[_This essay upon Female Education was evidently written when the future
Professor of Girtham College was still in the lowlier condition of
studentship, before she attained that eminence for which her talents so
justly entitled her. Its unfinished condition tends to show that it was
probably evolved during moments of relaxation from severer studies,
without any idea of subsequent publication._]
Oh, why should I be doomed to the degradation of bearing such a foolish
appellation! A Girtham Girl! I suppose we have to thank that fiend of
invention who is responsible for most of the titular foibles and follies
of mankind--artful Alliteration. The two _G_'s, people imagine, run so
well together; and it is wonderful that they do not append some other
delectable title, such as 'The Gushing Girl of Girtham,' or 'The Glaring
Girl of Glittering Girtham.' O Alliteration! Alliteration! what crimes
have been wrought in thy name! Little dost thou think of the mischief
thou hast done, flooding the world with meaningless titles and absurd
phrases. How canst thou talk of 'Lyrics of Loneliness,' 'Soliloquies of
Song,' 'Pearls of the Peerage'? Why dost thou stay thine hand? We long
for thee to enrich the world with 'Dreams of a Dotard,' the 'Dog
Doctor's Daughters,' and other kindred works. Exercise thine art on
these works of transcendent merit, but cease to style thy humble, but
rebellious, servant a Girtham Girl!
But what's in a name? Let the world's tongue wag. I am a student, a
hard-working, book-devouring, never-wearied student, who burns her
midnight oil, and drinks the strong bohea, to keep her awake during the
long hours of toil, like any Oxford or Cambridge undergraduate. I often
wonder whether these mighty warriors in the lists--the class lists, I
mean--really work half so hard as we poor unfortunate 'Girls of
Girtham.' Now that I am writing in strict confidence, so that not even
the walls can hear the scratchings of my pen, or understand the meaning
of all this scribbling, I beg to state that I have my serious doubts
upon the subject; and when last I attended a soiree of the
Anthropological Society, sounds issued forth from the windows of the
snug college rooms, which could not be taken as evidences of profound
and undisturbed study.
Sometimes I glance at the examination papers set for these hard-working
students, in order that they may attain the glorious degree of B.A., and
astonish their sisters, cousins, and aunts by the display of these magic
letters and all-resplendent hood. And again I say in strict confidence
that if this same glorious hood does not adorn the back of each
individual son of Alma Mater, he ought to be ashamed of himself, and not
to fail to assume a certain less dignified, but expressive,
three-lettered qualification. But before those Tripos Papers I bow my
head in humble adoration. They sometimes take my breath away even to
read the terrible excruciating things, which seem to turn one's brain
round and round, and contort the muscles of one's face, and stop the
pulsation of one's heart, when one tries to grasp the horrid things.
Here is a fair example of the ingenuity of the hard-hearted examiners,
who resemble the inquisitors presiding over the tortures of the rack,
and giving the hateful machine just one turn more by way of bestowing a
parting benediction on their miserable victims:
'A uniform rod' (it is a marvellous act of mercy that the examiner
invented it _uniform_; it is strange that its thickness did not vary in
some complicated manner, and become a veritable birch-rod!) 'of length
_2c_, rests in stable equilibrium' (stable! another act of leniency!),
'with its lower end at the vertex of a cycloid whose plane is vertical'
(why not incline it at an angle of 30 degrees?) 'and vertex downwards,
and passes through a small, smooth, fixed ring situated in the axis at a
distance _b_ from the vertex. Show that if the equilibrium be slightly
disturbed, the rod will perform small oscillations with its lower end on
the arc of the cycloid in the time
+---------------------
| a{c^2 + 3(b - c)^2}
4[pi]\ | ------------------- ,
\| 3g(b^2 - 4ac)
where _2a_ is the length of the axis of the cycloid.'
