Invitations to a ball are issued at least ten days in advance; and
this term is sometimes, in the height of the season, extended to three
weeks, or even a month.
An invitation should be accepted or declined within a day or two of
its reception.
Gentlemen who do not dance should not accept invitations of this kind.
They are but incumbrances in the ball-room, besides which, it looks
like a breach of etiquette and courtesy to stand or sit idly by when
there are, most probably, ladies in the room who are waiting for an
invitation to dance.
A ball generally begins about half-past nine or ten o'clock.
A man who stands up to dance without being acquainted with the
figures, makes himself ridiculous, and places his partner in an
embarrassing and unenviable position. There is no need for him to know
the steps. It is enough if he knows how to walk gracefully through the
dance, and to conduct his partner through it like a gentleman. No man
can waltz too well; but to perform steps in a quadrille is not only
unnecessary but _outré_.
A gentleman cannot ask a lady to dance without being first introduced
to her by some member of the hostess's family.
Never enter a ball-room in other than full evening dress, and white or
light kid gloves.
A gentleman cannot be too careful not to injure a lady's dress. The
young men of the present day are inconceivably thoughtless in this
respect, and often seem to think the mischief which they do scarcely
worth an apology. Cavalry officers should never wear spurs in a
ball-room.
Bear in mind that all _Casino_ habits are to be scrupulously avoided
in a private ball-room. It is an affront to a highly-bred lady to hold
her hand behind you, or on your hip, when dancing a round dance. We
have seen even aristocratic young men of the "fast" genus commit these
unpardonable offences against taste and decorum.
Never forget a ball-room engagement. It is the greatest neglect and
slight that a gentleman can offer to a lady.
At the beginning and end of a quadrille the gentleman bows to his
partner, and bows again on handing her to a seat.
After dancing, the gentleman may offer to conduct the lady to the
refreshment-room.
Should a lady decline your hand for a dance, and afterwards stand
up with another partner, you will do well to attribute her error to
either forgetfulness or ignorance of the laws of etiquette. Politeness
towards your host and hostess demands that you should never make any
little personal grievance the ground of discomfort or disagreement.
A gentleman conducts his last partner to supper; waits upon her till
she has had as much refreshment as she desires, and then re-conducts
her to the ball-room.
However much pleasure you may take in the society of any particular
lady, etiquette forbids that you should dance with her too frequently.
Engaged persons would do well to bear this maxim in mind.
It is customary to call upon your entertainers within a few days after
the ball.[A]
[Footnote A: For a more detailed account of the laws and business of
the ball, see the chapters entitled "The Ball-room Guide."]
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XII.--STAYING AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE:--BREAKFAST, LUNCHEON, &c.
A visitor is bound by the laws of social intercourse to conform in all
respects to the habits of the house. In order to do this effectually,
he should inquire, or cause his personal servant to inquire, what
those habits are. To keep your friend's breakfast on the table till a
late hour; to delay the dinner by want of punctuality; to accept other
invitations, and treat his house as if it were merely an hotel to
be slept in; or to keep the family up till unwonted hours, are alike
evidences of a want of good feeling and good breeding.
At breakfast and lunch absolute punctuality is not imperative; but a
visitor should avoid being always the last to appear at table.
No order of precedence is observed at either breakfast or luncheon.
Persons take their seats as they come in, and, having exchanged their
morning salutations, begin to eat without waiting for the rest of the
party.
If letters are delivered to you at breakfast or luncheon, you may read
them by asking permission from the lady who presides at the urn.
Always hold yourself at the disposal of those in whose house you are
visiting. If they propose to ride, drive, walk, or otherwise occupy
the day, you may take it for granted that these plans are made with
reference to your enjoyment. You should, therefore, receive them with
cheerfulness, enter into them with alacrity, and do your best to seem
pleased, and be pleased, by the efforts which your friends make to
entertain you.
You should never take a book from the library to your own room without
requesting permission to borrow it. When it is lent, you should take
every care that it sustains no injury while in your possession, and
should cover it, if necessary.
A guest should endeavour to amuse himself as much as possible, and
not be continually dependent on his hosts for entertainment. He should
remember that, however welcome he may be, he is not always wanted.
During the morning hours a gentleman visitor who neither shoots,
reads, writes letters, nor does anything but idle about the house and
chat with the ladies, is an intolerable nuisance. Sooner than become
the latter, he had better retire to the billiard-room and practise
cannons by himself, or pretend an engagement and walk about the
neighbourhood.
Those who receive "staying visitors," as they are called, should
remember that the truest hospitality is that which places the visitor
most at his ease, and affords him the greatest opportunity for
enjoyment. They should also remember that different persons have
different ideas on the subject of enjoyment, and that the surest way
of making a guest happy is to find out what gives him pleasure; not to
impose that upon him which is pleasure to themselves.
A visitor should avoid giving unnecessary trouble to the servants of
the house, and should be liberal to them when he leaves.
The signal for retiring to rest is generally given by the appearance
of the servant with wine, water, and biscuits, where a late
dinner-hour is observed and suppers are not the custom. This is the
last refreshment of the evening, and the visitor will do well to
rise and wish good-night shortly after it has been partaken of by the
family.
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