment he uttered a dreadful sound of horror, and, on
looking round, I saw we were three in company.
"In the name of Heaven," exclaimed Mr Witherspoon, "who and what are you
that walk with us?"
But instanter our fears and the mystery of the appearance were
dispelled, for it was my brother.