CAPT. G. (_Aside_.) At last! I wish to Goodness she'd look away. 'For
having behaved'--as I have behaved, and declare that I am thoroughly and
heartily sick of the whole business, and take this opportunity of
making clear my intention of ending it, now, henceforward, and for ever.
(_Aside_.) If any one had told me I should be such a blackguard--!
MRS. H. (_Shaking a spoonful of potato chips into her plate_.) That's
not a pretty joke.
CAPT. G. No. It's a reality. (_Aside_.) I wonder if smashes of this kind
are always so raw.
MRS. H. Really, Pip, you're getting more absurd every day.
CAPT. G. I don't think you quite understand me. Shall I repeat it?
MRS. H. No! For pity's sake don't do that. It's too terrible, even in
fun.
CAPT. G. I'll let her think it over for a while. But I ought to be
horse-whipped.
MRS. H. I want to know what you meant by what you said just now.
CAPT. G. Exactly what I said. No less.
MRS. H. But what have I done to deserve it? What _have_ I done?
CAPT. G. (_Aside_.) If she only wouldn't look at me. (_Aloud and very
slowly, his eyes on his plate_.) D'you remember that evening in July,
before the Rains broke, when you said that the end would have to come
sooner or later--and you wondered for which of us it would come first?
MRS. H. Yes! I was only joking. And you swore that, as long as there was
breath in your body, it should _never_ come. And I believed you.
CAPT. G. (_Fingering menu-card_) Well, it has. That's all.
_A long pause, during which MRS. H. bows her head and rolls the
bread-twist into little pellets:_ G. _stares at the oleanders_.
MRS. H. (_Throwing back her head and laughing naturally_.) They train us
women well, don't they, Pip?
CAPT. G. (_Brutally, touching shirt-stud_.) So far as the expression
goes. (_Aside_.) It isn't in her nature to take things quietly. There'll
be an explosion yet.
MRS. H. (_With a shudder_.) Thank you. B-but even Red Indians allow
people to wriggle when they're being tortured, I believe. (_Slips fan
from girdle and fans slowly: rim of fan level with chin_.)
PARTNER ON LEFT. Very close to-night, isn't it? 'You find it too much
for you?
MRS. H. Oh, no, not in the least. But they really ought to have punkahs,
even in your cool Naini Tal, oughtn't they? (_Turns, dropping fan and
raising eyebrows_.)
CAPT. G. It's all right. (_Aside_.) Here comes the storm!
MRS. H. (_Her eyes on the tablecloth: fan ready in right hand_.) It was
very cleverly managed, Pip, and I congratulate you. You swore--you never
contented yourself with merely saying a thing--you _swore_ that, as far
as lay in your power, you'd make my wretched life pleasant for me. And
you've denied me the consolation of breaking down. I should have
done it--indeed I should. A woman would hardly have thought of this
refinement, my kind, considerate friend. (_Fan-guard as before_.) You
have explained things so tenderly and truthfully, too! You haven't
spoken or written a word of warning, and you have let me believe in you
till the last minute. You haven't condescended to give me your _reason_
yet. No! A woman could not have managed it half so well. Are there many
_men_ like you in the world?
CAPT. G. I'm sure I don't know. (_To Khitmatgar_.) Ohe! _Simpkin do_.
MRS. H. You call yourself a man of the world, don't you? Do men of the
world behave like Devils when they do a woman the honour to get tired of
her?
CAPT. G. I'm sure I don't know. Don't speak so loud!
MRS. H. Keep us respectable, O Lord, whatever happens! Don't be afraid
of my compromising you. You've chosen your ground far too well, and I've
been properly brought up. (_Lowering fan_.) Haven't you _any_ pity, Pip,
except for yourself?
CAPT. G. Wouldn't it be rather impertinent of me to say that I'm sorry
for you?
MRS. H. I think you have said it once or twice before. You're growing
very careful of my feelings. My God, Pip, I was a good woman once! You
_said_ I was. You've made me what I am. What are you going to do with
me? What are you going to do with me? Won't you _say_ that you are
sorry? (_Helps herself to iced asparagus_.)
