_By the Author of "Sayings and Doings_."
Literature, even in this literary age, is not the ordinary pursuit of
the citizens of London, although every merchant is necessarily a man of
letters, and underwriters are as common as cucumbers. Notwithstanding,
however, my being a citizen, I am tempted to disclose the miseries and
misfortunes of my life in these pages, because having heard the
"ANNIVERSARY" called a splendid annual, I hope for sympathy from its
readers, seeing that I have been a "_splendid annual_" myself.
My name is Scropps--I _am_ an Alderman--I _was_ Sheriff--I _have been_
Lord Mayor--and the three great eras of my existence were the year of my
shrievalty, the year of my mayoralty, and the year after it. Until I had
passed through this ordeal I had no conception of the extremes of
happiness and wretchedness to which a human being may be carried, nor
ever believed that society presented to its members an eminence so
exalted as that which I once touched, or imagined a fall so great as
that which I experienced. I came originally from that place to which
persons of bad character are said to be sent--I mean Coventry, where my
father for many years contributed his share to the success of
parliamentary candidates, the happiness of new married couples, and even
the gratification of ambitious courtiers, by taking part in the
manufacture of ribands for election cockades, wedding favours, and
cordons of chivalry; but trade failed, and, like his betters, he became
bankrupt, but, unlike his betters, without any consequent advantage to
himself; and I, at the age of fifteen, was thrown upon the world with
nothing but a strong constitution, a moderate education, and fifteen
shillings and eleven pence three farthings in my pocket.
With these qualifications I started from my native town on a pedestrian
excursion to London; and although I fell into none of those romantic
adventures of which I had read at school, I met with more kindness than
the world generally gets credit for, and on the fourth day after my
departure, having slept soundly, if not magnificently, every night, and
eaten with an appetite which my mode of travelling was admirably
calculated to stimulate, reached the great metropolis, having preserved
of my patrimony, no less a sum than nine shillings and seven pence.
The bells of one of the churches in the city were ringing merrily as I
descended the heights of Islington; and were it not that my patronymic
Scropps never could, under the most improved system of campanology, be
jingled into any thing harmonious, I have no doubt I, like my great
predecessor Whittington, might have heard in that peal a prediction of
my future exaltation; certain it is I did not; and, wearied with my
journey, I took up my lodging for the night at a very humble house near
Smithfield, to which I had been kindly recommended by the driver of a
return postchaise, of whose liberal offer of the moiety of his bar to
town I had availed myself at Barnet.
As it is not my intention to deduce a moral from my progress in the
world at this period of my life, I need not here dilate upon the good
policy of honesty, or the advantages of temperance and perseverance, by
which I worked my way upwards, until after meriting the confidence of an
excellent master, I found myself enjoying it fully. To his business I
succeeded at his death, having several years before, with his sanction,
married a young and deserving woman, about my own age, of whose prudence
and skill in household matters I had long had a daily experience.
To be brief, Providence blessed my efforts and increased my means; I
became a wholesale dealer in every thing, from barrels of gunpowder down
to pickled herrings; in the civic acceptation of the word I was a
merchant, amongst the vulgar I am called a dry-salter. I accumulated
wealth; with my fortune my family also grew, and one male Scropps, and
four female ditto, grace my board at least once in every week.
Passing over the minor gradations of my life, the removal from one
residence to another, the enlargement of this warehouse, the rebuilding
of that, the anxiety of a canvass for common council man, activity in
the company of which I am liveryman, inquests, and vestries, and ward
meetings, and all the other pleasing toils to which an active citizen is
subject, let us come at once to the first marked epoch of my life--the
year of my Shrievalty. The announcement of my nomination and election
filled Mrs. S. with delight; and when I took my children to Great Queen
Street, Lincoln's Inn Fields, to look at the gay chariot brushing up for
me, I confess I felt proud and happy to be able to show my progeny the
arms of London, those of the Spectacle Makers' Company, and those of the
Scroppses (recently found at a trivial expense) all figuring upon the
same panels. They looked magnificent upon the pea-green ground, and the
wheels, "white picked out crimson," looked so chaste, and the
hammercloth, and the fringe, and the festoons, and the Scropps' crests
all looked so rich, and the silk linings and white tassels, and the
squabs and the yellow cushions and the crimson carpet looked so
comfortable, that, as I stood contemplating the equipage, I said to
myself, "What have I done to deserve _this_?--O that my poor father were
alive to see his boy Jack going down to Westminster, to chop sticks and
count hobnails, in a carriage like this!" My children were like mad
things: and in the afternoon, when I put on my first new brown court
suit (lined, like my chariot, with white silk) and fitted up with cut
steel buttons, just to try the effect, it all appeared like a dream; the
sword, which I tried on every night for half an hour after I went up to
bed, to practise walking with it, was very inconvenient at first; but
use is second nature; and so by rehearsing and rehearsing, I made myself
perfect before that auspicious day when Sheriffs flourish and geese
prevail--namely, the twenty-ninth of September.
