As the number of guests at a dinner-party is regulated by the size of
the table, so should the number of invitations to a ball be limited by
the proportions of the ball-room. A prudent hostess will always
invite a few more guests than she really desires to entertain, in the
certainty that there will be some deserters when the appointed evening
comes round; but she will at the same time remember that to overcrowd
her room is to spoil the pleasure of those who love dancing, and
that a party of this kind when too numerously attended is as great a
failure as one at which too few are present.
A room which is nearly square, yet a little longer than it is broad,
will be found the most favourable for a ball. It admits of two
quadrille parties, or two round dances, at the same time. In a
perfectly square room this arrangement is not so practicable or
pleasant. A very long and narrow room is obviously of the worst shape
for the purpose of dancing, and is fit only for quadrilles and country
dances.
The top of the ball-room is the part nearest the orchestra. In
a private room, the top is where it would be if the room were a
dining-room. It is generally at the farthest point from the door.
Dancers should be careful to ascertain the top of the room before
taking their places, as the top couples always lead the dances.
A good floor is of the last importance in a ball-room. In a private
house, nothing can be better than a smooth, well-stretched holland,
with the carpet beneath.
Abundance of light and free ventilation are indispensable to the
spirits and comfort of the dancers.
Good music is as necessary to the prosperity of a ball as good wine to
the excellence of a dinner. No hostess should tax her friends for
this part of the entertainment. It is the most injudicious economy
imaginable. Ladies who would prefer to dance are tied to the
pianoforte; and as few amateurs have been trained in the art of
playing dance music with that strict attention to time and accent
which is absolutely necessary to the comfort of the dancers, a
total and general discontent is sure to result. To play dance music
thoroughly well is a branch of the art which requires considerable
practice. It is as different from every other kind of playing as whale
fishing is from fly fishing. Those who give private balls will do well
ever to bear this in mind, and to provide skilled musicians for the
evening. For a small party, a piano and cornopean make a very pleasant
combination. Unless where several instruments are engaged, we do not
recommend the introduction of the violin: although in some respects
the finest of all solo instruments, it is apt to sound thin and shrill
when employed on mere inexpressive dance tunes, and played by a mere
dance player.
Invitations to a ball should be issued in the name of the lady of the
house, and written on small note paper of the best quality. Elegant
printed forms, some of them printed in gold or silver, are to be
had at every stationer's by those who prefer them. The paper may be
gilt-edged, but not coloured. The sealing-wax used should be of some
delicate hue.
An invitation to a ball should be sent out at least ten days before
the evening appointed. A fortnight, three weeks, and even a month may
be allowed in the way of notice.
Not more than two or three days should be permitted to elapse before
you reply to an invitation of this kind. The reply should always be
addressed to the lady of the house, and should be couched in the same
person as the invitation. The following are the forms generally in use:--
Mrs. Molyneux requests the honour of Captain Hamilton's
company at an evening party, on Monday, March the 11th
instant. _Dancing will begin at Nine o'clock_. Thursday, March
1st.
* * * * *
Captain Hamilton has much pleasure in accepting Mrs.
Molyneux's polite invitation for Monday evening, March the
11th instant. Friday, March 2nd.
The old form of "presenting compliments" is now out of fashion.
The lady who gives a ball[A] should endeavour to secure an equal
number of dancers of both sexes. Many private parties are spoiled by
the preponderance of young ladies, some of whom never get partners at
all, unless they dance with each other.
A room should in all cases be provided for the accommodation of
the ladies. In this room there ought to be several looking-glasses;
attendants to assist the fair visitors in the arrangement of their
hair and dress; and some place in which the cloaks and shawls can be
laid in order, and found at a moment's notice. It is well to affix
tickets to the cloaks, giving a duplicate at the same time to each
lady, as at the public theatres and concert-rooms. Needles and thread
should also be at hand, to repair any little accident incurred in
dancing.
Another room should be devoted to refreshments, and kept amply
supplied with coffee, lemonade, ices, wine, and biscuits during the
evening. Where this cannot be arranged, the refreshments should be
handed round between the dances.
The question of supper is one which so entirely depends on the means
of those who give a ball or evening party, that very little can be
said upon it in a treatise of this description. Where money is no
object, it is of course always preferable to have the whole supper,
"with all appliances and means to boot," sent in from some first-rate
house. It spares all trouble whether to the entertainers or
their servants, and relieves the hostess of every anxiety. Where
circumstances render such a course imprudent, we would only observe
that a home-provided supper, however simple, should be good of its
kind, and abundant in quantity. Dancers are generally hungry people,
and feel themselves much aggrieved if the supply of sandwiches proves
unequal to the demand. Great inconvenience is often experienced
through the difficulty of procuring cabs at the close of an evening
party. Gentlemen who have been dancing, and are unprepared for
walking, object to go home on foot, or seek vehicles for their wives
and daughters. Female servants who have been in attendance upon the
visitors during a whole evening ought not to be sent out. If even
men-servants are kept, they may find it difficult to procure as many
cabs as are necessary. The best thing that the giver of a private
ball can do under these circumstances, is to engage a policeman with
a lanthorn to attend on the pavement during the evening, and to give
notice during the morning at a neighbouring cab-stand, so as to ensure
a sufficient number of vehicles at the time when they are likely to be
required.
A ball generally begins about half-past nine or ten o'clock.
