'Now I knew that the Colonel was no fool, any more than me, for I was
hild the smartest man in the rig'mint, an' the Colonel was the best
orf'cer commandin' in Asia; so fwhat he said an' _I_ said was a mortial
truth. We knew that the Capt'n was bad, but, for reasons which I have
already oblitherated, I knew more than me Colonel. I wud ha' rolled out
his face wid the butt av my gun before permittin' av him to steal the
gurl. Saints knew av he wud ha' married her, and av he didn't she wud
be in great tormint, an' the divil av a “scandal.” But I niver sthruck,
niver raised me hand on my shuperior orf'cer; an' that was a merricle
now I come to considher it.'
'Mulvaney, the dawn's risin',' said Ortheris, 'an' we're no nearer 'ome
than we was at the beginnin'. Lend me your pouch. Mine's all dust.'
Mulvaney pitched his pouch over, and filled his pipe afresh.
'So the dhress-rehearsal came to an end, an', bekaze I was curious, I
stayed behind whin the scene-shiftin' was ended, an' I shud ha' been in
barricks, lyin' as flat as a toad under a painted cottage thing. They
was talkin' in whispers, an' she was shiverin' an' gaspin' like a
fresh-hukked fish. “Are you sure you've got the hang av the manewvers?”
sez he, or wurrds to that effec', as the coort-martial sez. “Sure as
death,” sez she, “but I misdoubt 'tis cruel hard on my father.”
“Damn your father,” sez he, or anyways 'twas fwhat he thought, “the
arrangement is as clear as mud. Jungi will drive the carr'ge afther
all's over, an' you come to the station, cool an' aisy, in time for the
two o'clock thrain, where I'll be wid your kit.” “Faith,” thinks I to
myself, “thin there's a ayah in the business tu!”
'A powerful bad thing is a ayah. Don't you niver have any thruck wid
wan. Thin he began sootherin' her, an' all the orf'cers an' orf'cers'
ladies left, an' they put out the lights. To explain the theory av the
flight, as they say at Muskthry, you must understand that afther this
_Sweethearts'_ nonsinse was ended, there was another little bit av a
play called _Couples_--some kind av couple or another. The gurl was
actin' in this, but not the man. I suspicioned he'd go to the station
wid the gurl's kit at the end av the first piece. 'Twas the kit that
flusthered me, for I knew for a Capt'n to go trapesing about the impire
wid the Lord knew what av a _truso_ on his arrum was nefarious, an' wud
be worse than easin' the flag, so far as the talk aftherwards wint.'
''Old on, Mulvaney. Wot's _truso_?' said Ortheris.
'You're an oncivilised man, me son. Whin a gurl's married, all her kit
an' 'coutrements are _truso_, which manes weddin'-portion. An' 'tis the
same whin she's runnin' away, even wid the biggest blackguard on the
Arrmy List.
'So I made my plan av campaign. The Colonel's house was a good two miles
away. “Dennis,” sez I to my colour-sargint, “av you love me lend me your
kyart, for me heart is bruk an' me feet is sore wid trampin' to and
from this foolishness at the Gaff.” An' Dennis lent ut, wid a rampin',
stampin' red stallion in the shafts. Whin they was all settled down to
their _Sweethearts_ for the first scene, which was a long wan, I slips
outside and into the kyart. Mother av Hivin! but I made that horse
walk, an' we came into the Colonel's compound as the divil wint through
Athlone--in standin' leps. There was no one there excipt the servints,
an' I wint round to the back an' found the girl's ayah.
'“Ye black brazen Jezebel,” sez I, “sellin' your masther's honour for
five rupees--pack up all the Miss Sahib's kit an' look slippy! _Capt'n
Sahib's_ order,” sez I. “Going to the station we are,” I sez, an' wid
that I laid my finger to my nose an' looked the schamin' sinner I was.
_'”Bote acchy,”_ says she; so I knew she was in the business, an' I
piled up all the sweet talk I'd iver learnt in the bazars on to this
she-bullock, an' prayed av her to put all the quick she knew into the
thing. While she packed, I stud outside an' sweated, for I was wanted
for to shif the second scene. I tell you, a young gurl's e-vasion
manes as much baggage as a rig'mint on the line av march! “Saints help
Dennis's springs,” thinks I, as I bundled the stuff into the thrap, “for
I'll have no mercy!”
'“I'm comin' too,” says the ayah.
'“No, you don't,” sez I, “later--_pechy!_ You _baito_ where you
are. I'll _pechy_ come an' bring you _sart_, along with me, you
maraudin'”-niver mind fwhat I called her.
