WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS
=Afternoon Weddings= are invariably solemnized at 2.30 o'clock. Only
very quiet weddings take place in the morning hours. Formerly, it was
only the few who were in a position to obtain special licences who could
have afternoon weddings.
* * * * *
=Marriage by "Banns"= is greatly in favour in general society. The banns
must be published three consecutive weeks previous to the marriage in
the parish in which the bridegroom resides, and also in that in which
the bride resides, and both should reside fifteen days in their
respective parishes previous to the banns being published.
* * * * *
=Marriages by Licence.=--When a marriage is solemnised by licence the
cost, with fees and stamps, amounts to L2. This should be obtained at
the Faculty Office, or at the Vicar-General's Office, Doctors' Commons,
and is available at any church in the parish where one of the parties
has resided for fifteen days previous to the application being made for
the licence, either in town or country.
When the licence is obtained in the country through a clerical surrogate
the cost varies, according to the diocese, from L1 15s. to L2 12s. 6d.
* * * * *
=Special Licences= can only be obtained from the Archbishop of
Canterbury, after application at the Faculty Office, and an especial
reason must be given for the application, and one that will meet with
the Archbishop's approval.
The fees for a special marriage licence average L29 5s. 6d.
* * * * *
=The Fees= to the officiating clergymen vary considerably, according to
the position and means of the bridegroom, from L1 1s. to L5 5s.
as the inclination of the bridegroom may dictate.
The fee to the verger is subject to a like variation, commencing at
2s. 6d.
All fees relating to a marriage should be defrayed by the bridegroom,
and paid by him, or by the best man on his behalf, in the vestry of the
church, previous to the ceremony; immediately after it, or some days
earlier.
* * * * *
=The Etiquette observed at Weddings= is invariably the same whether the
wedding takes place in the morning or in the afternoon, or whether it is
a grand wedding or a comparatively small one, whether the guests number
two hundred or whether they number twenty.
* * * * *
=The Invitations= should be issued from three weeks to a fortnight
before the wedding-day.
The wedding luncheon or wedding reception should be given by the parents
of the bride or by her nearest relative, and the invitations should be
issued in the names of both parents.
The invitations should be issued in notes printed in ink; they are now
seldom printed in silver. The form should be as follows: "Mr. and Mrs.
---- request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. ----'s company at the marriage
of their daughter Helen with Mr. John S----, at St. Peter's Church,
Hanover Square, on Tuesday, May 8th, at 2.30 o'clock, and afterwards at
---- Square. R.S.V.P."
If a stepdaughter, it should be "at the marriage of Mrs. A----'s
daughter Helen B----."
* * * * *
=Wedding Presents.=--Every one who is invited to a wedding invariably
makes the bride or bridegroom a present; it is the received rule to do
so. Many send presents before the invitations are sent out--as soon as
the engagement is made known, if it is not to be a long one.
There is no rule as to the time before the wedding-day when the present
should be sent; but invitations are usually sent to those who have given
presents, even though they live at a considerable distance, and may not
be able to attend the wedding.
Wedding presents are displayed on tables of various sizes, according to
their number, and if very numerous and valuable, it is not unusual to
exhibit them at an afternoon tea, given for the purpose on the day
previous to the wedding. Each present should bear the card of the giver
attached to it. Presents of silver plate should be placed on a table
covered with dark cloth or velvet. It is not unusual to surround the
presents with flowers, notably roses, and this is often done by persons
of artistic tastes.
* * * * *
=The Bridegroom should provide= the wedding-ring and the bridal bouquet.
The bouquets for the bridesmaids are also the gift of the bridegroom,
and should be sent to them on the morning of the wedding. He is also
expected to make a present to each bridesmaid--either a brooch, a
locket, a bracelet, or a fan, which should either be sent the day before
the wedding or on the morning of the wedding-day.
The bridegroom should provide the motor-car to convey himself and his
bride from the church to the house where the wedding luncheon and
reception are to take place, and again from the house to the
railway-station, or, if the journey is made by road, to the place of
honeymoon; but frequently the bride's father places his own motor-car at
the disposal of the bride and bridegroom for this purpose, especially in
the country. The bridal carriage is the only one, according to
etiquette, which the bridegroom is expected to provide.
