Produced by Kent Fielden
THE REAL DIARY OF A REAL BOY
By Henry A. Shute
INTRODUCTION
In the winter of 1901-02, while rummaging an old closet in the
shed-chamber of my father's house, I unearthed a salt-box which had been
equipped with leather hinges at the expense of considerable ingenuity,
and at a very remote period. In addition to this, a hasp of the same
material, firmly fastened by carpet-tacks and a catch of bent wire, bade
defiance to burglars, midnight marauders, and safe-breakers.
With the aid of a tack-hammer the combination was readily solved, and an
eager examination of the contents of the box disclosed:--
1. Fish-line of braided shoemaker's thread, with perch hook, to
which adhered the mummied remains of a worm that lived and
flourished many, many years ago.
2. Popgun of pith elder and hoop-skirt wire.
3. Horse-chestnut bolas, calculated to revolve in opposite
directions with great velocity, by an up-and-down motion of the
holder's wrist; also extensively used for the adornment of
telegraph-wires,--there were no telephones in those days,--and
the cause of great profanity amongst linemen.
4. More fish-hooks of the ring variety, now obsolete.
5. One blood alley, two chinees, a parti-colored glass agate,
three pewees, and unnumbered drab-colored marbles.
6. Small bow of whalebone, with two arrows.
7. Six-inch bean-blower, for school use--a weapon of considerable
range and great precision when used with judgment behind a
Guyot's Common School Geography.
8. Unexpended ammunition for same, consisting of putty pellets.
9. Frog's hind leg, extra dry.
10. Wing of bluejay, very ditto.
11. Letter from "Beany," postmarked "Biddeford, Me." and expressing
great indignation because "Pewt" "hasent wrote."
12. Copy-book inscribed "Diry."
The examination of this copy-book lasted the rest of the day, and it was
read with the peculiar pleasure one experiences in reviewing some of the
events of a happy boyhood.
With the earnest hope that others may experience a little of the
pleasure I gained from the reading, I submit the "Diry" to the public.
HENRY A. SHUTE.
EXETER, N. H. Sept. 23, 1902.
DIRY
Father thot i aught to keep a diry, but i sed i dident want to, because
i coodent wright well enuf, but he sed he wood give $1000 dolars if he
had kept a diry when he was a boy.
Mother said she gessed nobody wood dass to read it, but father said
everybody would tumble over each other to read it, anyhow he wood give
$1000 dolars if he had kept it. i told him i wood keep one regular if he
wood give me a quarter of a dolar a week, but he said i had got to keep
it anyhow and i woodent get no quarter for it neither, but he woodent
ask to read it for a year, and i know he will forget it before that, so
i am going to wright just what i want to in it. Father always forgets
everything but my lickins. he remembers them every time you bet.
So i have got to keep it, but it seems to me that my diry is worth a
quarter of a dolar a week if fathers is worth $1000 dolars, everybody
says father was a buster when he was a boy and went round with Gim
Melcher and Charles Talor. my grandmother says i am the best boy she
ever see, if i dident go with Beany Watson and Pewter Purinton, it was
Beany and Pewt made me tuf.
there dos'nt seem to be much to put into a diry only fites and who got
licked at school and if it ranes or snows, so i will begin today.
December 1, 186- brite and fair, late to brekfast, but mother dident say
nothing. father goes to boston and works in the custum house so i can
get up as late as i want to. father says he works like time, but i went
to boston once and father dident do anything but tell stories about what
he and Gim Melcher usted to do when he was a boy. once or twice when a
man came in they would all be wrighting fast, when the man came in again
i sed why do you all wright so fast when he comes in and stop when he
goes out, and the man sort of laffed and went out laffing, and the men
were mad and told father not to bring that dam little fool again.
December 2. Skinny Bruce got licked in school today. I told my
granmother about it and she said she was glad i dident do enything to
get punnished for and she felt sure i never wood. i dident tell her
i had to stay in the wood box all the morning with the cover down, i
dident tell father either you bet.
December 2. rany. i forgot to say it raned yesterday too. i got cold and
have a red rag round my gozzle.
December 2. pretty near had a fite in schol today. Skinny Bruce and
Frank Elliot got rite up with there fists up when the bell rung. it was
two bad, it wood have been a buly fite. i bet on Skinny.
December 3, 186- brite and fair. went to church today. Me and Pewt and
Beany go to the Unitarial church. we all joined sunday school to get
into the Crismas festerval. they have it in the town hall and have two
trees and supper and presents for the scholars. so we are going to stay
til after crismas anyway the unitarials have jest built a new church.
Pewt and Beany's fathers painted it and so they go there. i don't
know why we go there xcept because they don't have any church in the
afternoon. Nipper Brown and Micky Gould go there. we all went into
the same class. our teacher is Mister Winsor a student. we call them
stewdcats. after we had said our lesson we all skinned out with Mr.
Winsor. when we went down Maple street we saw 2 roosters fiting in
Dany Wingates yard, and we stoped to see it. i knew more about fiting
roosters than any of the fellers, because me and Ed Towle had fit
roosters lots. Mr. Winsor said i was a sport, well while the roosters
were fiting, sunday school let out and he skipped acros the street and
walked off with one of the girls and we hollered for him to come and see
the fite out, and he turned red and looked mad. the leghorn squorked and
stuck his head into a corner. when a rooster squorks he wont fite any
more.
