[Illustration: _Ko-ko_ (_Sir GORDON HEWART_). "PARDON ME, BUT THERE I AM
ADAMANT."]
_Monday, February 16th._--The great AUCKLAND still reposes a touching faith
in the Profiteering Act. In his opinion it "has had a stabilising effect on
the price of clothing;" by which he means, I suppose, that West-End tailors
long ago nailed their high prices to the mast-head.
In commending the Bill for the continuance of D.O.R.A., a _remanet_ from
last Session, the ATTORNEY-GENERAL was almost apologetic. He laid much
stress upon the "modest and attenuated form" which the measure now
presented, and the short time it was to remain in force. Serious objection
was taken by the Irish Members to the provision that in districts where a
proclamation is in force the D.O.R.A. regulations, instead of coming to an
end on August 31st, will continue for a year after the end of the War. This
they naturally interpreted as a means of continuing the military government
of Ireland, a country in which, according to Mr. DEVLIN, the Government had
as much right as the Germans in Belgium. The House, however, seemed to
agree with the Irish Attorney-General that in the present state of Ireland
it would not be wise to dispense with the regulations, and gave the Bill a
second reading by 219 votes to 61.
Then the House turned to the discussion of the levy on capital. The
CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER was still inexorably opposed to a general levy,
but would like a toll on war-wealth alone, and proposed to set up a
Committee to consider whether it was practicable. Mr. ADAMSON frankly
declared that the Labour Party was in favour of a capital levy, but wanted
to get at the war-profits first. Mr. CHAMBERLAIN objected to widening the
scope of the inquiry on the ground that it would take too long, and also
that uncertainty would promote extravagance and discourage saving. And,
despite Lieut.-Commander KENWORTHY'S naïve suggestion that we should
restore credit by making a bonfire of paper-money--he did not say
whose--the House agreed with the CHANCELLOR.
[Illustration: COLONEL AMERY CRUSOE RETURNS FROM A SUCCESSFUL DAY WITH HIS
MAN FRIDAY.]
_Tuesday, February 17th._--The Acting Colonial Secretary bubbled over with
delight as he described the success of the operations against the
Somaliland dervishes. The principal credit was due to the Royal Air Force,
but the native levies had also done their part effectively. The only fly in
Colonel AMERY'S ointment was the escape of that evasive gentleman, the
MULLAH, to whom he was careful on this occasion not to apply the epithet
"Mad." As, however, the MULLAH has lost all his forces, all his stock and
all his belongings, it is hoped that it will be at any rate some time
before he pops up again.
The Coal Mines Bill was wisely entrusted to Mr. BRIDGEMAN. Lord SPENCER
once delighted the House of Commons by announcing that he was "not an
agricultural labourer"; and Mr. BRIDGEMAN similarly put it in a good temper
by admitting that he had never himself worked in a mine. But he showed
quite a sufficient acquaintance with his subject, and succeeded in
dispelling some of the fog that enshrouds the figures of coal-finance. The
miners, of course, objected to the Bill on the ground that it was not
nationalisation, but were left in a very small minority.
A Private Members' debate on the Housing Problem occupied the evening.
There was much friendly criticism of the MINISTER OF HEALTH, for whom Major
LLOYD GREAME suggested a motto from the _Koran_:--
"This life is but a bridge;
Let no man build his house upon it."
But the lapse of time is gradually bringing performance nearer to promise,
and Dr. ADDISON was able to announce that over one hundred thousand houses
were now "in the tender stage." Let us hope no bitter blast will nip them
in the bud.
_Wednesday, February 18th._--The Lords returned to work after their week's
holiday in a rather gloomy mood. By some occult process of reasoning Lord
PARMOOR has convinced himself that the distress in Central Europe is
largely the fault of the Peace Conference. He was supported by Lord BRYCE,
who declared that the "Big Four" approached the business of Treaty-making
in a German rather than an English spirit (which sounds as if he thought
they never meant to keep it), and by Lord HALDANE, who, _more suo_, accused
the negotiators of having shown "no adequate prevision." Lord CRAWFORD
dealt pretty faithfully with the cavillers and pointed out that this
country had already spent twelve millions on relieving European distress,
and was prepared to spend nearly as much again when the United States was
ready to co-operate; but at present, he reminded them, that country was
still in a state of war with Germany.
