nay! even in France, which if only they thought they could bring
children into existence at this rate, would right readily suffer Kings
and great Princes to mount on their bellies. But in very fact they
ofttimes so mount without any grand regale following. Then are the
poor ladies sore deceived and disappointed, for when they do consent
to give themselves to suchlike great personages, ’tis only to have the
_galardon_ (guerdon, recompense), as folk say in Spanish.
Now as to such putative and doubtful children, a question doth arise
open to much dispute, to wit whether they ought to succeed to their
father’s and mother’s goods, some maintaining ’tis a great sin for
women to make them so succeed. Some authorities have declared the
woman should surely reveal the thing to the husband and tell him the
whole truth, and this is the opinion held by the well-known “Subtle
Doctor.”[74*] Others on the contrary hold this opinion to be bad,
because the woman would then be defaming herself by revealing it, and
this she is in no wise bound to do; for good repute is a more precious
possession than riches, saith Solomon.
’Tis better then for the goods to be taken, even unjustly, by the child
than that the mother’s good name be lost, for as a proverb hath it, “A
good name is better than a golden girdle.” Now the Theologians hold a
maxim to the effect that when two opposite precepts and commands are
binding on us, the less must give way to the greater. But the command
to guard one’s repute is greater and more stringent than that which
orders to restore another’s goods; and so must be preferred before it.
Nay! more, if the wife do reveal this to her husband, she doth thereby
put herself in danger of being actually killed at his hands; but it is
straitly forbid for any to compass their own death.
12.
Neither is it allowed a woman to kill herself for dread of being
violated, or after being so; else would she be doing a mortal sin.
Wherefore is it better for her to suffer herself to be ravished, if
that she can in no wise by fight or crying out avoid the same, than to
kill herself. For the violation of the body is not sin, except with the
consent of the will. Hence the reply which Saint Lucy did make to the
tyrant who threatened to have her taken to the brothel. “If you have
me forced,” she said, “why! my chastity will receive a double crown.”
For this cause Lucretia hath been found to blame by some. True it is
Saint Sabina and Saint Sophronia, along with other Christian virgins,
who did take their own lives rather than fall into the hands of
barbarians, are excused by our doctors and fathers of the Church,
which say they did so by special prompting of the Holy Spirit.[75*] By
this same prompting, after the taking of Cyprus, a certain Cypriote
damsel, lately made Christian, seeing herself being carried off as a
slave with many another lady of her sort, to be the prey of Turks, did
secretly fire the powder magazine in the galley, so that in an instant
all was burned up and consumed along with her, saying, “So please God,
our bodies will never be polluted and ravished by these foul Turks and
Saracens!” Or ’tis possible, God knows, it had already been polluted
and she was fain to do penance therefor,—unless indeed the fact was her
master had refrained from touching her, to the end he might make more
money by selling her a maid, seeing men are desirous in those lands, as
indeed in all other lands, to taste a fresh and untainted morsel.
However, to return to the noble custodians of these poor women,—the
eunuchs. These, as I have said, are not utterly unable to do adultery
with them and make their husbands cuckold, excepting always the
engendering of children.
I knew two women in France which did deliberately set their love on
two gentlemen who were castrate, to the end they might not become with
child; yet did they find pleasure therein, and free from all fear
of scandal. But there have been husbands in Turkey and Barbary so
jealous, that having discovered this deceit, they have determined to
castrate their wretched slaves altogether and entirely, and cut the
whole concern clean off. Now, by what those say who have had experience
of Turkey, not two out of the dozen escape of those on whom they do
practise this cruelty, and do not die therefrom. Them that do survive,
they do cherish and make much of, as true, certain and chaste guardians
of their wives’ chastity and sure guarantors of their honour.
We Christians on our part do not practise suchlike abominable and too
utterly horrible cruelties; but instead of these castrated slaves, we
give our women old men of sixty for guardians. This for instance is
done in Spain, even at the Court of the Queens of that country, where I
have seen them as custodians of the maids of honour and Court ladies.