December 5. snowed today and school let out at noon. this afternoon went
down to the library to plug stewdcats. there was me and Beany and Pewt,
and Whacker and Pozzy Chadwick and Pricilla Hobbs. Pricilla is a feller
you know, and Pheby Talor, Pheby is a feller too, and Lubbin Smith
and Nigger Bell, he is'nt a nigger only we call him Nigger, and Tommy
Tompson and Dutchey Seamans and Chick Chickering, and Tady Finton and
Chitter Robinson.
December 6. Gim Wingate has got a new bobtail coat.
December 7, 186- Got sent to bed last nite for smoking hayseed cigars
and can't go with Beany enny more. It is funny, my father wont let me go
with Beany becaus he is tuf, and Pewts father wont let Pewt go with me
becaus im tuf, and Beanys father says if he catches me or Pewt in his
yard he will lick time out of us. Rany today.
December 8. Skinny Bruce got licked in school today. Skipy Moses was in
the wood box all the morning.
December 9. brite and fair, speakin day today. missed in Horatius at the
brige.
December 10. Clowdy but no rane. went to church. lots of new fellers in
sunday school. me and Beany and Pewt and Pile Woods and Billy Folsom
and Jimmy Gad and lots of others. Mister Winsor dident teach today, gess
they woodent let him on account of the rooster fite.
December 11. My new boots from Tommy Gads came today. i tell you they
are clumpers. no snow yet.
December 12. Crismas is pretty near, dont know wether i shall get
ennything. father says i dont desirve ennything. you can get goozeberrys
down to Si Smiths 1 dozen for 5 cents. He has a funny sine it is
flour
meal
molasses
sugar
coffe
tea
spises
pork &
lard
salt
butter
ham
eggs
&so
December 15. Fite at resess today, Gran Miller and Ben Rundlet. Ben
licked him easy. the fellers got to stumping each other to fite. Micky
Gould said he cood lick me and i said he want man enuf and he said if i
wood come out behind the school house after school he wood show me and
i said i wood and all the fellers hollered and said they wood be there.
But after school i thaught i aught to go home and split my kindlings and
so i went home. a feller aught to do something for his family ennyway. i
cood have licked him if i had wanted to.
December 16. Tady Finton got licked in school today. snowed today a
little.
December 17. rained in the nite and then snowed a little. it was auful
slipery and coming out of church Squire Lane fell down whak and Mr
Burley cought hold of the fence and his feet went so fast that they
seemed all fuzzy, i tell you if he cood run as fast as that he cood run
a mile a minite.
December 18. brite and fair. nothing particilar. o yes, Skinny Bruce got
licked in school.
December 19. Cold as time. Went to a sosiable tonite at the Unitarial
vestry. cant go again because Keene told mother i was impident to the
people. i want impident. you see they was making poetry and all sitting
around the vestry. they wanted to play copenhagin and post office and
clap in and clap out, but Mister Erl woodent let them because it was in
church. so they had to play poetry. one person wood give a word and then
the oppisite person wood give a word that rimed with it. it was auful
silly. a girl wood give the word direxion and then a stewdcat wood say
affexion and waul his eyes towards the girl. and then another wood say
miss, and another stewdcat wood say kiss and then he wood waul his eyes,
and when it came my turn i said what rimes with jellycake, and the girls
turned red and the stewdcats looked funny, and Mister Burley said if
i coodent behave i had better go home. Keene needent have told mother
anyway. You jest wait Keene, and see what will happen some day.
December 20. Bully skating. went after school and skated way up to the
eddy, was going to skate with Lucy Watson but Pewt and Beany hollered so
that i dident dass to. John Toomey got hit with a hockey block rite in
the snoot and broke his nose.
December 21. Brite and fair. nothing particular to-day. nobody got
licked. old Francis had his hand done up in a sling. he said he had a
bile on it. i tell you the fellers were glad.
December 22. Warm and rany and spoiled the skating. coodent do anything
but think of Crismas.
December 23. Saturday and no skating. went down to the library to get
a book for Sunday. me and Beany were sticking pins into the fellers
and making them holler and Jo Parsons the libarian jumped rite over the
counter and chased us way down to Mr. Hams coffin shop. he dident catch
us either. then we went down town and Billy Swett lent me a dime novel
to read sunday. it was named Billy Bolegs a sequil to Nat Tod the
traper. sequil means the things in Nat Tod that was not finished.
December 24. Brite and fair. Crismas tomorrow. went to sunday school.
Mr. Lovel is our teacher now.
December 25. Crismas. got a new nife, a red and white scarf and a bag of
Si Smiths goozeberies. pretty good for me.
December 26. Crismas tree at the town hall. had supper and got a bag of
candy and a long string of pop corn. Mr. Lovel took off the presents
and his whiskers caught fire, and he hollered o hell right out. that
was pretty good for a sunday school teacher, wasent it. Jimmy Gad et too
much and was sick.
December 27. Beany has got a new striped shirt not a false bosom but a
whole shirt. Beany wont speak to me now. Lucy Watson has got a new blew
hat with a fether. she wont speak to Keene and Cele eether. you jest
wait Beany and Lucy and see.
