HOSTESSES
=The Art of receiving Guests= is a very subtle one, difficult to
acquire; but when acquired and thoroughly mastered it confers upon
a mistress of a house an enviable reputation--that of being a
perfect hostess.
With some this is in-bred, and grace and composure and all the attendant
attributes which are to be found in this type of hostess sit naturally
upon them; but the individuals so gifted represent the few rather than
the many. A far greater section of society has to rely upon experience
to teach them this useful accomplishment, while with others time alone
can aid them in overcoming natural reserve, and want of confidence in
themselves, which stand in the way of their assuming this character with
anything like success. Those ladies who are innately thoughtless and
careless in this respect, neither time nor experience can mould, and
what they are at the commencement of their career, they remain to the
end of the chapter--very indifferent hostesses. There are varieties of
hostesses, according to individual capabilities, and who are known
amongst their friends by these appellations: first ranks the perfect or
"charming hostess," either title suits her equally well; next to her
comes the "good hostess," she is followed by the one who is "not a good
hostess"; and the rear is brought up by the one who is decidedly "a bad
hostess." Amongst the salient points which distinguish the perfect or
charming hostess are perhaps, foremost, a certain facility of putting
each individual guest at ease, conveying that the welcome she accords is
a personal if not an especial one. Simultaneously with these agreeable
impressions is conveyed a sense of the hostess's genial qualities; her
charm of manner, her graciousness and her courteous bearing evincing so
plainly that she is entirely mistress of the situation: these qualities
insensibly react upon the guests, and evoke a corresponding desire to
please on their part.
* * * * *
=The perfect hostess= possesses yet another advantage, viz. a readiness
of speech, a faculty of saying the right thing at the right moment and
to the right person, and of identifying herself, so to speak, with the
susceptibilities of each of her guests.
* * * * *
=The good hostess= is essentially what is known as a considerate
hostess; she makes up for the brighter qualities in which she is lacking
by her extreme consideration for her guests. In the charming hostess
this consideration is eclipsed by her more brilliant powers of pleasing,
it permeates all she does, while in the good hostess it is her strongest
point, and upon which is founded her claim to the name. The lady who
bears the undesirable reputation of being "not a good hostess" is not
"good" in a variety of ways; she means well and does her utmost to
succeed, but by some contrariety of the laws which regulate domestic and
social affairs, the results of her efforts are always the reverse of
what she would have them be. The lady who is not a good hostess
sometimes suffers from shyness and reserve which renders her stiff in
manner when she would most desire to be cordial, silent when she would
be most loquacious, and awkward when she would be at ease.
As there are many reasons why ladies prove to be good hostesses, so
there are many reasons why they prove bad hostesses, selfishness and
want of consideration for others contribute to these, as do
procrastination and a vague idea of the value of time. Ladies with such
faults and weaknesses as these produce very much the same impression
upon their guests, although, perhaps, one is a little less culpable than
is the other.
* * * * *
=The selfish hostess is a bad hostess=, because, providing she is
amused, she is utterly indifferent as to whether her guests are amused
or not, her own pleasure and gratification being of paramount
importance. Instead of being in readiness to receive her guests she
descends late to the drawing-room to welcome them, and is indifferent as
to whether there is any one to greet them or not.
* * * * *
=The procrastinating hostess=, although she is equally in fault, yet, as
she hastens to excuse herself, when lacking in politeness to, or
consideration for her guests, her excuses are sometimes admitted; but
the selfish hostess, if she deigns to excuse herself, does so with such
a palpable show of indifference as to her guests' opinion of her
actions, that the excuse is oftener than not an aggravation of the
offence. A lady who has no regard for time goes to her room to dress at
the moment when she should be descending to the drawing-room; or she
remains out driving when she should be returning; or she puts off making
some very important arrangement for the comfort or amusement of her
guests until it is too late for anything but a makeshift to be thought
of, if it has not to be dispensed with altogether. Everything that she
does or projects is on the same scale of procrastination; her
invitations, her orders and engagements, are one and all effected
against time, and neither herself nor her guests gain the value or
satisfaction of the hospitality put forth. The bad hostess walks into
her drawing-room when many of her guests are assembled, either for a
dinner-party or afternoon tea, and shakes hands in an awkward, abashed
manner, almost as if she were an unexpected guest instead of the
mistress of the house.
The host is not at his ease; he is provoked at having to make excuses
for his wife, and the guests are equally constrained.
If the host is of a sarcastic turn of mind, he never refrains from
saying something the reverse of amiable to the hostess on her entrance.
"My dear," he will perhaps remark, "you are doubtless not aware that we
have friends dining with us this evening." This remark renders the
guests even more uncomfortable and the hostess less self-possessed, and
this is often the prelude to an inharmonious evening, with a host whose
brow is clouded and a hostess whose manner is abashed.
* * * * *
=The mode of receiving guests= is determined by the nature of the
entertainment. A welcome accorded to some two or three hundred
guests cannot be as personal a one as that offered to some ten to
thirty guests.
Whatever disappointment a hostess may feel she should not allow it to
appear on the surface, and should not be _distrait_ in manner when
shaking hands with her guests. At large or small gatherings
disappointments follow in the course of events, and very few hostesses
can say that they have not experienced this in a larger or smaller
degree at each and all of their entertainments.
* * * * *
=At a ball or evening-party= a hostess should receive her guests at the
head of the staircase, and should remain there until the majority, if
not all, of the guests have arrived.
As the names of the guests are announced the hostess should shake hands
with each, addressing some courteous observation the while, not with a
view of inducing them to linger on the staircase, but rather of inviting
them to enter the ball-room to make way for other guests.
At a ball given at a country house the hostess should stand at the door
of the ball-room and receive her guests. When the guests have duly
arrived, a hostess at a country-house ball or country-house theatricals
should exert herself to see that all her guests are amused. If she sees
that the young ladies are not dancing she should endeavour to find them
partners. In town she is not required to do this. If the chaperons have
apparently no one to talk to she should introduce one of her own
relatives, if she cannot give much of her own attention to them, and she
should arrange that all her guests are taken in to supper.
* * * * *
=At large afternoon "at homes"= the hostess receives her guests at the
open door of the drawing-room, and has little more time to bestow upon
each than at a ball or an "at home." At small afternoon "at homes" she
should receive them in the drawing-room, and should rise and shake hands
with each arrival.
A hostess should receive her dinner guests in the drawing-room, and
should shake hands with each in the order of arrival. She occasionally
finds it a trying ordeal to sustain conversation between the arrival of
dinner guests and the dinner being served; sometimes this is prolonged
for three-quarters of an hour through the non-appearance of a guest who
must be waited for. A hostess should, although she knows that her dinner
is spoilt by being thus kept back, endeavour to make the time pass as
pleasantly as possible, by rendering the conversation general and by
making the guests acquainted with each other. The hostess who can tide
over these awkward occurrences so that the postponement of dinner from
half to three-quarters of an hour is hardly perceived, proves herself to
be entitled to be considered a good hostess.