The twelve months which followed were very delightful; for independently
of the _positive_ honour and _éclat_ they produced, I had the Mayoralty
in _prospectû_ (having attained my aldermanic gown by an immense
majority the preceding year), and as I used during the sessions to sit
in my box at the Old Bailey, with my bag at my back and my bouquet on my
book, my thoughts were wholly devoted to one object of contemplation;
culprits stood trembling to hear the verdict of a jury, and I regarded
them not; convicts knelt to receive the fatal fiat of the Recorder, and
I heeded not their sufferings, as I watched the Lord Mayor seated in the
centre of the bench, with the sword of justice stuck up in a goblet over
his head--there, thought I, if I live two years, shall _I_ sit--however,
even as it was, it was very agreeable. When executions, the chief
drawbacks to my delight, happened, I found, after a little seasoning, I
took the thing coolly, and enjoyed my toast and tea after the patients
were turned off, just as if nothing had happened; for, in _my_ time, we
hanged at eight and breakfasted at a quarter after, so that without much
hurry we were able to finish our muffins just in time for the cutting
down at nine. I had to go to the House of Commons with a petition, and
to Court with an address--trying situations for one of the
Scroppses--however, the want of state in parliament, and the very little
attention paid to us by the members, put me quite at my ease at
Westminster; while the gracious urbanity of our accomplished monarch on
his throne made me equally comfortable at St. James's. Still I was but a
secondary person, or rather only one of two secondary persons--the chief
of bailiffs and principal Jack Ketch; there _was_ a step to gain--and,
as I often mentioned in confidence to Mrs. Scropps, I was sure my heart
would never be still until I had reached the pinnacle.
Behold at length the time arrived!--Guildhall crowded to excess--the
hustings thronged--the aldermen retire--they return--their choice is
announced to the people--it has fallen upon John Ebenezer Scropps, Esq.,
Alderman and spectacle maker--a sudden shout is heard--"Scropps for
ever!" resounds--the whole assembly seems to vanish from my sight--I
come forward--am invested with the chain--I bow--make a speech--tumble
over the train of the Recorder, and tread upon the tenderest toe of Mr.
Deputy Pod--leave the hall in ecstasy, and drive home to Mrs. Scropps in
a state of mind bordering upon insanity.
The days wore on, each one seemed as long as a week, until at length the
eighth of November arrived, and then did it seem certain that I should
be Lord Mayor--I was sworn in--the civic insignia were delivered to
me--I returned them to the proper officers--my chaplain was near me--the
esquires of my household were behind me--the thing was done--never shall
I forget the tingling sensation I felt in my ear when I was first called
"My Lord"--I even doubted if it were addressed to me, and hesitated to
answer--but it was so--the reign of splendour had begun, and, after
going through the accustomed ceremonies, I got home and retired to bed
early, in order to be fresh for the fatigues of the ensuing day.
