These two last weeks I heard not from thee, nor any about thee, which
hath made my present condition the more troublesome, but I expect
daily the contentment of hearing from thee. Indeed I have need of
some comfort, for I never knew what it was to be barbarously baited
before, and these five or six days last have much surpassed, in rude
pressures against my conscience, all the rest since I came to the
Scotch army; for, upon I know not what intelligence from London,
nothing must serve but my signing the covenant (the last was, my
commanding all my subjects to do it), declaring absolutely, and
without reserve, for Presbyterian government, and my receiving the
Directory in my family, with an absolute command for the rest of the
kingdom; and if I did not all this, then a present agreement must be
made with the parliament, without regard of me, for they said that
otherways they could not hope for peace or a just war. It is true
they gave me many other fair promises in case I did what they desired
(and yet for the militia they daily give ground); but I answered
them, that what they demanded was absolutely against my conscience,
which might be persuaded, but would not be forced by anything they
could speak or do. This was the sum of divers debates and papers
between us, of which I cannot now give thee an account. At last I
made them be content with another message to London, requiring an
answer to my former, with an offer to go thither upon honourable and
just conditions. Thus all I can do is but delaying of ill, which I
shall not be able to do long without assistance from thee. I cannot
but again remember thee, that there was never man so alone as I, and
therefore very much to be excused for the committing of any error,
because I have reason to suspect everything that these advised me,
and to distrust mine own single opinion, having no living soul to
help me. To conclude, all the comfort I have is in thy love and a
clear conscience.
I know the first will not fail me, nor (by the grace of God) the
other. Only I desire thy particular help, that I should be as little
vexed as may be; for, if thou do not, I care not much for others.
I need say no more of this, nor will at this time, but that I am
eternally thine.