* * * * *
The Zeppelin which was "winged" while flying over Kent last week has not
yet been found, and is believed to be still in hiding in the densely
wooded country between Maidstone and Ashford. Confirmation of this
report is supplied by a local farmer, who states that on three
successive nights the cat's supper has been stolen from his scullery
steps. This strange circumstance, considered in the light of the
Germans' inordinate passion for cats' meat, has gone far to satisfy the
authorities that the capture of the crippled monster is only a question
of time.
***
Mr. WILLIAM AIRD, in a lecture upon "Health, Disease and Economical
Living," insisted that we should all be much healthier if we lived on
"rabbit food." Possibly; but the vital question is--would not this diet
induce in us a tendency to become conscientious objectors?
***
"It is most necessary," stated a Manchester economics expert last week,
"that the Government should release more beef for civilian needs." Yet a
cursory view of the work done by the military tribunals seems to
indicate that they are releasing altogether too much.
***
A Chertsey pig-breeder has been granted total exemption. The pen, it
seems, is still mightier than the sword.
***
Some slight irritation has been caused by the announcement of Sir ALFRED
KEOGH that Naval men engaged on the home service cannot be supplied with
false teeth at the expense of the Government. Nevertheless we may rest
assured that, come what may, these gallant fellows will uphold the
traditions of the Navy and stick to their gums.
***
For many days past the condition of our streets has been really
lamentable owing to the fact that so many of our crossing-sweepers are
serving with the colours; and a painful report is going about that the
Government's object in recognizing the V. T. C. is at last becoming
apparent.
***
A prehistoric elephant has recently been discovered at Chatham and is
now mounted in the British Museum. In palæontological circles the report
that the monster's death was occasioned by the consumption of too much
seed-cake is regarded as going far to prove that our neolithic ancestors
were not without their sentimental side.
***
[Illustration: _Mistress._ "Well, Jones, I hope we shall get more out of
the garden this year. We had next to nothing last year."