Sleep I did not--how was it to be expected?--Some part of the night I
was in consultation with Mrs. Scropps upon the different arrangements;
settling about the girls, their places at the banquet, and their
partners at the ball; the wind down the chimney sounded like the shouts
of the people; the cocks crowing in the mews at the back of the house I
took for trumpets sounding my approach; and the ordinary incidental
noises in the family I fancied the pop-guns at Stangate, announcing my
disembarkation at Westminster--thus I tossed and tumbled until the long
wished-for day dawned, and I jumped up anxiously to realize the visions
of the night. I was not long at my toilet--I was soon shaved and
dressed--but just as I was settling myself comfortably into my beautiful
brown broadcloth inexpressibles, crack went something, and I discovered
that a seam had ripped half a foot long. Had it been consistent with the
dignity of a Lord Mayor to swear, I should, I believe, at that moment,
have anathematized the offending tailor;--as it was, what was to be
done?--I heard trumpets in earnest, carriages drawing up and setting
down; sheriffs, and chaplains, mace bearers, train bearers, sword
bearers, water bailiffs, remembrancers, Mr. Common Hunt, the town clerk,
and the deputy town clerk, all bustling about--the bells ringing--and
_I_ late, with a hole in my inexpressibles! There was but one remedy--my
wife's maid, kind, intelligent creature, civil and obliging, and ready
to turn her hand to any thing, came to my aid, and in less than fifteen
minutes her activity, exerted in the midst of the confusion, repaired
the injury, and turned me out fit to be seen by the whole corporation of
London.
When I was dressed, I tapped at Mrs. Scropps's door, went in, and asked
her if she thought I should do; the dear soul, after settling my point
lace frill (which she had been good enough to pick off her own petticoat
on purpose) and putting my bag straight, gave me the sweetest salute
imaginable.
"I wish your lordship health and happiness," said she.
"Sally," said I, "your ladyship is an angel;" and so, having kissed each
of my daughters, who were in progress of dressing, I descended the
stairs, to begin the auspicious day in which I reached the apex of my
greatness.--Never shall I forget the bows--the civilities--the
congratulations--sheriffs bending before me--the Recorder smiling--the
Common Sergeant at my feet--the pageant was intoxicating; and when,
after having breakfasted, I stepped into that glazed and gilded house
upon wheels, called the state coach, and saw my sword bearer pop himself
into one of the boots, with the sword of state in his hand, I was lost
in ecstasy, I threw myself back upon the seat of the vehicle with all
imaginable dignity, but not without damage, for in the midst of my ease
and elegance I snapped off the cut steel hilt of my sword, by
accidentally bumping the whole weight of my body right, or rather wrong,
directly upon the top of it.
But what was a sword hilt or a bruise to _me_? I was _the_ Lord
Mayor--the greatest man of the greatest city of the greatest nation in
the world. The people realized my anticipations, and "Bravo, Scropps!"
and "Scropps for ever!" again resounded, as we proceeded slowly and
majestically towards the river, through a fog, which prevented our being
advantageously seen, and which got down the throat of the sword bearer,
who coughed incessantly during our progress, much to my annoyance, not
to speak of the ungraceful movements which his convulsive barkings gave
to the red velvet scabbard of the official glave as it stuck out of the
window of the coach.
We embarked in _my_ barge; a new scene of splendour awaited me, guns,
shouts, music, flags, banners, in short, every thing that fancy could
paint or a water bailiff provide; there, in the gilded bark, was
prepared a cold collation--I ate, but tasted nothing--fowls, _patés_,
tongue, game, beef, ham, all had the same flavour; champagne, hock, and
Madeira were all alike to _me_--Lord Mayor was all I saw, all I heard,
all I swallowed; every thing was pervaded by the one captivating word,
and the repeated appeal to "my lordship" was sweeter than nectar.
At Westminster, having been presented and received, I desired--I--John
Ebenezer Scropps, of Coventry--I desired the Recorder to invite the
judges to dine with me--I--who remember when two of the oldest and most
innocent of the twelve, came the circuit, trembling at the sight of
them, and believing them some extraordinary creatures upon whom all the
hair and fur I saw, grew naturally--I, not only to ask these formidable
beings to dine with me, but, as if I thought it beneath my dignity to do
so in my proper person, deputing a judge of my own to do it for me; I
never shall forget their bows in return--Chinese mandarins on a
chimney-piece are fools to them.
Then came the return--we landed once more in the scene of my dignity--at
the corner of Fleet Street we found the Lady Mayoress waiting for the
procession--there she was--Sally Scropps (her maiden name was
Snob)--there was my own Sally, with a plume of feathers that half filled
the coach, and Jenny and Maria and young Sally, all with their backs to
_my_ horses, which were pawing the mud and snorting and smoking like
steam engines, with nostrils like safety valves, and four of _my_
footmen hanging behind the coach, like bees in a swarm. There had not
been so much riband in my family since my poor father's failure at
Coventry--and yet how often, over and over again, although he had been
dead more than twenty years, did I, during that morning, in the midst of
my splendour, think of _him_, and wish that he could see me in my
greatness--yes, even in the midst of my triumph I seemed to defer to my
good, kind parent--in heaven, as I hope and trust--as if I were anxious
for _his_ judgment and _his_ opinion as to how I should perform the
arduous and manifold duties of the day.