A sweet pretty problem, truly! And there are hundreds of the same
kind--birch-rods for every back! How the examiner must have rejoiced
when he invented this diabolical rod, with its equilibrium, its
oscillations, its cycloid, and other tormenting accessories. And yet, I
suppose, before my days of studentship are over, I shall be called upon
to attack some such impregnable fortresses of mathematics, when I hope
to be declared equal to some twentieth wrangler, if I escape the
misfortune of sharing a portion of the 'wooden spoon.'
Ah, you male sycophants! You would prevent us from competing with you;
you would separate yourselves on your island of knowledge, and sink the
punt which would bear us over to your privileged shore. Of all the
twaddle--forgive me, male sycophants!--that the world has ever heard, I
think the greatest is that which you have talked about female education.
And the best of it is, you are so anxious about our welfare; you are so
afraid that we should injure our health by overmuch mental exertion; you
profess to think that our brains are not calculated to stand the strain
of continued mental exercise; you think that competition is not good for
the female mind; that we are too competitive by nature--too ambitious!
Yes, we are so ambitious that we would enter the lists with those who
are asked in Public Examinations to find the simple interest on 1,000
pounds for 5 years at 6-1/4 per cent.; so ambitious that we would
compete with those who are requested to disclose the first aorist middle
of [Greek: tupto]. Oh, think of the mental strain involved in such
questions! How it must ruin your health to find out how many times a
wheel of radius 6 feet will turn round between York and London, a
distance of 200 miles! It is quite wonderful how your brains, my dear
male sycophants, can stand such fearful demands upon your intelligence
and industry!
But you are so kind to us, so afraid of our health! Really, we are much
obliged to you. If you married one of us, or became our guardian, or
left us a legacy, we should then recognise your interest in us, and be
very grateful to you for your good advice. But as matters stand, we are
quite capable of taking care of ourselves. We will promise not to work
too hard, if you will promise not to weary us with your paternal
jurisdiction.
But, male sycophants, I want a word with you. Why do you object to our
taking degrees, or going in for examinations in order to qualify
ourselves for our duties in life? You need not speak out loud if you
would rather not. Are you not just a little afraid that we might eclipse
you? And it is not pleasant to be beaten by a woman, is it? And then you
profess to think that we ought to be all housewives and cooks, and
knitters of stockings, and sewers-on of our husbands' buttons; but what
if we have no husbands, no buttons to sew? And is it not a little
selfish, my dear male sycophant, to wish to keep us all to yourself? to
attend upon the wants of the lords of creation, who often distinguish
themselves so much in the domain of science?
Now, look me straight in the face (no shirking, sir!). Is it not
jealousy--green-eyed, false-tongued jealousy--which saps your generous
instincts, and makes you talk rubbish and nonsense about strains, and
brains, and ambition, and the like? And if that is not hypocritical, I
do not know what is.
Well, good-day to you, male sycophant! I really have not time to indulge
myself in scolding you any more. You are a good creature, no doubt; and
when you have shown us what you can do, and can estimate the capacity of
the female brain, and take a common-sense view of things, we will
recognise your privilege to speak; and when I am the presiding genius of
Girtham College, I will grant you the use of our hall for the purpose of
lecturing to us on 'Women's Rights,' or, as you may prefer to entitle
your discourse, 'Men's Wrongs.'
* * * * *
Oh, this is shameful! I really am very sorry. Here have I been wasting a
good half-hour in dreaming, and slaying an imaginary enemy with
envenomed words and frequent dabs of ink. If I cannot concentrate my
mind more on these mathematical researches, I fear a dreadful 'plough'
will harrow my feelings at the end of my sojourn in these halls of
learning.
Concentration! How many of our words and ideas and thoughts are derived
from that primal fount of all arts and sciences--mathematics! Here is
one which owes its origin to the mathematically trained mind of some
early philological professor, who had learnt to apply his scientific
knowledge to the enrichment of his native tongue. He quoted to himself
the words of the Roman poet:
'Ego cur, acquirere pauca
Si possum, invideor, cum lingua Catonis et Enni
Sermonem patrium ditaverit, et nova rerum
Nomina protulerit? Licuit, semperque licebit.'