The invited guests should provide their own conveyances, and neither the
bridegroom nor the bride's father are ever expected to do so. This
should be thoroughly understood by the guests in every case.
The custom of having groomsmen to support the bridegroom is now very
general, as at royal weddings, a royal bridegroom being supported by
from four to six groomsmen. Two of the groomsmen usually act as ushers
and assist in seating the guests.
* * * * *
=The Best Man= should be a bachelor, although a married man could act in
this capacity. He should either accompany the bridegroom to the church
or meet him there. He should stand at his right hand during the
ceremony--a little in the rear--and should render him the trifling
service of handing him his hat at the close of it.
He should sign the register afterwards in the vestry, and should pay the
fees to the clergyman and to the verger, on behalf of the bridegroom,
either before or after the ceremony, if the bridegroom does not pay them
on arrival.
The bridegroom and best man should arrive at the church before the
bride, and await her coming, standing at the right-hand side of the
chancel gates.
* * * * *
=The Bride= should be driven to the church in her father's motor-car. If
she has a sister or sisters, and they officiate as bridesmaids, they,
with her mother, should precede her to the church. The motor-car should
then return to fetch the bride and her father; but when she has no
sisters, her father generally precedes her to the church, and receives
her at the church door, her mother accompanying her in the motor-car.
The bridesmaids should arrive some little time before the bride, and
form a line on either side of the church porch, or within the church
doorway. The mother of the bride usually stands beside them.
When the bride arrives she should take her father's right arm, or the
right arm of her eldest brother or nearest male relative, who is deputed
to give her away; he should meet her at the church door in the place of
her father, and conduct her to the chancel or altar.
At choral weddings the clergy and choir head the bridal procession and
lead the way to the chancel, singing a hymn the while.
* * * * *
=The Bridesmaids= should follow the bride and her father up the nave of
the church. When the number of bridesmaids is even, four, six, eight, or
twelve; but when the number is odd, as five, seven, or nine, and three
of them happen to be children, which is generally the case, the elder
bridesmaids should walk "two and two," following next after the
children.
At fashionable weddings one or two little boys act as pages, and
occasionally bear the bride's train.
The head bridesmaid is generally the bride's eldest unmarried sister or
the bridegroom's sister, and she should follow next to the bride with
her companion bridesmaid, when children are not included in the group.
* * * * *
=The Bride's Mother= should follow next to the bridesmaids, and walk by
the side of her son, or other male relative, in following them up the
nave of the church. Ladies and gentlemen do not walk arm-in-arm at a
wedding, but side by side.
* * * * *
=The Bride's Immediate Relatives= and the near relatives of the
bridegroom should seat themselves in pews or chairs, according to the
church in which the service is celebrated. In some churches the service
takes place at the entrance of the chancel, and the bridal party enter
the chancel and stand at the altar to receive the address, and the
concluding portion of the service only is there celebrated.
* * * * *
=The Bridegroom's Relatives= should place themselves on entering at the
right of the nave, thus being on the bridegroom's right hand, and seat
themselves in pews. The relatives of the bride should place themselves
on entering at the left of the nave, thus being on the bride's left
hand, and seat themselves in pews or chairs. Large cards with the words
"For the Relatives of the Bridegroom," "For the Relatives of the Bride,"
are frequently placed in the pews to indicate where they are to sit.
* * * * *
=The Bride= should stand at the bridegroom's left hand; the bride's
father, or nearest male relative, should stand at her left hand, in
order to give her away.
The bridesmaids should stand immediately behind the bride in the order
in which they pass up the church.
The bride should take off her gloves at the commencement of the service
and should give them with her bouquet to the head bridesmaid to hold.
The invited guests should sit in the pews or chairs.
Guests seldom take their prayer-books with them to the church to follow
the service therefrom. The hymns sung are usually printed on leaflets,
and placed in the pews or on the seats.
The bridegroom generally wears a flower in his button-hole, as he does
not wear a wedding favour.
The other gentlemen may, as a matter of course, wear button-hole
bouquets, if they please.