Jan. 1, 186-Had an awful time in school today. me and Cawcaw Harding set
together. when we came in from resess Cawcaw reached over and hit me a
bat, and i lent him one in the snoot, and he hit me back. we was jest
fooling, but old Francis called Cawcaw up front to lick him. i thought
if i went up and told him he wood say, noble boy go to your seat, i wont
lick neether of you. anyway i knew that Cawcaw wood tell on me, and so
i told old Francis i hit Cawcaw first, and old Francis said Harry i have
had my eye on you for a long time, and he jest took us up and slammed us
together, and then he wood put me down and shake Cawcaw and then he
wood put Cawcaw down and shake me till my head wabbled and he turned me
upside down and all the fellers looked upside down and went round and
round and somehow i felt silly like and kind of like laffin. i dident
want to laff but coodent help it. and then he talked to us and sent us
to our seats and told us to study, and i tried to but all the words in
the book went round and round and i felt awful funny and kind of wabbly,
and when i went home mother said something was the matter and i told
her and then i cried, i don't know what i cried for, becaus i dident ake
any. father said he wood lick me at home when i got licked at school and
perhaps that was why i cried. ennyway when father come home i asked him
if he was a going to lick me and he said not by a dam sight, and he gave
me ten cents and when i went to bed i got laffin and crying all to once,
and coodent stop, and mother set in my room and kept her hand on my
forred until i went to sleep. i drempt i was fiting all the time. when i
get big enuf there is going to be a fite between me and old Francis, you
see if there aint.
Jan. 2, Me and Beany has made up. i told him i had ten cents and then
he dident feel so big about his new shirt. ennyway we went down to
Si Smiths and got a dozen goozeberries and then went down to doctor
Derborns and got a glass of sody water and took turns drinking it and
seeing which cood gulp the loudest. Beany beat.
Jan. 3. brite and fair. Went down to Pewts tonite to make hayseed
cigars. We made 5 kinds, hayseed, sweet firn, cornsilk, mullin leeves,
and grape vine. my mouth taisted aufuly all nite.
Jan. 4. brite and fair. Pewt dident come to school today. i gess he was
sick. my mouth taisted aufuly all day.
Jan. 5. clowdy and aufuly cold. Pewt came to school today and got a
licking for puting gum on Nigger Bells seat. Nig set in it til it dride
and then tride to get up and coodent. then old Francis come down the ile
and snaiked Nigger out and when he see the gum he asked us who put it
there. we all said we dident, but he licked Pewt becaus he had seen Pewt
chooing gum.
Jan. 6. it snowed last nite and today. Speaking in school today. i spoke
the berrial of sir John More. old Francis said he never heard ennything
wirse in his life. i hope he wont tell father. this afternoon we pluged
stewdcats.
Jan. 7. Ed Towle has got a gote. the fellers stumped me to hold him
by the horns and he buted me over in the slosh. mother said i had no
bisiness to be playing on sunday.
Jan. 8. brite and fair. there is going to be a nigger show in the town
hall tonite. father says i cant go becaus i sassed aunt Sarah. it is
uncle Toms cabbin.
Jan. 9. brite and fair. Beany went to the nigger show. he led one of the
bludhouns in the prosession and got a ticket. Beany had on a red coat
jest like the dogs. he said it was buly.
Jan. 10. rany. Nipper Brown is the best scolar in my class. i am the
wirst. i can lick Nipper easy.
Jan. 11. brite and fair. After school me and Beany and Pewt and Fatty
Melcher and Pozzy Chadwick and lots of fellers went skating on fresh
river. i was skating backwerd and i got one leg in a eal hole, gosh the
water was cold and before i got home my britches leg was all froze.
Jan. 12. nobody got licked in school today, gess why, becaus there
wassent enny school. old Francis was sick, i went skating.
Jan. 13. brite and--no it was rany. had a speling mach today in school.
Cele and Genny Morrison staid up til the last and then Cele missed and
set down balling, and Genny beat. i cant stop to wright enny more becaus
i am going to the levee with father.
Jan. 14, 186- Went to a big levee last nite at the town hall. Bill
Morrill and Nuel Head and Dave Quimby and Frank Hervey got it up. they
had Hook and Pasons quadril band of Haverhil. father bought a ticket
becaus he was in the custum house and has to be frends with people. it
was splendid. most everybody went all dressed up in blue silk and red
and crokay slippers. Ham Perkins and Charlie Lane and Charley Piper and
Chick Randall and Dan Ranlet and Grace Morril and the Head girls and
Sweat girls and Carrie Towle and Sarah Clark, J. Albert Clarks sister
and the Melcher boys and they all hopped round pretty lively, i tell
you. i staid until 12 o'clock and listened to the band. i never had so
good time in my life.
Jan. 15. i am all spekled over. mother says she is afrade i have got
chicken pocks. i gess i have been in the hen koop to mutch.
Jan. 16. the speckles have all gone of. doctor Perry says i et to many
donuts.
Jan. 18. brite and fair. yesterday to and day before yesterday i have
forgot.
Jan. 19. snowed all day. Me and Beany is mad.
Jan. 20. father is sick becaus he et to mutch salt fish and potato and
pork. he is auful cross and hit me a bat today becaus i left the door
open. i gess he will be sorry when i am ded.
Jan. 21. brite and fair. went to church in the morning and in the
afternoon greeced some paper and trased some pictures.
Jan. 22. i had to stay in the wood-box today for whispering to Whacker
with the cover down. i like it becaus they is a peep hole in the box
and you can see the fellers and they cant see you. by and by Gimmy
Fitsgerald whispered and old Francis put him in to and we took turns
peeping.
Jan. 23. it raned hard all day and we had one sesion. Beany came over
and we made up and plaid in the barn making fly boxes.
Jan. 24. nothing much today, rany in the morning and froze at night.
Jan. 25. brite and fair. everything was covered with ice and when father
started for the depot he tumbled down the front steps from the top to
the botom. mother says he went bumpity bump and his hat went one way and
his dinner box went the other. i herd him swaring aufuly about that dam
boy, and i gess he wood have come up and licked time out of me, but he
had to hurry to get the train.
Jan. 26. jest as soon as the skating comes it has to snow and spoil it.
