pleased with my situation in the service of Signor Manuel Ordonnez,
that I had no hankering after any other. But my genius, like that of
Plautus, being too high-minded to contract itself within the sphere
of menial occupations, I wrote a play, and got it acted by a company
then performing at Valladolid. Though it was not worth the paper it
was scrawled upon, it had more success than many better pieces.
Hence concluded I that the public was a silly bird, and would hatch
any eggs that were put under it. That modest discovery, with the
consequent madness of incessant composition, alienated my affections
from the hospital. The love of poetry being stronger than the desire
of accumulation, I determined on repairing to Madrid, as the centre
of every thing distinguished, to form my taste in that school. The
first thing was to give the governor warning, who parted with me to
his own great sorrow, from a sort of affection the result of similar
propensities. Fabricio, said he, what possible ground can you have
for discontent? None at all, sir, I replied; you are the best of all
possible masters, and I am deeply impressed with your kind treatment;
but you know one must follow whithersoever the stars ordain. I feel
the sacred fire within me, on whose aspiring element my name is to be
wafted to posterity. What confounded nonsense! rejoined the old
fellow, whose ideas were all pecuniary. You are already become a
fixture in the hospital, and are made of a metal which may easily be
manufactured into a steward, or by good luck even into a governor.
You are going to give up the great object of life, and to flutter
about its frippery. So much the worse for you, honest friend!
The governor, seeing how fruitless it was to struggle with my fixed
resolve, paid me my wages, and made me a present of fifty ducats as
an acknowledgment of my services. Thus, between this supply and what
I had been able to scrape together out of some little commissions,
which were assigned to me from an opinion of my disinterestedness, I
was in circumstances to make a very pretty appearance on my arrival
at Madrid; which I was not negligent in doing, though the literary
tribe in our country are not over-punctilious about decency or
cleanliness. I soon got acquainted with Lope de Vega, Cervantes, and
the whole set of them; but though they were fine fellows, and thought
so by the public, I chose for my model, in preference, Don Lewis de
Gongora the incomparable, a young bachelor of Cordova, decidedly the
first genius that ever Spain produced. He will not suffer his works
to be printed during his lifetime, but confines himself to a private
communication among his friends. What is very remarkable, nature has
gifted him with the uncommon talent of succeeding in every department
of poetry. His principal excellence is in satire; there he outshines
himself. He does not resemble, like Lucilius, a muddy stream with a
slimy bottom; but is rather like the Tagus, rolling its transparent
waters over a golden sand.
You give a fine description of this bachelor, said I to Fabricio; and
questionless a character of such merit must have attracted an
infinite deal of envy. The whole gang of authors, answered he, good
and bad equally, are open-mouthed against him. He deals in bombast,
says one; aims at double meanings, luxuriates in metaphor, and
affects transposition. His verses, says another, have all the
obscurity of those which the Salian priests used to chant in their
processions, and which nobody was the wiser for hearing. There are
others who impute it to him as a fault, to have exercised his genius
at one time in sonnets or ballads, at another in writing, in heroic
stanzas, and in minor efforts of wit alternately, as if he had madly
taken upon himself to eclipse the best writers each in their own
favorite walk. But all these thrusts of jealousy are successfully
parried, where the muse, which is their mark, becomes the idol of the
great and of the multitude at once.
Under so able a master did I serve my apprenticeship; and, vanity
apart, the preceptor was reflected in the disciple. So happily did I
catch his spirit, that by this time he would not be ashamed to own
some of my detached pieces. After his example, I carry my goods to
market at great houses, where the bidding is eager, and the sagacity
of the bidders not difficult to match. It is true that I have a very
insinuating talent at recitation, which places my compositions in no
disadvantageous light. In short, I am the dear delight of the
nobility, and live in the most particular intimacy with the Duke of
Medina Sidonia, just as Horace used to live with his jolly companion
Mæcenas. By such conjuration and mighty magic have I won the name of
author. You see the method lies within a narrow compass. Now, Gil
Blas, it is your turn to deliver a round unvarnished tale of your
exploits.
On this hint I spake; and, unlike most narrators, gave all the
important particulars, passing lightly over minute and tiresome
circumstances. The action of talking, long continued, puts one in
mind of dining. His ebony cabinet, which served for larder, pantry,
and all possible uses, was ransacked for napkins, bread, a shoulder
of mutton far gone in a decline, with its last and best contents, a
bottle of excellent wine; so that we sat down to table in high
spirits, as friends are wont to do after a long separation. You
observe, said he, this free and independent manner of life. I might
find a plate laid for me every day, if I chose it, in the very first
houses; but, besides that the muse often pays me a visit and detains
me within doors, I have a little of Aristippus in my nature. I can
pass with equal relish from the great and busy world to my retreat,
from all the resources of luxury to the simplicity of my own frugal
board.
The wine was so good that we encroached upon a second bottle. As a
relish to our fruit and cheese, I begged to be favored with the sight
of something, the offspring of his inspired moments. He immediately
rummaged among his papers, and read me a sonnet with much energy of
tone. Yet, with all the advantage of accent and expression, there
was something so uncouth in the arrangement as to baffle all
conjecture about the meaning. He saw how it puzzled me. This sonnet
then, said he, is not quite level to your comprehension! Is not that
the fact? I owned that I should have preferred a construction
somewhat less forced. He began laughing at my rusticity. Well then,
replied he, we will say that this sonnet would confuse clearer heads
than thine; it is all the better for that. Sonnets, odes, in short,
all compositions which partake of the sublime, are of course the
reverse of the simple and natural; they are enveloped in clouds, and
their darkness constitutes their grandeur. Let the poet only fancy
that he understands himself, no matter whether his readers understand
him or not. You are laughing at me, my friend, said I, interrupting
him. Let poetry be of what species it may, good sense and
intelligible diction are essential to its powers of pleasing. If
your peerless Gongora is not a little more lucid than yourself, I
protest that his merit will never pass current with me. Such poets
may entrap their own age into applause, but will never live beyond
it. Now let me have a taste of your prose.
Nunez showed me a preface which he meant to prefix to a dramatic
miscellany then in the press. He insisted on having my opinion. I
like not your prose one atom better than your verse, said I. Your
sonnet is a roaring deluge of emptiness; and as for your preface, it
is disfigured by a phraseology stolen from languages yet in embryo,
by words not stamped in the mint of general use, by all the
perplexity of a style that does not know what to make of itself. In
a word, the composition is altogether a thing of your own. Our
classical and standard books are written in a very different manner.
Poor tasteless wretch! exclaimed Fabricio. You are not aware that
every prose writer who aspires to the reputation of sentiment and
delicacy in these days, affects this style of his own, these
perplexities and innovations which are a stumbling-block to you.
There are five or six of us, determined reformers of our language,
who have undertaken to turn the Spanish idiom topsy-turvy; and with a
blessing on our endeavors, we will pull it down and build it up
again, in defiance of Lope de Vega, Cervantes, and all the host of
wits who cavil at our new modes of speech. Our party is strongly
supported in the fashionable world, and we have laid violent hands
upon the pulpit.
After all, continued he, our project is commendable; for, to speak
without prejudice, we have ten times the merit of those natural
writers, who express themselves just like the mob. I cannot conceive
why so many sensible men are taken with them. It was all very well
at Athens and at Rome, in a wild and undistinguishing democracy; and
on that principle only could Socrates tell Alcibiades that the last
appeal was to the people in all disputes about language. But at
Madrid there is a polite and a vulgar usage, so that our courtiers
talk in a different tongue from their tradesmen. You may assure
yourself that it is so; in fine, this newly invented style is
carrying everything before it, and turning old nature out of doors.
Now I will explain to you by a single instance the difference between
the elegance of our diction and the flatness of theirs. They would
say, for example, in plain terms, "Ballets incidental to the piece
are an ornament to a play;" but in our mode of expression, we say
more exquisitely, "Ballets incidental to the piece are the very life
and soul of the play." Now observe that phrase, _life and soul_.
Are you sensible how glowing it is, at the same time how descriptive,
setting before you all the motions of the dancers, as on an
intellectual stage?
I broke in upon my reformer of language with a burst of laughter.
Get along with you, Fabricio, said I; you are a coxcomb of your own
manufacture, with your affected finery of phrase. And you, answered
he, are a blockhead of nature's clumsy moulding, with your starch
simplicity. He then went on taunting me with the Archbishop of
Grenada's angry banter on my dismission: "Get about your business!
Go and tell my treasurer to pay you a hundred ducats, and take my
blessing in addition to that sum. God speed you, good master Gil
Blas! I heartily pray that you may do well in the world! There is
nothing to stand in your way but a little better taste." I roared
out in a still louder explosion of laughter at this lucky hit; and
Fabricio, easily appeased on the score of impiety, as manifested in
the opinion expressed concerning his writings, lost nothing of his
pleasant and propitious temper. We got to the bottom of our second
bottle, and then rose from the table in fine order for an adventure.
Our first intention was to see what was to be seen upon the Prado;
but passing in front of a liquor-shop, it came into our heads that we
might as well go in.
The company was in general tolerably select at this house of call.
There were two distinct apartments, and the pastime in each was of a
very opposite nature. One was devoted to games of chance or skill,
the other to literary and scientific discussion; and there were at
that moment two clever men by profession handling an argument most
pertinaciously, before ten or twelve auditors deeply interested in
the discussion. There was no occasion to join the circle, because
the metaphysical thunder of their logic made itself heard at a more
respectful distance: the heat and passion with which this abstract
controversy was managed made the two philosophers look little better
than madmen. A certain Eleazar used to cast out devils by tying a
ring to the nose of the possessed: had these learned swine been
ringed in the same manner, how many little imps would have taken wing
out of their nostrils! Angels and ministers of grace defend us, said
I to my companion; what contortions of gesture, what extravagance of
elocution! One might as well argue with the town crier. How little
do we know our natural calling in society! Very true indeed,
answered he; you have read of Novius, the Roman pawnbroker, whose
lungs went as far beyond the rattle of chariot wheels as his
conscience beyond the rate of legal interest; the Novii must
certainly have been transplanted into Spain, and these fellows are
lineal descendants. But the hopeless part of the case is, that
though our organs of sense are deafened, our understandings are not
invigorated at their expense. We thought it best to make our escape
from these braying metaphysicians, and by that prudent motion to
avoid a headache which was just beginning to annoy us. We went and
seated ourselves in a corner of the other room, whence, as we sipped
our refreshing beverage, all comers and goers were obnoxious to our
criticism. Nunez was acquainted with almost the whole set. Heaven
and earth! exclaimed he, the clash of philosophy is as yet but in its
beginning; fresh reinforcements are coming in on both sides. Those
three men, just on the threshold, mean to let slip the dogs of war.
But do you see those two queer fellows going out? That little
swarthy, leather-complexioned Adonis, with long, lank hair parted in
the middle with mathematical exactness, is Don Juliano de Villanuno.
He is a young barrister, with more of the prig than the lawyer about
him. A party of us went to dine with him the other day. The
occupation we caught him in was singular enough. He was amusing
himself in his office with making a tall greyhound fetch and carry
the briefs in the causes which were so unfortunate as to have him
retained; and of course the canine _amicus curiæ_ set his fangs
indifferently into the flesh of plaintiff or defendant, tearing law,
equity, precedent, and principle into shreds. That licentiate at his
elbow, with jolly, pimple-spangled nose and cheeks, goes by the name
of Don Cherubino Tonto. He is a canon of Toledo, and the greatest
fool that was ever suffered to walk the earth without a keeper. And
yet he arrays his features in that sort of not quite unmeaning smile,
that you would give him credit for good sense as well as good humor.