Yet, God knows, there be old men more dangerous for ruining maids and
wives than any young ones, and an hundred times more hot, ingenious and
persevering to gain over and corrupt the same.
I do not believe such men, for all they be hoary headed and white
bearded, are more sure guardians at all than younger men, nor old women
neither. Thus an aged Spanish duenna once, taking out her maids and
passing by a great hall and seeing men’s members painted up on the wall
in lifelike portrayal, only exaggerated and out of all proportion, did
remark, _Mira que tan bravos no los pintan estos hombres, como quien
no los conociese_ (Look how brave men those be, and how ill they have
painted them, like one who has never seen the things). Then all her
maids did turn toward her, and noted what she said, except one, of my
acquaintance, who acting the _ingénue_, did ask one of her companions
what birds those were; for some of them were depicted with wings. And
the other made answer, they were birds of Barbary, more beautiful in
reality than even as depicted. God only knows if she had ever seen any
such; but she had to make what pretence she could.
Many husbands are sore deceived, and often, in their duennas. For they
think, provided only their womenkind are in the charge of some old
woman, whom both parties do call mother as a title of respect, that
they must needs be well safeguarded in front. Yet none are more easy
than such guardians to be bribed and won over; for being as they are,
avaricious of their very nature, they are ready to take gold from any
quarter to sell their prisoners.
Others again cannot be forever on the watch over their young charges,
who themselves are always wide awake and on the alert, especially when
they be in love; for truly most of their time the old dames will be
asleep in the chimney-corner, while before their very face the husbands
will be a-cuckolding, without their heeding or knowing aught about it.
I knew once a lady which did it before her duenna’s very eyes, in such
cunning wise she never perceived anything wrong. Another did the like
in her own husband’s presence and all but under his eyes, the while he
was playing at primero.
Then other aged dames will be feeble of foot, and cannot follow up
their ladies at a round pace, so that by the time they do reach the
extremity of a walk or a wood or a room, the young ones have whipped
their little present into their pocket, without the old duenna having
observed what was a-doing, or seen aught whatever, being slow of foot
and dim of sight. Again there be yet other dames of the sort which,
themselves having plied the trade of old, do think it pity to see the
young fast, and are so good-natured to them, they will of their own
accord open the way for their charges, yea! and provoke them to follow
in the same, and help them all they can. Thus Aretino saith how the
greatest of pleasures for a woman that hath travelled that road, and
her highest satisfaction, is ever to make another do likewise.
And this is why, when a man doth crave the aid of a good minister for
his amours, he will alway apply and address himself to an old procuress
rather than to a young woman. So I do remember a certain very gallant
gentleman, which did mislike sorely, and did forbid it expressly, that
his wife should ever frequent the company of old women, as being much
too dangerous society,—but with younger women she might go as much
as she pleased. And for this course he would adduce many excellent
reasons, the which I will leave to men of apter discourse than I to
detail in full.
And this is why a certain Lord of the great world I know of did entrust
his wife, of whom he was very jealous, to a lady, a cousin of his own,
but unmarried, to be her _surveillante_. This office she did zealously
perform, albeit for her own part she did copy the half only of the
character of the gardener’s dog, seeing he doth never eat the cabbage
out of his master’s garden, nor yet will suffer other to do so; but
this lady would eat readily enough, but would never suffer her cousin.
Yet was the other forever filching some dainty bit, without her noting
it, cunning as she was,—or mayhap she did but make pretence not to see.
I could right easily adduce an host of devices which poor jealous
cuckolds do employ to confine, constrain, curb and keep in their wives,
that they kick not over the traces. But it is of mighty little use for
them either to try these ancient means they have heard tell of, or to
invent new ones; they but lose their labour. For once women have gotten
this naughty worm of love in their heads, they will ever be sending
their poor husbands to keep house with Guillot the Pensive.[76*] And
hereof do I hope to discourse further in a chapter I have already half
writ, on the ruses and stratagems of women in this matter, the which I
do compare with the ambuscades and stratagems of soldiers in war. But
the finest device of all, the most sure and eke the kindest preventive
a jealous husband can apply to his wife, is ever to let her go her way
in full liberty, as I have heard a very gallant married man declare,
for that it is the woman’s nature the more she is forbid a thing, so
much the more to long for the same; and this is especially true in
love, where the appetite doth grow far hotter by forbidding than by
letting things take their course.