Jan. 27. i coodent go out of the yard this afternoon becaus i dident put
ashes on the front steps before father fell down and so Pewt and Beany
and Whacker and Nibby Hartwell and Diddly Colket and Nipper and Prisilla
and Gim Wingit and lots of the fellers came over and we had a snowball
fite. mother says she hops father wont keep me at home anuther
afternoon.
Jan. 28. brite and fair. it never ranes Sundays so a feller cant go to
church.
Jan. 29. Nothing puticular today. it always seams harder to go to school
mundays, more fellers gets licked mundays than enny day in the weak. i
got stood on the platform with my head in the corner for looking of my
book today.
Jan. 30. brite and fair. i have got a auful chilblane on my heel.
Jan. 31. brite and fair. i was glad today was wensday in the afternoon i
went skating. the students played baseball on the ice.
Feb. 1. brite and fair. pretty soon it will be Washintons berthday, and
then all the boys can ring the town bell at noon and at nite.
Feb. 2. clowdy but no snow. tomorror will be saterday they is only
2 days in the weak that is wirth ennything and that is wensday and
saterday except in vacation.
Feb. 3. Snowed like time all the forenoon. in the afternoon me and Pewt
and Beany rolled up some big snowballs. then tonite we put all the balls
together and made a big snowman rite in front of Mrs. Lewises front
door. then we put a old hat on it and hung a peace of paper on it and
wrote man wanted on the paper. tomorrow all the people who go to church
will see it and laff becaus Mister Lewis got a devorse. they will be
some fun tomorrow.
Feb. 5. i coodent wright ennything last nite becaus i got sent to bed
and got a licking. i tell you we got in a auful scrape. Sunday morning
me and Pewt and Beany went out erly to see our snowman. he was there and
when people began to go by they began to laff, and most of the people
said it was the funniest thing they ever see and who ever put it there
was a pretty smart feller. so we said we did it and Pewt said he thought
of it ferst and Beany said he did, and i said i did most of the werk.
Well, pretty soon some people came along and looked at it and said it
was a shame and they went over to pull of the paper and she came out and
see it, and she took a broom and nocked it over and broke it all up. and
then she went rite down to my house to tell father. then she went over
to Beanys house and then up to Pewts. well after church father took me
over to her house. and Beany was there with his father and Pewt with his
father. she said she wood have us arested for it. but they talked a long
time and after a while she said if our fathers wood lick us and make us
saw and split a cord of wood she woodent say no more about it. when we
went out father said, i never see such dam boys did you Brad, did you
Wats, and they said they never did. so we have got to saw and split that
wood and we got licked two.
Feb. 6. brite and fair. me and Pewt and Beany sawed and split some wood
for Misses Lewis.
Feb. 7. brite and fair. sawed some more wood, me and Pewt and Beany.
Feb. 8. brite and fair. split some more wood, me and Pewt and Beany.
Feb. 9. Fatty Melcher and Caw-caw Harding, Chitter Robinson and Medo
Thurston helped saw some more wood.
Feb. 10. Brite and fair. this afternoon Whack Pozzy and Boog Chadwick,
Dutchy Semans, Nigger Bell Pop Clark, Shinny Thing and Pile Wood all
come down with saws and axes and helped us saw that wood, we worked
all the afternoon and got it done and piled up before dark. then Misses
Lewis asked us in and gave us some buly donuts and some sweatened water
and we sung and told stories and before we went we told her we was sorry
we bilt the snowman and she said she was sorry two. then when we went
away we give 3 cheers for her.
Feb. 11. brite and fair. i shant forget last Sunday very soon.
Feb. 12. rany today. i dont care becaus i havent got to saw enny more
wood.
Feb. 13. still rany. i dont care.
Feb. 14. pretty cold today. going to have a new kind of speling mach
tomorrow.
Feb. 15. Got to the head in spelling today. old Francis makes us all
stand up in the ile and gives us a lot of words to spell and then we
wright them down on our slates and then the head feller or girl changes
slates with the foot feller or girl and so on and then old Francis
wrights the words on the blackboard and then we mark each others slates.
John Flanygin was the foot feller and had my slate. well most of Johns
words was wrong. but John marked mine all write. i gess John dident know
it, but ther was 4 or 5 of my words speled wrong. i set out to tell old
Francis but dident dass to becaus he licked me for teling that i paisted
Cawcaw Harding that time. so i kept still and kept at the head and John
kept at the foot. i hope John will do it again tomorrow.
Feb. 16. Beat in speling today.
Feb. 17. beat in speling today.
Feb. 19. Beat in speling today. old Francis is a going to give a prise
tomorrow. i told father i was pretty sure to get it and he said it will
be the first one. Aunt Sarah asked him if he took many prises. and he
said he dident get much of a prise when he got me. i gess he wont say
that tomorrow when i bring my prise home.
Feb. 20. i dident get the prise. you see yesterday John Flanygin spelt
more words write than Gimmy Fitsgerald and Gimmy went to the foot. when
we marked slates Gimmy marked 9 of my words wrong out of 20, and i had
to go down most to where John Flannygin was. old Francis said he dident
beleave i had aught to have staid at the head so long as i did and i was
afraid he wood lick me and John but he dident. he said he was ashamed
and disapointed in me but i gess he was not the only one who was
disapointed. i had told Pewt and Beany i wood treat on what father wood
give me for getting the prise. Pewt and Beany was both mad, and are
going to lay for Gimmy.
Feb. 21, i forgot to say what the wether was most every day this weak.
it has been brite and fair most of the time, only it snowed two days and
raned most of one day. brite and fair today and cold as time.