His eye has the look of cunning if not of wisdom, and his laugh too
much of sarcasm for an absolute idiot. One would conclude that he
had a turn for mischief, but kept it down from principle and feeling.
If you wish to take his opinion upon a work of genius, he will hear
it read with so grave and rapt a silence, as nothing but deep thought
and acute mental criticism could justify; but the truth is, that he
comprehends not one word, and therefore can have nothing to say. He
was of the barrister party. There were a thousand good things said,
as there always must be in a professional company. Don Cherubino
added nothing to the mass of merriment, but looked such perfect
approbation at those who did, was so tractable and complimentary a
listener, that every man at table placed him second in the
comparative estimate of merit.
Do you know, said I to Nunez, who those two fellows are, with dirty
clothes and matted hair, their elbows on that table in the corner,
and their cheeks upon their hands, whiffing foul breath into each
other's nostrils as they lay their heads together? He told me that
by their faces they were strangers to him; but that by physical and
moral tokens they could only be coffee-house politicians, venting
their spleen against the measures of government. But do look at that
spruce spark, whistling as he paces up and down the other room, and
balancing himself alternately on one toe and on the other. That is
Don Augustino Moreto, a young poet sufficiently of nature's mint and
coinage to pass current, if flatterers and sciolists had not debased
him into a mere coxcomb by their misplaced admiration. The man to
whom he is going up with that familiar shake by the hand, is one of
the set who write verses and then call themselves poets; who claim a
speaking acquaintance with the muses, but never were of their private
parties.
Authors upon authors, nothing but authors! exclaimed he, pointing out
two dashing blades. One would think they had made an appointment on
purpose to pass in review before you. Don Bernardo Deslenguado and
Don Sebastian of Villa Viciosa! The first is a vinegar-flavored
vintage of Parnassus, a satirist by trade and company; he hates all
the world, and is not liked the better for his taste. As for Don
Sebastian, he is the milk and honey of criticism; he would not have
the guilt of ill-nature on his conscience for the universe. He has
just brought out a comedy without a single idea, which has succeeded
with an audience of tantamount ideas; and he has just now published
it to vindicate his innocence.
Gongora's candid pupil was running on in his career of benevolent
explanation, when one of the Duke de Medina Sidonia's household came
up and said, Signor Don Fabricio, my lord duke wishes to speak with
you. You will find him at home. Nunez, who knew that the wishes of
a great lord could not be too soon gratified, left me without
ceremony; but he left me in the utmost consternation, to hear him
called Don, and thus ennobled, in spite of Master Chrysostom the
barber's escutcheon, who had the honor to call him father.
_CHAPTER XIV._
_FABRICIO FINDS A SITUATION FOR GIL BLAS IN THE ESTABLISHMENT OF
COUNT GALIANO, A SICILIAN NOBLEMAN._
I was too happy in Fabricio's society not to hunt him out again early
the next morning. Good day to you, Signor Don Fabricio, said I on my
first approach; it seems you are the picked and chosen flower, or
rather, saving your presence, the nondescript excrescence of the
Asturian nobility. This sarcasm had no other effect than to set him
laughing heartily. Then the title of Don was not lost upon you!
exclaimed he. No, indeed, my noble lord, answered I; and you will
give me leave to tell you that when you were recounting your
transformations to me yesterday, you forgot the most extraordinary.
Exactly so, replied he; but to speak sincerely, if I have taken up
that prefix of dignity, it is less to tickle my own vanity, than in
tenderness to that of others. You know what stuff the Spaniards are
made of; an honest man is no honest man to them, if his honor is not
bolstered up with escutcheons, pedigree, and patrimony. I may tell
you, moreover, that there are so many gentry, and very queer sort of
gentry too, dubbed Don Francisco, Don Pedro, Don
What-do-you-call-him, or Don Devil, that if they owe their coats of
arms to any herald but their own impudence, modern nobility is a mere
drug in the market, so that a plebeian of nature's ennobling confers
infinite honor on the upstarts of an artificial creation, by herding
with their order.
But let us change the subject, added he. Last night, supping at the
Duke de Medina Sidonia's, where, among other company, we had Count
Galiano, a great Sicilian nobleman, the conversation turned upon the
ridiculous effects of self-love. Delighted at having a case in point
by way of illustration, I treated them with the story of the
homilies. You may well suppose that there was a hearty laugh, and
that the archbishop's dignity was not saved in the concussion; but
the effect was not amiss for you, since the company felt for your
situation; and Count Galiano, after a long string of questions, which
of course I answered to your advantage, commissioned me to introduce
you. I was just now going to look after you for that purpose. In
all probability he means to offer you a situation as one of his
secretaries. I advise you not to hang back. The count is rich, and
lives away at Madrid, on the scale of an ambassador. He is said to
have come to court on a negotiation with the Duke of Lerma,
respecting some crown lands which that minister thinks of alienating
in Sicily. In one word, Count Galiano, though a Sicilian, has every
feature of generosity, fair dealing, and gentlemanly conduct. You
cannot do better than get upon that nobleman's establishment. In all
probability the flattering prophecy respecting you at Grenada is to
be fulfilled in his person.
It was my full determination, said I to Nunez, to take my swing about
town and look at men and manners a little, before the harness was
buckled on my back again; but you paint your Sicilian nobleman in
colors which fascinate my imagination and change my purpose. I
should like to close with him at once. You will do so very soon,
replied he, or I am much deceived. We sallied forth together
immediately, and went to the count's, who resided in the house of his
friend, Don Sancho d'Avila, the latter being then in the country.
The court-yard was overrun with pages and footmen in rich and elegant
liveries, while the antechamber was blockaded by esquires, gentlemen,
and various officers of the household. They were all as fine as
possible, but with so whimsical an assortment of features, that you
might have taken them for a cluster of monkeys dressed up to satirize
the Spanish fashions. Do what you will, there is a certain class of
men and women in nature, whom no art can trick out into anything
human.
At the very name of Don Fabricio, a lane was formed for my patron,
and I followed in the rear. The count was in his dressing-gown,
sitting on a sofa and taking his chocolate. We made our obeisance in
the most respectful manner; while an inclination of the head on his
part, accompanied with a condescending smile, won my heart at once.
It is very wonderful, and yet very common, how the most trifling
notice from the great penetrates the very soul of those who are not
accustomed to it! They must have behaved like fiends before their
behavior will be complained of.
After taking his chocolate, he recreated himself with the humors of a
large ape, which underwent the name of Cupid: why the ape was made a
god, or the god likened to an ape, the parties concerned can best
answer; the only point of resemblance seemed to be mischief. At all
events, this hairy brat of the sylvan Venus had so gambolled himself
into his master's good graces, had established such a character for
wit and humor, that the life of society was extinguished in his
absence. As for Nunez and myself, though we had a better turn for
drollery, we were cunning enough to chime in with the prevailing
taste. The Sicilian was highly delighted with this, and tore himself
away for a moment from his favorite pastime, just to tell me, My
friend, you have only to say whether you choose to be one of my
secretaries. If the situation suits you, the salary is two hundred
pistoles a year. If Don Fabricio gives you a character, that is
enough. Yes, my lord, cried Nunez, I am not such a cowardly fellow
as Plato, who introduced one of his friends to Dionysius the tyrant,
and then was afraid to back his own recommendation. But I have no
anxiety about being reproached on that head.
I thanked the poet of the Asturias with a low bow, for having so much
better an opinion of me than Plato had of his friend. Then
addressing my patron, I assured him of my zeal and fidelity. No
sooner did this good nobleman perceive his proposal to be acceptable,
than he rang for his steward, and after talking to him apart, said to
me, Gil Blas, I will explain the nature of your post hereafter.
Meanwhile, you have only to follow that right hand man of mine; he
has his orders how to bestow you. I immediately retreated, leaving
Fabricio behind with the count and Cupid.
The steward, who came from Messina, and proved by all his actions
that he came thence, led the way to his own room, overwhelming me all
the while with the kindness of his reception. He sent for the tailor
who lived upon the skirts of the household, and ordered him to make
me out of hand a suit of equal magnificence with those of the
principal officers. The tailor took my measure and withdrew. As to
lodging, said the native of Messina, I know a room which will just
suit you. But stay! Have you breakfasted? I answered in the
negative. O, poor shamefaced youth, replied he, why did not you say
so? Come this way: I will introduce you where, thank heaven, you
have only to ask and have.
So saying, he let me down into the buttery, where we found the clerk
of the kitchen, who was a Neapolitan, and of course a complete match
for his neighbor on the other side of the water. It might be said of
this pair that they were formed to meet by nature. This honest clerk
of the kitchen was doing justice to his trade by cramming himself and
five or six hangers on with ham, tongue, sausages, and other savory
compositions, which, besides their own relish, possess the merit of
engendering thirst: we made common cause with these jolly fellows,
and helped them to toss off some of my lord the count's best wines.
While these things were going on in the buttery, kindred exploits
were performing in the kitchen. The cook, too, was regaling three or
four tradesmen of his acquaintance, who liked good wine as well as
ourselves, nor disdained to stuff their craws with meat pasties and
game: the very scullions were at free quarters, and filched whatever
they pleased. I fancied myself in a house given up to plunder; and
yet what I saw was comparatively fair and honest. These little
festivities were laughing matters; but the private transactions of
the family were very serious.
_CHAPTER XV._
_THE EMPLOYMENT OF GIL BLAS IN DON GALIANO'S HOUSEHOLD._
I went away to fetch my movables to my new residence. On my return
the count was at table with several noblemen and the poet Nunez, who
called about him as if perfectly at home, and took a principal share
in the conversation. Indeed, he never opened his lips without
applause. So much for wit! With that commodity at market, a man may
pay his way in any company.
It was my lot to dine with the gentlemen of the household, who were
served nearly as well as their employer. After meal-time I withdrew
to ruminate on my lot. So far so good, Gil Blas! said I to myself:
here you are in the family of a Sicilian count, of whose character
you know nothing. To judge by appearances, you will be as much in
your element as a duck upon the water. But do not make too sure!
You ought to look askew at your horoscope, whose unkindly position
you have too often experienced with a vengeance. Independent of
that, it is not easy to conjecture what he means you to do. There
are secretaries and a steward already: where can your post be? In
all likelihood you are intended to manage his little private affairs.
Well and good! There is no better luck about the house of a great
nobleman, if you would travel post haste to make your fortune. In
the performance of more honorable services, a man gets on only step
by step, and even at that pace often sticks by the way.
While these philosophical reflections were revolving in my mind, a
servant came to tell me that all the company was gone home, and that
my lord the count was inquiring for me. I flew immediately to his
apartment, where I found him lolling on the sofa, ready to take his
afternoon's nap, with his monkey by his side.
Come nearer, Gil Blas, said he; take a chair, and hear me
attentively. I placed myself in an attitude of profound listening,
when he addressed me as follows: Don Fabricio has informed me that,
among other good qualities, you have that of sincere attachment to
your masters, and incorruptible integrity. These are my inducements
for proposing to take you into my service. I stand in need of a
friend in a domestic, to espouse my interests and apply his whole
heart and soul to the reform of my establishment. My fortune is
large, it must be confessed, but my expenditure far exceeds my income
every year. And how happens that? Because they rob, ransack, and
devour me. I might as well be in a forest infested by banditti, as
an inhabitant of my own house. I suspect the clerk of the kitchen
and my steward of playing into one another's hands; and unless my
thoughts are unjust as well as uncharitable, they are pushing forward
as fast as they can to ruin me beyond redemption. You will ask me
what I have to do but send them packing, if I think them scoundrels.
