But it was not in the woman's nature to refrain from accepting
attentions and showing that they pleased her; and it was not in human
nature for a husband who loved her to keep his oath and be tolerant.
Before six months had passed there had been half-a-dozen such scenes.
Lee upbraided more violently--the reconciliations did not always follow
so soon, but the order of things was always the same; she flirted, and
he abused her, and then grovelled for pardon till her resentment was
assuaged. Her perception of the extent to which she could make him
grovel awoke a savage instinct in the woman. Though her faults were the
outcome of weakness, not of strength, the taste of power excited her,
and she often remained obdurate merely to prolong the enjoyment of it.
Once she even wounded him for no other reason than to gratify the taste.
They had returned from a concert, and to see the man, fresh from his
triumph, abasing himself before her so shamelessly, gave her a vicious
pleasure.
They had taken a house at Hampstead, a house with an ample garden,
and the necessary stabling. Except the practice-room, with its bare,
polished floor, its windows curtainless--containing nothing but the
piano and two chairs--she had revelled in the furnishing of every
corner. She wrote to her mother with pride that "there wasn't a cheap
thing in the place." With almost equal truth she might have added that
there wasn't a thing beautiful. She and Lee had one point in common:
both admired the ostentatious, and he found his surroundings nearly
ornate enough to justify the amount that had been wasted on them.
And she had half-a-dozen servants; the tenor's stepchild was wheeled to
the Heath now in fine apparel by a competent nurse. In her servants Mrs.
Lee aroused less sympathy than in the men whom her husband called his
"friends"; they looked down upon her for having married "that blacky,"
who was so much more considerate to them as a master than was she as
a mistress. Instinctively she knew it, and it was a frequent thing
for a maid at The Woodlands to be discharged on the grounds of being
"disrespectful in her manner." A landlady's daughter and negro's wife
was the last person likely to submit to disrespect.
One or two women whom she met had also appeared to take a different
view of her position from that taken by the men; she found feminine
society a shade irksome after her marriage. There were a few mortifying
incidents from the first; still she knew that people who were envious
always pretended to be disdainful; and the benefits were countless, she
reminded herself as time went by. But for the knowledge of what was in
store, it would have sufficed for composure to reflect that the other
women would act just the same, assuming they had the chance. Her real
humiliation came in the form of a baby.
It was a little yellow baby who in the hour of its birth was not
expected to live. She did not hear that until some days later--and
when she was told, she closed her eyes, for fear they should betray
her thought. It was a little yellow baby that she sickened to know her
own, and when they put it in her arms, her flesh shrank from it. Lee's
joy enraged her. She hated him as he hung smiling over the pillow, was
angered by what she felt to be his callousness in supposing she could be
glad.
He was enraptured: the child was hers and his. With the passing of the
months, he had come to seek more of her than acceptance, and it seemed
to him that henceforth they must be one. She was no longer merely the
sovereign who permitted--she was the mother of his boy.
But his mistake was very brief, and it was his child who proclaimed to
the man that his marriage had been a madness. It was when he saw that
she was ashamed of her motherhood that he was ashamed of his passion;
it was her contempt for their baby that showed him how he himself was
despised.
For her humiliation did not fade, and though she tried to hide the
feeling, all the household knew that she never touched the child without
an effort. She was humiliated as often as she saw him. The pomp of
robes and ribbons, the lace, the paraphernalia of infancy, was painful
to her. When he was carried into the air, she winced in imagining
the neighbours' comments at their windows. Each time she bent over
the bassinet the little face inside looked to her swarthier and more
grotesque.
He was christened "David." It was Lee's wish, and the matter had no
interest for her. It was Lee who brought him his first toy, and who
haunted the nurseries in dread of draughts; it was Lee to whom the nurse
soon learnt to turn when she had expensive suggestions to make. Ownie's
affection for the other boy had hitherto been somewhat careless, but now
she was stung to jealousy, and knew spasms of devotion which were the
outcome of resentment. Though the man remained as gentle and generous as
ever to him, she called him, "poor little Vivie" in her oughts, and a
giggling servant, who was overheard to remark that "his nose was out of
joint with somebody," was dismissed tempestuously at an hour's notice.
