Matrimonial and Sexual
A boy is regarded as having reached a marriageable age at about 16,
17, or 18, and the age for a girl is a few years younger. They do
not as a rule marry before they have received their perineal bands;
but there does not appear to be any definite custom against their
doing so; nor are there any acts which must be performed to qualify
for marriage, nor any indications by dress or ornament or otherwise
that a boy or girl has attained a marriageable age.
Marriages are usually contracted with women of another community,
though sometimes the wife will belong to a village of another clan
in the same community. Very rarely only is she of another village of
the same clan, and still more rarely is she of the same village, clan
exogamy being the rule, and marriages within the clan, and still more
within the village, being regarded as irregular and undesirable, and
people who have contracted them being considered as having done wrong.
There does not appear to be any system of special matrimonial
relationship between any communities; and the mode described below, by
which a youth will by lighting a fire decide in which direction he must
travel to seek a wife, would be hardly consistent with any such system.
They have their prohibitive rules of consanguinity; but these are
based merely upon the number of generations between either party and
the common ancestor. The number of degrees within which prohibition
applies in this way is two, thus taking it to the grandparent; and
the result is that no man or woman may properly marry any descendant
of his or her paternal or maternal grandfather or grandmother, however
distant the actual relationship of the persons concerned may be. [79]
Marriages within the prohibited degree do in fact occur; but they
are discountenanced, and are rare.
Polygyny is usual, and is largely practised. A man will often have
two or three, or sometimes even four, wives; and a chief or rich man
may have as many as six. In the case of an ordinary person the wives
all live with their husband in the same house; but a chief or rich
person may have two or more houses. A man who is already married, and
then marries again, goes through a formality, if it may be so called,
similar to that of a first marriage. Opposition from the first wife
sometimes occurs, but this is unusual.
Infant betrothals are common; but they are quite informal, and not the
subject of any ceremony. The parents in such cases, whether of the same
or different communities, are usually intimate friends, and are thus
led to offer their children to each other for intermarriage. There
is a known case of a girl of 16 or 17 years of age, who was what
I can only call betrothed to the unborn son of a chief. A curious
element in this case was that at the date, prior to the birth of
the proposed husband, of what I call the betrothal, the price for
the girl was actually paid--a thing which is never done till the
marriage--and that, as I was most solemnly assured, the living girl
and the unborn boy were in fact regarded, not merely as betrothed,
but as actually married, and that, when the boy died, which he did in
infancy, long before marital relationship between them was possible,
the girl was regarded as being a widow. I could not ascertain what
happened as regards the price which had been paid for the girl. A
couple betrothed in childhood are not subject to any restrictions
as to meeting and mutual companionship, nor is there any mutual
avoidance, nor any increased probability, based on their betrothal,
of immorality between them; though in the more usual case of betrothal
between children of different communities they in ordinary course
are not likely to be constantly seeing each other.
A young man will speak of his sweetheart, present or prospective,
as his _ojande_, which means his "flower"; and this is so even if he
does not yet know her; and, when asked where he is going, he will
reply that he is going to seek an _ojande_. If he is not already
betrothed, and is matrimonially inclined, he has various expedients
for accomplishing his desires. A boy who wants to marry, and does not
know where to seek a wife, will sometimes light a fire in the bush,
or better still in an open space (not in the village), when the air is
still, and wait until a slight breeze blows the flame or smoke a little
in some one direction; and he will then select a community or village
which lies in that direction as the spot in which to seek a wife.
A boy will often carry in a small bag (this does not refer to the
special small charm bag already described) some pieces of wood and
stone, and will rub a piece of tobacco between two of these, and send
this tobacco to the girl of his choice through a female relative of
hers or some other friend; and he believes that in some mysterious way
this will draw her heart towards him, and make her accept him. The
pieces of wood and stone need not be of any particular kind; but he
will have carried them for a considerable time, until they have,
as he thinks, acquired the specific odour of his body; and it is
then that they have obtained their special power. It is impossible
to induce a boy to part with a piece of wood or stone which has been
so seasoned by time, and would take long to replace. Sometimes a boy
will acquire these things by purchase from a magic man, who professes
to be able to impart to them a more effective power.