Then is there another sort of cuckolds, as to whom doth arise the
following question, to wit,—whether if a man hath had full enjoyment
of a woman during the lifetime of her cuckold husband, and this latter
die, and the lover do afterward marry the widow in second nuptials,
he ought to wear the name and title of cuckold,—a case I have heard
debated in regard to several, and these great men.
Some there be do say he cannot be cuckold, because it is himself did
have the doing of it, and no one else did make him so but only himself,
and the horns were made by him and no other. Yet are there many
armourers that do make swords whereby themselves are killed, or do kill
each other.
Others again say he is really cuckold, but only _in embryo_. For this
they do allege many reasons, but seeing the process is yet undecided,
I leave it to be pleaded before the first audience that will listen to
the case.
The same may be said concerning a very great lady, and a married one,
which did break her marriage vow fourteen years agone with the lover
who doth keep to her still, and since that day hath been ever awaiting
and longing for her husband’s death. But the devil is in it if he hath
ever yet contrived to die to meet her wishes! So that she might well
say, “Cursed be the husband and mate, which hath lived longer than I
desired!” Sicknesses and calamities of body he hath had galore, but
never fatal. In fact our King, the last Henri, having bestowed the
inheritance in the fine and rich estate the said cuckold husband had of
him on a very honourable and brave gentleman, would ofttimes say, “Two
persons there be at my Court which are thinking it long till so and so
die, one for his estate’s sake and the other to wed her lover. But both
one and the other have been sore deluded up to now.”
See how wise and foreseeing God is, not to send folk what they wish,
when it is evil. However, I have been told that for some while past
this pair are in ill accord, and have now burned their promise of
future marriage and broke the agreement,—to the huge despite of the
lady and joy of the prospective husband, seeing he did in no wise
desire to go on longer and wait forever for the death of the other.
This last was alway making a mock of folk, continually giving alarms,
as that he was just about to die; yet in the end he hath survived his
would-be supplanter. An instance surely of God’s punishment, for a
marriage so made is a thing all but unheard of; and indeed ’tis a great
sin, and an odious, to contract and agree upon a second marriage, the
first being still existent in its entirety.
I had rather have one, also a great lady, albeit not so great as the
other I have just spoke of, who being sought of a nobleman in marriage,
did wed him, not for the love she bare him, but because she saw him
sickly, thin and worn, and in constant ill-health, and as the doctors
told her he would not outlive the year, even after having known this
fair lady several times abed. Wherefore she did expect his death very
soon, and did make all dispositions after his demise as to his goods
and property, fine plenishing and great wealth, which he did bring her
by marriage; for he was a nobleman of much riches and very well-to-do.
But she was finely cheated; for he liveth still a sturdy wight, and in
better fettle an hundred times than before he married her; since then
the lady herself is dead. They say the aforesaid nobleman was used
to feign to be sickly and ailing to the end that, knowing as he did
the lady to be exceeding avaricious, she might wed him in the hope of
getting so rich an inheritance. Yet did God above dispose it all quite
contrariwise, and made the she-goat feed where she had been tied, in
spite of herself.
Now what shall we say of such men as do wed with harlots and
courtesans, that are very famous, as is commonly done in France, but
still more in Spain and Italy, where men are persuaded they are winning
God’s mercy for good deeds, _por librar un’ anima christiana del
infierno_,—“for delivering a Christian soul from hell,” as they say,
and setting it in the right way.
I have undoubtedly seen some men maintain this opinion and doctrine,
that if they did marry them for this good and religious object, they
ought in no wise to be ranked as cuckolds. For surely what is done
for the honour of God should not be made a matter of shame. This, of
course, provided that their wives, once started afresh in the right
way, do not leave it again and return to the other. So have I seen some
of these women in the two countries named which did sin no more after
being married, but others that could never reform, and went back to
trip and stumble in the old ditch.
