_House of Commons. Monday, May 2_.--"Would that midnight or Closure
would come!" murmured Prince ARTHUR just now, looking wearily up at
clock.
It is only eleven; still another hour; hard even for trained nerves.
For more than six hours been discussing Scotch Equivalent Grant.
CLARK's musical voice has floated through the House by the half hour.
[Illustration: "Curling himself up with delight."]
"A bagpipe with bronchitis nothing to it," says FARQUHARSON, curling
himself up with delight as he hears sounds that remind him of
his mountain home. HUNTER has relentlessly pursued the unhappy
LORD-ADVOCATE, and CALDWELL has thoroughly enjoyed himself. His life,
it will be remembered, was temporarily blighted by action of ROBERTSON
when he was Lord-Advocate. Got up, following CALDWELL in debate, and
dismissed a subject in a quarter of an hour's speech without reference
to oration hour-and-half long with which CALDWELL had delighted House.
Don't remember what the subject was, but never forget CALDWELL's
seething indignation, his righteous anger, his withering wrath.
ROBERTSON smiled in affected disregard; but very soon after he found
it convenient to withdraw from the focus of CALDWELL's eye, and take
refuge on the Scotch Bench. As for CALDWELL, he withdrew his support
from Ministers, tore up his ticket of membership as a Unionist, and
returned to the Gladstonian fold. A tragic story which SCOTT might
have worked up into three volumes had he been alive. He is not, but
CALDWELL is, and so are we--at least partially after this six hours'
talk round rates in Scotland, whether at ten shillings per head or
twelve shillings. At half past eleven human nature could stand it no
longer; progress reported although there still remained half-an-hour
available time.
_Business done_.--Scotch Members avenged Culloden.
[Illustration: "The Nose have it."]
_Tuesday_.--"Rather a mean thing for MARJORIBANKS to bolt in this way,
don't you think?" said CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, walking out of House when
SINCLAIR showed signs of following CALDWELL. "Says he has some County
Council meeting in Scotland. Went off by train last night; promised
to be back on Thursday. We'll see. When he made that arrangement he
thought Scotch Bill would be through to-night; but it won't. Will
certainly go over to Thursday. So Master MARJORIBANKS will find
himself caught when he comes back. Meanwhile he's escaped to-day and
some hours of last night, which is something. As for me, I've stuck
to my post, and will very probably die at it. Go in and listen to
SINCLAIR, dear boy, following CALDWELL, succeeded by ESSLEMONT. with
CLARK in reserve. I think you'll enjoy yourself."
So I did; thoroughly pleasant afternoon from two o'clock to seven.
LORD-ADVOCATE visibly growing leaner in body, greyer in face.
CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN's usually genial temperament souring, as will
be observed from remarks quoted above. J.B. BALFOUR looking in from
Edinburgh professes thoroughly to enjoy the business. But then
he's fresh to it. Pretty large attendance of Members, but reserve
themselves solely for Division. When bell rings three hundred odd come
trooping in to follow the Whips into either lobby; then troop forth
again. Long JOHN O'CONNOR beams genially down on scene.
"Glad you're having this for a change," he says. "You grumble when
we Irish take the floor. Now the Scotch will oblige. Hope you'll like
Caledonian and CALDWELL better than Home Rule and Erin G. O'BRIEN."
"Yes, I do," I boldly answered. Only distraught between conflicting
charms of CALDWELL and SINCLAIR. There is a cold massivity about
SINCLAIR, a pointedness of profile, when he declares "the Nose have
it." But there is a loftiness about CALDWELL's tone, a subdued fire in
his manner when he is discussing the difference between a rate of ten
shillings and one of twelve, a withering indignation for all that is
false or truculent (in short, anything connected with the office of
Lord-Advocate) that strangely moves the listener. The very mystery
of his ordinary bearing weaves a spell of enchantment around him.
For days and weeks he will sit silent, watchful, with his eye on the
paralysed Scotch Law Officers. Then, suddenly, as in this debate
on the Equivalent Grant, he comes to the front, and pours forth an
apparently inexhaustible flood of argumentative oratory, delivered
with exhilarating animation. "Give me Peebles for pleasure," said
the loyal Lowlander home from a fortnight's jaunt in Paris. "Give me
CALDWELL for persuasive argument," says PLUNKET, himself a born orator
who has missed scarcely five minutes of this two days' debate.
[Illustration: CANDIDATE CATCHING.]
Curious how influence of the hour permeates and dominates everything,
even to the distant Lake Ny'yassa. Question asked when House met as to
how things were going on there under Commissioner JOHNSTON. No one at
all surprised when, in reply, LOWTHER referred to the "two powerful
Chiefs, JUMBE and MCPONDA." Should like to hear the views of the last
gentleman on the Scotch Equivalent Grant, its application to secondary
education in Scotland, and the probable ultimate destination of the
£25,000 allotted to parochial boards.
