THE SEVEN YEARS
The human imagination, which responds easily to the narration of an
immediate sorrow, is unable to comprehend that suffering which has no
end, for the imagination of man is powerless before the stretch of time,
which always surprises and mystifies it. Hence the difficulty of making
comprehensible the agony of the seven years' waiting in which Sheila
suddenly found herself; as though she had suddenly awakened in the
embrace of a dungeon, forgotten and without hope. For man can conceive
of the future only in the terms of the past, and if time, when reviewed,
has the ironical property of amazing contraction, it has, when
anticipated, according to the intensity of the desire, the illimitable
power of extension with something of the mysterious cruelty of death,
incessantly multiplied and incessantly possible.
What is seven years in the human life? In the past it is a breath, in
the future it is eternal. In the memory it ceases to exist or stands
only as a vague gap which one seeks bewildered and with a sense of loss.
In the future, for the convict who awaits his liberty, for the genius
who runs the streets unrecognized, for the lover and the heir, seven
years stretches beyond the human vision and has something of the quality
of eternal punishment.
Seven years to eat out her soul in patience, seven years to mortify
unquenchable desires, seven years to contemplate the autumn of her youth
arriving, to have all just beyond reach, to gain all just too late, and
to suffer each day the pangs of a queen in exile--this was the aspect to
the distracted woman of these inexorable seven years on the morning
after the revelation of the lawyer. She had not realized it at once. She
began to comprehend it in the morning after a night of agony.
When Bofinger returned the next afternoon he found her shattered and
inert. She had passed from the horror of waiting to a recoil from the
suffering she must begin, as a damned soul might shrink at the brink of
the unending atonement. She did the natural thing. She refused to
believe that Fargus could be dead. Then, as though to surrender the
thought of the millions was as painful as to wait for the half of one,
she found a wretched consolation in the hope that Fargus had found the
mines and had pretended death, until by careful espionage he could
satisfy himself that she was worthy.
Bofinger had his reasons for keeping her in ignorance of her legal
rights. He did not inform her that she could apply to the courts for an
allowance, for he wished to keep everything in his hands, fearing
specially the danger of her falling into honest guidance. Two things he
wished to avoid, her learning the value of her inheritance and, in his
selfishness, her spending what would undoubtedly be a liberal
allowance. To make more secure his hold he loaned her the sum requisite
for her needs, twelve hundred a year, taking notes of acknowledgment at
twelve months for double the amount, which by constant exchange he
calculated to swell to usorious figures. Also it suited his precautions
that she should be forced to live frugally and separated from the world,
for he knew the dangers of her nature which, were the opportunity
presented, would sacrifice everything for instant luxury. Without his
suspecting it, one thing abetted his end. Sheila's account at the bank
terminated with her first credit. Seeing that she refused, for some
unaccountable reason, to surrender the hope of Fargus's return, he
encouraged her in that persuasion, pretending also to fear some ruse of
his eccentric nature.
For two years Sheila clung to this obstinate hope, and at times
thereafter she returned to it desperately, but at the beginning of the
fourth year she abandoned her dream utterly and resigned herself to
despair, with the revolt of one who can accuse but fate and sees
herself the sport of some divine cruelty. In brief, as the history of
such daily grief can no more be told than comprehended, six years passed
and, amazed, she beheld the beginning of the last period.
She was entering then her forty-first year. With the six preceding years
she had bidden a sullen farewell to the last of her youth and in this
cruel martyrdom had watched day by day the imperceptible fading of her
bloom, the dulling of her eyes until, doomed to impotently witness the
fragrance and the warmth evaporate, she had come rebelling into middle
age, having been beautiful, coquette, and pleasure-loving for nothing.
What gave a mysterious horror to this period was the utter
impossibility, when she sought back, to perceive even the traces of the
journey.
At the beginning of the seventh year she awoke and shaking off all
restraint began desperately to anticipate the arrival of her fortune.
Bofinger, after a first resistance, seeing her resolved, advanced her
the sums she required, surprising her by his generosity and good humor.
At thirty-four she had looked upon forty as irrevocable. Now she said to
herself that she had yet two years into which to crowd all the defeated
longings of her youth. She flung madly into the vanities of luxury. She
dismissed her maid of all work and installed a cook and waitress. She
made a bundle, so to speak, of all her furnishings; replacing the
carpets with oriental rugs, introducing into the dining-room a
magnificent sideboard spread with silver. As for the parlor and bedroom,
within six months they retained not an object of those treasures which
had once seemed to her so luxurious and whose purchase had cost Fargus
such pangs.
Each afternoon in a landau, which she rented by the month, prepared by
her coiffeur, perceptibly rouged, a little puffy but always noticeable,
she rolled away languidly to mingle in the parade of the avenue. In the
evenings she lived from theater to theater.