* * * * *
=When the Service is concluded=, the bride should take the bridegroom's
left arm, and, preceded by the officiating clergyman, and followed by
her head bridesmaids, father, mother, and the most distinguished of the
guests, should enter the vestry, where the register should be signed by
the bride and bridegroom, two or three of the nearest relatives, and by
two or three of the most intimate of the friends, and principal of the
guests, including the best man and the head bridesmaid. The bride's
father should sign it, but it is optional whether the bride's mother
does so or not.
When the register has been signed, and those in the vestry have shaken
hands with the bride and offered their congratulations, the bride should
take the bridegroom's left arm and pass down the nave of the church
followed by her bridesmaids, in the same order as they have previously
passed up the nave.
The bride and bridegroom usually leave the church without pausing to
shake hands with many of their friends present if a reception is to
follow.
When the bride and bridegroom have driven off from the church, the
bride's mother should be the next to follow, that she may be at home to
receive the guests as they arrive. There is no precedence as to the
order in which the remainder of the company leave the church; it
entirely depends on the cleverness of their servants in getting up their
motor-cars.
* * * * *
=Button-hole Bouquets= of natural flowers have entirely superseded the
old-fashioned wedding favours for both ladies and gentlemen, and are
sometimes offered to the guests before they leave their seats at the
conclusion of the ceremony, but not invariably so. Button-hole bouquets
should be worn on the left side, by both ladies and gentlemen.
* * * * *
=A Bride who is a Widow= should not wear a bridal veil, nor a wreath of
orange-blossoms, nor orange-blossom on her dress.
She should not be attended by bridesmaids, and wedding favours should
not be worn by the guests.
* * * * *
=How the Invitations to the Wedding Reception of a Widow= should be
issued depends upon individual circumstances. For instance, if a young
widow resides with her parents, the invitations should be issued in
their names as at her first marriage, and the form of invitation should
be similar, save that the words "Their daughter, Mrs. A., widow of Mr.
A." should be substituted for her christian name. If, as is very
frequently the case, a widow resides in her own house, or if the
marriage is to take place from an hotel, the invitations should be
issued in her own name, and the form should be "Mrs. Cecil A. requests
the pleasure (or the honour) of Mr. and Mrs. B.'s company at her
marriage with Mr. Henry C., at St. George's Church on Tuesday, December
30th, at 2.30 o'clock, and afterwards at Eaton Gardens, R.S.V.P." "The
presence of" instead of "the company of" may be put if preferred.
* * * * *
=It is understood that a Widow should not have Bridesmaids=, but it is
open to her to have the attendance of pages, if a wedding is to be a
fashionable and smart one, although many ladies do not avail themselves
of this privilege. The bridegroom should have a best man, as a matter of
course; he may be the bride's brother if desired (the idea that this is
not permitted is an erroneous one). A married man might be asked to act
in the capacity of best man, there being no bridesmaids to require his
attention, although this is seldom done, and a bachelor brother or
friend is preferred.
* * * * *
=A Widow may be given away= by her father, uncle, brother, or even by a
friend; indeed, it is more usual to have this support than not. At a
first marriage "to be given away" is imperative, at a second it is
optional; and if a widow at a quiet wedding prefers not to follow this
custom she can do so.
* * * * *
=Much Uncertainty exists as to whether a Widow should or should not
continue to wear her First Wedding Ring= when she marries a second time.
In point of fact there is no hard and fast rule with regard to it, and a
widow may continue or not continue to wear it, as she feels inclined. If
she has children, and has had some years of married life, she usually
retains it. If she is a young widow, she is likely to remove it, and
wear the second ring only; but when this is her intention, she should
not cease to wear it until she has arrived at the church, and has taken
off her gloves previous to the ceremony; but, take it all in all, it is
more usual to wear the two wedding rings than the second one only.
* * * * *
=Formerly, Widows considered it Imperative to be married in Widow's
Colours=, grey or mauve, and that white was forbidden wear; but it is no
longer so regarded, and a widow may and does wear white or cream on her
wedding-day--not exactly a maiden bridal dress, as a tinge of colour is
introduced. The larger number still regard pale grey or pale heliotrope
as more suitable on the occasion of a second marriage, and doubtless
this is so when a widow is not in her first youth. A widow may not, of
course, wear a bridal veil; she must wear a hat or toque, white or
coloured, as she pleases. She can have a bouquet, not of white flowers
only, but mauve or pink, or violets, according to choice. It is quite
permissible to have a full choral service, and for the church in which
the ceremony is performed to be decorated with plants and flowers, but
wedding favours should not be given to the guests at its conclusion.