Feb. 23, Clowdy and cold. Pop Clark had to crawl through a chair today.
he went through so fast old Francis only hit him 2 bats. Tady Finton and
Nigger Bell both got licked. Tady dident cry or holler a bit, but Nigger
hollered just like a girl. i supposed Nigger was more of a man than
that.
Feb. 24, Beany and Pewt got punching today in school and old Francis
made them stand on the platform with their arms round each others neck
all the forenoon, i bet they felt pretty cheep. Brite and fair.
Feb. 25, i have got a new pair of britches at erl and Cutts. i gess
Beany aint the only one which has good clothes eather.
Feb. 26. Nothing particular today. Went down to old Heads shop to see
the stewdcats ride velosipedes. There is going to be a race in the town
hall tomorrow night.
Feb. 27. Father said i cood go to the velosipede race if i woodent miss
splitting my kindlings for a week. i did miss them twice but mother
dident tell him and if he dont ask her before tonight i am all right.
Feb. 28. Last night went to the velosipede race. it was jest ripping.
i got down before the door opened. Bob Carter came pretty soon but he
woodent let us in until the ticket man came. Mr. Watson was the ticket
man and he let me and Beany and Shinny Thing in free. they had a lot
of seats in the center of the hall, and the rest round the edges, and
a open track around the hall. On the platform set Bill Morrill and Dave
Quimby and John Getchell and Eben Folsom. Most of the fellers in the
race were stewdcats and most of the stewdcats and the girls had the
seats in the center of the hall. The stewdcats who were to race were
Stone and Stuart and Lee and Clifford and August Belmont and Swift and
Nichols and George Kent and Cutler and Johnny Heald and Gear and Burly
and Bob Morison. the townies were Charlie Gerish and Doctor Prey. each
feller rode round the hall twice to get going like time, and then Dave
Quimby hollered go and he had to ride around the hall until he had rid a
quarter of a mile.
When the stewdcats rode all the other stewdcats yelled and the girls
waved their handkerchiefs and the band played and the excitement was
dreadful.
After a while Doctor Prey came out and all the townies got up and
cheered and the band played the star spangled banner, because Doctor
fit in the war, and Doctor took of his hat and bowed and then rode round
like time. he rode faster than most every one of them except Stone and
Stuart and Lee and Clifford and Belmont and Swift. i guess if Doc hadent
fit so hard in the war he wood have beat them all. and then Charlie
Gerish came out and all the townies hollered again and Charlie made his
legs go so fast that they coodent hardly see them, and jest before the
last time around his velosipede slipped and Charlie went fluking over
three settees. he jumped on his velosipede again and went around with
his britches all torn but he dident get around quite quick enuf to beat
Stone, then the townies yelled and said it was a cheat and the stewdcats
hissed, and some of the townies said they could lick the stewdcats, and
the stewdcats said they wasent man enuf and it looked as if there was a
going to be a row when Charlie Gerrish got up and said he was beat fair
and there wasent anything to get mad about, and that he would like to
shake hands with the stewdcat which beat him, and he wood like to race
him another time but he coodent then because he hurt his leg, and then
they shook hands and every one felt buly, and the stewdcats said hooray
for Charlie and the townies hollered hooray for Stone, and Bill Morrill
made a speech and give the prise to Stone and the band played and we
all went home. i bet Doc. Prey and Charlie Gerrish can lick any two
stewdcats in the hall.
Mar. 2. i went to a show in the town hall tonight. it was a singing show
called the haymakers. it was splendid. Mr. Gale got it up. they have
been practising all winter. Alice Gewell was a dary maid and Charlie
Lane was a katydid, and lots of others sung. it was splendid.
Mar. 3. Cloudy but no rane. went down to Langley's store for some juju
paste, saw a fite. Old Kize tried to arest Bill Hartnit and Bill lammed
time out of him and after a while old Swain came up and arrested him.
Mar. 4. Brite and fair. Went to church to-day, the fernace smoked so the
people had to come home. They say they will have it fixed before next
Sunday. i hope not.
Mar. 5. School closes tomorrow. i got kept after school tonight for
whispering to Cawcaw.
Mar. 6. School closed today and we voted for prises. Mr. Gordon give 4
prizes for the 2 best fellers and 2 best girls for the term. So we voted
for them. Most of the fellers wanted to vote for Jenny Morrison because
she was the prettiest girl there and can go the greeshun bend better
than enny girl in the school. and most of the girls dident like Jenny
Morrison and wanted to vote for Dora Moses and Mary Luverin, and the
girls wanted to vote for Lees Moses because he was polite to them and
rather go with the girls than the boys and we holler at him, but he can
fite for i saw him lick Gim Erly one day, and Gim Erly can rassle better
than enny one but Jack Melvil. well most of the fellows wanted to vote
for Tady Finton or Pop Clark or Skinny Bruce because they never get
mad or cry when they are licked and make lots of fun, but we knew they
coodent get the prize for they are all the time raising time and getting
licked and so we voted for Honey Donovan and Moses Gordon, and when the
votes was counted Dora Moses and Mary Luvering got the prizes for the
girls and Mose Gordon and Nigger Bell for the boys. That was all write
about Dora Moses and Mary Luverin because they was the best girls and
always went together, but we dident like it very well about Mose and
Nigger, only we thought that so long as Mose's father give the prizes
Mose ought to have one. i gess most of the girls must have voted for
Nig, because they was mad with Lees Moses. i know what they was mad at
too.
