MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE.
Marriage is considered "honorable in all," but most especially among
the Osmanlis, who enter into this condition as they arrive at the age
of puberty. The independent state of bachelorship is therefore unknown
among them, or if such an accident should happen, the unfortunate
gentleman is styled beekear, or useless member of society, which
stigma it is needless to say they by no means covet; as for old maids,
there is not a word in the language descriptive of that class of women.
The preliminaries of all marriages are effected by the parents, who
not only thus spare their children much trouble and embarrassment,
but use all their own wisdom and experience of genuine terrestrial
happiness in providing for their own offspring. Besides, parental
authority is supreme, and filial obedience equally innate, hence it
never enters into the calculations of the young to weary themselves
with the anticipatory illusions of love, though sometimes when old
enough they join in the matrimonial deliberations.
Marriage is not a religious, but rather a civil contract among the
Mussulmans, and the ceremony is as simple as in Protestant countries.
This ceremony which is called Nikeah, is effected by proxies, and
there is always a fixed sum settled upon the bride, according to the
condition of the party. This Nikeah constitutes the legal marriage,
but the bride does not go to her husband's home until three or four
months have elapsed, at which time the friends assemble to partake of
the nuptial festivities, which continue during four days, and always
end on Thursday, as the following day is the Turkish sabbath.
Upon her arrival, the bride is met at the door of the harem, and
conducted into the room by the bridegroom himself, who carries her
up stairs in his arms, and placing her in the most honorable part of
the sofa, raises her veil of tinsel, and takes the liberty, for the
first time, to gaze upon the features of his beloved.
Separate establishments are almost unknown in Turkey. The bride goes
to the house of her husband's parents, so that the family circle often
becomes very numerous. It occasionally happens that by special request,
the bridegroom enters the family of his wife's parents; which, however,
is considered a misfortune, for they say, "Itch guveyeeden halludja"
or any condition is preferable to that of a man married into a family.
DIVORCE.
Voltaire has observed, "Le divorce est probablement de la même date
à peu près que le mariage; je crois, pourtant, que le mariage est de
quelques semaines plus ancien; c'est à dire qu'on se querella avec
sa femme au bout de quinze jours, qu'on se battit au bout d'un mois,
et qu'on s'en sépara après six semaines de cohabitation."
If such be a true picture of human nature, it is not too highly drawn
for a country where polygamy is practised, since it is no hard matter
for a man to part with one wife, when he has several others. The
privilege of divorce would be somewhat tyrannical if allowed only
to the men, but in Turkey, the women themselves may exercise this
prerogative, if they are maltreated, or not properly provided for,
with at least the requisite "bread and candles."
A man may put away his wife merely by uttering in the hearing of
a third party, the ominous word "bosh," null, void, which even
if carelessly spoken renders the man and wife strangers to each
other, the lady feeling obliged to assume her veil, and conceal her
charms; and in case of reconciliation, a second marriage ceremony is
necessary. The woman, on her part, has the privilege of leaving her
husband, by declaring before the Cadi, Djanum azad, nikeahum helal--I
forfeit my dowry, and claim my freedom.
It is fortunate that divorce is very disreputable, and is seldom
practised by either party if they have any respect for public opinion,
or regard for themselves; otherwise, wives and husbands would be
constantly changing hands, as was the practice among the old Arabs,
in the time of Mohammed.
This custom was decried by the Prophet, "It shall not be lawful for
thee to take other women to wife hereafter, nor to exchange any of
thy wives for them."
The moral effect of a facility of divorce is to keep both parties
on their good behavior, but at the same time a spirit of extreme
selfishness is induced in the women. For being in constant apprehension
of a sudden separation, they look upon their husbands as a means of
revenue, and endeavor to store up as much jewelry, clothing etc.,
as possible, to be ready in case of emergency. The display of shawls
and diamonds upon the persons of women, even of the poorest classes,
is not from a feeling of vanity, but rather an exhibition of the extent
of the personal wealth they have extorted from their lords and masters.
In case of separation, the children are supported until they are
seven years old, by the father; after which the boys remain under
the paternal care, and the girls belong to the mother; unless some
other arrangement is made by mutual consent.
The most unjust stigma of illegitimacy, is almost unknown in Turkey;
the children by slaves being as respectable and legitimate as those
by the regular wives, and it is only when the father cannot be
discovered that they are regarded as bastards. Such principles are
certainly right, and more humane than those of Christian lands, where
the innocent are taunted all their lifetime with the immoralities
of others, for whose actions they are as irresponsible as "the babe
unborn."