* * * * *
=When a Widow has a reception the Newly Married Pair should receive
their Guests= standing together. The bride's mother, or near relative,
could assist them in receiving. If a luncheon is to be given, they
should lead the way to the dining-room, and sit at the head of the
table, side by side; but if a reception tea is given, the guests might
be sent in at the tea hour--that is to say, told that tea is going on,
and the bride and bridegroom could follow later should the numbers be
too great to admit of all going into the tea room at the same time.
* * * * *
=It is quite in Order for a Widow to have a Wedding Cake=, but it should
not be decorated with orange blossoms or with white flowers, merely with
icing and ornamentations. The display of presents at the marriage of a
widow is, as a rule, a very restricted one. The bridegroom and the
bridegroom's family being the principal donors, the presents are seldom
exhibited. The exception is when a widow has made many new friends, and
has received wedding presents from them. Presents, when made to a widow
having a house of her own, are expected to be of substantial value, and
there is a general reluctance felt to offering her trifles, even if
expensive ones, such as a girl-bride would appreciate; not so a married
lady of social standing.
* * * * *
=On arriving at the House= where the wedding luncheon or reception is to
be held, the gentlemen should leave their hats in the hall. The ladies
should not remove their bonnets or hats at a wedding luncheon or
reception, neither should the bridesmaids do so.
Gentlemen should take off their gloves at wedding luncheons, but it is
optional whether ladies do so or not.
At receptions it is optional with both ladies and gentlemen whether they
take off their gloves or not.
The guests who have not already had an opportunity of speaking to the
bride and bridegroom, on being ushered into the drawing-room, where the
company assembles, should shake hands with them, having first gone
through that ceremony with the host and hostess, if they have not
already done so.
Previous to luncheon being announced the bride's father or mother should
tell the principal of the gentlemen present whom to take down to
luncheon. But this only applies to a sit-down luncheon.
At standing-up luncheons the guests are not sent in in couples, but go
in as they please, even two or three ladies together, and little or no
precedency, bridal or otherwise, is followed as a general rule.
The luncheon should be served in the dining-room, library, or large
marquee, as the case may be.
The bride's mother and the bridegroom's mother should take precedence of
all other ladies present on the occasion of a wedding luncheon.
* * * * *
=At strictly Family Gatherings the Guests should go in to Luncheon in
the following order:=--The bride and bridegroom. The bride's father with
the bridegroom's mother. The bridegroom's father with the bride's
mother. The best man with the head bridesmaid. The remaining bridesmaids
with the gentlemen who are to take them in to luncheon.
The rest of the company should follow in the wake of the bridesmaids.
The bride should take the bridegroom's left arm.
Sitting-down luncheons and standing-up luncheons are equally
fashionable, although the latter are far more general, and little or no
bridal precedency is observed. When a standing-up luncheon is given,
small tables are arranged for the convenience of the bridal party on one
side of the room, while a long table occupies the centre of the room.
When a sitting-down luncheon is given the bride and bridegroom should
sit either at the head of a long table or at the centre of it--the bride
at the bridegroom's left hand. The bride's father should sit next the
bride with the bridegroom's mother. When the bride and bridegroom sit
at the centre of the table the bridesmaids should sit opposite to them
with the gentlemen who have taken them in to luncheon; each sitting at a
gentleman's right hand.
When the bride and bridegroom occupy the head of the table, the
bridesmaids, with the gentlemen who have taken them in to luncheon,
should place themselves next the parents on either side of the table,
dividing their number into two groups.
When the bride's father is dead, her eldest brother or nearest male
relative should take his place and should take the bridegroom's mother
in to luncheon.
* * * * *
=A Wedding Breakfast= is now termed a luncheon, champagne and other
wines take the place of tea and coffee, which beverages are not served
until towards the end of the luncheon. At weddings which take place
at 2.30 p.m., a luncheon is frequently given at 3, followed by a
"tea" at 4.
* * * * *
=The Luncheon Menu= generally comprises soup, entrees both hot and cold;
chickens, game, mayonnaises, salads, jellies, creams, etc., etc., and
other dishes of a like character.