CAPT. G. I am sorry for you, if you want the pity of such a brute as I
am. I'm _awf'ly_ sorry for you.
MRS. H. Rather tame for a man of the world. Do you think that that
admission clears you?
CAPT. G. What can I do? I can only tell you what I think of myself. You
can't think worse than that?
MRS. H. Oh, yes, I can! And now, will you tell me the reason of all
this? Remorse? Has Bayard been suddenly conscience-stricken?
CAPT. G. (_Angrily, his eyes still lowered_.) No! The thing has come to
an end on my side. That's all. _Mafisch!_
MRS. H. 'That's all. _Mafisch!_' As though I were a Cairene Dragoman.
You used to make prettier speeches. D'you remember when you said---?
CAPT. G. For Heaven's sake don't bring that back! Call me anything you
like and I'll admit it--
MRS. H. But you don't care to be reminded of old lies? If I could
hope to hurt you one-tenth as much as you have hurt me to-night--No, I
wouldn't--I couldn't do it--liar though you are.
CAPT. G. I've spoken the truth.
MRS. H. My _dear_ Sir, you flatter yourself. You have lied over the
reason. Pip, remember that I know you as you don't know yourself. You
have been everything to me, though you are--(_Fan-guard_.) Oh, what a
contemptible _Thing_ it is! And so you are merely tired of me?
CAPT. G. Since you insist upon my repeating it--Yes.
MRS. H. Lie the first. I wish I knew a coarser word. Lie seems so
ineffectual in your case. The fire has just died out and there is no
fresh one? Think for a minute, Pip, if you care whether I despise you
more than I do. Simply _Mafisch_, is it?
CAPT. G. Yes. (_Aside_.) I think I deserve this.
MRS. H. Lie number two. Before the next glass chokes you, tell me her
name.
CAPT. G. (_Aside_.). I'll make her pay for dragging Minnie into the
business! (_Aloud_.) Is it likely?
MRS. H. _Very_ likely if you thought that it would flatter your vanity.
You'd cry my name on the house-tops to make people turn round.
CAPT. G. I wish I had. There would have been an end of this business.
MRS. H. Oh, no, there would not--And so you were going to be virtuous
and _blase_, were you? To come to me and say: 'I've done with you. The
incident is clo-osed.' I ought to be proud of having kept such a man so
long.
CAPT. G. (_Aside_.) It only remains to pray for the end of the dinner.
(_Aloud_.) You know what I think of myself.
MRS. H. As it's the only person in the world you ever _do_ think of,
and as I know your mind thoroughly, I do. You want to get it all over
and--Oh, I can't keep you back! And you're going--think of it, Pip--to
throw me over for another woman. And you swore that all other women
were--Pip, my Pip! She _can't_ care for you as I do. Believe me, she
can't! Is it any one that I know?
CAPT. G. Thank Goodness it isn't. (_Aside_.) I expected a cyclone, but
not an earthquake.
MRS. H. She _can't!_ Is there anything that I wouldn't do for you--or
haven't done? And to think that I should take this trouble over you,
knowing what you are! Do you despise me for it?
CAPT. G. (_Wiping his mouth to hide a smile_.) _Again?_ It's entirely a
work of charity on your part.
MRS. H. Ahhh! But I have no right to resent it.--Is she better-looking
than I? Who was it said--?
CAPT G. No--not that!
MRS. H. I'll be more merciful than you were. Don't you know that all
women are alike?
CAPT. G. (_Aside._) Then this is the exception that proves the rule.
MRS. H. _All_ of them! I'll tell you anything you like. I will, upon
my word! They only want the admiration--from anybody--no matter
who--anybody! But there is always _one_ man that they care for more than
any one else in the world, and would sacrifice all the others to. Oh,
_do_ listen! I've kept the Vaynor man trotting after me like a poodle,
and he believes that he is the only man I am interested in. I'll tell
you what he said to me.
CAPT. G. Spare him. (_Aside._) I wonder what _his_ version is.
MRS. H. He's been waiting for me to look at him all through dinner.
Shall I do it, and you can see what an idiot he looks?