The one bright spot of the sitting was Lord HYLTON'S statement that the
National Debt, which was within a fraction of eight thousand millions on
December 31st, had since been reduced by eighty-five millions. The pace is
too good to last, but it is something to have made a start.
For nearly four years we have been anxiously waiting to know what really
did happen at the battle of Jutland. The voluminous efforts of Admirals and
journalists have failed to clear up the mystery, and even Commander CARLYON
BELLAIRS has not satisfied everybody so completely as himself that his
recent work reveals the truth. But now the official history is on the eve
of publication and Mr. LONG no longer feels it necessary to keep the
secret. Here it is in his own words: "The _moral_ of the German fleet was
very seriously shaken." What a relief!
It seems that the Turks were informed in advance of the intention of the
Peace Conference to let them stay at Constantinople in the hope that they
would forthwith abandon their sanguinary habits. Instead of which they
appear to have said to themselves, "What a jolly day! Let us go out and
kill something--Armenians for choice." So now a further message has been
sent to them to the effect that the new title to the old tenement is not
absolute but conditional, and that one of the covenants forbids its use as
a slaughterhouse.
[Illustration: TAKING THE OFFERTORY.
_MR. AUSTEN CHAMBERLAIN_ (_as Sidesman_). "THE THREEPENNY-BIT IS
ECONOMICAL, PERHAPS; BUT A DESIRABLE COIN, FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, IT IS
NOT."]
A modest little Bill empowering the Mint to manufacture coins worth
something less than their weight in silver aroused the wrath of Professor
OMAN. The last time, according to his account, that the coinage was thus
debased was in the days of HENRY VIII., whose views both on money and
matrimony were notoriously lax. Other Members were friendly to the project,
and Mr. DENNIS HERBERT, in the avowed interest of churchwardens, urged the
Government to seize the opportunity to abolish the threepeeny-bit, the
irreducible minimum of "respectable" almsgiving. The CHANCELLOR OF THE
EXCHEQUER, however, stoutly championed the elusive little coin, for which
he declared there was "an immense demand."
On Captain HAMBRO'S motion deploring the action of certain trade-unions in
refusing to admit ex-Service men to their ranks the Labour Party heard some
very straight talking. The whips of Lady BONHAM-CARTER at Paisley were
nothing to the scorpions of ex-Private HOPKINSON, who has actually been
fined at the instance of the trade-unions because he insisted upon
employing some of his old comrades-in-arms.
Mr. SEXTON'S rather maladroit attempt to shift the blame on to the
employers only deepened the impression that trade-unionism is developing
into a system of caste, in which certain occupations are reserved for
certain people. Only an elect bricklayer, for example, may lay bricks--
though anybody can heave them--and the mere fact that a man has shouldered
a rifle in the service of his country in no way entitles him to carry a
hod.
_Thursday, February 19th._--The impending advent of a Home Rule Bill is
greatly perturbing the little remnant of Irish Nationalist Members,
threatened with the extinction of their pet grievance. Although but seven
in number they made almost noise enough for seventy. Question-time was
punctuated with their plaints. The CHIEF SECRETARY did his best to soothe
them, but his remark that "no man in Ireland need be in prison if he will
obey the law" poured oil on the flames.
Despite the reduction of the Question-ration from eight to four per Member,
the House collectively grows "curiouser and curiouser." This is partly due
to the popularity of PREMIER-baiting, now to be enjoyed on Mondays and
Thursdays. In future, Members are to be further restricted to three
Questions _per diem_; but no substantial relief is to be hoped for until
the House sets up its own censorship, with power to expunge all Questions
that are trivial, personal or put for purposes of self-advertisement. Not
many--a dozen or two daily, perhaps--would survive the scrutiny.
* * * * *