Then the first class give old Francis a present of some books and
when he turned over the leaves there was twenty dollars there, and old
Francis was surprised and made a fine speech, and the people all clapped
becaus he made such a good speech. i heard him saying it over the night
before when i was kept after school. No school for 2 weeks.
Mar. 7. When my father was a boy he was the best fiter in this town.
Mar. 9. Went down to Fatty Melchers today to make a violin, we cut a
piece of wood the shape of a violin then take some horsehairs and strech
them over a brige and you can play a tune on them. in school i learnt to
play on a piece of india rubber. you pull a piece of elastic out of your
congres boot and hold it in your teeth and pull it tite and snap it with
your fingers and you can play tunes that you can hear but no one else
can. old Francis saw me snapping the elastic and came and took it away.
i have got plenty more in my boot. i am saving money to buy me a cornet.
when i get enuf i am a going to play in the band. +++
Mar. 10. plesent day. old Si Smiths big white dog and a bull dog had an
awful fite today. neether licked and they had to squert water on them
to seperate them. they dident make no noise, only jest hung write on to
each others gozzles. my aunt Sarah said it was dredful, and she staid to
the window to see how dredful it was.
Mar. 11, 186- Went to church in the morning. the fernace was all write.
Mister Lennard preeched about loving our ennymies, and told every one
if he had any angry feelings toward ennyone to go to him and shake hands
and see how much better you wood feel. i know how it is becaus when me
and Beany are mad we dont have eny fun and when we make up the one who
is to blam always wants to treet. why when Beany was mad with me becaus
i went home from Gil Steels surprise party with Lizzie Towle, Ed Towles
sister, he woodent speak to me for 2 days, and when we made up he
treated me to ice cream with 2 spoons and he let me dip twice to his
once. he took pretty big dips to make up. Beany is mad if enny of the
fellers go with Lizzie Towle. she likes Beany better than she does enny
of the fellers and Beany ought to be satisfied, but sometimes he acks
mad when i go down there to fite roosters with Ed. i gess he needent
worry much, no feller isnt going to leave of fiting roosters to go with
no girls. well i most forgot what i was going to say, but after church i
went up to Micky Gould who was going to fite me behind the school house,
and said Micky lets be friends and Micky said. huh old Skinny, i can
lick you in 2 minits and i said you aint man enuf and he called me a
nockneed puke, and i called him a wall eyed lummix and he give me a
paist in the eye and i gave him a good one in the mouth, and then we
rassled and Micky threw me and i turned him, and he got hold of my new
false bosom and i got hold of his hair, and the fellers all hollered hit
him Micky, paist him Skinny, and Mister Purington, Pewts father pulled
us apart and i had Mickys paper collar and necktie and some of his hair
and he had my false bosom and when i got home father made me go to bed
and stay there all the afternoon for fiting, but i gess he dident like
my losing my false bosom. ennyway he asked me how many times i hit Micky
and which licked. he let me get up at supper time. next time i try to
love my ennymy i am a going to lick him first.
Went to a Sunday school concert in the evening. Keene and Cele sung
now i lay me down to sleep. they was a lot of people sung together and
Mister Gale beat time. Charlie Gerish played the violin and Miss Packerd
sung. i was scart when Keene and Cele sung for i was afraid they would
break down, but they dident, and people said they sung like night horks.
i gess if they knowed how night horks sung they woodent say much. father
felt pretty big and to hear him talk you wood think he did the singing.
he give them ten cents apeace. i dident get none. you gest wait, old man
till i get my cornet.
Went to a corcus last night. me and Beany were in the hall in the
afternoon helping Bob Carter sprinkle the floor and put on the sordust.
the floor was all shiny with wax and aufully slipery. so Bob got us to
put on some water to take off the shiny wax. well write in front of the
platform there is a low platform where they get up to put in their votes
and then step down and Beany said, dont put any water there only jest
dry sordust. so i dident. well that night we went erly to see the fun.
Gim Luverin got up and said there was one man which was the oldest voter
in town and he ought to vote the first, the name of this destinkuished
sitizen was John Quincy Ann Pollard. then old mister Pollard got up and
put in his vote and when he stepped down his heels flew up and he went
down whak on the back of his head and 2 men lifted him up and lugged him
to a seat, and then Ed Derborn, him that rings the town bell, stepped up
pretty lively and went flat and swore terrible, and me and Beany nearly
died we laffed so. well it kept on, people dident know what made them
fall, and Gim Odlin sat write down in his new umbrella and then they
sent me down stairs for a pail of wet sordust and when i was coming up
i heard an auful whang, and when i got up in the hall they were lugging
old mister Stickney off to die and they put water on his head and lugged
him home in a hack. they say Bob Carter will lose his place. me and
Beany dont know what to do. if we dont tell, Bob will lose his place and
if we do we will get licked.
Mar. 12. Mister Stickney is all write today. gosh you bet me and Beany
are glad.
Mar. 13, 186- brite and fair. Mr. Gravel has bought old Heads carrige
shop. he is a dandy and wears shiny riding boots and a stove pipe hat
and a velvet coat and goes with Dan Ranlet and George Perkins and Johny
Gibson and the other dandies. i went down today and watched Fatty Walker
stripe some wheels.
Mar. 14. clowdy. Elkins and Graves had an oxion to-night. Beany got ten
cents for going round town ringing a bell and hollering oxion. i went
with Beany and it was lots of fun. Beany wouldent treet. he says he
is saving money for something. i know what it is it is a valintine for
Lizzie Tole. it was mean of Beany not to treet becaus i did as much
hollering as he did.
