Though a genius--at any rate according to Brantome--it was now David
Verne, instead of Lilla, who suffered from the feeling of inferiority.
To hold her, he had only his music, and perhaps his bodily feebleness
that excited her compassion. Yet this feebleness, profound,
insurmountable, was what caused his torments of jealousy.
The question was, how long would she be content with this wan sort of
love?
And what did he know of her life during all the hours when she was
invisible to him? What homage, what persuasions, must she, with her
peculiar loveliness, not be object of, out there in the world full of
gaiety and vitality, where strength was always offering itself to
beauty? It would be only natural, he thought, if one of those men
should win her heart away, and she, out of pity, should pretend that
nothing had happened.
For that matter, perhaps even now----
At last she understood why, when she entered the room, he sometimes
transfixed her with that poignant, questioning look. Then his
appearance was the same as on the day of their first meeting, as
though, at that dread, he had lost all the ground that she had helped
him to gain.
"Oh, what folly!" she cried, aghast more at the change in him than at
this injustice. "If you knew how seldom I see any one these days,
except you!"
He remained lost in the fatal contemplation of the idea, his body sunk
even deeper in the wheel chair.
"And what's more there never has been anybody else, except one----"
A gleam issued from the eyes of the poor wretch who, while hovering so
nicely between life and death, was still, just because he could see
her, hear her voice, and touch her hand, superior to the dead.
"I am not jealous of him," he affirmed, though not quite convincingly;
since a man may be nearly as jealous of a departed rival as of a
present one. "But every fellow that you know, who walks toward you in
his wholeness and vigor, is my superior. Ah, my music; don't speak of
it! What does all that amount to against those natural qualities,
which I can never regain?"
His frail, handsome, bronzed, young face expressed a puerile
helplessness. And it was with a maternal pity that she reassured him,
using words such as mothers find for children frightened by the dark.
"Forgive me, Lilla. But what do you expect? You are my life."
She reflected that beneath his weakness there was a strength perhaps
greater than the strength of the strong; and now, at last, she thought
of the clutch of the drowning.
Then, instead of meeting her always at Brantome's, he had himself
wheeled to her house. Two or three times a week, as the summer
advanced, he dined there, in the cream-colored room where Balbians and
Dellivers of Andrew Jackson's day--and even a dandy by Benjamin West in
a sky-blue satin coat--looked down from above the mahogany sideboards
that were laden with Colonial glassware and old Lowenstoft. The
windows were open to the mews; the candle flames flickered in a tepid
breeze. They could hear the faint crash of a band that was playing a
Strauss waltz in Washington Square.
She had not opened the Long Island house. As for David, he had a house
of his own in a corner of Westchester County, inherited from his
parents, who had been well-to-do. He told her about his family and his
childhood--his feeling of strangeness amid persons who had thought him
very queer, and had tried by every means to make him conform to their
ideals of thought. "I was a sort of black sheep," he declared,
"because some necessity compelled me to be myself. I could never get
over my skepticism about a thousand things that seemed plain to those
good folks----"
The candles flickered before his hypersensitive face. The band in the
Square continued to play Strauss's _Rosen aus dem Süden_, with its old
suggestions of agile grace, united movement, young men and maidens
joyously dancing away toward kisses and laughter. The servants brought
in the fresh course. Lilla cut up David's food, then held the fork to
his lips; for the man who had scrawled that concerto could not lift his
hands high enough to feed himself. He faltered:
"Your dinner will get cold."
"All the better, on such a hot night."
"Yes," he sighed, "you ought not to be here in this oven of a city."
"Oh, I!" she retorted, with moisture in her eyes.
In the drawing-room Hamoud-bin-Said paced to and fro, sometimes
standing before the picture by Bronzino, and seeming to stare clear
through it. He was serene, as water is serene that has been lashed by
tempests, and that holds in the depths of its placidity secrets that
none can discern. He was always near nowadays, on the fringe of their
lives, just beyond the radius of their preoccupations, the silent
witness of this strange love affair, in the humble station that Allah,
for some inscrutable reason, had decreed for him.