But then where are others to be got of a better breed? It will be
sufficient to place them under the eye of a man who shall be invested
with the right of control over their conduct; and you have I chosen
to execute this commission. If you discharge it well, be assured
that your services will not be repaid with ingratitude. I shall take
care to provide you with a very comfortable settlement in Sicily.
With this he dismissed me, and that very evening, in the presence of
the whole household, I was proclaimed principal manager and
surveyor-general of the family. Our gentlemen of Messina and Naples
expressed no particular chagrin at first, because they considered me
as a spark of mettle like their own, and took it for granted, that
though the loaf was to be shared with a third, there would always be
cut and come again for the triumvirate. But they looked
inexpressibly foolish the next day, when I declared myself in serious
terms a decided enemy to all peculation and underhand dealing. From
the clerk of the kitchen I required the buttery accounts without
varnish or concealment. I went down into the cellar. The furniture
of the butler's pantry underwent a strict examination, particularly
in the articles of plate and linen. Next I read them a serious
lecture on the duty of acting for their employer as they would for
themselves; exhorted them to adopt a system of economy in their
expenditure; and wound up my harangue with a protestation that his
lordship should be acquainted with the very first instance of any
unfair tricks that I should discover in the exercise of my office.
But I had not yet got to the length of my tether. There was still
wanting a scout to ascertain whether they had any private
understanding. I fixed upon a scullion, who, won over by my
promises, told me that I could not have applied to a better person to
be informed of all that was passing in the family; that the clerk of
the kitchen and the steward were one as good as the other, and agreed
to burn the candle at both ends; that half the provisions bought for
the table were made perquisites by these gentlemen; that the
Neapolitan kept a lady who lives opposite St. Thomas's College, and
his colleague, not to be outdone, provided for another next door to
the Sungate; that these two nymphs had their larder regularly
supplied every morning, while the cook, following a good example,
sent a few little nice things to a widow of his acquaintance in the
neighborhood; but as he winked at the table arrangements of his dear
and confidential friends, it was but fair that he should draw
whenever he pleased upon the wine-cellar; in short, by the practices
of these three blood-suckers, a most horrible system of extravagance
had found its way into my lord the count's establishment. If you
doubt my veracity, added the scullion, only take the trouble of going
to-morrow morning about seven o'clock into the neighborhood of St.
Thomas's College, and you will see me with a load upon my back, which
will convert your suspicions into certainty. Then you, said I, are
in the confidence of these honest purveyors? I am factor to the
clerk of the kitchen, answered he; and one of my comrades runs on
errands for the steward.
I had the curiosity the next day to loiter about St. Thomas's College
at the appointed hour. My informer was punctual to time and place.
He brought with him a large tray full of butcher's meat, poultry, and
game. I took an account of every article, and drew out the bill of
fare in my memorandum book, for the purpose of showing it to my
master, at the same time telling my little turnspit to execute his
commission as usual.
His Sicilian lordship, naturally warm in his temper, would have
turned his countryman and the Italian out of doors together, in the
first fury of his anger; but after cooling upon it, he got rid of the
former only, and gave me his vacant place. Thus my office of
supervisor was suppressed very shortly after its creation; nor did I
relinquish it with any reluctance. To define it strictly and
properly, it was nothing better than that of a spy with a sounding
title; there was nothing substantial in the nature of the
appointment: whereas, to the stewardship was tied the key of the
strong box, and with that goes the mystery of the whole family.
There are so many little perquisites, and so much patronage attached
to that department of administration, that a man must inevitably get
rich, almost in spite of his own honesty.
But our Neapolitan was not so easily to be driven from his
strongholds. Observing to what a pitch of savage zeal I carried my
integrity, and that I was up every morning time enough to enter in my
books the exact quantity of meat that came from market, he abandoned
the practice of sending it off by wholesale; yet the plunderer did
not therefore contract the scale of his demands on the animal
creation. He was cunning enough to make it as broad as it was long,
by arranging the services with so much the more profusion. Thus,
what was sent down again untouched being his property by culinary
common law, he had nothing to do but to pamper up his pet with
victuals ready dressed, instead of giving her the trouble of cooking
for herself. The devil will levy his due out of every transaction,
so that the count was very little the better for his paragon of a
steward. The unbounded prodigality in our style of setting out a
table, even to a surfeiting degree, was a plain hint to me of what
was going forward: I therefore took upon myself to retrench the
superfluities of every course. This, however, was done with so
judicious a hand, that there was nothing like parsimony to be
discovered. No one would ever have missed what was taken away; and
yet the expense was reduced very considerably by a well-regulated
economy. That was just what my employer wanted; good housewifery,
but a magnificent establishment. There was a love of saving at the
bottom, but a taste for grandeur was the ostensible passion.
Abuses seldom exist alone. The wine flowed too freely. If, for
instance, there were a dozen gentlemen at his lordship's table, the
consumption was seldom less than fifty, sometimes sixty bottles.
This was strange, and looked as if there was more in it than met the
lips of the guests. Hereupon I consulted my oracle of the scullery,
whence I derived most of my wisdom; for he brought me a faithful
account of all that was said and done in the kitchen, where they had
not the least suspicion of him. It seemed that the havoc of which I
complained proceeded from a new confederacy between the clerk of the
kitchen, the cook, and the under butler. The latter carried off the
bottles half full, and shared their contents with his allies. I
spoke to him on the subject, threatening to turn him and all the
footmen under him out of doors at a minute's warning, if ever they
did the like again. The hint was understood, and the evil remedied.
I took especial care lest the slightest of my services should be lost
upon my master, who overwhelmed me with commendations, and took a
greater liking to me every day. On my part, as a reward to the
scullion, he was promoted to the situation next under the cook.
The Neapolitan was furious at encountering me in every direction.
The most aggravating circumstance of the whole was the overhauling of
his accounts; for, to pare his nails the closer, I had gone into the
market, and informed myself of the prices. I followed him through
all his doublings, and always took off the market penny which he
wanted to add. He must have cursed me a hundred times a day; but the
curses of the wicked fall in blessings on the good. I wonder how he
could stay in his place under such discipline; but probably something
still stuck by the fingers.
Fabricio, whom I saw occasionally, rather blamed my conduct than
otherwise. Heaven grant, said he, one day, that all this virtue may
meet with its reward! But between ourselves, you might as well be a
little more practicable with the clerk of the kitchen. What!
answered I, shall this freebooter put a bold face upon the matter,
and charge a fish at ten pistoles in his bill which cost only four?
and would you have me pass the articles in my accounts? Why not?
replied he, coolly. He has only to let you go snacks in the
commission, and the books will be balanced in your favor by the
customary rule of stewardship arithmetic. Upon my word, my friend,
you are enough to overturn all regular systems of housekeeping; and
you are likely to end your days in a livery, if you let the eel slip
through your fingers without skinning it. You are to learn that
fortune is a very woman, ready and eager to surrender, but expecting
the formality of a summons.
I only laughed at this doctrine, and Nunez laughed at it too, when he
found that bad advice was thrown away upon an incorrigibly honest
subject. He then wished to make me believe it was all a mere joke.
At all events, nothing could shake my resolution to act for my
employer as for myself. Indeed, my actions corresponded with my
words on that subject; for I may venture to say that in four months
my master saved at least three thousand ducats by my thrift.
_CHAPTER XVI._
_AN ACCIDENT HAPPENS TO THE COUNT DE GALIANO'S MONKEY; HIS LORDSHIP'S
AFFLICTION ON THAT OCCASION. THE ILLNESS OF GIL BLAS, AND ITS
CONSEQUENCES._
At the expiration of the before-mentioned time, the repose of the
family was marvellously troubled by an accident, which will appear
but a trifle to the reader, and yet it was a very serious matter to
the household, especially to me. Cupid, the monkey of whom I was
speaking, that animal so much the idol of our lord and master,
attempting to leap from one window to another, performed so ill as to
fall into the court and put his leg out of joint. No sooner were the
fatal tidings carried to the count, than he sung a dirge which pealed
through all the neighborhood. In the extremity of his sufferings,
every inmate without exception was taken to task, and we were all
within an inch of being packed off about our business. But the storm
only rumbled, without falling; he gave us and our negligence to the
devil, without being by any means select in the terms of the bequest.
The most notorious of the faculty in the line of fractures and
dislocations were sent for. They examined the poor dear leg, set,
and bound it up. But though they all gave it as their opinion that
there was no danger, my master could not be satisfied without
retaining the most eminent about the person of the animal, till he
could be pronounced to be in a state of convalescence.
It would be a manifest injustice to the family affections of his
Sicilian lordship, not to commemorate all the agonizing sensations of
his soul during this period of painful suspense. Would it be thought
possible that this tender nurse did not stir from his darling Cupid's
bedside all the livelong day? The bandages were never altered or
adjusted but in his presence, and he got up two or three times in the
night to enquire after his patient. The most provoking part of the
business was, that all the servants, and myself in particular, were
required to be eternally on the alert, to anticipate the slightest
wishes of this ridiculous baboon. In short, there was no peace in
the house, till the cursed beast, having recovered from the effects
of its fall, got back again to his old tricks and whirligigs. After
this, shall we be mealy-mouthed about believing Suetonius, when he
tells us that Caligula cared more for his horse than for all the
world besides, that he gave him more than the establishment and
attendance of a senator, and that he even wanted to make him consul?
Our wise master stopped little short of the emperor in his partiality
to the monkey, and had serious thoughts of purchasing for him the
place of corregidor.
Mine was the worst luck of any in the family; for I had so topped my
part above all the other servants, by way of paying my court to his
lordship, and had nursed poor dear Cupid with such assiduity, as to
throw myself into a fit of illness. A violent fever seized me, so
that I was almost at death's door. They did what they pleased with
me for a whole fortnight, without my consciousness; for the
physicians and the fates were both conspiring against me. But my
youth was more than a match for the fever and the prescriptions
united. When I recovered my senses, the first use I made of them was
to observe myself removed to another room. I wanted to know why, and
asked an old woman who nursed me; but she told me that I must not
talk, as the physician had expressly forbidden it. When we are well,
we turn up our noses at the doctors; but when we are sick, we are as
much like old women as themselves.
It seemed best therefore to keep silence, though with an inveterate
longing to hold converse with my attendant. I was debating the point
in my own mind, when there came in two foppish-looking fellows,
dressed in the very extreme of fashion. Nothing less than velvet
would serve their turn, with linen and lace to correspond. They
looked like men of rank; and I could have sworn that they were some
of my master's friends come to see me out of regard for him. Under
that impression I attempted to sit up, and flung away my nightcap to
look genteel; but the nurse forced me under the bedclothes again, and
tucked me up, announcing these gentlemen, at the same time, as my
physician and apothecary.
The doctor came up to my bedside, felt my pulse, looked in my face,
and, discovering undeniable symptoms of approaching convalescence,
assumed an air of triumph, as if it was all his handiwork, and said
there was nothing wanting but to keep the bowels open, and then he
flattered himself he might boast of having performed an extraordinary
cure. Speaking after this manner, he dictated a prescription to the
apothecary, looking in the glass all the time, adjusting the dress of
his hair, and twisting his visage into shapes which set me laughing
in spite of my debility. At length he took his leave with a slight
inclination of the head, and went his way, more taken with the
contemplation of his own pretty person, than anxious about the
success of his remedies.
