My grandfather having, as I have told, a compassion for the silly
affection wherewith the honest man of Crail still regarded his wanton
wife, told him the circumstantials of his adventure with the stripling;
without, however, letting wot he had discovered that the invitation was
from her; the which was the case, for the damsel who looked out at the
window was no other than the giglet he had seen in her lodging when he
went thither with Sir David Hamilton, and he proposed to the
disconsolate husband that he should be his friend in the adventure;
meaning thereby to convince the unhappy man, by the evidence of his own
eyes and ears, that her concubinage with the Antichrist was a blessed
riddance to him and his family.
At first Master Kilspinnie had no zest for any such frolic, for so it
seemed to him, and he began to think my grandfather's horror at the
martyrdom of the aged saint but a long-fac't hypocrisy; nevertheless he
was wrought upon to consent; and they sat plotting and contriving in
what manner they should act their several parts, my grandfather
pretending great fear and apprehension at the thoughts of himself, a
stranger, going alone into the traps of a house where there were sic
forerunners of shame and signs of danger. At last he proposed that they
should go together and spy about the precincts of the place, and try to
discover if there was no other entrance or outgate to the house than the
way by which the stripling conducted him, though well he remembered the
sallyport, where the fat friar kept watch, eating the pasty.
Accordingly they went forth from the vintner's, and my grandfather, as
if he knew not the way, led his companion round between the priory and
the sea, till they came near the aforesaid sallyport, when, mounting
upon a stone, he affected to discover that the house of the madam stood
in the garden within, and that the sallyport could be no less than a
back yett thereto.
While they were speaking concerning the same, my grandfather observed
the wicket open in the gate, and guessing therefrom that it was one
spying to forewarn somebody within who wanted to come out unremarked, he
made a sign to his companion, and they both threw themselves flat on the
ground, and hirsled down the rocks to conceal themselves. Presently the
gate was opened, and then out came the fat friar, and looked east and
west, holding the door in his hand; and anon out came his Grace the
Antichrist, hirpling with a staff in his hand, for he was lame with that
monkish malady called the gout. The friar then drew the yett to, and
walked on towards the castle, with his Grace leaning on his arm. In the
meantime the poor man of Crail was grinding the teeth of his rage at the
sight of the cause of his sorrow, and my grandfather had a sore struggle
to keep him down, and prevent him from running wud and furious at the
two sacerdotal reprobates, for no lightlier could they be called.
Thus, without any disclosure on my grandfather's part, did Master
Kilspinnie come to jealouse that the lemane who had trysted him was no
other than his own faithless wife, and he smote his forehead and wept
bitterly, to think how she was become so dreadless in sin. But he vowed
to put her to shame; so it was covenanted between them, that in the
dusk of the evening the afflicted husband should post himself near to
where they then stood, and that when my grandfather was admitted by the
other entrance to the house, he should devise some reason for walking
forth into the garden, and while there admit Master Kilspinnie.
Accordingly, betimes my grandfather was ready, and the stripling, as had
been bargained, came for him to the vintner's, and conducted him to the
house, where, after giving the signals before enumerated, the damsel
came to the door and gave him admittance, leading him straight to the
inner chamber before described, where her mistress was sitting in a
languishing posture, with the table spread for a banquet.
She embraced my grandfather with many fond protestations, and filled him
a cup of hot malvesie, while her handmaid brought in divers savoury
dishes; but he, though a valiant young man, was not at his ease, and he
thought of the poor husband and the five babies that the adultress had
left for the foul love of the papist high-priest, and it was a chaste
spell and a restraining grace. Still he partook a little of the rich
repast which had been prepared, and feigned so long a false pleasance,
that he almost became pleased in reality. The dame, however, was herself
at times fearful, and seemed to listen if there was any knocking at the
door, telling my grandfather that his Grace was to be back after he had
supped at the castle. "I thought," said she, "to have had you here when
he was at the burning of the heretic, but my gilly could not find you
among the troopers till it was owre late; for when he brought you my
Lord had come to solace himself after the execution. But I was so
nettled to be so baulked, that I acted myself into an anger till I got
him away, not, however, without a threat of being troubled with him
again at night."
Scarcely had madam said this, when my grandfather started up and feigned
to be in great terror, begging her to let him hide himself in the garden
till his Grace was come and gone. To this, with all her blandishments,
the guilty woman made many obstacles, but he was fortified of the Lord
with the thoughts of her injured children, and would not be entreated,
but insisted on scogging himself in the garden till the Archbishop was
sent away, the hour of his coming being then near at hand. Seeing him
thus peremptory, Madam Kilspinnie was obligated to conform; so he was
permitted to go into the garden, and no sooner was he there than he went
to the sallyport and admitted her husband; and well it was that he had
been so steadfast in his purpose, for scarcely were they moved from the
yett into a honeysuckle bower hard by when they heard it again open, and
in came his Grace with his corpulent pandarus, who took his seat on the
bench before spoken of, to watch, while his master went into the house.
The good Bailie of Crail breathed thickly, and he took my grandfather by
the hand, his whole frame trembling with a passion of grief and rage. In
the lapse of some four or five minutes, the giglet damsel came out of
the house, and by the glimpse of a light from a window as she passed
they saw she had a tankard of smoking drink in her hand, with which she
went to the friar; and my grandfather and his companion, taking
advantage of this, slipped out of their hiding-place and stole softly
into the house and reached the outer chamber that was parted from
madam's banquet bower by the arras partition. There they stopped to
listen, and heard her complaining in a most dolorous manner of great
heart-sickness, ever and anon begging the deluded prelate Hamilton to
taste the feast she had prepared for him, in the hope of being able to
share it with him and the caresses of his sweet love, to which his Grace
as often replied, with great condolence and sympathy, how very grieved
he was to find her in that sad and sore estate, with many other fond
cajoleries, most odious to my grandfather to hear from a man so far
advanced in years, and who, by reason of the reverence of his office,
ought to have had his tongue schooled to terms of piety and temperance.
The poor husband meanwhile said nothing, but my grandfather heard his
heart panting audibly, and three or four times he was obligated to brush
away his hand, for, having no arms himself, the bailie clutched at the
hilt of his sword and would have drawn it from the scabbard.
The Antichrist, seeing his lemane in such great malady as she so well
feigned, he at last, to her very earnest supplication, consented to
leave her that night, and kissed her as he came away; but her husband
broke in upon them with the rage of a hungry lion, and seizing his
Grace by the cuff of the neck, swung him away from her with such
vehemence that he fell into the corner of the room like a sack of duds.
As for madam, she uttered a wild cry, and threw herself back on the
couch where she was sitting and seemed as if she had swooned, having no
other device so ready to avoid the upbraidings and just reproaches of
her spouse. But she was soon roused from that fraudulent dwam by my
grandfather, who, seizing a flagon of wine, dashed it upon her face.