(_Adapted from Shakspeare._)
["He advocates bimetallism with the passionate ardour of a
prophet promulgating a new revelation. On most subjects he is
cool, analytical, _and perhaps a little cynical_; but on this
subject he is an enthusiast."--_The Times on Mr. Balfour's
Speech about Bimetallism._]
_Timon of London, loquitur_:--
The learned pate
Ducks to the golden fool; all is oblique;
There's nothing level in our currency
But monometallism! Gold doth lord
Great lands, societies, and throngs of men.
That the sun rounds the earth, that earth's a disc,
Are foolish fads that TIMON much disdains
As duping dull mankind. But will they rank
_My_ fad--Bimetallism--along with such?
I seek a dual standard; gold alone
Is a most operant poison! What is here?
Gold? yellow, precious, glittering gold? No, gods,
I am no aureate votarist. Silver seems
To me, and to wise WALSH, a fair twin-standard
Fit to set up, that variable values
May find stability in dual change,
_With_ a fixed ratio, which the world must find,
Or our one standard, like a pirate's flag,
Will lead us to disaster. Monometallism
Is--Monomania. This yellow slave
Will break, not knit, our Commerce. I can be
Cool, analytical, even cynical
On trifles--such as Separatism's sin,
Or County Council Crime; but this thing stirs
My tepid blood, e'en as Statistics warm
The chilly soul of GOSCHEN. Come, curst gold,
Thou common ore of mankind, that putt'st odds
Among the rout of nations, I will make thee
Take thy right place! Thou mak'st my heart beat quick,
But yet I'll bury thee: thou'lt go, strong thief,
Orthodox keepers of thee cannot stand
Against a passionate prophet's promulgation
Of a new economic revelation.
"Put up your gold!" But put up silver, too,
(As WALSH, and GRENFELL, and Sage CHAPLIN urge),
Or banded Europe--some day--shall smash up
Our City to financial chaos. Aye!
I may talk lightly about trivial things,
And cynically smile on twaddle's trifles,--
Union of hearts, optimist ecstasies,
Fervours, and faiths, the breeks of prisoned Pats,
Coercion's bondage and such bagatelles--
But on this Titan theme--Bimetallism--
TIMON is in hot earnest!
* * * * *
A Short Way with Wasps.
A plague of wasps infests the South
In consequence of the hot season!--
Humph! Is it torrid heat and drouth
Deprive our Commons of cool reason?
A plague of wasps infests the House!
Its managers the matter mull, for
They have not (like poor HODGE) the _nous_
To smoke pests out with (moral) sulphur!
To check HAYES FISHER'S style, or TIM'S tone,
MELLOR tries treacle; he needs brimstone.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A LESSON.
_Father_ (_on receiving Bill for Luncheon at one of our very modern
London Restaurants_). "HALLO! WHAT!! OVER TWO GUINEAS FOR MERELY----!
WHY, HANG IT----!"
_His Son_ (_small Etonian_). "OH, WELL NEVER MIND, FATHER. IT'S A
THING TO DO _ONCE_, AND WE WON'T DO IT AGAIN!"]
* * * * *