After his departure, the apothecary, not to have the trouble of a
visit for nothing, made ready to proceed as it is prescribed in
certain cases. Whether he was afraid that the old woman's skill was
not equal to the exigency, or whether he meant to enhance his own
services by assiduity, he chose to operate in person; but in spite of
practice and experience, accidents will happen. Haste to return
benefits is among the most amiable propensities of our nature; and
such was my eagerness not to be behindhand with my benefactor, that
his velvet dress bore immediate testimony to the profuseness of my
gratitude. This he considered merely as one of those little
occurrences which checker the fortunes of the pharmaceutical
profession. A napkin is a resource for every thing in a sick room,
and least said was soonest mended; so he wiped himself quietly,
vowing indemnity and vengeance to himself for the necessity under
which he unquestionably labored of sending his clothes to the scourer.
On the following morning he returned to the attack more modestly
equipped, though there was then no risk of my springing a
countermine, as he had only to administer the potion which the doctor
had prescribed the evening before. Besides that I felt myself
getting better every moment, I had taken such a dislike, since the
day before, to the pill-dispensing tribe, as to curse the very
universities where these graduated cutthroats kept their exercises in
the faculty of slaying. In this temper of mind, I declared, with a
round oath, that I would not accept of health through such a medium,
but would willingly make over Hippocrates and his myrmidons to the
devil. The apothecary, who did not care a doit what became of his
compound, if it was but paid for, left the phial on the table, and
stalked away in Telamonian silence.
I immediately ordered that bitch of a medicine to be thrown out of
window, having set myself so doggedly against it, that I would as
soon have swallowed arsenic. Having once drawn the sword, I threw
away the scabbard; and erecting my tongue into an independent
potentate, told my nurse in a determined tone that she must
absolutely inform me what was become of my master. The old lady,
fearing lest the development of the mystery might completely overset
me, or thinking possibly that her prey might escape out of her
clutches for want of a little irritating contradiction, was most
provokingly mute; but I was so pressing in my demand to be obeyed,
that she at length gave me a decisive answer: Worthy sir, you have no
longer any master but your own will. Count Galiano is gone back into
Sicily.
I could not believe my ears; and yet it was fatally the fact. That
nobleman, on the second day of my indisposition, being afraid of
harboring death under the same roof with him, had the benevolence to
send me packing with my little effects to a ready-furnished room,
where providence was left to cure, or a nurse to kill me, as it
happened. While the alternative was tottering on the balance, he was
ordered back into Sicily, and in the headlong haste of his obedience,
never thought about me; whether it was that he numbered me already
among the dead, or that great lords, like great wits, have short
memories.
My nurse gave me these particulars, and informed me that it was she
who had called in a physician and an apothecary, that I might not die
without professional honors. I fell into profound musing at this
fine story. Farewell my brilliant establishment in Sicily! Farewell
my budding hopes and blushing honors! When any great misfortune
shall have befallen you, says a certain pope, look well to your own
conduct, and you will find that there is always something wrong at
the bottom of it. With all reverent submission to his holiness, I
cannot help thinking myself in this instance an exception to the
infallibility of his maxim. How the deuce was I to blame for being
visited by a fever? There was more reason for remorse in the monkey
or his master than in me.
When I beheld the flattering chimeras with which my head was filled
all vanishing into air, into thin air, the first thing that worried
my poor brain was my portmanteau, which I ordered to be laid upon my
bed to examine it. I groaned heavily on discovering that it had been
opened. Alas! my dear portmanteau, exclaimed I, my only hope,
consolation, and refuge! You have been, to all appearance, a
prisoner in an enemy's country. No, no, Signor Gil Blas, said the
old woman; make yourself easy on that head; you have not fallen among
thieves. Your baggage is as immaculate as my honor.
I found the dress I had on at my first entrance into the count's
service; but it was in vain to look for that which my friend from
Messina had ordered for me as a member of the household. My master
had not thought fit to leave me in possession of it, or else some one
had made free with it. All my other little matters were safe, and
even a large leather purse with my coin in it, which I counted over
twice, not being able to believe at first that there could be only
fifty pistoles remaining out of two hundred and sixty, which was the
balance of the account before my illness. What is the meaning of all
this, my good lady? said I to the nurse. Here is a leak in the
vessel. No living soul but myself has touched a farthing, answered
the old woman, and I have been as good an economist for you as
possible. But illness is very expensive; one must always have one's
money in one's hand. Here! added this excellent economist, taking a
bundle of papers out of her pocket, this is a statement of debtor and
creditor, as exact as a banker's book, and you will see that I have
not laid out the veriest trifle in need-nots.
I ran over the account with a hasty glance; for it extended to
fifteen or twenty pages. Mercy on us! The poulterers' shops must
have been exhausted, while I was in too weak a state to take
sustenance! There must have been at least twelve pistoles stewed
down into broths. Other articles were much to the same tune. It was
incredible what a sum had been lavished in firing, candles, water,
brooms, and innumerable articles of house-keeping and house-cleaning.
After all, extortionate as the bill was, the utmost ingenuity could
not raise it above thirty pistoles, and consequently there was a
deficiency of a hundred and eighty to make the account even. I just
ventured to point that out; but the old woman, with a show of
simplicity and candor, put all the saints in the calendar into
requisition to attest that there were no more than eighty pistoles in
the purse when the count's steward gave her charge of the wallet.
What say you, my good woman? interrupted I with precipitation: was it
the steward who placed my effects in your hands? To be sure it was,
answered she; the very man; and with this piece of advice: Here, good
mother; when Gil Blas shall be numbered with the dead, do not fail to
treat him with a handsome funeral: there is in this wallet
wherewithal to defray the expenses.
Ah! most pestiferous Neapolitan! exclaimed I in the bitterness of my
heart. I am no longer at a loss to conjecture what is become of the
deficiency. You have swept it off as an indemnity for a part of the
plunder which I have prevented you from making free with. After
relieving my mind by exclamations, I returned thanks to heaven that
the scoundrel had been so modest as not to take the whole. Yet
whatever reason I had for believing the action to be perfectly in
character for the person to whom it was imputed, the nurse had not
altogether cleared herself from my suspicions. They hovered
sometimes over one and sometimes over the other; but let them light
where they would, it was all the same to me. I said nothing about
the matter to the old woman; not even so much as to haggle about the
items of her fine bill. I should not have been an atom the richer
for doing so; and we must all live by our trades. The utmost of my
malice was to pay her and send her packing three days afterwards.
I am inclined to think that at her departure she gave the apothecary
notice of her quitting the premises, and having left me sufficiently
in possession of myself to take French leave without acknowledging my
obligations to him; for she had not been gone many minutes before he
came in puffing and blowing, with his bill in his hand. There, under
names which had escaped my conscription, though as arrant a physician
as the worst of them, he had set down all the hypothetical remedies
which he insisted that I had taken during the time when I could take
nothing. This bill might truly be called the epitome of an
apothecary's conscience. Such being the case, we had a bustle about
the payment. I pleaded for an abatement of one half. He swore that
he would not take a doit less than his just demand. He kept his
oath, and yet relaxed; for considering that he had to do with a young
man who might run away from Madrid within four-and-twenty hours, he
preferred my offer of three hundred per cent. on the prime cost of
his drugs, though a pitiful profit for an apothecary, to the risk of
losing all. I counted out the money with an aching heart, and he
withdrew, chuckling over his revenge for the scurvy trick I had
played him on the day of evacuation.
The physician made his appearance next; for beasts of prey inhabit
the same latitudes. I fee'd him for his visits, which had been quite
as frequent as necessary, and his object was answered. But he would
not leave me without proving how hardly he had earned his money, for
that he had not only expelled the enemy from the interior, but had
defended the frontiers from the attack of all the disorders on the
army list of the _materia medica_. He talked very learnedly, with
good emphasis and discretion; so much so, that I did not comprehend
one word he said. When I had got rid of him, I flattered myself that
the destinies had now done their worst. But I was mistaken; for
there came a surgeon whose face I had never seen in the whole course
of my life. He accosted me very politely, and congratulated me on
the imminent danger I had escaped; attributing the happy issue of my
complaints to those which he had himself cut, with the profuse
application of bleeding, cupping, blistering, and all sorts of
torments, consequent and inconsequent. Another feather out of my
poor wing! I was obliged to pay toll to the surgeon also. After so
many purgatives, my purse was brought to such a state of debility,
that it might be considered as dead and gone; a mere skeleton,
drained of all its vital juices. My spirits began to flag, on the
contemplation of my wretched case. In the service of my two last
masters I had wedded myself to the pomps and vanities of this wicked
world, and could no longer, as heretofore, look poverty in the face
with the sternness of a cynic. It must be owned, however, that I was
in the wrong to give way to melancholy, after experiencing so often
that fortune had never cast me down, but for the purpose of raising
me up again; so that my pitiful plight at the present moment, if
rightly considered, was only to be hailed as the harbinger of
approaching prosperity.
BOOK THE EIGHTH.
_CHAPTER I._
_GIL BLAS SCRAPES AN ACQUAINTANCE OF SOME VALUE, AND FINDS
WHEREWITHAL TO MAKE HIM AMENDS FOR THE COUNT DE GALIANO'S
INGRATITUDE. DON VALERIO DE LUNA'S STORY._
It seemed so strange to have heard not a syllable from Nunez during
this long interval, that I concluded he must be in the country. I
went to look after him as soon as I could walk, and found the fact to
be, that he had gone into Andalusia three weeks ago, with the Duke of
Medina Sidonia.
One morning, when rubbing my eyes after a sound sleep, Melchior de la
Ronda started into my recollection; and that bringing to mind my
promise, at Grenada, of going to see his nephew, if ever I should
return to Madrid, it seemed advisable not to defer fulfilling my
promise for a single day. I inquired where Don Balthazar de Zuniga
lived, and went thither straightway. On asking if Signor Joseph
Navarro was at home, he made his appearance immediately. We
exchanged bows with a well-bred coolness on his part, though I had
taken care to announce my name audibly. There was no reconciling
such a frosty reception with the glowing portrait ascribed to this
paragon of the buttery. I was just going to withdraw in the full
determination of not coming again, when, assuming all at once an open
and smiling aspect, he said, with considerable earnestness, Ah!
Signor Gil Blas de Santillane, pray forgive the formality of your
welcome. My memory ill seconded the warmth of my disposition towards
you. Your name had escaped me, and was not at the moment identified
with the gentleman of whom mention was made in a letter from Grenada
more than four months ago.
How happy I am to see you! added he, shaking hands with me most
cordially. My uncle Melchior, whom I love and honor like my natural
father, charges me, if by chance I should have the honor of seeing
you, to entertain you as his own son, and in case of need, to stretch
my own credit and that of my friends to the utmost in your behalf.
He extols the qualities of your heart and mind in terms sufficient of
themselves to engage me in your service, though his recommendation
had not been added to the other motives. Consider me, therefore, I
entreat you, as participating in all my uncle's sentiments. You may
depend on my friendship; let me hope for an equal share in yours.
I replied to Joseph's polite assurances in suitable terms of
acknowledgment; so that, being both of us warm-hearted and sincere, a
close intimacy sprung up without waiting for common forms. I felt no
embarrassment about laying open the state of my affairs. This I had
no sooner done, than he said, I take upon myself the care of finding
you a situation; meanwhile, there is a knife and fork for you here
every day. You will live rather better than at an ordinary. This
offer was sure to be well relished by an invalid just recovering,
with a fastidious palate and an empty pocket. It could not but be
accepted; and I picked up my crumbs so fast that at the end of a
fortnight I began to look like a rosy-gilled son of the church. It
struck me that Melchior's nephew larded his lean sides to some
purpose. But how could it be otherwise? he had three strings to his
bow, as holding the undermentioned pluralities: the butler's place,
the clerkship of the kitchen, and the stewardship. Furthermore,
without meaning to question my friend's honesty, they do say that the
comptroller of the household and he looked over each other's hands.
