_The_ GUINEA-HEN, HENS, DUCKS, _etc.; the_ PHEASANT-HEN, _the_
BLACKBIRD, _later_ PATOU.
_At the rise of the curtain, multitudinous clatter and confused swarming
of_ HENS _and_ CHICKENS.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Going impetuously from one to the other._] How do you do? How do you
do?--There is scarcely room to move! My guests reach all the way to the
cucumber patch!
CHORUS
[_Up in the air._]
_Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN
A regular crush!
A HEN
[_Gazing at a row of huge pumpkins._] What attractive objects!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Art pottery! Rather good of its kind, if I do say so!
A CHICK
[_Listening with his bill in the air._] Singers?
THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes,--
CHORUS
_Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_In her sprightliest manner._] The Wasps! [_To a_ CHICKEN.] How do you
do? [_She flits from one guest to the other._]
THE WASPS
_Busily buzzing
Estival glees.
Fill we with murmurs
The mulberry trees_!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Passing with the_ BLACKBIRD _and laughing._] So you were caught?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Finishing his story._] Exactly as if a hat had been plumped down over
me. But I managed by beating my wings to throw off the beastly pot.
[_Looking around him._] Chantecler has not come yet?
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Surprised._] Is he coming?
PATOU
[_Suddenly appearing on the wheelbarrow, from whence he can watch the
scene as from a pulpit._] I still hope he may change his mind.
THE BLACKBIRD
Patou there, in the wheelbarrow?
PATOU
[_Shaking his surly head, and a bit of broken chain hanging from his
collar._] Chantecler told me everything Blackbird, as he went by. In a
towering rage I broke my chain, and am here to keep an eye on the wicked
lot of you.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Has he invited himself to my party, that
moth-eaten old thing?
CHORUS
[_Among the trees._]
_Our praises, Sun, our praises!_
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Looking upward._] Music?
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Cicadas!
CHORUS OF CICADAS
_We simmer in thy gaze,
We bask beneath thy blaze,
Receive our grateful praise!_
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[_Low and quickly to his mother._] Tsicadas, mother. You must pronounce
it Tsi!
A MAGPIE
[_In black coat and white tie, announcing the guests as they arrive
through a hole such as Chickens dig at the foot of hedges._] The Gander!
THE GANDER
[_Entering, jocularly._] What’s all this fuss and feathers my lady? Our
names called as we enter?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Demurely._] Yes, you see, expecting some rather great people, I
thought it well to stand an usher at the blackthorn door.
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] The Duck!
THE DUCK
[_Entering, impressed by the elegance of the occasion._] Here is style
and grandeur indeed! Our names called!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes, you see, expecting some rather great people--
THE MAGPIE
The Turkey-hen!
THE TURKEY-HEN
[_Entering, after a supercilious glance._] This is quite more of an
affair, my dear, than I was anticipating.--Names called!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes, I had in the Magpie to supplement my usual staff.
CHORUS
[_Among blossoming branches._]
_Boom! Boom!
From bloom to bloom_!
THE TURKEY-HEN
[_Lifting her bill._] A Chorus?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Breezily._] The Bees!
CHORUS
_Make distant flowers
Bride and groom!_
THE TURKEY-HEN
Wonders on every side!
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Bees here, the Tsicadas yonder--[_To a passing_ HEN.] How do you do?
How do you do?
BEES
[_At the right._]
_Boom!_
CICADAS
[_At the left._]
_Our praises!_
BEES
_Boom!_
CICADAS
_Our praises!_
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] My garden produces the most remarkable of
everything!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
The brightest flowers!
THE GUINEA-HEN
The big potatoes!
THE BLACKBIRD
And peaches! Perfect peaches!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Inconvenienced by the movement and the crowd, to the_ BLACKBIRD.] Let
us stand out of the crowd a moment, behind this watering-pot.
THE BLACKBIRD
The watering-pot, alias the Intermittent Baldpate, so called because
there flows from his copper scalp when he is tilted a marvelous growth
of silver hair.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Spying the_ CAT, _who, outstretched along an apple-bough is watching
with half-closed eyes._] I have among my guests the Cat.