Mar. 15. The funniest thing hapened to-day you ever saw. after brekfast
me and father took a walk and then went and set down on the big school
steps. father was telling me some of the things he and Gim Melcher used
to do. father must have been a ripper when he was young. well ennyway
while we was talking old Ike Shute came along through the school yard.
Ike wears specks and always carries a little basket on his arm. he cant
see very well, and father said to me, now you jest keep still and you
will see some fun and when Ike came along father changed his voice so
that it sounded awfully growly and said where in the devil are you going
with that basket, and Ike was scart most to deth and said only a little
way down here sir and father said, move on sir and move dam lively and
i nearly died laffing to see Ike hiper. well after a while i see Ike
coming back with old Swane and old Kize the policemen. i tell you i was
scart but father only laffed and said you keep still and i will fix it
all right. so when they came up he said to old Kize what is the trouble
Filander and he said Mr. Shute here has been thretened by some drunken
rascal, and father looked aufuly surprised and said that is an infernal
shame, when did it happen Isak, and Ike said about fifteen minits ago
and father said we have been here about as long as that and i dident see
the scoundrel. how did he look Isak, and Ike said i coodent see him very
well George but he was a big man and he had a awfu deep voice and father
said did he stagger enny and Ike said i coodent see wether he did or
not but i cood tell he was drunk by his voice. so old Swain and old Kize
went down behind the school house and off thru the carrige shop yard
to see if they cood find him, and me and father walked home with Ike to
protect him and father said now Isak if ennyone insults you again jest
come to me and if i can catch him i will break every bone in his body,
and father and Ike shook hands and Ike shook hands with me and then we
went home and father began to laff and laffed all the way home and then
he told mother and aunt Sarah and they said it was a shame to play such
a trick upon him and father laffed all the more and said Ike hadent
had so much exercise for a year and it wood do him good and give him
something to think about. ennyway they said it was a shame to teech me
such things, and father said he would rather i wood be tuf than be like
Ike, and Aunt Sarah said i never wood be half as good as Ike for he
never did a wrong thing in his life, and father laffed and said he
dident dass to for his mother wood shet him in the closet. it was
aufully funny, but i gess they was right. i shall never be half as good
as Ike. i wonder if old Swane and old Kize have caught that man yet.
Mar. 16. Pewt dreened 18 marbles and 2 chinees out of me to-day. we was
playing first in a hole. school today. sailed boats in the brook in J.
Albert Clark's garden and got pretty wet.
Mar. 17. Scott Briggam has got some little flying squirrels. he is going
to get me one for thirty-five cents. i am going to take it out of my
cornet money.
Mar. 18. Father wont let me play marbles in ernest. it aint enny fun
dreening a feller and then giving them back. i bet father didnt when he
was a boy.
Mar. 19. Scott Briggam brought my squirrel today and i paid him 35
cents, 3 ten cents scrips and five cents. i have got it in a bird cage.
Mar. 20. my squirrel got out of the cage last nite and father found him
in the water pail drownded. father got up in the night and got a dipper
and drank some water out of that pail, he dident eat any brekfast
because he was thinking that the squirrel might have been in the pail
then. i wonder if it was. ennyway 35 cents of my cornet money has gone
up.
Mar. 23. school today. went down to Pewts to draw pictures. Charlie
Woodbury can draw the best, then Pewt, and then me. Beany dont like
to draw. we was talking about what we was going to be when we grew up.
Charlie Woodbury is going to be a picture painter, Pewt is going to be a
lawyer, Potter Gorham and Chick Chickering are going to stuff birds for
a living, Beany is going to be a hack driver, Gim Wingit is going to run
a newspaper, Cawcaw Harding is going to be a piscopal minister becaus he
says they only have to read their speaches out of a book, Nipper Brown
is going to be a professer, Priscilla Hobbs is going to play a organ in
the baptis church. Prisil can play 3 tunes now on a little organ. i am
going to be a cornet player like Bruce Briggam. cornet players can go to
all the dances and fairs and prosessions and are invited in and treated
when people are married and they serrinade them at night, and they don't
have to work either.
Mar. 25. almost as warm as summer, went to church and Sunday school.
Beany has got a job blowing the organ for Kate Wells. he only let the
wind go out 2 times today. it was funny becaus when the organ stopped
Mister Wood who was singing let out an auful hoot before he knowed what
he was doing Beany will lose his job if he does it again.
Mar. 29, 186- The toads has come out. fine warm day. me and Potter
Gorham have been ketching toads this afternoon. they sit in the pudles
and peep. folks think it is frogs but most of it is toads. Potter got
23 and i got 18. tonite i put my toads in a box in the kitchen after the
folks went to bed. in the night they all got out of the box and began to
hop round and peep mother heard it and waked father and they lissened.
when i waked up father was coming threw my room with a big cane and a
little tin lamp. he had put on his britches and was in his shirt tale,
and i said, what are you going to lick me for now i havent done nothing
and he said, keep still there is some one down stairs and mother said
dont go down George and father said, lissen i can hear him giving a
whistle for his confedrit, i will jump in and give him a whack on the
cokonut. i had forgot all about the toads and you bet i was scart. well
father he crep down easy and blowed out his lite and opened the door
quick and jest lammed round with his club. then i heard him say what in
hell have i stepped on, bring a lite here. then i though of the toads
and you bet i was scarter than before, mother went down with a lite and
then i heard him say, i will be cussed the whole place is ful of toads.
then mother said did you ever. and father said he never did, and it was
some more of that dam boys works and he yelled upstairs for me to come
down and ketch them. so i went down and caught them and put them out all
but 2 that father had stepped on and they had to be swep up. then all
the folks came down in their nitegounds and i went up stairs lively and
got into bed and pulled the clothes round me tite, but it dident do
enny good for father came up and licked me. he dident lick me very hard
becaus i gess he was glad it wasent a berglar and if it hadent been for
me it might have been berglars insted of toads.