My recovery was entirely confirmed, when my friend Joseph, on my
coming in to dinner as usual one day, said, with an air of
congratulation, Signor Gil Blas, I have a very tolerable situation in
view for you. You must know that the Duke of Lerma, first minister
of the crown in Spain, giving himself up entirely to state affairs,
throws the burden of his own on two confidential persons. Don Diego
de Monteser takes the charge of collecting his rents, and Don Rodrigo
de Calderona superintends the finances of his household. These two
officers are paramount in their departments, having nothing to do
with one another. Don Diego has generally two deputies to transact
the business; and finding just now that one of them had been
discharged, I have been canvassing for you. Signor Monteser, having
the greatest possible regard for me, granted my request at once, on
the strength of my testimony to your morals and capacity. We will
pay our respects to him after dinner.
We did not miss our appointment. I was received with every mark of
favor, and promoted in the room of the dismissed deputy. My business
consisted in visiting the farms, in giving orders for the necessary
repairs, in dunning the farmers, and keeping them to time in their
payments; in a word, the tenants were all under my thumb, and Don
Diego checked my accounts every month with a minuteness which few
receivers could have borne. But this was exactly what I wanted.
Though my uprightness had been so ill requited by my late master, it
was my only inheritance, and I was determined not to sell the
reversion.
One day news came that the castle of Lerma had taken fire, and was
more than half burned down. I immediately went thither to estimate
the loss. Informing myself to a nicety, and on the spot, respecting
all the particulars of the unlucky accident, I drew up a detailed
narrative, which Monteser showed to the Duke of Lerma. That
minister, though vexed at the circumstance, was struck with the
memorial, and inquired who was the author. Don Diego thought it not
enough to answer the question, but spoke of me in such high terms,
that his excellency recollected it six months afterwards, on occasion
of an incident I shall now relate, had it not been for which I might
never, perhaps, have been employed at court. It was as follows:--
There lived at that time, in Princes Street, an elderly lady, by name
Inesilla de Cantarilla. Her birth was a matter of mystery. Some
said she was the daughter of a musical instrument maker, and others
gave her a high military extraction. However that might be, she was
a very extraordinary personage. Nature had gifted her with the
singular talent of winning men's hearts in defiance of time, and in
contradiction to her own laws; for she was now entering upon the
fourth quarter of her century. She had been the reigning toast of
the old court, and levied tribute on the passions of the new. Age,
though at daggers drawn with beauty, was completely foiled in its
assault upon her charms; they might be somewhat faded, but the touch
of sympathy they excited in their decline was more pleasing than the
vivid glow of their meridian lustre. An air of dignity, a
transporting wit and humor, an unborrowed grace in her deportment
perpetuated the reign of passion, and silenced the suggestions of
reason.
Don Valerio de Luna, one of the Duke of Lerma's secretaries, a young
fellow of five-and-twenty, meeting with Inesilla, fell violently in
love with her. He made his sentiments known, enacted all the mummery
of despair, and followed up the usual catastrophe of every amorous
drama so much according to the unities and rules, that it was
difficult, in the very torrent and whirlwind of his passion, to beget
a temperance that might give it smoothness. The lady, who had her
reason for not choosing to fall in with his humor, was at a loss how
to get out of the difficulty. One day she was in hopes to have found
the means by calling the young man into her closet, and there
pointing to a clock upon the table. Mark the precise hour, said she;
just seventy-five years ago was I brought upon the stage of this
fantastical world. In good earnest would it sit well upon my time of
life to be engaged in affairs of gallantry? Betake yourself to
reflection, my good child; stifle sentiments so unsuitable to your
own circumstances and mine. Sensible as this language was, the
spark, no longer bowing to the authority of reason, answered the lady
with all the impetuosity of a man racked by the most excruciating
torments: Cruel Inesilla, why have you recourse to such frivolous
remonstrances? Do you think they can change your charms, or my
desires? Delude not yourself with so false a hope. As long as your
loveliness or my delusion lasts, I shall never cease to adore you.
Well, then, rejoined she, since you are obstinate enough to persist
in the resolution of wearying me with your importunities, my doors
shall henceforth be shut against you. You are banished, and I beg to
be no longer troubled with your company.
It may be supposed, perhaps, that after this, Don Valerio, baffled,
made good his retreat, like a prudent general. Quite the reverse!
He became more troublesome than ever. Love is to lovers just what
wine is to drunkards. The swain entreated, sighed, looked, and
sighed again, when all at once, changing his note from childish
treble to the big, manly voice of bluster and ravishment, he swore
that he would have by foul means what he could not obtain by fair.
But the lady, repulsing him courageously, said, with a piercing look
of strong resentment, Hold, imprudent wretch! I shall put a curb on
your mad career. Learn that you are my own son.
Don Valerio was thunderstruck at these words; the tempest of his rage
subsided. But, conjecturing that Inesilla had only started this
device to rid herself of his solicitations, he answered, That is a
mere romance of the moment to steal away from my ardent desires. No,
no, said she, interrupting him; I disclose a mystery which should
have been forever buried, had you not reduced me to so painful a
necessity. It is six-and-twenty years since I was in love with your
father, Don Pedro de Luna, then governor of Segovia; you were the
fruit of our mutual passion; he owned you, brought you up with care
and tenderness, and having no children born in wedlock, he had
nothing to hinder him from distinguishing your good qualities by the
gifts of fortune. On my part, I have not forsaken you: as soon as
you were of an age to be introduced into the world, I drew you into
the circle of my acquaintance, to form your manners to that polish of
good company, so necessary for a gentleman, which is only to be
gained in female society. I have done more: I have employed all my
credit to introduce you to the prime minister. In short, I have
interested myself for you as I should have done for my own son.
After this confession, take your measures accordingly. If you can
purge your affections from their dross, and look on me as a mother,
you are not banished from my presence, and I shall treat you with my
accustomed tenderness. But if you are not equal to an effort which
nature and reason demand from you, fly instantly, and release me from
the horror of beholding you.
Inesilla spoke to this effect. Meanwhile Don Valerio preserved a
sullen silence; it might have been interpreted into a virtuous
struggle, a conquest over the weakness of his heart. But his
purposes were far different; he had another scene to act before his
mother. Unable to withstand the total overthrow of all his wild
projects, he basely yielded to despair. Drawing his sword, he
plunged it in his own bosom. His fate resembled that of Œdipus,
with this distinction--that the Theban put out his own eyes from
remorse for the crime he had perpetrated, while the Castilian, on the
contrary, committed suicide from disappointment at the frustration of
his purposes.
The unhappy Don Valerio was not released from his sufferings
immediately. He had leisure left for recollection, and for making
his peace with heaven, before he rushed into the presence of his
Maker. As his death vacated one of the secretaryships on the Duke of
Lerma's establishment, that minister, not having forgotten my memoir
on the subject of the fire, nor the high character he had heard of
me, nominated me to succeed to the post in question.
_CHAPTER II._
_GIL BLAS IS INTRODUCED TO THE DUKE OF LERMA, WHO ADMITS HIM AMONG
THE NUMBER OF HIS SECRETARIES, AND REQUIRES A SPECIMEN OF HIS
TALENTS, WITH WHICH HE IS WELL SATISFIED._
Monteser was the person to inform me of this agreeable circumstance,
which he did in the following terms: My friend Gil Blas, though I do
not lose you without regret, I am too much your well-wisher not to be
delighted at your promotion in the room of Don Valerio. You cannot
fail to make a princely fortune, provided you act upon two hints
which I have to give you; the first, to affect so total a devotion to
his excellency's good pleasure, as to leave no room to conceive it
possible that you have any other object or interest in life; the
second, to pay your court assiduously to Signor Don Rodrigo de
Calderona, for that personage models and remodels, fashions and
touches upon the mind of his master, just as if it was clay under the
hands of the designer. If you are fortunate enough to chime in with
that favorite secretary, you will travel post to wealth and honor,
and find relays upon the road.
Sir, said I to Don Diego, returning him thanks at the same time for
his good advice, be pleased to give some little opening to Don
Rodrigo's character. I have heard a few anecdotes of him. One would
suppose him, from some accounts, not to be the best creature in the
world; but the people at large are inveterate caricaturists when they
draw courtiers at full length; though, after all, the likeness will
strike, in spite of the aggravation. Tell me therefore, I beseech
you, what is your own sincere opinion of Signor Calderona. That is
rather an awkward question, answered my principal, with an ironical
smile. I should tell any one but yourself, without flinching, that
he was a gentleman of the strictest honor, upon whose fair fame the
breath of calumny had never dared to blow; but I really cannot put
off such a copy of my countenance upon you. Relying as I do on your
discretion, it becomes a duty to deal candidly in the delineation of
Don Rodrigo; for without that, it would be playing fast and loose
with you to recommend the cultivation of his good will.
You are to know, then, that when his excellency was no more than
plain Don Francisco de Sandoval, this man had the humility to serve
him as his lackey; since which time he has risen by degrees to the
post of principal secretary. A prouder excrescence of the dunghill
never sprung into vegetation on a summer's day. He considers himself
as the Duke of Lerma's colleague; and in point of fact, he may truly
be said to parcel out the loaves and fishes of administration, since
he gives away offices and governments at the suggestions of his own
caprice. The public grumbles and growls upon occasion; but who cares
for the grumbling and growling of the public? Let him steal a pair
of gloves from the prostitution of political honor, and the bronze
upon his forehead will be proof against the peltings of scandal.
What I have said will decide your dealings toward so supercilious a
compound of dust and ashes. Yes, to be sure, said I; leave me alone
for that. It will be strange indeed if I cannot wriggle myself into
his good graces. If one can but get on the blind side of a man who
is to be made a property, it must be want of skill in the player if
the game is lost. Exactly so, replied Monteser; and now I will
introduce you to the Duke of Lerma.
We went at once to the minister, whom we found in his
audience-chamber. His levee was more crowded than the king's. There
were commanders and knights of St. James and of Calatrava, making
interest for governments and viceroyalties; bishops, who, laboring
under oppression of the breath and tightness of the chest in their
own dioceses, had been recommended the air of an archbishopric by
their physicians, while the sounder lungs of lower dignitaries were
strong enough to inhale the Theban atmosphere of a suffragan see. I
observed, besides, some reduced officers dancing attendance to
Captain Chinchilla's tune, and catching cold in fishing for a
pension, which was never likely to pay the doctor for their cure. If
the duke did not satisfy their wants, he put a pleasant face upon
their importunities; and it struck me that he returned a civil answer
to all applicants.
We waited patiently till the routine of ceremony was despatched.
Then said Don Diego, My lord, this is Gil Blas de Santillane, the
young man appointed by your excellency to succeed Don Valerio. The
duke now took more particular notice of me, saying obligingly, that I
had already earned my promotion by my services. He then took me to a
private conference in his closet, or rather to an examination. My
birth, parentage, and course of life were the objects of his inquiry;
nor would he be satisfied without the particulars, and those in the
spirit of sincerity. What a career to run over before a patron! Yet
it was impossible to lie in the presence of a prime minister. On the
other hand, my vanity was concerned in suppressing so many
circumstances, that there was no venturing on an unqualified
confession. What cunning scene had Roscius then to act? A little
painting and tattooing might decently be employed, to disguise the
nakedness of truth, and spare her unsophisticated blushes. But he
had studied her complexion, as well as the beauties of her natural
form. Monsieur de Santillane, said he with a smile on the close of
my narrative, I perceive that hitherto you have had your principles
to choose. My lord, answered I, coloring up to the eyes, your
excellency enjoined me to deal sincerely, and I have complied with
your orders. I take your doing so in good part, replied he. It is
all very well, my good fellow: you have escaped from the snares of
this wicked world more by luck than management: it is wonderful that
bad example should not have corrupted you irreparably. There are
many men of strict virtue and exemplary piety, who would have turned
out the greatest rogues in existence, if their destinies had exposed
them to but half your trials.
