School interfered a good deal with huntin' treasure, but things happened
now and then to let us out. The professor looked exactly like Tom
Sawyer's teacher, except ours wore a beard. He seemed awful old and kind
of knotty and twisty. I think he must have been near sixty, and he had
been a preacher, and lost his pulpit and so turned to teachin'. We could
see he was pretty rusty about a lot of things. You can't fool boys much,
and you couldn't fool Mitch and me.
[Illustration: Professor Taylor]
The professor's name was Professor Taylor. He had a low forehead with
his hair lyin' flat like a wig--and creases across his forehead where he
had been worryin'. And one of his shoulders was kind of humped up and to
one side, and one of his hands had a stiff thumb. He couldn't keep order
in the school at all, because some of the big boys like Charley King and
George Heigold kept somethin' goin' all the time. And these big boys got
the rest of us into things like throwin' chalk and sometimes erasers,
or all together droppin' our geographies of a sudden. Then the professor
would tap the bell and say, "The tap of the bell is the voice of the
teacher--who dropped their geographies, who was it?" Then things would
get worse and there would be a noise like a political meetin'. Pa said
he warn't fit to run a school, but the directors kept him in because he
was related to the president of the board. And most every mornin' for
exercises he would read the 19th psalm, which says, "The law of the Lord
is perfect, converting the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple," generally lookin' at me when he said "simple,"
because I couldn't learn very well. Then he would start the song with a
tuning fork, "Too-do" and generally somebody would cough like he had a
awful cold and so start the noise. Then lots would cough and he'd have
to wait before singin' "The Shades of Night Was Falling Fast." Then he
would talk to us about bein' good. And onct when Ella Stephens died over
at Springfield, where she had been for some kind of a operation, you
couldn't find out what, because nobody would say, he got up and said
that God would forgive Ella and all of us should pray for her. Most of
us cried, rememberin' Ella's red cheeks and how she used to laugh when
she came in the schoolroom. She was about 16.
And one mornin' school seemed to go all to pieces. This George Heigold
was studyin' geometry and he came to me and says, before school took up:
"When I go to the blackboard to demonstrate in geometry, I'll wink at
you and then you drop your reader or somethin', Mitch will do the same,
and then I'll get through, I'll show you. For I ain't studied the
lesson." I said "all right."
So when the geometry class was recitin', there was four in it, George
and Charley King, and Bertha Whitney and Mary Pitkin, the girls bein'
awful smart, and always havin' their lessons. The professor turned to
George Heigold and says: "George, you may demonstrate proposition
three." Then the professor gave Bertha proposition four, and Mary
proposition five, and Charley proposition six. But meantime George
didn't get up to draw his figure on the blackboard, though the rest did.
He was lookin' in the book so he could draw it; and finally the
professor said, "Did you hear me, George?" "Yes, sir," said George, "but
I was tryin' to think out a different way to demonstrate this here
proposition from the way the book says." And the professor says: "If you
demonstrate it the way the book does, that will be very well, and I'll
give you a hundred." So then George hopped right up and drew a fine
figure on the board and lettered it, and was just about to set down and
study the book, as I could see, because he was eyein' the professor and
expectin' that some of the others would be called on first, and while
the professor was watchin' somebody else demonstrate, he would study up.
But it happened wrong: George was called on first. So he got up, lookin'
at me to give me the wink, and he began: "Supposin' A-B is a straight
line, and supposin' B-C is a straight line, and supposin' C-D is a
straight line, and supposin' these here lines are all joined so as to
make a triangle." Then the professor got to his side and made it so
George couldn't see me to wink, and he says: "No, no, George." And
George says, "Very well, I have a original demonstration." And the
professor says: "Original, original--just follow the book, just follow
the book." Of course, George couldn't, and so he stepped back and gave
me the wink, and I dropped my reader, Mitch dropped his reader. Percy
Guyer, an awful nervous boy, started like, and flung his ink well off.
Then there was a lot of coughin' and some laughin', and the professor
went wild and says, "What is the matter? What can be the matter now?"
And he turned to George and says, in a mad way, "Take your seat." So
George did, and began to study the demonstration. And after while it got
quiet and the professor went on with Mary and Bertha who got a hundred.
Charley King got through fair, and probably got 75. And there sat George
and the class was about to be dismissed without George recitin', when
George raised his hand and said: "I'll do my best to demonstrate the way
you want me to. I don't want to lose my chance." So the professor just
smiled awful friendly on George and says "all right." And George got up
and recited perfect, according to the book and got 100. I never saw such
a boy as George Heigold; for once the professor got up an astronomy
class--the whole school mostly was in it--and he was teachin' us general
things about the stars and what they was made of. So one day the
professor called out quick as a test of what he had told us before:
"What element is found on the planet Mars that is not found anywhere
else in the universe?" And George Heigold who was sittin' way back
yelled out "Sapolio"--and the whole school went wild, into a roar of
laugh. While the professor marched up and down flippin' his coat tails
with his hands and sayin', "Who said Sapolio? Who said Sapolio?" But no
one told and he couldn't find out.