His mind conceived endless figures of circles and ellipses scattered
promiscuously over the page, defying the attempts of the student to
reduce them to order. What must he do before he can apply his formulae
and equations, determine their areas, or describe their eccentric
motion? He must reduce them to a common centre, and then he can proceed
to calculate the abstruse problems in connection with the figures
described. They may be the complex motions of double-star orbits, or the
results of the impact of various projectiles on the tranquil surface of
a pool. It matters not--the principle is the same; he must concentrate,
and reduce to a common centre.
This is the great defect of those who have no accurate mathematical
knowledge; they cannot concentrate their minds with the same degree of
intensity upon the work which lies before them. Their thoughts fly off
at a tangent, as mine do very often; but then I have not been classed
yet in the Tripos; and, O male poetical sycophant, you may be right
after all when you say:
'O woman! in our hours of ease
Uncertain, coy and hard to please,
As variable as the noon-day shade.'
Yes, as variable as the most variable quantities _x_, _y_, _z_. I, a
student of Girtham College, blush to own that my thoughts very often fly
off at a tangent.
'Fly off at a tangent!' All hail to thee, most noble mathematical
phrase! Here is another fine mathematical expression, plainly
exemplifying the action of centrifugal force. The faster the wheel
turns, the greater is the velocity of the discarded particles which fly
off along the line, perpendicular to the radius of the circle. The world
travels very fast now; the increased velocity of the transit of earthly
bodies, the rate at which they live, the multiplicity of engagements,
etc., have made the social world revolve so fast that the speed would
have startled the torpid life of the last century. And what is the
result? Men's thoughts fly off at a tangent; they are unable to
concentrate their minds on any given subject; they are content with
hasty generalisms, with short magazine articles on important subjects,
which really require large volumes and patient study to elucidate them
fully.
What we want to do is to increase the attractive force, in order to
prevent this tangential motion--to increase the _force of gravity_.
'Well,' says the young lady who loves to revel in the 'Ghastly Secret of
the Moated Dungeon,' or the 'Mysteries of Footlight Fancy,' 'you are
_grave_ enough. Pray don't increase your gravity!'
Thank you, gentle critic. I will, in turn, ask you one favour. Leave for
once the 'Mysteries of Footlight Fancy;' seek to know no more 'ghastly
secrets,' and increase _your gravity_--your mental weight; and hence
your attraction in the eyes of all who are worth attracting will be
marvellously increased, by understanding a little about Newton's law of
universal gravitation, and don't fly off at a tangent.
* * * * *
At the end of this portion of the MS. the editor of these papers
discovered a photograph which, from subsequent inquiry, proved to be
that of the accomplished authoress of the above reflections. The face
is one of considerable beauty, with eyes as clear, steadfast, and open
as the day. There is a degree of firmness about the mouth, but it is a
sweet and pretty one notwithstanding; and a smile, half scornful, half
playful, can be detected lurking about the corners of the lips, which do
not seem altogether fitted for pronouncing hard mathematical terms and
abstruse scientific problems. This photograph might have been the
identical one which nearly brought an enamoured youth into grave
difficulties by its secretion in the folds of his blotting-paper during
examination. The said enamoured youth had evidently placed it there for
the sake of its inspiring qualities; and it was said that all his hopes
of gaining the hand of the fair original depended upon his passing that
same examination. But the wakeful eye of a stern examiner had watched
him as he turned again and again to consult the sweet face which beamed
from beneath his blotting-paper; and he narrowly escaped expulsion from
the Senate-house on the charge of 'cribbing.' Certainly he took a mean
advantage of his fellow-sufferers, if this were the identical
photograph, for it portrays a most inspiring face. Forgive us, lenient
reader; one moment! There--thank you--we have done. And now we will
proceed to disclose the researches and original problems which the MS.
contains.
Evidently the collegiate authorities were not slow in recognising the
talents of the assiduous student, and elected her without much delay to
a Professorship of Girtham. In this capacity the learned lady delivered
several lectures, of which the second MS. contains the first of the
series.