[Illustration: Gil Blas and the Duke of Lerma]
Friend Santillane, continued the minister, ponder no longer on the
past; consider yourself, as to the very bone and marrow, the king's;
live henceforth but for his service. Come this way; I will instruct
you in the nature of your business. He carried me into a little
closet adjoining his own, which contained a score of thick folio
registers. This is your workshop, said he. All these registers
compose an alphabetical peerage, giving the heraldry and history of
all the nobility and gentry in the several kingdoms and
principalities of the Spanish monarchy. In these volumes are
recorded the services rendered to the state by the present possessors
and their ancestors, descending even to the personal animosities and
rencounters of the individuals and their houses. Their fortunes,
their manners, in a word, all the pros and cons of their character,
are set down according to the letter of ministerial scrutiny, so that
they no sooner enter on the list of court candidates, than my eye
catches up the very chapter and verse of their pretensions. To
furnish this necessary information, I have pensioned scouts
everywhere on the lookout, who send me private notices of their
discoveries; but as these documents are for the most part drawn up in
a gossiping and provincial style, they require to be translated into
gentlemanly language, or the king would not be able to support the
perusal of the registers. This task demands the pen of a polite and
perspicuous writer; I doubt not but you will justify your claim to
the appointment.
After this introduction, he put a memorial into my hand, taken from a
large portfolio full of papers, and then withdrew from my closet,
that my first specimen might be manufactured in all the freedom of
solitude. I read the memorial, which was not only stuffed with a
most uncouth jargon, but breathed a brimstone spirit of rancor and
personal revenge. This was most foul, strange, and unnatural! for
the homily was written by a monk. He hacked and hewed a Catalan
family of some note most unmercifully; with what reason or truth, it
must be reserved for a more penetrating inquirer to decide. It read,
for all the world, like an infamous libel, and I had some scruples
about becoming the publisher of the calumny; nevertheless, young as I
was at court, I plunged head foremost, at the risk of sinking and
destroying his reverence's soul. The wickedness, if there was any,
would be put down to his running account with the recording angel; I
therefore had nothing to do but to vilify, in the present Spanish
phraseology, some two or three generations of honest men and loyal
subjects.
I had already blackened four or five pages, when the duke, impatient
to know how I got on, came back and said, Santillane, show me what
you have done; I am curious to see it. At the same time, casting his
eye over the transcript, he read the beginning with much attention.
It seemed to please him; strange that he could be so pleased!
Prepossessed as I have been in your favor, observed he, I must own
that you have surpassed my expectations. It is not merely the
elegance and distinctness of the handwriting! There is something
animated and glowing in the composition. You will do ample credit to
my choice, and fully make up for the loss of your predecessor. He
would not have cut my panegyric so short, if his nephew the Count de
Lemos had not interrupted him in the middle of it. By the warmth and
frequency of his excellency's welcome, it was evident that they were
the best friends in the world. They were immediately closeted
together on some family business, of which I shall speak in the
sequel. The king's affairs at this time were obliged to play second
to those of the minister.
While they were caballing it struck twelve. As I knew that the
secretaries and their clerks quitted office at that hour to go and
dine wherever their business and desire should point them, I left my
prize performance behind me, and went to the gayest tavern at the
court end of the town, for I had nothing further to do with Monteser,
who had paid my salary, and taken his leave of me. But a common
eating-house would have been a very improper place for me to be seen
in. "Consider yourself, as to the very bone and marrow, the king's."
This metaphorical expression of the duke had given birth to a real
and tangible ambition in my soul, which put forth shoots like a
plantation in a fat and unvexed soil.
_CHAPTER III._
_ALL IS NOT GOLD THAT GLITTERS. SOME UNEASINESS RESULTING FROM THE
DISCOVERY OF THAT PRINCIPLE IN PHILOSOPHY, AND ITS PRACTICAL
APPLICATION TO EXISTING CIRCUMSTANCES._
I took especial care, on my first entrance, to instil into the
tavern-keeper's conception that I was secretary to the prime
minister; nor was it easy, in that view of my rank and consequence,
to order anything sufficiently sumptuous for dinner. To have
selected from the bill of fare might have looked as if I descended to
the meanness of calculation; I therefore told him to send up the best
the house afforded. My orders were punctually obeyed; and the
anxious assiduity of the attendants pampered my fancy as much as the
dishes did my palate. As to the bill, I had nothing to do with it
but to pay it. Down went a pistole upon the table, and the waiters
pocketed the difference, which was somewhat more than a quarter.
After this display of grandeur I strutted out, practising those
obstreperous clearings of the throat, which announce, by empty sound,
the approach of a substantial coxcomb.
There was at the distance of twenty yards a large house with lodgings
to let, principally frequented by foreign nobility. I rented at once
a suit of apartments, consisting of five or six rooms elegantly
furnished. From my style of living, any one would have thought I had
two or three thousand ducats of yearly income. The first month was
paid in advance. Afterwards I returned to business, and employed the
whole afternoon in going on with what I had begun in the morning. In
a closet adjoining mine there were two other secretaries; but their
office was only to copy out fair. I got acquainted with them as we
were shutting up for the evening, and, by way of smoothing the first
overtures towards friendship, invited them home with me to my tavern,
where I ordered the choicest delicacies of the season, with a
profusion of the most exquisite wines.
We sat down to table, and began bandying about more merriment than
wit; for with all due deference to my guests, it was but too visible
that they owed their official situations to any circumstance rather
than to their abilities. They were adepts, it must be confessed, in
all the history and mystery of scrivening and clerkship; but as for
polite literature and university education, there was not even a
suspicion of it in all their talk.
To make amends for that defect, they had a keen eye to the main
chance; and though sensible how high an honor it was to be on the
prime minister's establishment, there were some dashes of acid in the
cup of good fortune. It is now full five months, said one of them,
that we have been serving at our own cost. We do not touch one
farthing of salary; and, what is worst of all, our very board wages
are shamefully in arrear. There is no knowing what footing we are
upon. As for me, said the other, I would willingly be tied up to the
halbert, and receive a percentage in lashes, for the liberty of
changing my berth; but I dare not either take myself off or petition
for my discharge, after having transcribed such state secrets as have
passed under my inspection. I might chance to become too well
acquainted with the tower of Segovia or the castle of Alicant.
How do you manage for a subsistence, then? said I. You must of
course have means of your own. These they represented as very
slender; but that, fortunately for them, they lodged with a
kind-hearted widow, who boarded them on tick, at the rate of a
hundred pistoles a year for each. These anecdotes of a court life,
not one of which escaped me, completely ventilated all the rising
fumes of pride. It could not be supposed that more consideration
would be shown to me than to others, and consequently there was
nothing to be so puffed up with in my post; there seemed to be much
cry and little wool--a discovery which rendered it expedient to
husband my finances with a narrower economy. A picture like this was
enough to cure my taste for treating. I repented not having left
these secretaries to find their own supper; for they played a most
cruel knife and fork at mine! and, when the bill was brought, I
squabbled with the landlord about the charges.
We parted at midnight; and the early breaking up was to be laid at my
door; for I did not propose another bottle. They went home to their
widow, and I withdrew to my magnificent lodgings, which I was now mad
with myself for having taken, and was fully determined to give up at
the month's end. My bed of down was now converted into a couch of
thorns; sleep had abandoned his narcotic tenement, and sold the
fee-simple of my repose to the demon of eternal wakefulness. The
remainder of the night was passed in contriving not to serve the
state too patriotically. For that purpose I bethought me of
Monteser's good counsel. I got up with the intention of making my
bow to Don Rodrigo de Calderona. My present temper was just pat to
the purpose of ingratiating myself with so high and mighty a
gentleman, whose patronage was indispensable to my existence. I
therefore presented my person in that secretary's antechamber.
His apartments communicated with the duke's, and rivalled them in the
lustre of their decorations. The field officer could scarcely be
distinguished from the subaltern by any outward distinction in his
paraphernalia. I sent in my name as Don Valerio's successor; but
that did not hinder me from being kept kicking my heels for a good
hour. Trusty but novice officer of the king, said I, while
ruminating on court manners, learn a lesson of patience, if so please
you. You must begin with showing paces yourself, and afterwards make
others bite the bridle.
At length the door of the inner room opened. I went in, and advanced
towards Don Rodrigo, who had just been writing an amorous epistle to
his charming Siren, and was giving it to Pedrillo at that very
moment. I had never manufactured my face and air into such a
counterfeit of reverence before the Archbishop of Grenada, nor on my
introduction to the Count de Galiano, nor even in presence of the
prime minister himself: the crisis of my fawning was reserved for
Signor de Calderona. I paid my respects to him with my body bent
down to the very ground, as if crouching under the ken of a superior
intelligence, and solicited his protection in strains of humble
hypocrisy, at which my cheek now burns with shame, to think that man
can so debase himself before his fellow-man. My servility would have
recoiled to my own undoing, had it been practised towards a compound
of any manly and independent ingredients. As for this fellow, he
swallowed flattery by the lump without mastication, and assured me,
just as if he meant what he said, that he would leave no stone
unturned to do me service.
Hereupon, thanking him with unlimited expressions of attachment for
his kind and generous sentiments, I sold my very soul, and all my
little stock of conscience, to his free disposal. But as this farce
might be tiresome if prolonged, I took my leave, apologizing for
having broken in upon his more serious avocations. As soon as I had
finished this abominable scene, I slunk back to my desk, where I
finished my prescribed task. The duke was at my elbow the next
morning. The end of my performance was not less to his mind than the
beginning; and he praised it accordingly: This is extremely well
indeed! Copy this abridgment in your best hand into the register of
Catalonia. You shall not want employment of this kind. I had a very
long conversation with his excellency, and was delighted at his mild
and familiar deportment. What a contrast to Calderona! They might
have sat to a painter for Pan and Apollo.
To-day I dined at a cheap ordinary, and sunk the secretary upon my
messmates, till I should ascertain what solid profit might accrue
from all my bows and scrapes. I had funds for three months, or
thereabouts. That interval I allowed myself for casting my bread
upon the waters. But as the shortest speculations are the safest, if
my salary was not paid by that time, a long farewell to the court,
its frippery, and its falsehood! Thus were my plans arranged. For
two months I labored hard and fast to stand well with Calderona; but
his senses were so callous to all my assiduity, that it seemed labor
in vain to build on so hopeless a foundation. This idea produced a
change in my conduct. I left some greener fool to fumigate the
nostrils of this idol, and placed all my own dependence on making my
ground sure with the duke, by the benefit of our frequent conferences.
_CHAPTER IV._
_GIL BLAS BECOMES A FAVORITE WITH THE DUKE OF LERMA, AND THE
CONFIDANT OF AN IMPORTANT SECRET._
Though his grace's interviews with me were short as the fleeting
visions of supernatural communication, my turn and character won its
way gradually into his excellency's good liking. One day after
dinner, he said, Attend to me, Gil Blas. I really like you very
much. You are a zealous, confidential lad, full of understanding and
discretion. My trust cannot be misplaced in such hands. I threw
myself at his feet at the music of these words, and kissing his
outstretched hand, answered thus: Is it possible that your excellency
can think so favorably of your servant? What a host of enemies will
such a preference conjure up against me! But Don Rodrigo is the only
man whose privy grudge is formidable enough to alarm me.