'Thin I wint for the Gaff, an' by the special ordher av Providence,
for I was doin' a good work you will ondersthand, Dennis's springs hild
toight. “Now, whin the Capt'n goes for that kit,” thinks I, “he'll be
throubled.” At the end av _Sweethearts_ off the Capt'n runs in his kyart
to the Colonel's house, an' I sits down on the steps and laughs. Wanst
an' again I slipped in to see how the little piece was goin', an' whin
ut was near endin' I stepped out all among the carr'ges an' sings out
very softly, “Jungi!” Wid that a carr'ge began to move, an' I waved to
the dhriver. _“Hitherao!”_ sez I, an' he _hitheraoed_ till I judged he
was at proper distance, an' thin I tuk him, fair an' square betune the
eyes, all I knew for good or bad, an' he dhropped wid a guggle like the
canteen beer-engine whin ut's runnin' low. Thin I ran to the kyart an'
tuk out all the kit an' piled it into the carr'ge, the sweat runnin'
down my face in dhrops. “Go home,” sez I, to the _sais;_ “you'll find a
man close here. Very sick he is. Take him away, an' av you iver say wan
wurrd about fwhat you've _dekkoed_, I'll _marrow_ you till your own wife
won't _sumjao_ who you are!” Thin I heard the stampin' av feet at the
ind av the play, an' I ran in to let down the curtain. Whin they all
came out the gurl thried to hide herself behind wan av the pillars, an'
sez “Jungi” in a voice that wouldn't ha' scared a hare. I run over
to Jungi's carr'ge an' tuk up the lousy old horse-blanket on the box,
wrapped my head an' the rest av me in ut, an' dhrove up to where she
was.
'“Miss Sahib,” sez I; “going to the station? _Captain Sahib's_ order!”
an' widout a sign she jumped in all among her own kit.
'I laid to an' dhruv like steam to the Colonel's house before the
Colonel was there, an' she screamed an' I thought she was goin' off. Out
comes the ayah, saying all sorts av things about the Capt'n havin' come
for the kit an' gone to the station.
'“Take out the luggage, you divil,” sez I, “or I'll murther you!”
'The lights av the thraps people comin' from the Gaff was showin' across
the parade ground, an', by this an' that, the way thim two women worked
at the bundles an' thrunks was a caution! I was dyin' to help, but,
seein' I didn't want to be known, I sat wid the blanket roun' me an'
coughed an' thanked the Saints there was no moon that night.
'Whin all was in the house again, I niver asked for _bukshish_ but dhruv
tremenjus in the opp'site way from the other carr'ge an' put out my
lights. Presintly, I saw a naygur man wallowin' in the road. I slipped
down before I got to him, for I suspicioned Providence was wid me all
through that night. 'Twas Jungi, his nose smashed in flat, all dumb sick
as you please. Dennis's man must have tilted him out av the thrap. Whin
he came to, “Hutt!” sez I, but he began to howl.
'“You black lump av dirt,” I sez, “is this the way you dhrive your
_gharri?_ That _tikka_ has been _owin'_ an' _fere-owin'_ all over the
bloomin' country this whole bloomin' night, an' you as _mut-walla_ as
Davey's sow. Get up, you hog!” sez I, louder, for I heard the wheels
av a thrap in the dark; “get up an' light your lamps, or you'll be run
into!” This was on the road to the Railway Station.
'“Fwhat the divil's this?” sez the Capt'n's voice in the dhark, an' I
could judge he was in a lather av rage.
'”_Gharri_ dhriver here, dhrunk, Sorr,” sez I; “I've found his _gharri_
sthrayin' about cantonmints, an' now I've found him.”
'“Oh!” sez the Capt'n; “fwhat's his name?” I stooped down an' pretended
to listen.
'“He sez his name's Jungi, Sorr,” sez I.
'“Hould my harse,” sez the Capt'n to his man, an' wid that he gets down
wid the whip an' lays into Jungi, just mad wid rage an' swearin' like
the scutt he was.
'I thought, afther a while, he wud kill the man, so I sez:--“Stop, Sorr,
or you'll, murdher him!” That dhrew all his fire on me, an' he cursed
me into Blazes, an' out again. I stud to attenshin an' saluted:--“Sorr,”
sez I, “av ivry man in this wurruld had his rights, I'm thinkin' that
more than wan wud be beaten to a jelly for this night's work--that niver
came off at all, Sorr, as you see?” “Now,” thinks I to myself, “Terence
Mulvaney, you've cut your own throat, for he'll sthrike, an' you'll
knock him down for the good av his sowl an' your own iverlastin'
dishgrace!”
'But the Capt'n niver said a single wurrd. He choked where he stud, an'
thin he went into his thrap widout sayin' good-night, an' I wint back to
barricks.'
'And then?' said Ortheris and I together.
'That was all,' said Mulvaney; 'niver another word did I hear av the
whole thing. All I know was that there was no e-vasion, an' that was
fwhat I wanted. Now, I put ut to you, Sorr, is ten days' C. B. a fit an'
a proper tratement for a man who has behaved as me?'
'Well, any'ow,' said Ortheris, 'tweren't this 'ere Colonel's daughter,
an' you _was_ blazin' copped when you tried to wash in the Fort Ditch.'
'That,' said Mulvaney, finishing the champagne, 'is a shuparfluous an'
impert'nint observation.'