The first time ever I was in Italy, I fell in love with a very
beautiful courtesan of Rome, who was called Faustina. But seeing I had
no great wealth, and she was of a very high price, from ten to twelve
crowns a night, I was constrained to content me with words and looks
only. After some time I paid a second visit to the same city, and being
now better furnished with money, I went to visit her at her lodging by
the introduction of another lady, and did find her married to a man of
the law, though still established in her old quarters. She did welcome
me affectionately, and recounted me the good fortune of her marriage,
repudiating altogether the follies of her previous life, to the which
she had said farewell forever. I did then show her an handful of good
French crowns, for indeed I was dying of love for her worse than ever.
She was tempted at the sight and did grant me that I longed for, saying
how in concluding marriage, she had claimed and agreed with her husband
for her entire liberty,—without scandal, however, or concealment, and
only at the price of a large sum,—to the end the pair of them might
live in affluence. She was therefore to be had only by wealthy men; and
to them he would yield very willingly, but not to petty customers at
all. Truly here was a husband cuckold out and out, in bud and blossom
too.
I have heard speak of a lady of the great world who, in concluding
marriage, did desire and stipulate that her husband should leave her at
Court to follow the pursuit of love, reserving herself alway the use
of her forest of dead-wood or common faggot at her own good pleasure.
However, in return, she was to give him every month a thousand francs
for his little indulgences of every day. In fact the one thought was to
have a merry life of it.
Thus it is, such women as have been free, cannot easily refrain, but
will e’en burst the strait bars of the doors imprisoning them, however
strong these be and well guarded, wherever gold doth clink and glitter.
Witness the beauteous daughter of King Acrisius (Danaë), who all
confined and imprisoned in her great tower as she was, yet did feel
the persuasive drops of Jupiter’s fair rain of gold, and admit the
same.[77*]
Ah! how hard it is, a gallant gentleman of my acquaintance used to say,
to safeguard a woman which is fair, ambitious, greedy and covetous of
being bravely attired, and richly dressed, gaily decked out and well
appointed, so that she lay not _cul en terre_,—no matter how well
armed, as they say, her fort be, and however brave and valiant a man
her husband be, and albeit he doth carry a good sword to defend her
withal.
I have known so many of these same brave and valiant folk which have
all gone this road. And truly ’tis great pity to see these honourable
and brave men come to this, and that, after so many gallant victories
won by them, so many notable conquests over their enemies and noble
combats decided by their valour, they should yet be forced to carry
horns intermingled among the fair flowers and leaves of the crowns of
triumph they wear,—horns which do altogether spoil the effect thereof.
Yet do they think far more of their high ambitions and noble combats,
their honourable emprises and valiant exploits, than of safeguarding
their wives and throwing light on their dark places. And this is how,
without more ado, they do come to the city of Cuckoldland and the
conquest of the same. Yet is it a sore pity. For instance, I once knew
a very brave and valiant gentleman, bearing a very high name and title,
who was one day proudly telling over his valiant deeds and conquests,
when a very honourable and noble gentleman, his comrade and friend, who
was present, did say, “Yes! there he is telling us of all his wonderful
conquests; but truly to master his own wife’s affair is the greatest of
all he hath ever won, or ever will!”[78*]
Many others have I known, who no matter what grace, majesty and proud
carriage they might show, yet did every one display that look of the
cuckold which doth spoil all the rest. For truly this look and defect
cannot ever be hid or dissembled; no confidence of bearing and gesture
whatsoever can hinder its being known and evidently noted. And for
myself, never have I seen any one of these folk in all my life but
did have their own distinctive marks, gestures, postures, looks and
defects,—excepting only one I knew once, in whom the most keen-sighted
could have found naught to observe or take hold of, without knowing his
wife as well; such an easy grace, pleasant manners, and honourable,
dignified deportment were his.