Mar. 30. brite and fair, went out with Potter Gorham. saw some toads 2
robins and a blewbird. gosh it makes a feller feel good to see birds and
toads and live things.
Mar. 31. April fool day tomorrow. i am laying for Beany. old Francis
licked 5 fellers today becaus they sung rong when we was singing speek
kindly it is better far to rule by luv than feer.
April 1. auful cold and rainy. i was going to wright a love letter to
Beany and sine Lizzie Toles name to it but i told father about it for
fun and he said that it was fourgery and that i cood be prostecuted and
sent to jale. so i dident. tonite me and Beany rung five door bells for
april fool.
April 2. been trying to get rid of some warts. Pewt says if you hook
a piece of pork after dark, rub it on the warts and say arum erum irum
orum urum and nurum 3 times turn round twice and throw the pork thru a
window, then the warts will all be gone the next day. me and Beany is
going to try it tomorrow.
April 3. brite and fair. dident get a chance to hook the pork.
April 4. The band played in the band room to-nite. it was warm enuf to
have the windows open and we cood hear it. i sat out in the school yard
til 10 oclock to hear it and father came out and walked me home. Beany
was mad becaus i cared more for the band than for getting rid of the
warts.
April 6. dident wright anything last nite, was too scart. i never was
so scart in all my life before. me and Beany came awful near getting in
jale. we dident know where to hook the pork. i went to our cellar but
father was down there making vinigar all the evening, then we went to
Beanys cellar but Mister Watson was sitting on the cellar door. so Beany
told his father that a man was looking for him to see about a horse and
Mister Watson started down to the club stable. then Beany hooked the
pork and rubbed it over his warts and then i rubbed it over my warts and
we said arum erum irum orum urum and nururn 3 times jest as Pewt said,
turned round twice and i plugged the pork right threw a gaslite jest
then the gasman came along, he yelled at us and jumped out of his wagon
and went for us. we ran down threw the school yard as fast as we cood
hiper. there is a hollow in the corner of the school yard by Bill
Morrills back yard and there is a little hole in the bottom of the fence
where the fellers crawl threw when the football goes into his garden.
we skinned threw that hole jest in time. the gasman tried to crawl threw
but he coodent, then he clim the high fence but while he was doing that
we ran across the carrige factory yard and down by the old brewery up
Bow street and home. i went to bed pretty lively and so did Beany. gosh
but we was scart.
April 7. One of Beanys warts has gone.
April 8. brite and fair. my warts have not gone.
April 9. brite and fair. my warts have not gone.
April 10. Clowdy but no rane. my warts have not gone.
April 11. rany. i have got 2 more warts. i gess i hadent ought to have
broke that gaslite.
April 12. i have got another.
April 13. bully day. me and Potter Gorharn and Chick Chickering went out
after toads today. i got 14 but i dident take them home you bet.
April 15. Brite and fair. we all went to church today to see the Lanes.
they come from New York and when they go to church everybody goes to see
them. there was a boy with them named Willie. i bet i cood lick him.
April 16. Nothing particular today. dont feel very well, kind of headaky
and backaky.
April 20. have been sick for 4 days. went to school monday and had to
come home. when i got home i fell down on the steps and mother and aunt
Sarah came out and got me in the house and put water on my head and
rubbed my hands, and then the Doctor came and said, well Joanna,
children are a good deel of truble and then he felt of my rist and said
hum, and then he looked at my tung and said hum again, and then he pride
open my mouth and looked down my throte and said hum, and then he pulled
off my close and looked me over rite before mother and aunt Sarah and
said well he aint spekled eny. then he said what have you given him
Joanna and mother said, nothing, and the docter said, all right give him
some more, and mother said i havent given him enything docter, and then
he walked around the room and picked up some things and looked at them
and then he gave me some of the wirst tasting stuff i ever took. then he
said i gess he will be better tomorrow, and then he looked at some more
things and went home. i dident sleep very well that nite but was auful
hot and my head aked fearful. mother was in my room every time i waked
up, and Sarah too. next day i had the docter again he looked at some
pictures and things and told mother to give me some more. i always feel
better when the docter comes in. he dont scare a feller to deth.
Well the next day i felt a little better and tried to sit up and have
my britches on, but i had to lay down again my head aked so, and after
awhile my head felt better and as i laid there i could look out of the
window and it seamed as if little chains that you could see through like
glass, were floating up and down they were about an inch long. well i
wached them till i almost went to sleep and jest as i was most asleep i
heard Beany out in the street holler, say Pewt, did you know that Plupy
is going to die, and Pewt said course i did, why dont you tell me some
news, and Beany said i heard he swalowed a peach stone and Pewt said it
was liver complaint, and then i heard some one say, you boys shet up.
Gosh you bet i was scart. i hadent thought of dying. i began to howl and
holler for mother. she came running in and i told her i was going to die
and i told her about breaking the gaslite and a lot of other things
and she told me the docter said i was getting better and i wood sit up
tomorrow. well i better then and wished i hadent told mother about the
gaslite becaus i knew she wood make me tell father. well mother set
by my bed all the afternoon and read me some out of Billy Bolegs, jest
think of her doing that, so when supper time came i et a lettle tost and
had some current jelly. when father come home mother told him about the
gaslite and all he said was i wood have to pay for it out of my cornet
money. i thought he wood keep me in for a month. i gess mother must have
talked to him.