The sweets should be placed on the table, fruit also.
The entrees, etc., should be handed by the servants, the sweets should
also be taken off the table by the men-servants and handed round in
turn.
At a standing-up luncheon the gentlemen should help the ladies and
themselves to the various dishes on the table, as dishes are not handed
at this description of luncheon; hot entrees and soup are not given. The
menu is in other respects similar.
The tables should be decorated with flowers at either a standing-up or a
sitting-down luncheon. Bottles of champagne should be placed the length
of the table at a standing-up luncheon; if not, the gentlemen should ask
the servants in attendance for champagne for the ladies they have taken
down, and for themselves. At a sitting-down luncheon the servants offer
champagne to the guests in the same order in which they hand the dishes.
When the sweets have been handed the bride should cut the wedding-cake.
This she does by merely making the first incision with a knife; it
should then be cut by the butler into small slices, and handed on
dessert plates to the guests.
* * * * *
=The Health of the Bride and Bridegroom= should then be proposed by the
most distinguished guest present, for which the bridegroom should return
thanks. He should then propose the health of the bridesmaids, for which
the best man should return thanks.
Occasionally the gentleman of highest rank present also proposes this
health in place of the bridegroom.
The health of the bride's father and mother should be proposed by the
bridegroom's father.
It is now the custom to confine proposing healths at wedding luncheons
within the narrowest limits. The health of the bride and bridegroom, and
that of the bridesmaids being, in general, the only healths proposed.
At standing-up luncheons and at wedding receptions, the health of the
bride and bridegroom only is proposed.
* * * * *
=The Bride should leave the Dining-room= immediately after the healths
have been drunk, to change her dress for departure.
The head bridesmaid should accompany her, if related to her, and the
guests should adjourn to the drawing-room to await the bride's
reappearance, which should not be long delayed, and the adieus should
then be made. Leave-takings should not be prolonged more than is
absolutely necessary.
The parents should follow the bride and bridegroom into the hall, and
adieus to them should there be made.
* * * * *
=The Old-fashioned Custom= of throwing satin slippers after the bride is
sometimes observed, foolish as it is. It is the best man's or the head
bridesmaid's privilege to perform this ridiculous act.
When rice is thrown after a bride it should be scattered by the married
and not by the unmarried ladies present; but the custom, like that
of throwing the so-called "confetti," is now practically obsolete in
good society.
* * * * *
=Strewing the Bride's Path with Flowers= from the church to the carriage
by village children is a custom much followed at weddings which take
place in the country.
* * * * *
=The Honeymoon= now seldom lasts longer than a week or ten days. Many
brides prefer spending their honeymoon in their future home, if it
happens to be in the country, instead of making a hurried trip to Paris
or elsewhere, or to spending it at the country house of a friend, lent
to them for the purpose. But it is entirely a matter of individual
feeling which course is taken.
* * * * *
=The Bride's Trousseau= should be marked with the initials of the name
she is to take.
* * * * *
=The Bridegroom should provide= the house-linen and all other things
appertaining to the bride's new home.
* * * * *
=The Wedding Presents= should be dispatched to the bride's residence
immediately after the wedding, and they should at once be put into their
several places, and not arranged for the purpose of being shown to
visitors.
* * * * *
=The Bridal Wreath= should not be worn after the wedding-day. The bridal
wreath, the bridal bouquet, and the orange blossoms from the
wedding-cake, if treasured as mementos of the happy event, should be
preserved in the recesses of a locked drawer in the bride's chamber, and
not exhibited under glass shades in the drawing-room.
* * * * *
=Precedence= should not be accorded to a bride during the first three
months after marriage, although this old-fashioned custom is sometimes
followed at country dinner-parties on the occasion of a bride's first
visit.
* * * * *
=The Custom of sending Wedding Cake= to friends is an exploded one, and
only followed between near relations.
* * * * *
=Wedding Cards= are, strictly speaking, out of date, and only sent by
people who adhere to old-fashioned customs.
* * * * *
=The Words "No Cards"= should not be inserted when the announcement of a
marriage is sent to the newspapers; neither should the intimation be
added that the bride and bridegroom will be "at home" on certain days.