BOWING
As regards the recognition of friends or acquaintances, it is the
privilege of a lady to take the initiative, by being the first to bow. A
gentleman should not raise his hat to a lady until she has accorded him
this mark of recognition, although the act of bowing is a simultaneous
action on the part of both lady and gentleman, as a lady would hardly
bestow a bow upon a gentleman not prepared to return it.
The bow between intimate acquaintances takes the character, when given
by a lady, of a familiar nod in place of a stiff bow.
* * * * *
=When a gentleman returns the bow= of a lady he should do so by
distinctly taking his hat off and as quickly replacing it, not merely
raising it slightly, as formerly, and if he is an intimate acquaintance
or friend, he should act in a similar manner.
In France and on the Continent generally, the rule of bowing is
reversed, and the gentleman is the first to bow to the lady, instead
of the lady to the gentleman.
Between ladies but slightly acquainted, the one of highest rank should
be the first to bow to the other; between ladies of equal rank it is
immaterial which of the two bows first.
* * * * *
=A lady should not bow= to persons only known to her by sight, although
she may frequently have seen them in the company of her friends.
A lady should bow to a gentleman, either a friend or acquaintance,
even when he is walking with either a lady or gentleman, with whom
she is unacquainted.
Gentlemen do not raise their hats in recognition of each other, but
simply nod, when not walking with ladies, save when a vast difference
exists in rank or age.
When a gentleman meets another--a friend of his--walking with a lady or
ladies, with whom he himself is unacquainted, he should raise his hat
and look straight before him, not at the lady or ladies.
A lady should not bow to another who, being a stranger to her, has
addressed a few remarks to her at an afternoon party, as the fact of
meeting at the house of a mutual friend does not constitute an
acquaintanceship, and does not authorise a future bowing acquaintance.
Ladies, as a rule, are not too ready to bow to those whom they have
merely conversed with in a casual way. In the first place, they are not
quite certain of being remembered, and nothing is more disconcerting and
disagreeable than to bow to a person who does not return it through
forgetfulness of the one who has given it, or through shortsightedness,
or through actual intention. Short-sighted people are always offending
in the matter of not bowing, and almost every third person,
comparatively speaking, complains of being more or less short-sighted;
thus it behoves ladies to discover for themselves the strength and
length of sight possessed by their new acquaintances, or the chances are
that their bow may never be returned, or they may continue to labour
under the impression that they have received a cut direct; thus many
pleasant acquaintances are lost through this misapprehension, and many
erroneous impressions created.
* * * * *
=A bowing acquaintance= is a difficult and tiresome one to maintain for
any length of time, when opportunities do not arise for increasing it.
The irksomeness of keeping it up is principally experienced by persons
meeting day after day in the Park or on public promenades, riding,
driving, or walking, more especially when it is tacitly understood that
the acquaintance should not develop into a further acquaintance.
It would be considered discourteous to discontinue a bowing acquaintance
which has once been commenced.
To know a gentleman by sight through having frequently seen him at balls
and parties, does not give a lady the right to bow to him, even though
she may have stood beside him for some twenty minutes or so on a crowded
staircase, and may have received some slight civility from him.
A lady who has received a little service from a stranger would gladly
acknowledge it at any subsequent meeting by a pleasant bow, but as
bowing to a gentleman argues an acquaintance with him, and as in such
cases as these an acquaintance does not exist, etiquette provides no
compromise in the matter. Therefore, if a young lady takes her own line,
and rather than appear ungracious bows to a gentleman who has not been
introduced to her either directly or indirectly, it is a breach of
etiquette on her part; and as to do an unconventional thing is not
desirable, the innumerable little services which ladies receive in
general society are not further acknowledged beyond the thanks expressed
at the moment of their being received.
* * * * *
=Bows vary materially:= there is the friendly bow, the distant bow, the
ceremonious bow, the deferential bow, the familiar bow, the reluctant
bow, and so on, according to the feelings that actuate individuals in
their intercourse with each other.
When a bowing acquaintance only exists between ladies and gentlemen, and
they meet perhaps two or three times during the day, and are not
sufficiently intimate to speak, they do not usually bow more than once,
when thus meeting in park or promenade.