Paradise, to this woman, was to be admired, envied, and coveted. She
loved but two ideas, herself and the world. Her feminine nature had
never sought the tribute of the individual--the woman who does that
returns her love--but the admiration of the mass; an emotion entirely
selfish and egoistical. In her appetite for admiration she made no
discriminations, the meanest glances had the power of rendering her
supremely happy. So each day, as she whirled along up Fifth Avenue and
through the Park, she watched anxiously from the corners of her eye,
counting the looks that followed her; thoughtful and pained when an old
beau, who recognized her artifices, showed her to a friend with a
knowing laugh, delighted when a young man, attracted by the mystery of
woman's maturity, ogled her with supreme daring.
One consideration alone kept her in her modest neighborhood, a
consideration human and quite feminine. Next to the joy of rubbing
elbows with the fashionable world, she procured her greatest delight in
the triumph over her neighbors, which she each day achieved as, perfumed
and hidden in laces, she was handed into her carriage.
In this unsatisfied, false joy she ran through the last twelve months,
eating up the savings of the lawyer, who continued meanwhile all suavity
and good nature, calling on her three times a week, serving her in
little ways, always agreeable and amusing, acting as her companion
whenever it pleased her. Still she was not the dupe of his mildness,
understanding very well its end. Only as a disagreeable situation to be
met in the future she found it easier to banish the problem from her
mind.
Thus arrived the end of January, and the day which brought to an end the
seven years. At eight promptly Bofinger arrived bearing a bouquet. Time
had not entirely overlooked him. He had turned slightly bald, the
wrinkles had invaded every cranny, and his vest had generously rounded
out. But despite such telltale evidence, he had not yielded a jot of
the dress of a young dandy. He wore a fancy shirt, thin red lines on a
lavender background, upright collar of the same decoration. A flowing
crimson tie passed through the loop of a large ruby ring, this last the
memento of a gentleman who procured such trifles at considerably below
their market value. A blue silk vest with a firmament of yellow stars
was designed to give the touch of gaiety needed to a suit of ruddy brown
cheviot.
Pending Sheila's arrival he waited in the parlor, heels clicked
together, stiff legs, bouquet to his bosom, a speech on his tongue.
Then, as this attitude began to cramp him, he relaxed, placed the
bouquet on the table and stalked about the room, contemplating with his
chin in his palm the display of Sheila's extravagance. Many thoughts
doubtless passed through his mind, which he summed up by clicking to
himself and saying with conviction:
"Damn, she'll take a lot of driving!"
Then instinctively the fingers of his left hand tightened as one who
already grips the reins.
Immersed in this reflection he did not notice Sheila's soft entrance. By
a caprice, instead of making a toilette for the anniversary she had put
on a plain dress of black, either to render herself less desirable or to
appeal to his compassion. She stood a moment silently, her glance bent
gravely upon him. Then, advancing with a smile, she said lightly:
"Heavens, Alonzo, you _have_ something on your mind!"
Bofinger, startled, turned about in haste, losing all his effect.
"Do you know what night this is?" she asked, stealing his thunder.
"I have come to congratulate you on your widowhood," he said hurriedly.
"Is that why you have gone into mourning?"
"And are those flowers for me?" she asked with a gesture.
"Eh," he cried, and, turning clumsily, hastily presented them. To
restore his equanimity he began to smoke, while Sheila, after touching
the flowers of the bouquet one by one, finally laid them down on her lap
and said:
"Do you know that, until a few months ago, I expected him to turn up at
any moment."
"Well, at times I had the same idea," he said with a nod. "A sort of
superstition. However, if the waiting was long it's over now. Sheila,
own up, I haven't been a half bad fellow, have I? Have you any complaint
coming?"
"No," she replied with a smile. "You have been easy on me; but I never
thought that it was against your interests."
He frowned, and bringing out a package of notes said acridly:
"Do you know just how much I've loaned you? For seven years I've made
you an allowance of $1,200 yearly, total $8,400. It may be interesting
to note that it has been at a slight personal embarrassment. Beside
which, in the last twelve months I have advanced you $4,800; to do
which I have been forced to borrow heavily. Total, $13,200."
"Finish up the calculation, Alonzo," she said with a shrug, "and tell me
just what you expect to make on your generous transactions. However, I
don't object, virtue should be rewarded."
"About $32,000," he said promptly, "which is nothing considering the
risks. Yet," he continued, placing the notes on the table before him
with a significant movement, "I'll have something more to say about this
later, then perhaps you will give me more credit."
An awkward moment succeeded, what each felt was the end of the
skirmishing. It was the woman who finally resolutely went to the attack.
"Alonzo," she said, sinking back in her chair, "we might as well come to
the point. I know very well what that is,--you intend to marry me. Well,
let us talk it over and as friends. For our feelings have changed and,
as I have become a middle-aged woman, I look at things differently. You
have had your interests but you have been a good friend to me. So let's
talk the situation over, as friends."
"Agreed," he said gravely; "but as we are going to be frank, Sheila,
why, I may as well say now, we will be married day after to-morrow."
