_Tuesday, March 7th._--The House of Commons to-day devoted itself to the
process curiously known as "getting the SPEAKER out of the Chair." The
phrase suggests reluctance on the part of the occupant to leave his
seat; though I cannot recall any occasion when the employment of force
has been necessary to persuade Mr. LOWTHER to resign to the Chairman of
Committees the duty of listening to dull speeches. But this afternoon I
can imagine that the SPEAKER would have been well content to remain. For
there was fun brewing. Mr. BALFOUR was to introduce the Naval Estimates,
and his dear friend and ex-colleague, Colonel WINSTON CHURCHILL, was
announced to follow him. The conjunction of these highly-electrified
bodies is always apt to produce sparks. The House was well filled, and
over the clock could be seen Lord FISHER, like "a sweet little cherub
that sits up aloft to keep watch for the life of poor Jacky." The last
time Mr. CHURCHILL spoke of Naval affairs in the House he was not quite
nice to Lord FISHER. Would he be nicer this time?
[Illustration: WINSTON ON LEAVE.
_Bluejacket_. "A party coming aboard, Sir, to see if the Fleet's all
right."
_Admiral Balfour_. "What sort of party?"
_Bluejacket_. "Well, Sir, he's got spurs on."]
I think Mr. BALFOUR must be something of a thought-reader. Intermingled
with his narration of the varied and wonderful achievements of the
Fleet, past and present, his description of the constant efforts to
increase it both in ships and men, and his quietly confident prophecy
that with this sure shield we might face the future in cheerful
serenity, there were little sidethrusts at an imaginary critic. Some
people had been silly enough to suggest that the new Board of Admiralty
was so content with what had been done by "my right hon. and learned--I
beg his pardon--gallant friend" that it had adopted a policy of "rest
and be thankful". But there was no justification for "a certain kind of
sub-acid pessimism that sometimes reaches my ears", and he must be a
poor-spirited creature who, having been happy about the Navy in August,
1914, could be depressed about in March, 1916.
Then Colonel CHURCHILL proceeded to put the cap on. He has been studying
the problems of sea-power in the trenches of Flanders, and the process
has led him to gloomy conclusions. Suppose the Germans have been
building more ships than we have: suppose they have put into them bigger
guns than we wot of; suppose they were to come out at their selected
moment and found us at our average moment.... The House was beginning to
be a little weary of these depressing hypotheses when it was suddenly
brought up all standing by the discovery that the orator was delivering
a eulogy on Lord Fisher. He was the man who got things done in a hurry.
He was the man who had the driving power. They had "parted brass-rags"
over Gallipoli, it was true; but by-gones were by-gones. Having been
away for some months, his mind was now clear (irreverent laughter), and
he had come to recognise that his former foe was the only possible First
Sea Lord.
It must have been a little embarrassing for Lord FISHER to sit still and
hear his praises thus chanted. But it is difficult to escape from the
seat over the Clock without treading upon other people's toes, and this
Lord FISHER is notoriously averse from doing. The moment, however, that
Colonel CHURCHILL had finished he left the Gallery; but before he could
wholly emerge he had to suffer the further shock of being cheered by
some over-enthusiastic admirers behind him. It was a pity he left so
soon, for later Sir HEDWORTH MEUX, fresh from Portsmouth, had some
things to say which would not have compelled his blushes.
_Wednesday, March 8th._--Members wondered yesterday why no reply to
Colonel CHURCHILL was forthcoming from the Treasury Bench. Mr. BALFOUR
made ample amends to-day for the omission. There is something in the
personality of his critic--memories of Lord RANDOLPH, perhaps--that
seems to put on extra polish on Mr. BALFOUR'S rapier when he deals with
him. Who that heard it will ever forget his inimitable description of
the then HOME SECRETARY superintending--"with a photographer"--the
historic Siege of Sidney Street? This afternoon his sword-play was
equally brilliant; and there was even more force behind the thrusts. If
there had been delay in the progress of the new Dreadnoughts why was it?
Because his right hon. predecessor had diverted the guns and
gun-mountings intended for them into his new-fangled monitors. He had
boasted of his own rapid shipbuilding. It had indeed been rapid--so much
so that some of the vessels thus hastily constructed had now been
remodelled. Coming to the proposed "remedy"--the recall of Lord FISHER
to the Board of Admiralty--Mr. BALFOUR assumed a sterner tone. He
reminded the house that Lord FISHER had been accused by his present
champion of not having given him clear guidance or firm support over the
Gallipoli Expedition. Colonel CHURCHILL'S present opinion of Lord FISHER
was totally inconsistent with that which he had expressed a few months
ago: possibly they were both remote from the truth. But it was an
amazing proposition that the Government should be asked to dismiss Sir
HENRY JACKSON, an officer who was everything that Lord FISHER according
to Colonel CHURCHILL was not. He himself would not yield an inch to such
a demand.
Spontaneous debate has never been the Colonel's strong point. His
oratorical engines are driven by midnight oil. Wisely, therefore, he did
not attempt an elaborate _réplique_ to Mr. BALFOUR'S "sword-play," but
contented himself with a brief restatement of his case.
_Thursday, March 9th._--Prophets swarm in both Houses of Parliament, but
the House of Lords is unique in possessing one who confines himself to
subjects which he has at his fingers' ends and whose prophecies have a
habit of coming true. What Lord MONTAGU OF BEAULIEU does not know of the
petrol engine, and its use on land or sea or in the air, is not worth
knowing. Seven years ago he warned his countrymen of the bomb-dropping
possibilities of the new German air-ships. A little later he pointed out
that it was very doubtful if dirigible balloons could be successfully
attacked by gunfire from the ground, and that the only effective way of
opposing them was to meet like with like. Again in 1913 he dwelt upon
the inadequacy of our aerial defences.
His object to-day was not to extol his own merits as a prophet, but to
get the Government to act on the motto "One Element One Service" and
establish a single Ministry of the Air. Lord HALDANE thought we ought to
do some "violent thinking" before adopting the proposal, but quite
agreed (with a reminiscent glance at the Woolsack) that we had not made
sufficient use of lighter-than-air machines. That was Lord BERESFORD'S
view, too; we must oppose Zeps to Zeps. Then, having evidently done some
violent thinking over the recent debate in the Commons he launched out
into a wholly irrelevant attack upon Colonel CHURCHILL for trying to
create anxiety about the Fleet, and appealed to Lord FISHER (who was not
present though Lord BERESFORD had particularly invited him) to repudiate
the agitation conducted by the honourable Member for DUNDEE, a few
newspapers and twenty sandwichmen. Lord LANSDOWNE subsequently noted
that this most irregular digression appeared to be "not wholly
distasteful" to the peers assembled. Turning to Lord MONTAGU'S proposal
he pointed out that the Government had gone some way to meet it by
setting up Lord DERBY'S Committee. But, though prepared to see the
Cabinet increased to a round couple of dozen, he was not convinced that
the only way to remove imperfections was to appoint a new Minister to
deal with them.
It seems probable therefore that there is no truth in the report that
Colonel CHURCHILL has been asked to join the Government as Minister of
Admonitions.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Tommy (who is learning every minute about barbed-wire
defences)._ "When I gets home, no more perishin' cats shall ever get
into my back garden."]
* * * * *
Painful Accident to a Clergyman.
"While the Rev. Mr. Stulting was camping out one of his calves
was attacked and stung to death by a passing swarm of bees."
_Cape Argus._
* * * * *