To attempt to dance without a knowledge of dancing is not only to make
one's self ridiculous, but one's partner also. No lady has a right
to place a partner in this absurd position. Never forget a ball-room
engagement. To do so is to commit an unpardonable offence against good
breeding.
On entering the ball-room, the visitor should at once seek the lady
of the house, and pay her respects to her. Having done this, she may
exchange salutations with such friends and acquaintances as may be in
the room.
No lady should accept an invitation to dance from a gentleman to whom
she has not been introduced. In case any gentleman should commit the
error of so inviting her, she should not excuse herself on the plea of
a previous engagement, or of fatigue, as to do so would imply that
she did not herself attach due importance to the necessary ceremony
of introduction. Her best reply would be to the effect that she would
have much pleasure in accepting his invitation, if he would procure an
introduction to her. This observation may be taken as applying only to
public balls. At a private party the host and hostess are sufficient
guarantees for the respectability of their guests; and although a
gentleman would show a singular want of knowledge of the laws of
society in acting as we have supposed, the lady who should reply
to him as if he were merely an impertinent stranger in a public
assembly-room would be implying an affront to her entertainers. The
mere fact of being assembled together under the roof of a mutual
friend is in itself a kind of general introduction of the guests to
each other.
An introduction given for the mere purpose of enabling a lady and
gentleman to go through a dance together does not constitute an
acquaintanceship. The lady is at liberty to pass the gentleman in the
park the next day without recognition.
It is not necessary that a lady should be acquainted with the _steps_,
in order to walk gracefully and easily through a quadrille. An easy
carriage and a knowledge of the figure is all that is requisite. A
round dance, however, should on no account be attempted without a
thorough knowledge of the steps, and some previous practice.
No person who has not a good ear for time and tune need hope to dance
well.
No lady should accept refreshments from a stranger at a public ball;
for she would thereby lay herself under a pecuniary obligation. For
these she must rely on her father, brothers, or old friends.
Good taste forbids that a lady should dance too frequently with the
same partner at either a public or private ball.
Engaged persons should be careful not to commit this conspicuous
solecism.
Engagements for one dance should not be made while the present dance
is yet in progress.
Never attempt to take a place in a dance which has been previously
engaged.
Withdraw from a private ball-room as quietly as possible, so that your
departure may not be observed by others, and cause the party to break
up. If you meet the lady of the house on your way out, take your leave
of her in such a manner that her other guests may not suppose you are
doing so; but do not seek her out for that purpose.
Never be seen without gloves in a ball-room, though it were for only
a few moments. Ladies who dance much and are particularly _soigné_
in matters relating to the toilette, take a second pair of gloves to
replace the first when soiled.
A thoughtful hostess will never introduce a bad dancer to a good
one, because she has no right to punish one friend in order to oblige
another.
It is not customary for married persons to dance together in society.
[B]
[Footnote A: It will be understood that we use the word "ball" to
signify a private party, where there is dancing, as well as a public
ball.]
[Footnote B: For a more detailed account of the laws and business of
the ball, see the chapter entitled "The Ball-room Guide."]
* * * * *
XI.--STAYING AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE:--BREAKFAST, LUNCHEON, &c.
A visitor is bound by the laws of social intercourse to conform in all
respects to the habits of the house. In order to do this effectually,
she should inquire, or cause her personal servant to inquire, what
those habits are. To keep your friend's breakfast on the table till a
late hour; to delay the dinner by want of punctuality; to accept other
invitations, and treat his house as if it were merely an hotel to
be slept in; or to keep the family up till unwonted hours, are alike
evidences of a want of good feeling and good breeding.
At breakfast and lunch absolute punctuality is not imperative; but a
visitor should avoid being always the last to appear at table.
No order of precedence is observed at either breakfast or luncheon.
Persons take their seats as they come in, and, having exchanged their
morning salutations, begin to eat without waiting for the rest of the
party.
If letters are delivered to you at breakfast or luncheon, you may read
them by asking permission from the lady who presides at the urn.
Always hold yourself at the disposal of those in whose house you are
visiting. If they propose to ride, drive, walk, or otherwise occupy
the day, you may take it for granted that these plans are made with
reference to your enjoyment. You should, therefore, receive them with
cheerfulness, enter into them with alacrity, and do your best to seem
pleased, and be pleased, by the efforts which your friends make to
entertain you.
You should never take a book from the library to your own room without
requesting permission to borrow it. When it is lent, you should take
every care that it sustains no injury while in your possession, and
should cover it, if necessary.
A guest should endeavour to amuse herself as much as possible, and not
be continually dependent on her hosts for entertainment. She should
remember that, however welcome she may be, she is not always wanted.
Those who receive "staying visitors," as they are called, should
remember that the truest hospitality is that which places the visitor
most at her ease, and affords her the greatest opportunity for
enjoyment. They should also remember that different persons have
different ideas on the subject of enjoyment, and that the surest way
of making a guest happy is to find out what gives her pleasure; not to
impose that upon her which is pleasure to themselves.
A visitor should avoid giving unnecessary trouble to the servants of
the house, and should be liberal to them on leaving.
The signal for retiring to rest is generally given by the appearance
of the servant with wine, water, and biscuits, where a late
dinner-hour is observed and suppers are not the custom. This is the
last refreshment of the evening, and the visitor will do well to
rise and wish good-night shortly after it has been partaken of by the
family.
* * * * *