"Then let us discuss it on that basis," she said with a smile, into
which she put all the indifference and weariness of middle-age. "What is
the situation? You wish your half of Fargus's fortune; I don't flatter
myself there is any other reason for our marriage. Well, you shall have
it--freely. I won't hide from you that I did at first rebel. Now you
have fairly earned it. But on the other hand I want my liberty. So take
your share and leave me free. On your side, at forty-three, you are
young. You will want to enjoy life, you won't want to do it with an old
woman at your side. You love life, my dear Alonzo, and a wife
twenty-five years old is what you need. For me," she said with a tired
smile, "I have come to what I never felt possible; I adore pleasure as
much as ever, but I have no longer the strength. Yes, I must get used to
being old. This last year has tired me dreadfully. It's over, money will
no longer mean what it could have meant."
"And what will you do with it?" he asked solemnly.
"Me? I may make a splurge for another six months, for it is hard to give
up. After which," she added with profound deliberation, "I think I'll
devote myself to charity. Therefore, my dear Alonzo, don't tie up with a
middle-aged woman when it isn't necessary."
"My dear Sheila," Bofinger said, adopting the same attitude. "What I am
going to say will surprise you; I too have changed. No, I have not the
same desires, the same enthusiasms I had seven years ago. I am not young
at forty-three and to play it would make me ridiculous. A time for all
things. Now I have other ambitions. But first of all I have gotten to
the point in life when a man gets lonely--wants to anchor somewhere."
"Heavens, Alonzo," she cried in vexation, "you're not going to make love
to me now!"
"That would not be difficult, my dear Sheila," he said with an admiring
glance, "though for some reason you have taken pains to-night to appear
at your worst." And tilting his nose in the air, he enjoyed a smile at
the expense of the woman, he had not studied in vain.
"What's the use, Sheila? You know it's settled. And when we get as far
along as this scenes ain't agreeable. When we're married," he added,
sweeping up the bundle of notes, "Sheila, my dear, you may make a
bonfire of these without it's costing you more than the price of a
match."
"But," she said suspiciously, "if that's been your intention why did you
make me sign such agreements?"
"And supposing you had died," he said with a shrug. "What would have
been coming to me? Nothing but the papers I held. Now tell me I haven't
been generous! And what's more, when we're married, you can choose. I'll
take what's coming to me and leave you absolutely free--or--"
"Or what," she asked, at some wonder to hear him speak so soft.
"Or we can pull together. The property has improved, if we wanted higher
stakes we could do much together. I'd go into politics; that's the way
to invest your money to-day. Yes, Sheila, tastes change and new
ambitions come. After forty only power satisfies a man. That is what I
want. So, frankly, I should like a home. I feel I'd make a good husband
and, Sheila, I shouldn't find it difficult to be proud of you!"
In listening to these soft words and seeing him so settled and
phlegmatic, knowing the charity that comes with fortune, she had perhaps
a moment during which she was willing to believe that he had really
experienced a change of heart. So easily are we persuaded of the best
intentions, when we fear the worst.
"But why," she asked after a thoughtful interval, "why is marriage
necessary? There is no question of your half, that I promise you."
"My dear," he said with deprecatory candor, "I am too old to change my
skin. I know I can trust you, now. Yet, to save my life, I couldn't help
doubting it. It's second nature, you know. Seeing is believing, and
holding is better. I'm made to risk nothing, to act as though I
suspected everything. It ain't personal, Sheila--I can't help it."
She bit her lip and, driven to desperation, said angrily:
"But I don't want to marry you!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not in love with you."
"Were you with Fargus?" he said quietly. "It was a question of interest,
wasn't it? Well, marry me and it'll be to your interest too. Such a man
as I am, knowing the secret ways and who ain't squeamish, only needs
capital. Knowledge without capital is what makes the shyster."
"However, you leave me free to choose?" she said.
"Perfectly."
"Then," she said decisively, seeking to provoke from him his true
feelings, "since you won't trust me to pay, we'll be married and, as
soon as you get your half, you'll arrange for a divorce."
"I regret," he said politely but with a ring of vexation, "that is not
possible. In coming into possession of Fargus's estate you must give
bonds for the principal until another seven years have elapsed. There
also you will need my assistance."
"Then in heaven's name what do I get!" she cried, rising.
"Humph, you get the income," he said with a shrug, "which is
tolerable--quite enough."
"Well, what?"
"Well," he drawled, looking askance at her, "somewhere around $50,000."
"A year?" she said faintly.
"Yes. The property must have bettered considerable--ought to fetch
close on to a million now."
"And that, all that is mine!" she said, palpitating.
"All ours," he corrected, and his voice trembled a little, despite
himself.
"And half of that won't satisfy you!" she cried.
"Two such halves are better than one," he said, then added hastily,
"However, that lies with you. If you say it, it will be a marriage in
form only."
"Let me think it over," she said, still under the shock of her surprise.
"Certainly," he answered, rising to depart. "You are perfectly free."
"Thank you."
"But," he added at the door, "be ready for the ceremony, day after
to-morrow, at eleven in the morning. Good night. Think over the rest
carefully."
Then she comprehended, what at the bottom she had known from the
beginning, that, despite all her resources, at the crucial moment he
would always be her master, and in the matter of her fortune she would
do exactly as he designed.