I would earnestly beg ladies which have husbands so perfect not to play
them such tricks and put such affronts on them. But then they might in
their turn retort upon me, “Nay! tell us where are to be found these
perfect husbands, such as was the man whose example you have just
quoted to us?”
Verily, ladies, you are right; for that all men cannot be Scipios
and Cæsars. I hold, therefore, that herein ye must e’en follow your
fancies. For indeed, speaking of the Cæsars, the most gallant of
mankind have all gone this road, and the most virtuous and perfect,
as I have said above and as we do read of that enlightened Emperor
Trajan,[79] whose perfections, however, could not hinder his wife
Plotina from yielding herself up entirely to the good pleasure of
Hadrian, which was Emperor afterward. From her did this last win great
advantages, profits and aggrandisement, so much so that she was the
chief cause of his advancement. Nor was he in any wise ungrateful,
after he had come to greatness, for he did love her and ever honour
her right well. And after her death he did make such mourning and felt
such sadness that at the last he did altogether lose all wish to eat
and drink for a while, and was forced to tarry in Narbonese Gaul, where
he had heard the sad tidings, three or four months, during which time
he writ to the Senate ordering them to stablish Plotina in the number
of the Goddesses, and did command that at her funeral sacrifices,
exceeding rich and sumptuous, should be offered. Meantime he did employ
his leisure in building and raising up, to her honour and memory, a
very beautiful temple near Nemausus, now called Nimes, adorned with
most fair and rich marbles and porphyries, with other gawds.
See then how in matters of love and its satisfaction, naught at all can
be laid down for certain. For truly Cupid the God thereof is blind, as
doth clearly appear in sundry women, which having husbands as handsome
and honourable and accomplished as can anywhere be seen, yet do fall in
love with other men as ill-favoured and foul as mortals may be.
I have seen many cases that did force one to ask this question: Which
is the more whorish dame, she that hath a right handsome and honourable
husband, yet taketh an ill-favoured lover, one that is evil-tempered
and quite unlike her husband; or she which hath an ill-favoured and
ill-conditioned husband, and doth take a handsome, agreeable lover, and
yet ceaseth not to love and fondly caress her husband, as if he were
the prince of men for beauty,—as myself have seen many a woman do?
Of a surety the common voice doth declare that she which, having an
handsome husband, yet doth leave the same to love an ill-favoured
lover is a very great whore,—just as a person is surely a foul glutton
which doth quit good food to eat of bad. So when a woman doth quit
an handsome piece to take up with an ill-favoured, it hath all the
semblance of her doing this out of sheer lecherousness, seeing there is
naught more licentious and more fitted to satisfy licentiousness than
an ugly man, with a savour more after the fashion of a stinking, filthy
and lascivious goat than of a proper man. And in very deed handsome
and honourable men are something more delicate and less apt to satiate
an excessive and unbridled wantonness than is a coarse, bearded, lewd
fellow, some big ramping countrified satyr.
Others maintain that the woman which doth love a handsome lover and
an ill-favoured husband, and doth caress them both, is at the least
as great a whore as the other, for that she is fain to lose naught
whatever of her ordinary diet and sustenance.
Such women are like them that travel in foreign lands, yea! and in
France to boot, which being arrived at night at the inn to supper, do
never forget to claim of mine host the wheeler’s measure. Yea! and the
fellow must needs have it too, albeit he should be full of good liquor
to the throat already.
So will these dames, when night comes, never be without their
“wheeler’s measure,”—as was the way with one I knew well, who yet had
a husband that was a right good performer. Natheless are they fain to
increase and redouble their pleasure by any means they may, liking
to have the lover for the day, which doth show up his beauty and so
make the lady more eager for the fray, and give her more delight and
satisfaction by reason of the good daylight. But the worthy husband
with his ill-favoured face is kept for nighttime; for truly, as they
say all cats are grey at night, and provided the lady have satisfaction
of her appetites, she recks naught whether her mate is ill or well
favoured.