You have nothing to fear from that quarter, replied the duke. I know
Calderona. He has loved me from his cradle. Every movement of his
heart is in unison with mine. He cherishes whatever I love, and
hates in exact proportion to my dislike. So far from being alarmed
at his ill will, you ought, on the contrary, to hug yourself on his
peculiar partiality. This let me at once into the abysses of Don
Rodrigo's character. He shuffled and cut the cards to his own deal,
and paid his debts of honor out of his excellency's pool. One could
not be too wary with this gentleman.
To begin, pursued the duke, with a proof of my thorough reliance on
your faith, I will open to you a long-projected design. It is
necessary for you to be informed of it, to qualify you for the
commissions with which I shall hereafter have occasion to intrust
you. For a great length of time have I beheld my authority
universally respected, my decisions implicitly adopted, places,
pensions, governments, viceroyalties, and church preferments, all
awaiting my disposal. Without umbrage to my royal master, I may be
said to be absolute in Spain. My individual fortunes can be pushed
no higher. But I would willingly fix firm the structure I have
raised, for the storms are already beginning to beat about the
citadel of my peace. My only safety must consist in nominating my
nephew, the Count de Lemos, as my successor in the ministry.
This profound courtier, observing my astonishment, went on thus: I
see plainly, Santillane, I see plainly what surprises you. It seems
strange and unaccountable that I should prefer my nephew to my own
son, the Duke d'Uzeda. But you are to learn that this last has too
narrow a genius to fill up my place in politics; and there are other
reasons why I set my face against him. He has found out the secret
of making himself agreeable to the king, who wants him for his
interior cabinet; and back stairs influence is what I cannot bear.
Royal favor is a sort of political mistress; exclusive possession is
its only charm. The very existence of the passion is identified with
inextinguishable jealousy; nor can we the better endure to share the
bliss, because our rival has been nursed in our own bosom.
Thus do I lay bare the very recesses of my soul. I have already
tried to ruin the Duke d'Uzeda with the king; but having failed, am
pointing my artillery towards another object. I am determined that
the Count de Lemos shall stand first with the Prince of Spain. Being
gentleman of his bed-chamber, he has opportunities of talking with
him continually; and, besides that he has a winning manner with him,
I know a sure method of enabling him to succeed in his enterprise.
By this device, my nephew will be pitted against my son. The
cousins, harboring unfavorable suspicions of each other, will both be
forced to place themselves under my protection; and the necessity of
the case will render them submissive to my will. This is my project;
nor will your assistance be of slender avail to its success. It is
you whom I shall make the private channel of communication between
the Count de Lemos and myself.
After this confidence, which sounded, for all the world, like the
clink of current coin, my mind was easy about the future. At length,
said I, behold me taking shelter under Plutus's gutter; the golden
shower may drench me to the skin before I shall cry, Hold, enough!
It is impossible that the bosom friend of a man, by whom the whole
music of the political machine is tempered, should be left to thrum
upon the discord of poverty. Full of these harmonious visions, my
fifths and octaves were but little untuned by the sensible declension
of my purse.
_CHAPTER V._
_THE JOYS, THE HONORS, AND THE MISERIES OF A COURT LIFE, IN THE
PERSON OF GIL BLAS._
The minister's growing partiality towards me was soon noticed. He
displayed it ostentatiously, by committing his portfolio to my
custody, which it was his habit to carry in his own hand when he went
to council. This novelty causing me to be looked upon as a rising
favorite, excited the envy of certain persons, so that I was
preciously sprinkled with the hellish dew of court malevolence. My
two neighbors the secretaries were not the last to compliment me on
my budding honors, and invited me to supper at the widow's, not so
much by way of returning my hospitality, as with an eye to business
in the cultivation of my acquaintance. Parties were made for me
everywhere. Even the haughty Don Rodrigo was cap-in-hand to me. He
now called me nothing less than Signor de Santillane, though the moon
had scarcely changed her face since he _thee'd_ and _thou'd_ me,
without ever bethinking him that he was talking to something above a
pauper. He heaped me up and pressed me down with civilities,
especially within eyeshot of our common patron. But the fool was
wiser than to be caught with chaff. The good breeding of my returns
was nicely proportioned to my thorough detestation of my humble
servant: a rascal who had lived in court all his life could not have
played the rascal better than I did.
I likewise accompanied my lord duke when he had an audience of the
king, which was usually three times a day. In the morning he went
into his majesty's chamber as soon as he was awake. There he dropped
down on his marrow-bones by the bedside, talked over what was to be
done in the course of the day, and put into the royal mouth the
speeches the royal tongue was to make. He then withdrew. After
dinner he came back again; not for state affairs, but for what, what?
and a little gossip. He was well instructed in all the tittle-tattle
of Madrid, which was sold to him at the earliest of the season.
Lastly, in the evening he saw the king again for the third time, put
whatever color he pleased on the transactions of the day, and, as a
matter of course, requested his instructions for the morrow. While
he was with the king, I kept in the antechamber, where people of the
first quality, sinking that they might rise, threw themselves in the
way of my observation, and thought the day not lost if I had deigned
to exchange a few words of common civility with them. Was it to be
wondered at if my self-importance fattened upon such food? There are
many folks at court who stalk about on stilts of much frailer
materials.
One day my vanity was still more highly pampered. The king, to whom
the duke had puffed off my style, was curious to see a sample of it.
His excellency made me bring the register of Catalonia and myself
into the royal presence, telling me to read the first memorial I had
digested. If so catholic a critic overpowered my modesty at first,
the minister's encouragement recalled my scattered spirits, and I
read with good tone and emphasis what his majesty deigned to hear
with some symptoms of approbation. He spoke handsomely of my
performance, and recommended my fortunes to the especial care of his
minister. My humility was not the greater for the augmentation of my
consequence; and a particular conversation some days afterwards with
the Count de Lemos swelled high the spring tide of all my ambitious
anticipations.
I waited on that nobleman from his uncle at the Prince of Spain's
court, and presented credentials from the duke, directing him to deal
unreservedly with me, as with a man who was embarked in their design,
and selected by himself exclusively as their go-between. The count
then took me to a room, where he locked the door, and then spoke as
follows: Since you are confidential with the Duke of Lerma, I doubt
not you deserve to be so, and shall unbosom myself to you without
hesitation. You are to know that matters go on just as we could
wish. The Prince of Spain distinguishes me above the most assiduous
of his courtiers. I had a private conversation with him this
morning, wherein he expressed some disgust at being restrained by the
king's avarice from following the inclinations of his liberal heart,
and living on a scale befitting his august rank. On this head I
chimed in with his regrets, and, taking advantage of the opportunity,
promised to carry him a thousand pistoles early to-morrow morning, as
an earnest of larger sums with which I have engaged to feed his
necessities forthwith. He was in ecstasy at my promises; and I am
certain of securing his grace and favor in tail, if I can but fulfil
my engagement. Acquaint my uncle with these particulars, and come
back in the evening with his sentiments on the subject.
I left the Count de Lemos with the last words still quivering on his
lips, and went back to the Duke of Lerma, who, on my report, sent to
ask Calderona for a thousand pistoles, which he charged me to carry
to the count in the evening. Away went I on my errand, muttering to
myself, So, so, now I have discovered the minister's infallible
receipt for the cure of all evils. Faith and troth, he is in the
right; and to all appearance he may draw as copiously as he pleases
from the spring, without exhausting the source. I can easily guess
what bag these pistoles come from; but, after all, is it not the
order of nature that the parent should nurture and maintain the
child? The Count de Lemos, at our parting, said to me in a low
voice, Farewell, my good and worthy friend. The Prince of Spain has
a little hankering after the women; we must have a little
conversation on that subject one of these days; I foresee that your
agency will be very applicable on that head. I returned with my head
full of this last hint, which it was impossible to misinterpret.
Neither did I wish to do so, for it suited my talents to a nicety.
What the devil is to happen next? said I. Behold me on the point of
becoming pimp to the heir of the monarchy. Whether pimping was a
virtue or a vice, I did not stop to inquire; the coarse surtout of
morality would have worn but shabbily while the passions of so
exalted a gallant were in the glare and glow of all their newest
gloss. What a promotion for me, to be the provider of pleasure to a
great prince! Fair and softly, Master Gil Blas, some one may say;
after all, you will be but second minister. May be so; but at bottom
the honor of both these posts is equal; the difference lies in the
profit only.
While executing these honorable commissions, and getting forward
daily in the good graces of the prime minister, what a happy being
should I have been, if statesmen were born with a set of intestines
to turn the chameleon's diet into chyle! It was more than two months
since I had got rid of my grand lodging, and had taken up my quarters
in a little room scarcely good enough for a banker's clerk. Though
this was not quite as it should be, yet since I went out betimes in
the morning, and never returned at night before bed-time, there was
not much to quarrel about on that score. All day I was the hero of
my own stage, or rather of the duke's. It was a principal part that
I was playing. But when I retired from this brilliant theatre to my
own cock-loft, the great lord vanished, and poor Gil Blas was left
behind, without a royal image in his pocket, and, what was worse,
without the means of conjuring up his glorious resemblance. Besides
that it would have wounded my pride to have divulged my necessities,
there was not a creature of my acquaintance who could have assisted
me but Navarro; and him I had too palpably neglected, since my
introduction at court, to venture on soliciting his benevolence. I
had been obliged to sell my wardrobe article by article. There was
nothing more left than was absolutely necessary to make a decent
appearance. I no longer went to the ordinary, because I had no
longer wherewithal to pay my score. How, then, did I make shift to
keep body and soul together? There was every morning, in our
offices, a scanty breakfast set out, consisting of a little bread and
wine; this was the whole of our commons on the minister's
establishment. I never knew what it was to exceed this stint during
the day, and at night I most frequently went supperless to bed.
Such was the fare of a man who made a splendid figure at court; but
his illustrious fortunes, like those of other courtiers, were more a
subject of pity than of grudge. I could no longer resist the
pressure of my circumstances, and ultimately resolved on their
disclosure at a seasonable opportunity. By good luck such an
occasion offered at the Escurial, whither the king and the Prince of
Spain removed some days afterwards.
_CHAPTER VI._
_GIL BLAS GIVES THE DUKE OF LERMA A HINT OF HIS WRETCHED CONDITION.
THAT MINISTER DEALS WITH HIM ACCORDINGLY._
When the king kept his court at the Escurial, all the world was at
free quarters: under such easy circumstances I did not feel where the
saddle galled. My bed was in a wardrobe near the duke's chamber.
One morning that minister, having got up, according to his cursed
custom, at daybreak, made me take my writing apparatus, and follow
him into the palace gardens. We went and sat down under an avenue of
trees; myself, as he would have it, in the posture of a man writing
on the crown of his hat; his attitude was with a paper in his hand,
and any one would have supposed he had been reading. At some
distance, we must have looked as if the scale of Europe was to turn
upon our decision; but between ourselves, who partook of it, the talk
was miserably trifling.