THE BLACKBIRD
Tomkyns de Tomkyns! [_A_ BIRD _is heard warbling in a tree._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
I have the Chaffinch!
THE BLACKBIRD
Let him chaff inchworms, what care we?
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Darning-needle!
THE BLACKBIRD
She shall mend up Ragged Robin, now’s his chance!
PATOU
[_More and more disgusted._] All that is supposed to be funny!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Pecking a cabbage leaf from which roll drops of dew._] I have the Dew!
PATOU
[_Grimly._] Your witticism for her?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Brightly._] Fresh-water pearls!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Pointing out several_ CHICKS _walking among the crowd._] Have you seen
them? I have several of the A.I.’s Chicks!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
A.I.?
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Acme Incubator.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Oh, have you?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Presenting the_ CHICKS.] All from the topmost compartment!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Indeed?
ONE OF THE CHICKS
[_Nudging his neighbour._] She is dumbfounded!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Contemptuously._] Eggs hatched by the old vulgar method, fie!
THE BLACKBIRD,
Good Lord, exempt us!
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] The Guinea-pig!
THE GUINEA-HEN
It’s the famous one, you know! The Guinea-pig who was inoculated--surely
you remember the case--very well, that’s the one! There you see him. I
made a point of getting him to come. Everybody is here! I have
everybody! I have--[_To the_ GUINEA-PIG.] How do you do? [_To the_
PHEASANT-HEN.] I have our great philosopher Tur-Key--Yes, it should be
written with a hyphen--who will give us a little talk among the currant
bushes under the tea-roses--[_To a passing_ HEN.] How do you do? [_To
the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Educational Tea or Currant Topics! [_Whirling from
one to the other._] Everyone is here, everyone of the slightest mark or
consequence! The Pheasant-hen is here, in a frock from fairyland. The
Duck is here, who is so good as to say he will recite for us by and by.
The Tortoise is here--[_Noticing that the_ TORTOISE _is not there_] I
was mistaken, the Tortoise is not here. She is late.
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Affecting deep concern._] What is the little talk she seems so
regrettably likely to miss?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Suddenly serious._] The Moral Problem.
THE BLACKBIRD
What a pity!
[_The_ GUINEA-HEN _goes to the back, scattering greetings, in ecstasies
of sociability._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Who is the Tortoise?
THE BLACKBIRD
A hard old character, impervious, I fear, to moral problems, who goes in
for walking matches in a loud check suit!
[_Murmur among the hollyhocks._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Listen, a Drone!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Briskly returning._] The Drone is here! In the bright light overhead,
what a stylish figure of a fly!
THE BLACKBIRD
No “at home” complete without it! Ladies cry for it! Won’t be happy
until--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Jumping up in the air toward the_ DRONE.] How do you do? How do you
do? [_She follows his flight with excited leaps and hops._]
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Touching his brow with his wing._] She is dotty!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_At the back, with shrill_ GUINEA-HEN _cries._] It’s my last day! How
do you do? My last day until August! Mondays in August, don’t forget!
A HEN
[_Seeing cherries dropping around her._] Oh, cherries, look!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Looking upward._] It is the Breeze!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Fluttering forward again, excited as ever._] I have the Breeze, who
now and then shakes down a cherry! I never ask her. She comes unasked.
What’s-his-name is here! And What’s-her-name is here, and--[_To the back
tumultuously._]
THE BLACKBIRD
And Thingumbob, and Stick-in-the-mud! [_He has arrived without
appearance of design beneath the tree where the_ CAT _is lying, and asks
rapidly, under breath._] Cat, what about the conspiracy?
THE CAT
[_Who from his tree can see beyond the hedge._] It is afoot. I see the
interminable file of phenomenal Cocks approaching, headed by the Peacock
who comes to present them.
A CRY
[_Outside._] Ee--yong! [_The_ CROWD _throngs toward the entrance._]
PATOU
[_Grumbling._] That abominable concertina cry--
THE MAGPIE
The Peacock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Have you a fancy name for him?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Imitating the_ PEACOCK’S _cry._] Our great Accordee-yong!