Up Ludgate Hill we moved--the fog grew thicker and thicker--but then the
beautiful women at the windows--those up high could only see my knees
and the paste buckles in my shoes; every now and then, I bowed
condescendingly to people I had never seen before, in order to show my
courtesy and my chain and collar, which I had discovered during the
morning shone the better for being shaken.
At length we reached Guildhall--as I crossed the beautiful building,
lighted splendidly, and filled with well dressed company, and heard the
deafening shouts which rent the fane as I entered it, I really was
overcome--I retired to a private room--refreshed my dress, rubbed up my
chain, which the damp had tarnished, and prepared to receive my guests.
They came, and--shall I ever forget it?--dinner was announced; the bands
played "O the roast beef of Old England." Onwards we went, a Prince of
the blood, of the blood royal of my country, led out _my_ Sally--my own
Sally--the Lady Mayoress! the Lord High Chancellor handed out young
Sally--I saw it done--I thought I should have choked; the Prime Minister
took Maria; the Lord Privy Seal gave his arm to Jenny; and my wife's
mother, Mrs. Snob, was honoured by the protection of the Right
Honourable the Lord Chief Justice of the King's Bench.--Oh, if my poor
father could have but seen _that_!
It would be tiresome to dwell upon the pleasures of the happy year, thus
auspiciously begun, in detail; each month brought its delights, each
week its festival; public meetings under the sanction of the Right
Honourable the Lord Mayor; concerts and balls under the patronage of the
Lady Mayoress; Easter and its dinner, Blue-coat boys and buns;
processions here, excursions there.--Summer came, and then we had
swan-hopping _up_ the river, and white-baiting _down_ the river; Yantlet
Creek below, the navigation barge above; music, flags, streamers, guns,
and company; turtle every day in the week; peas at a pound a pint, and
grapes at a guinea a pound; dabbling in rosewater served in gold, not to
speak of the loving cup, with Mr. Common Hunt, in full dress, at my
elbow; my dinners were talked of, Ude grew jealous, and I was idolized.
The days, which before seemed like weeks, were now turned to minutes:
scarcely had I swallowed my breakfast before I was in my justice-room;
and before I had mittimused half a dozen paupers for beggary, I was
called away to luncheon; this barely over, in comes a deputation or a
dispatch, and so on till dinner, which was barely ended before supper
was announced. We all became enchanted with the Mansion House; my girls
grew graceful by the confidence their high station gave them; Maria
refused a good offer because her lover chanced to have an ill sounding
name; we had all got settled in our rooms, the establishment had begun
to know and appreciate us; we had just become in fact easy in our
dignity and happy in our position, when lo and behold! the ninth of
November came again--the anniversary of my exaltation, the consummation
of my downfall.
Again did we go in state to Guildhall, again were we toasted and
addressed, again were we handed in, and led out, again flirted with
cabinet ministers and danced with ambassadors, and at two o'clock in the
morning drove home from the scene of gaiety to our old residence in
Budge Row.--Never in this world did pickled herrings and turpentine
smell so powerfully as on that night when we entered the house; and
although my wife and the young ones stuck to the drinkables at
Guildhall, their natural feelings would have way, and a sort of
shuddering disgust seemed to fill their minds on their return home--the
passage looked so narrow--the drawing-rooms looked so small--the
staircase seemed so dark--our apartments appeared so low--however, being
tired, we all slept well, at least I did, for I was in no humour to talk
to Sally, and the only topic I could think upon before I dropped into my
slumber, was a calculation of the amount of expense which I had incurred
during the just expired year of my greatness.
In the morning we assembled at breakfast--a note lay on the table,
addressed--"Mrs. Scropps, Budge Row." The girls, one after the other,
took it up, read the superscription, and laid it down again. A visiter
was announced--a neighbour and kind friend, a man of wealth and
importance--what were his first words?--they were the first I had heard
from a stranger since my job,--"How are you, Scropps, done up, eh?"