For more than an hour had I been tickling his excellency's fancy with
all the conceits engendered by a merry nature and an eccentric course
of life, when two magpies perched on the trees above us. Their clack
and clatter was so obstreperous as to force our attention, whether we
would or no. These birds, said the duke, seem to be in dudgeon with
one another. I should like to learn the cause of their quarrel. My
lord, said I, your curiosity reminds me of an Indian story in Pilpay,
or some other fabulist. The minister insisted on the particulars,
and I related them in the following terms:--
There reigned in Persia a good monarch, who, not being blessed with
capacities of sufficient compass to govern his dominions in his own
person, left the care of them to his grand vizier. That minister,
whose name was Atalmuc, was possessed of first-rate talents. He
supported the weight of that unwieldy monarchy, without sinking under
the burden. He preserved it in profound peace. His art consisted in
uniting the love of the royal authority with the reverence of it;
while the people at large looked up to the vizier as to an
affectionate father, though a devoted servant of his prince. Atalmuc
had a young Cachemirian among his secretaries, by name Zeangir, to
whom he was particularly attached. He took pleasure in his
conversation, invited him frequently to the chase, and opened to him
his most secret thoughts. One day, as they were hunting together in
a wood, the vizier, at the croaking of two ravens on a tree, said to
his secretary, I should like to know what those birds are talking
about in their jargon. My lord, answered the Cachemirian, your
wishes may be fulfilled. Indeed! How so? replied Atalmuc. Because,
rejoined Zeangir, a dervis, read in many mysteries, has taught me the
language of birds. If you wish it, I will lay my ear close to these,
and will repeat to you, word for word, whatever they may happen to
say.
The vizier agreed to the proposal. The Cachemirian got near the
ravens, and affected to suck in their discourse. Then, returning to
his master, My lord, said he, would you believe it? We are ourselves
the topic of their talk. Impossible! exclaimed the Persian minister.
Prithee now, what do they say of us? One of the two, replied the
secretary, spoke thus: Here he is, the very man; the grand vizier,
Atalmuc, the guardian eagle of Persia, hovering over her like the
parent bird over its nest, watching without intermission for the
safety of its brood. For the purpose of unbending from his wearisome
toils, he is hunting in this wood with his faithful Zeangir. How
happy must that secretary be, to serve so partial and indulgent a
master! Fair and softly, observed the other raven shrewdly, fair and
softly! Make not too much parade about that Cachemirian's happiness.
Atalmuc, it is true, talks and jokes familiarly with him, honors him
with his confidence, and may very possibly intend to signalize his
friendship by a lucrative post; but between the cup and the lip
Zeangir may perish with thirst. The poor devil lodges in a
ready-furnished apartment, where there is not an article of furniture
for his use. In a word, he leads a starving life, with all the
paraphernalia of a plump-fed courtier. The grand vizier never
troubles his head about inquiring into the right or wrong of his
affairs, but, satisfied with empty good wishes towards him, leaves
his favorite within the ruthless gripe of poverty.
I stopped here to see how the Duke of Lerma would take it! and he
asked me, with a smile, what effect the fable had produced on the
mind of Atalmuc, and whether the grand vizier had not felt a little
offended at his secretary's presumption. No, my noble lord, answered
I, with some little embarrassment at the question; historians say
that his ingenuity was amply rewarded. He was more lucky than
discreet, replied the duke, with a serious air; there are some
ministers who would esteem it no joke to be lectured at that rate.
But the king will not be long before he is getting up; my duty
demands my attendance. After this hint he walked off with hasty
strides towards the palace, without throwing away a word more upon
me, and to all appearance in high dudgeon at my Indian parable.
I followed him up to the very door of his majesty's chamber, and went
thence to arrange my papers in the places whence they had been taken.
Then I entered a closet where our two copying secretaries were at
work; for they also were of the migratory party. What is the matter
with you, Signor de Santillane? said they at the sight of me. You
are quite down in the mouth! Has anything untoward happened?
I was too much mortified at the ill success of my narrative to be
cautious in the expression of my grief. On the recital of what had
passed with the duke, they sympathized in my disappointment. You
have some reason to fret, said one of them. Heaven grant you may be
better treated than a secretary of Cardinal Spinosa. This unlucky
secretary, tired of working for fifteen months without pay, took the
liberty of representing his necessities to his eminence one
afternoon, and of asking for a little money towards his subsistence.
It is very proper, said the minister, that you should be paid. Here,
pursued he, putting into his hands an order on the royal treasury for
a thousand ducats; go and receive that sum; but take notice at the
same time that it balances accounts between us. The secretary would
have pocketed his thousand ducats without remorse, had the thousand
ducats been tangible, and the liberty of changing services secure;
but just as he stepped down from the cardinal's threshold, he was
tapped on the shoulder by an alguazil, and carried away to the tower
of Segovia, where he has been a prisoner for a length of time.
This little historical anecdote set my teeth chattering. All was
lost and gone! There was no comfort from within nor from without!
My own impatience had been my ruin! just as if I had not borne
starving till patience could avail no longer. Alas! said I,
wherefore must I have blurted out that ill-starred fable, which went
so much against the grain of the minister? He might have been just
on the point of extricating me from all my miseries; it might have
been the moment of that tide in the affairs of men which sets in for
sudden and enormous elevation. What wealth, what honors have slipped
through the fingers by my blunder! I ought to have been aware that
great folks do not love to be forestalled, but require the common
privileges of elementary subsistence to be received as favors at
their hands. It would have been more prudent to have kept my lenten
entertainment longer without bothering the duke about it, and even to
have died with hunger, that he might be blamed for letting me.
Supposing any hope to have remained, my master, when I saw him after
dinner, put an extinguisher over it at once. He was very serious
with me, contrary to his usual custom, and spoke scarcely at all--an
omen of dire dismay for the remainder of the evening. The night did
not pass more tranquilly: the chagrin of seeing my agreeable
illusions vanish, and the fear of swelling the calendar of state
prisoners, left no room but for sighs and lamentations.
The following was the critical day. The duke sent for me in the
morning. I went into his chamber, with the ague fit of a criminal
before his judge. Santillane, said he, showing me a paper in his
hand, take this order ... I shuddered at the word order, and said
within myself, O heaven! here is the Cardinal Spinosa over again; the
carriage is ordered out for Segovia. Such was my alarm at this
moment, that I interrupted the minister, and throwing myself at his
feet, May it please your lordship, said I, bathed in tears, I most
humbly beseech your excellency to forgive me for my boldness;
necessity alone impelled me to acquaint you with my wretched
circumstances.
The duke could not help laughing at my distress. Be comforted, Gil
Blas, answered he, and hearken attentively. Though by betraying your
necessities a reproach lights upon me for not having prevented them,
I do not take it ill, my friend. I rather ought to be angry with
myself for not having inquired how you were going on. But to begin
making amends for my want of attention, there is an order on the
royal treasury for fifteen hundred ducats, payable at sight. This is
not all; I promise you the same sum annually; and moreover, when
people of rank and substance shall solicit your interest, I have no
objection to your addressing me on their behalf.
In the excess of joy occasioned by such tidings, I kissed the feet of
the minister, who, having commanded me to rise, continued in familiar
conversation. I endeavored to rally my free and easy humor; but the
transition from sorrow to rapture was too instantaneous to be
natural. I felt as comical as a culprit, with a pardon singing in
his ears, just when he was on the point of being launched into
eternity. My master attributed all my flurry to the sole dread of
having offended him; though the fear of perpetual imprisonment had
its share of influence on iny nerves. He owned that he had affected
to look cool, to see whether I should be hurt at the alteration; that
thereby he formed his opinion with respect to the liveliness of my
attachment to his person, and that his own regard for me would always
be proportionate.
_CHAPTER VII._
_A GOOD USE MADE OF THE FIFTEEN HUNDRED DUCATS. A FIRST INTRODUCTION
TO THE TRADE OF OFFICE, AND AN ACCOUNT OF THE PROFIT ACCRUING
THEREFROM._
The king, as if on purpose to play into the hands of my impatience,
returned to Madrid the very next day. I flew like a harpy to the
royal treasury, where they paid me down upon the nail the sum drawn
for in my order. Ambition and vanity now obtained complete empire
over my soul. My paltry lodging was fit only for secretaries of an
inferior cast, unpractised in the mysterious language of birds; for
which reason, my grand suit of apartments fortunately being vacant, I
engaged them for the second time. My next business was to send for
an eminent tailor, who arrayed the pretty persons of all the fine
gentlemen in town. He took my measure, and then introduced me to a
draper, who sold me five ells of cloth, the exact quantity, as he
said, to make a suit for a man of my size. Five ells for a light
Spanish dress! Whither did this draper and tailor expect to go? ...
But we must not be uncharitable. Tailors who have a reputation to
support require more materials for the exercise of their genius, than
the vulgar snippers of the shopboard. I then bought some linen, of
which I was very bare, an assortment of silk stockings, and a laced
hat.
With such an equipage, there was no doing without a footman; so that
I desired Vincent Ferrero, my landlord, to look out for one. Most of
the foreigners who were recommended to his lodgings, on their arrival
at Madrid, were wont to hire Spanish servants; and this was the means
of turning his house into a register office. The first who offered
was a lad of so mortified and devotional an aspect, that I would have
nothing to say to him; he put me in mind of Ambrose de Lamela. I am
quite out of conceit, said I to Ferrero, with these pious
coat-brushers; I have been taken in by them already.
I had scarcely turned virtue in a livery out of doors, when another
came up stairs. This seemed to be a good sprightly fellow, with as
little mock modesty as if he had been bred at court, and a certain
something about him which indicated that he did not carry principle
to any dangerous excess. He was just to my mind. His answers to my
questions were pat and to the purpose: he evinced a talent for
intrigue beyond my most sanguine hopes. This was exactly the subject
for my purpose; so I fixed him at once. Neither had I any reason to
repent of my bargain; for it was very soon evident that farther off I
must have fared worse. As the duke had allowed me to solicit on
behalf of my friends, and it was my design to push that permission to
the utmost, a stanch hound was necessary to put up the game; or, in
phrase familiar to dull capacities, an active chap, with a turn for
routing out and bringing to my market all palm-tickling petitioners
for the loaves and fishes of the prime minister. This was just where
Scipio shone most; for my servant's name was Scipio. He had lived
last with Donna Anna de Guevara, the Prince of Spain's nurse, where
he had ample scope for the exercise of that accomplishment. As soon
as he became acquainted with my credit at court, and the use to which
I meant to put it, he took the field like his great ancestors, and
began the campaign without the loss of a day. Master, said he, a
young gentleman of Grenada is just come to Madrid; his name is Don
Roger de Rada. He has been engaged in an affair of honor which
compels him to throw himself on the Duke of Lerma's protection, and
he is well disposed to come down handsomely for any grace and favor
he may obtain. I have talked with him on the subject. He had a mind
to have made friends with Don Rodrigo de Calderona, whose influence
had been represented to him in magnificent terms; but I dissuaded
him, by pointing out that secretary's method of selling his good
offices for more than their weight in gold; whereas, on the contrary,
you would be satisfied with any decent expression of gratitude for
yours, and would even do the business for the mere pleasure of doing
it, if you were in circumstances to follow the bent of your own
generous and disinterested temper. In short, I talked to him in such
a strain, that you will see the gentleman early to-morrow morning.
How is all this, Master Scipio? said I. You must have transacted a
great deal of business in a short time. You are no novice in
back-stairs influence. It is very strange that you have not
feathered your own nest. That ought not to surprise you at all,
answered he. I love to make money circulate, not to hoard it up.
Don Roger de Rada came according to his appointment. I received him
with a mixture of courtly plausibility and ministerial pride. My
worthy sir, said I, before I engage in your interests, I wish to know
the nature of the affair which brings you to court; because it may be
such as to preclude me from speaking to the minister in your favor.
Give me therefore, if you please, the particulars faithfully, and
rest assured that I shall enter warmly into your interests, if they
are proper to be espoused by a man who moves in my sphere. My young
client promised to be sincere in his representation, and began his
narrative in the following words.
END OF VOL. II.
BALLANTYNE AND HANSON, EDINBURGH
CHANDOS STREET; LONDON