A proposal of marriage is usually made by the boy through some female
relative of the girl, or other suitable person, and not directly by
him to the girl herself.
Another custom may be mentioned here, though it only relates to a man
who is already married, but wants another wife or wives. In clearing
the bush for yam gardens it is usual, as regards the smaller trees,
to cut away the side branches only, leaving the main trunks for posts
up which the yams will climb; but the man in question will in the
case of one (only one) of these smaller trees leave uncut one, two,
or three of the upper branches, the number so left being the number
of the wives he desires; and everyone understands its meaning.
As regards the relationship of unmarried boys and girls generally,
they are allowed to associate together, without any special precautions
to prevent misconduct, and a good deal of general immorality exists.
The marriage ceremony, following a parental betrothal, or with
parental acquiescence, is a very informal matter, and in fact both
the bargaining for the wife and the ceremony of the marriage are
in striking contrast to the elaborate system of bargaining and mock
raiding by the girl's family, and the wedding ceremonies, which are
adopted in Mekeo. A day is fixed for the marriage, and on that day the
boy goes to the house of the girl's parents, after which he and she
and her parents go to the house of the boy's parents, and the girl
is paid for then and there. After this the young people immediately
live together as a married couple in the house of either his or her
parents, until he has been able to build a house for himself. Neither
are there any special ceremonies in connection with the fixing of
the price. This is generally very small. Dogs' teeth, pearl shell,
necklaces, adzes, etc., are the usual things in which it is paid; but
there is always a pig, which has been killed under, or on the site of,
the grave platform above referred to. The price, in fact, depends upon
the position and wealth of the girl's parents, except that there is
always only one pig. The price is paid to the father of the girl, or,
if dead, to her eldest brother or other nearest male paternal relative.
A runaway marriage is still simpler. The boy has proposed to the girl
through her friend, and she has consented; and they simply run off
into the bush together, and remain in the bush, or the gardens, or a
distant village, until the boy's friends have succeeded in propitiating
the girl's father, and the price has been paid; and then the couple
return to the village.
After marriage, the husband and wife are not as a rule faithful to
each other, the marriage tie being only slight. Adultery on the part
of the wife, but not of the husband, is regarded as a serious offence,
if discovered. The injured husband will beat the guilty wife, and
is entitled to kill the man with whom she has misconducted herself,
and will usually do so; though nowadays he often dares not do so in
districts where he fears Government punishment. Sometimes he will be
content if the adulterer pays him a big price, say a pig; and this
compensation is now commonly accepted in districts where the husband
dares not kill. In either case, the husband generally keeps the wife.
Formal divorce or separation does not exist. A husband who wants to get
rid of his wife will make her life so miserable that she runs away from
him. But more usually the separation originates with the wife, who, not
liking or being tired of her husband, or being in love elsewhere, will
run away and elope altogether with another man. In such a case, the
husband may retaliate on that other man in the way already mentioned;
but that is rather the method adopted in cases of incidental adultery,
and as a rule, when the wife actually elopes, she and her paramour go
off to some other community, and the husband submits to the loss. He
will, however, claim from the wife's people the price which he paid
for her on his marriage. This is sometimes paid, but not always; and,
as the wife almost always belongs to another clan, and generally
to another community, the refusal to pay this claim is one of the
frequent causes of fighting, the members of the husband's clan,
and often the whole community, joining him in a punitive expedition.
When a man dies, or at all events after the removal by the widow
of her mourning, she goes back to her own people, generally taking
with her any of their young children who are then living in the
house. There is no devolution of the wife to the husband's brother,
or anything of that nature. Nor, in case of the death of the wife,
does the husband marry her sister.
Speaking of the people generally, it may certainly be said that sexual
morality among men, women, boys and girls is very low; and there is
no punishment for immorality, except as above stated.