Scropps! no obsequiousness, no deference, no respect;--no "my lord, I
hope your lordship passed an agreeable night--and how is her ladyship
and your lordship's amiable daughters?"--not a bit of it--"How's Mrs. S.
and the _gals_?" This was quite natural, all as it _had_ been, all
perhaps as it should be--but how unlike what it _was_, only one day
before! The very servants, who, when amidst the strapping, stall-fed,
gold-laced lacqueys of the Mansion House, (transferred with the chairs
and tables from one Lord Mayor to another) dared not speak nor look, nor
say their lives were their own, strutted about the house, and banged the
doors, and talked of their "_Missis_," as if she had been an apple
woman.
So much for domestic miseries;--I went out--I was shoved about in
Cheapside in the most remorseless manner; my right eye had a narrow
escape of being poked out by the tray of a brawny butcher's boy, who,
when I civilly remonstrated, turned round, and said, "Vy, I say, who are
_you_, I vonder, as is so partiklar about your _hysight_." I felt an
involuntary shudder--to-day, thought I, I _am_ John Ebenezer
Scropps--two days ago I was Lord Mayor; and so the rencontre ended,
evidently to the advantage of the bristly brute. It was however too much
for me--the effect of contrast was too powerful, the change was too
sudden--and I determined to go to Brighton for a few weeks to refresh
myself, and be weaned from my dignity.
We went--we drove to the Royal Hotel; in the hall stood one of his
Majesty's ministers, one of my former guests, speaking to his lady and
daughter: my girls passed close to him--he had handed one of them to
dinner the year before, but he appeared entirely to have forgotten her.
By and by, when we were going out in a fly to take the air, one of the
waiters desired the fly man to pull off, because Sir Something
Somebody's carriage could not come up--it was clear that the name of
Scropps had lost its influence.
We secluded ourselves in a private house, where we did nothing but sigh
and look at the sea. We had been totally spoiled for our proper sphere,
and could not get into a better; the indifference of our inferiors
mortified us, and the familiarity of our equals disgusted us--our
potentiality was gone, and we were so much degraded that a puppy of a
fellow had the impertinence to ask Jenny if she was going to one of the
Old Ship balls. "Of course," said the coxcomb, "I don't mean the
'Almacks,' for they are uncommonly select."
In short, do what we would, go where we might, we were outraged and
annoyed, or at least thought ourselves so; and beyond all bitterness was
the reflection, that the days of our dignity and delight never might
return. There were at Brighton no less than three men who called me
Jack, and _that_, out of flies or in libraries, and one of these, chose
occasionally, by way of making himself particularly agreeable, to
address me by the familiar appellation of Jacky. At length, and that
only three weeks after my fall, an overgrown tallow-chandler met us on
the Steyne, and stopped our party to observe, "as how he thought he owed
me for two barrels of coal tar, for doing over his pigsties." This
settled it--we departed from Brighton, and made a tour of the coast; but
we never rallied; and business, which must be minded, drove us before
Christmas to Budge Row, where we are again settled down.
Maria has grown thin--Sarah has turned methodist--and Jenny, who danced
with his Excellency the Portuguese Ambassador, who was called angelic by
the Right Honourable the Lord Privy Seal, and who moreover refused a man
of fortune because he had an ugly name, is going to be married to
Lieutenant Stodge, on the half pay of the Royal Marines--and what
then?--I am sure if it were not for the females of my family I should be
perfectly at my ease in my proper sphere, out of which the course of our
civic constitution raised me. It was unpleasant at first:--but I have
toiled long and laboured hard; I have done my duty, and Providence has
blessed my works. If we were discomposed at the sudden change in our
station, I it is who was to blame for having aspired to honours which I
knew were not to last. However the ambition was not dishonourable, nor
did I disgrace the station while I held it; and when I see, as in the
present year, _that_ station filled by a man of education and talent, of
high character and ample fortune, I discover no cause to repent of
having been one of his predecessors. Indeed I ought to apologize for
making public the weakness by which we were all affected; especially as
I have myself already learned to laugh at what we all severely felt at
first--the miseries of a SPLENDID ANNUAL.--_Sharpe's London Magazine_.
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