So on this day when George Heigold got a hundred in geometry, somethin'
else happened. It was a warm day and you could hear bees outside, and
the trees was beginnin' to show green. All of us was so sleepy we could
hardly stay awake, and I could look out of the window and see the river
and the hills on the other side, and I could even see people fishin'.
Well, near noon we all began to smell somethin' like onions, and it got
worse and worse, and seemed to come up from the registers, for Jas.
Walker, the janitor, was keepin' a little fire yet, or had for early
mornin'. And the professor got over the register and smelt and he says,
"Who put asoefetida in the furnace--who did such a cowherd thing as
that?" Nobody said nothin'. It was a surprise to me, and to Mitch, but
we were tickled for we could see what was comin'. The smell got worse
and worse, and Jas. Walker came runnin' through the room and lookin' in
registers. Then everybody began to cough in earnest, only George Heigold
coughed louder than a cow, and Bertha Whitney, bein' delicate, fainted
and there was a lot of runnin' to her, pickin' her up and fetchin' her
water. And the schoolroom went wild. The professor lost hold of
everything and got white and walked back and forth flappin' his coat
tails with his hands. Till finally he said, "School's dismissed for the
day." Then we all got up and busted out, singing and laughing. So Mitch
and me went to dinner and then hurried off to Old Salem to dig for
treasure.
[Illustration: Looking for Asafetida]
When we got to the mill, Jim Lally was already there and was fishin' and
had caught a big cat. They was bitin' good. And he says: "How did you
boys like the asoefetida?" We said "pretty well." And then he said, "If
anybody says I did that and you tell it, I'll lick you both, so you
can't stand up." Jim was 16 or 17 and big and we knew he meant it. But
Mitch laughed and said: "Why would we tell it? Ain't we off for the
afternoon the same as you?"
So we went up and dug, but didn't find nothin'. And finally while we was
diggin' away, all of a sudden I saw a big snake in the weeds, all
coiled, and Mitch didn't see it at first. For all of a sudden it kind of
sprang out like a spring you let loose and bit Mitch on the hand. Mitch
gave an awful cry and began to suck the place where the snake bit him. I
says, "Don't do that, Mitch, you have a tooth out, and the pisen will
get in you there. What's the use of takin' it out one place and puttin'
it in another?" I grabbed a stick then and killed the snake. Mitch got
pale and began to be sickish and I was scared to death. And we ran down
to the road as fast as we could. Just then a wagon came along, and I
hollered to the man; so he came over and lifted Mitch into the wagon and
laid him down, and we put the snake into the wagon too, for I had
carried it along; and the man whipped up his horses fast so as to get
into town for a doctor.
Mitch's hand didn't swell, but he kept gettin' sicker and sicker, and
was moanin' and about to die; and the man drove faster and faster, for
he said the snake was one of the most pisen. When we got to the square,
Mr. Miller happened to be walkin' along. And the man drew up and said to
Mr. Miller, "Here's your boy, bit by a snake." "What kind?" says Mr.
Miller, all excited. "Here he is," said the man, and held up the snake.
Mr. Miller says: "Oh, fiddlesticks! That's a blue racer, as harmless as
the peck of a chicken." Then he took hold of Mitch and shook him and
says: "Here, Mitch, this is all foolishness--you're just scart; that
snake ain't pisen. He can't hurt you more than a chicken." So Mitch sat
right up and looked at his hand which wasn't swelled. And he says: "I am
pisened, I'm sick." "Oh, shucks," said Mr. Miller. "It's just
imagination. Come into the drug store and get a soda."
Mitch climbed out of the wagon, kind of pale yet, but more sheepish and
went in and drank his soda and began to laugh. And Mr. Miller said,
"Where was you?" And Mitch said, "Down by the mill." And Mr. Miller
said, "Now, listen; you've had a scare, but there is only two snakes
around here that is pisen. One is the copperhead. You can tell him by
his bright copper-colored head and his strawberry body; the other is the
rattlesnake. You can tell him by his rattle. But if you don't be careful
foolin' around in the woods and dreamin' and not watchin' what you're
doin', one of them will bite you. Now look here, you go home and get in
the wood and help around the house." So Mitch says, "Come on, Skeet, and
help me, and for company." So I went and helped Mitch with his work.