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[Illustration: DRAWING-ROOM INANITIES.
_She_. "NO, DON'T SIT THERE, MR. SPLOSHER--THAT'S MY UGLY SIDE!"
_He_ (_wishing to please_). "WELL--A--REALLY--I DON'T SEE ANY
DIFFERENCE!"]
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"NOT AT HOME!"
(_A DUOLOGUE ON A DOORSTEP._)
SCENE--_The G.O.M.'s front door. Two expectant callers,
EIGHT-HOURS BILL and Miss SARAH SUFFRAGE, in sore
disappointment and some disgust, interlocute_:--
_Mr. Bill_ (_sardonically_). _You_ too? Ah! he ain't no respecter of
pussons, _he_ ain't!
_Miss Sarah_ (_tartly_). Well, this tries the temper of even a
Suffrage she-saint.
I _did_ think,--but there, you _cannot_ trust Men--even Grand Old Ones!
_Mr. Bill. Trust_? Them as do trust Party Leaders are gen'rally _sold_
ones.
It don't a mite matter _which_ side.
_Miss Sarah_. Well, as far as I see,
The _other_ side shows the most signs, BILL, of favouring Me!
I'm sure Mister BALFOUR was awfully civil and nice.
_Mr. Bill_. You won't trust Prince ARTHUR too far, if you'll take _my_
advice.
_Miss Sarah_. Well, no,--but I _should_ like to pay out--the other. Ah,
drat him!
I'd comb his scant wool, the old fox, could I only get at him.
_I_'d pamphlet the wily old word-spinner.
_Mr. Bill_. Ah! I've no doubt;
But wot can we do when his flunkey assures us he's out?
_Miss Sarah. We_'re out, anyhow.
_Mr. Bill_. Ah! you see you ain't never got _in_.
But me, his old pardner and pal! It's a shame, and a sin!
He's throwed lots of cold water of late. I am blowed if I likes
His wobbleyfied views about Payment of Members, and Strikes.
And then that HOOD bizness! Long rigmarole--cheered by the Tories!
I fear it's all Ikybod now with our G.O.M.'s glories.
_Miss Suffrage_. I never _quite_ liked him--at heart. Mrs. FAWCETT,
_she_ warned me.
_Mr. Bill_. Well, now, I _did_ love him! You see, he so buttered and
yarned me;
And now--he won't see me! O WILLYUM, I carn't understand it.
_Miss Suffrage_. I've asked him politely this time. P'raps next time
I'll _demand_ it.
Unsex me? Aha! I am willing to wager Stonehenge
To a pebble, when canvassing's wanted, I'll have my revenge!
_Mr. Bill_. And though he seems cocksure the Gen'l Election he'll win,
Maybe if he's _out_ to me always, _he_ may not get _in_! [_Exeunt._
_Grand Old Voice_ (_within_). Look nasty! Now have I done wisely this
time--on reflection?
One must be so careful--"in view of the General Election!"
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