The baby's unsightliness increased with its length. The stain of the
skin deepened; only the tiny palms and the soles of the flat little feet
retained the yellowish tint. The spread nostrils gradually widened; the
bunch of lip and the high cheek-bones took more and more distressfully
the negro type. Vivian had a complexion like a peach, and his head was
crowned with damp little flaxen curls that had been coaxed round a comb;
David's face became the colour of a medlar, and his hair threatened to
be as kinky as his father's. Even for a mulatto he was ill-favoured,
and the mulatto and his half-brother were a queer contrast opposite
each other in the perambulator. Strangers used to stop the nurse in
the street and ask questions--which she seldom failed to repeat to
her mistress. Vivian was robust, and had "taking ways"; David was
delicate, and the most that the maids found to say for him was that he
was "a very patient baby." He made known his desire for food by the
whimper which served him for speech, but if the bottle didn't come, the
whimper ceased. A faint bleat, and he gazed at the undesired world with
resignation.
There was no resignation in Lee. He rebelled furiously--rebelled
against his wife's disdain and his own weakness, for he remained the
slave to a passion which he knew degraded him. This commonplace woman
without intellect, without gratitude, without pretences, held him
captive by a purely physical attraction against his will. There were
hours when he hated her, yet she retained the power to fire him with a
look, and torture him with a glance at another man.
She was not the woman to be unfaithful--for one thing, she appreciated
the advantages of virtue too deeply to jeopardise them--but
recriminations lost their terror for her soon, and she humoured her
vanity without pity or fear. And Lee was no judge of character: in his
hell, suspicion smouldered too. The recriminations were so frantic
sometimes that the servants, startled from their sleep, hung trembling
over the banisters; and there were crashes heard, and broken ornaments
were swept up in the morning. "The nigger" was supposed to have thrown
them in "the missis's face." In truth the madman shattered them to keep
his hands off her.
By slow degrees he began to drink, not heavily--enough to give the
situation a cheerier aspect for awhile; enough to shorten his career
if he didn't check the habit. It was surprising how much brighter the
world looked if he took a little whisky-and-water--especially if he
took a little more whisky-and-water. Often after one of his frenzies of
resentment he would remain away from the house for a week, though his
engagements permitted him to return in two or three days. He would sing
at Exeter, or Worcester, or Newcastle, as the case might be, and then
go back to town, but not to Hampstead. Moralists in his profession who
came upon him dissipating, said that he "treated his wife damned badly."
And while he laughed and filled the glasses, the thought of her contempt
burned in the man, and at last the suspicion that he could not drown
drove him home.
As the child grew old enough to be played with, there came another
influence; Lee's love for his child saved him from many excesses. The
remembrance of something the boy had said or done would rise in him
suddenly and fill him with tenderness. The truest pleasure in the
singer's life was when he walked abroad holding his little son's hand,
to pick blue-bells where Fitz-John's Avenue stands now, or to bear him
westward from the Swiss Cottage in a cab.
David was not mercenary. He jumped at the blue-bells as eagerly as at
the cab, though he had learnt already that hansoms always went to the
fairyland where presents hung. He was very solicitous about Lee's
safety, and lisped cautions against crossing a road when a horse was
in sight, and the danger of falling through a cellar-plate into a
coal-cellar. Once the nurse told David that the fascinating berries in
the hedge were called "deadly nightshade," and that "if he fiddled with
them he would die." He was impressed, and "Must never figgle with deadly
nightshirt!" was his next warning to his father.
At a very early age there were signs that he was ambitious to secure a
reputation as a humorist, notably an evening when he said his prayers in
a facetious voice, and met rebuke by explaining that he was only trying
to make God laugh. But the phase was a brief one, and he developed into
a mournful child who was found to be more like a girl in his character
than a boy. "Now Vivian was such an 'igh-spirited little feller!"
David called the lady downstairs "mamma," because he had been told that
was her name; and he called his father "pops," because the diminutive
came naturally to him. When he was nearly six years old, Ownie closed a
door too swiftly and jammed his finger in it. The circumstance caused
him to take an unusual liberty--he clung to her knees, howling for
comfort. She looked at the finger, and patted him on the frizzy head,
and said, "There, there, it isn't bad; suck it--it'll soon be well!"
She meant to be gracious. Lee, who watched her face, caught him in his
arms, and fondled him till the sobs ceased; and there were tears in the
man's eyes which the child was too young to understand.
"I'm so glad you married pops, mamma," said David--"I do like him so!"
It was about this time that he began to understand, in a wordless,
instinctive way, that his mother found him disgusting.