"HORSE MARINE."--You say you are intrigued about _The Evening News_
poster, which announced
"ASQUITH ON A MORATORIUM,"
and you are curious to know more about this animal. We have pleasure in
informing you that it is distantly related to the megatherium, and,
since the extinction of the latter, has been very generally used for
hack purposes. The PREMIER may be seen any morning in the Park taking a
canter on one of these superb mammals.
"WINSTONIAN."--The rumour that Colonel the late First Lord of the
Admiralty has offered himself the command of a mine-sweeper or,
alternatively, of a platoon in the 1/100 battalion of the Chilterns,
lacks confirmation.
"PEER OF THE REALM."--We agree with you in regretting that Lord FISHER
was unable to accept Lord BERESFORD'S invitation to come and hear him
speak in your House about the Downing Street sandwichmen and other
collateral subjects arising out of the Air Service debate. You will be
glad however to know that Lord FISHER'S absence was not due to
indisposition, but to a previous engagement to take tea on the Terrace
with Mr. BALFOUR.
"A LOVER OF THE ANTIQUE."--Your idea of making a collection of
antebellum fetishes is a happy one. Examples of the Little Navy and
Voluntary System fetishes are now rather rare, but you should have no
difficulty in securing a well-preserved specimen of the Free Trade
fetish at the old emporium of antiquities kept by the firm of John Simon
and Co.
"A SINGLE MAN."--When you say that you are forty years old, that you
have practically built up a business which will be ruined if you leave
it, that you are the sole support of a stepmother and a family of young
half-brothers and sisters, but that you have felt it your duty to attest
without appealing for exemption, we applaud your patriotism. But, when
you go on to complain that your neighbour, aged twenty-two, living in
idleness on an allowance, and married to a chorus-girl still in her
teens and childless, should be free to decline service if he chooses (as
he does), we cannot but disapprove of your irreverent and almost immoral
attitude towards the holy condition of matrimony. If the tie of wedlock
is not to take precedence of every other tie, including that of country,
where are we?
"A CRY FROM MACEDONIA."--In answer to your question as to when we think
it likely that the KAISER will take advantage of his recently-conferred
commission in the Bulgarian Army and lead his regiment against Salonika,
we are unable to fix a date for this movement. Our private information
is that he is detained elsewhere by a previous engagement which is
taking up more time than was anticipated.
"BULGAR."--We sympathise with you in your natural desire to have your
TSAR FERDINAND home again, and we share your sanguine belief that the
tonic air of Sofia (never more bracing than at the present moment) ought
speedily to cure him of his malignant catarrh. His Austrian physicians
however advise him to remain away, and he himself holds the view,
coloured a little by superstition, that his return should be at least
postponed till after the Ides of March, a day that was fatal to the
health of an earlier Cæsar.
"YOUNG TURK."--Your anxiety about ENVER PASHA is groundless. The news
that he has been recently seen at the PROPHET'S Tomb at Medina conveyed
no indication that the object of his visit was to select a neighbouring
site for his own burial. Indeed, our information is that since his
recent assassination (as reported from Athens) he has been going on
quite as well as could be expected.