_Business done_.--More of the Scotch Equivalent Grant.
[Illustration: Effect of a great big D in the House.]
_Wednesday_.--May Day passed off quietly enough; but you can't have
air charged with electricity, and your back-cellars filled with
dynamite, without danger of explosion. Burst to-day in unlooked-for
place, in unexpected circumstances. HALDANE brought in Bill providing
that ratepayers should share with Duke of WESTMINSTER and other great
landowners benefit of unearned increment. Prospect alluring, but
debate not exhilarating. House nearly empty; ASQUITH delivering able
but not exciting speech in favour of Bill. Just sort of time and
circumstances when, in another place, Judge might be expected to fall
asleep on Bench. Citizen ROBERT GALNIGAD BONTINE CUNINGHAME GRAHAM,
sitting on Bench behind ASQUITH, listening like the rest of us to
his well-ordered argument. The Citizen a little tired with Sunday's
peregrination. Been walking about all day with stout stick in hand,
and blood-red handkerchief in pocket, ready for any emergency. At
favourable moment blood-red handkerchief would flash forth, tied on to
stick with timely twine, and there's your flag! Republic proclaimed;
Citizen GRAHAM first President, under title GALNIGAD I., and before
Secretary-of-State MATTHEWS quite knew where he was, he would be
viewing the scene from an elevated position pendant in Trafalgar
Square.
Chance had not come; GRAHAM still plain Citizen, in House of Commons
listening to commonplace proposals about unearned increment. This
evidently wouldn't do. Suddenly jumped up; shook fist at back of
ASQUITH's unoffending head, and, _à propos de bottes_, "wanted to know
about the swindling companies and their shareholders?"
ASQUITH really hadn't been saying anything about them; turning round
beheld Citizen GRAHAM glaring upon him, throwing about his arms as if
he were semaphore signalling to the rearguard of Republican Army.
"Order! Order!" cried SPEAKER, sternly.
"Oh, you can suspend me if you like," said Citizen GRAHAM, airily, as
if it were no hanging matter. Members angrily joined in cry of "Order!
Order!" SPEAKER promptly "named" the Citizen--not with his full list
of names, for time was pressing.
"Name away!" roared the Citizen, whom nothing could disconcert. HOME
SECRETARY having no fear of the lamppost before his eyes, formally
moved that the Citizen be suspended. GRAHAM snapped his fingers at
HOME SECRETARY. "Suspend away!" he shouted.
[Illustration: "Hair slowly uplifting."]
Members looked on aghast. ROWLANDS standing at the Bar, conscious of
his hair slowly uplifting. Belonged to the advanced guard himself;
but this going little too far. LUBBOCK, sitting near Citizen,
strategically attempted to change the conversation. "Did you ever," he
said, blandly, "notice how the queen bee, when she is--"
"Oh, you bee ----" said the Citizen, roughly shaking off the gentle
Bee-master.
SAM SMITH shudderingly covered his face with his hands. "I'm so
afraid," he whispered, "of the old A-dam coming out." And it did,
Citizen GRAHAM himself immediately after going out, stopping at the
Bar to shuffle through a few steps of the Carmagnole, and trumpet
defiance on his blood-red handkerchief.
After this, a mere flash of lightning through the low clouds of a dull
afternoon, ASQUITH went on with his speech, debate proceeded as if
nothing had happened, and HALDANE's Bill thrown out by 223 Votes
against 148. _Business done_.--Citizen GRAHAM suspended.
_Friday_.--House met to-day as it did yesterday and day before to
discuss Bills and Motions. But all the talk really turns upon date of
Dissolution, and what is likely to happen after a General Election.
SQUIRE OF MALWOOD serenely confident in the future.
"Yes," I said to him to-night, "it must be a great comfort to you to
reflect that when you come into office you will not have to beat about
for a programme. You've got your Newcastle platform, and I suppose a
Liberal Ministry will stand upon that."
"You remind me, dear TOBY," said the Squire, with a far-away look, "of
a story COLERIDGE brought home from his memorable visit to the United
States. On his way down to Chicago he went out on the platform of the
car to breathe the air and look at the scenery. 'Come off that,' said
the Conductor, following him, 'you can't stand on the platform.' 'My
good man,' said JOHN DUKE--you know his silver voice and his bland
manner--'what is a platform for, if not to stand on?' 'Platforms,'
said the Conductor, sententiously, 'are not made to stand on, they are
made to get in on.'"
_Business done_.--Miscellaneous.
* * * * *