The fame of my sanctity had now spread in such a manner abroad, that
when I allowed myself to be seen in the streets of Rome, there were
passengers who begged me for a moment to speak with them, and then, with
the humblest prostration, implored my blessing. No doubt, my severe
penitence must excite attention, for I had renewed in their utmost
extent all my devotional exercises; but even my strange appearance, my
neglect of my dress, &c. might be enough to excite the imagination of
the lively Italians, who are ready at all times to fix on any remarkable
individual for the hero of a religious legend. Often, when unconscious
of all that passed around me, I had thrown myself on the steps of an
altar, I was awoke from my inward contemplation by the murmur of prayer,
and groans of repentance, from those who had collected around me, as if
wishing to implore my saintly intercession with Heaven.
As in the Capuchin Convent, I frequently heard it called out in the
streets behind me--"There goes the saint!" and such words never failed
to strike like daggers to my heart. I wished, therefore, to leave Rome,
and had made my arrangements for this purpose, when, to my utter
astonishment, and indeed terror, the Prior of the Convent wherein I
lodged, announced to me that the Pope had ordered me to appear before
him.
Dark apprehensions arose within me, that perhaps the powers of hell were
more than ever on the watch, and laboured by new stratagems to draw me
into destruction. Meanwhile, I summoned up all my courage, and at an
hour which was duly announced to me, repaired to the Vatican.
I was to have a private audience, and the Pope, who was still a handsome
man, and looked as if he had been in the prime of life, received me
sitting on a richly ornamented elbow-chair. Two very beautiful boys, in
the dress of Sacristans, attended to serve him with iced water; and as
the weather was very hot, they were constantly employed in cooling the
atmosphere with large fans made of herons' feathers.
I went up to his Holiness with the utmost humility, and paid to him the
customary homage of kneeling. He fixed his eyes sharply on me, but
instead of the grave severity, which, from a distance, seemed to me
before to characterize his features, his looks displayed much good
humour, and he welcomed me with a very agreeable smile.
His first inquiries were only common-place questions, as to whence I
came, what had brought me to Rome, &c. He then rose from his chair, and
assuming a more serious tone, "Brother Medardus," said he, "I have
summoned you hither, because I had received extraordinary accounts of
your piety. But wherefore do you perform your devotional exercises
openly before the people, and in the most public churches? You probably
wish to be looked on as a chosen saint, a pre-elect of Heaven, and to be
worshipped by the fanatical mob. But inquire into thine own heart,
whence this idea first arose, and by what means it has acquired such
ascendancy. If your intentions are not pure before the eye of the
Almighty, and before me, his appointed Viceroy, then, Brother Medardus,
your now flourishing sanctity will soon come to a shameful end."
These last words the Pope uttered in a deep powerful voice, and his eyes
gleamed as if in anger. For the first time, since a very long period, I
felt myself accused, without being guilty of the faults with which I was
charged. On this account I was not only able to retain perfect
composure, but even to answer him with some degree of fervour and
eloquence.
"Heaven," said I, "has indeed granted to your Holiness to look into my
inmost heart, which is loaded and oppressed with a weight of unspeakable
crimes, of which my deep consciousness may perhaps prove the sincerity
of my repentance. Far from my thoughts is any attempt at hypocrisy. I
never had any ambition to influence the minds of the people; on the
contrary, the attention which they direct to me is abhorrent to my
feelings, and causes to me the utmost pain and regret. In support of
what I have now said, will your Holiness grant to a wretched penitent an
opportunity of relating the events of his life, that he may prove the
sincerity of his contrition, and his utter self-annihilation at the
remembrance of the sins which he hath committed?"
On receiving permission, I accordingly went on to narrate, as concisely
as I could, the whole circumstances and adventures of my life, only
omitting names, which were of no consequence as to the facts that I
related against myself. The Pope listened with the greatest attention,
appearing always more and more interested. At last, by many
extraordinary looks and gestures, he evinced the astonishment that I had
excited.
"Your history, Brother Medardus," said he, "is, indeed, the most
mysterious that I have ever heard. Do you then believe in the immediate,
and _visible_ agency of the devil?" I was about to answer, but he went
on. "Do you believe that the wine which you stole from the
relic-chamber, and drank, really impelled you to the crimes which you
have committed?"
"Like a water distilled from pestilential herbs," said I, "it gave new
strength to the seeds of vice and wickedness which lurked within me,
till at length they burst from their concealment, and spread into
luxuriant and multiplying growth!"
Upon this answer, the Pope seemed to sink into reflection, and said,
more as if communing with himself, than addressing me,--
"What if the same rules of nature by which corporeal life is usually
governed, applied also to the mind? If every seed or scion must bring
forth and perpetuate that which is like to itself? There are whole
families of murderers, and of robbers. In such cases this was the
hereditary sin, entailed on a race followed by some inexpiable curse!"
"If he who is descended from a sinful ancestor," said I, "must of
necessity sin again, it follows from this doctrine, that there is no
sin!"
"Nay," said the Pope, "the Almighty created a gigantic power, who can
yet tame and control the appetite for crime, which, like a furious wild
beast, rages within us. This giant is named Conscience, and from his
combat with the beast, arise our independence and volition. In the
victory of the giant consists virtue; in the victory of the beast
consists sin." The Pope was silent a few moments. He then added in a
milder voice, "Do you believe, Brother Medardus, that it is becoming for
the Viceroy of Heaven, to reason thus with you on virtue and vice?"
"Your Holiness," said I, "has condescended to allow the humblest of your
servants to hear your opinions on this matter; and it well becomes the
warrior to speak freely on that combat, whose dangers he has himself
encountered, and in which he has long since obtained the palm of
victory!"
"You have a favourable opinion of me, Brother," said the Pope; "or do
you look upon the Tiara, as the laurel crown, announcing my victory to
the world?"
* * * * *
[_The Editor has here left out two or three pages of this
conversation, as it seems irrelevant to the general tenure of the
narrative._]
* * * * *
Hereupon the Pope again rose from his chair. "Thou art an excellent
orator, Brother Medardus," said he, "and hast spoken after my own
heart--we shall, as I perceive, understand one another better ere long
than we now do. Remain at Rome. In a few days you will be promoted to
the dignity of Prior of the Capuchin Convent, where a situation is now
vacant, and afterwards, perhaps, you will be chosen for my Father
Confessor. Go then, behave yourself with more prudence in the churches,
and think not of raising yourself to canonization. The calendar is
already crowded!--Farewell!"
Our interview ended here, and by these last words of the Pope, I was not
a little astonished, as indeed I had been by his whole behaviour
throughout, which was completely at variance with the picture which I
had previously drawn of him. I had imagined not only that he was a
worthily appointed Vicegerent of Heaven on this earth, but that he was
gifted with every virtue, and all mental energies. He had, on the
contrary, falsely supposed that I was actuated by the base ambition of
being looked on as a saint, and now wished to excite in my mind a desire
for other temporal distinctions, which was, in truth, not less sinful.
Notwithstanding my perplexity and dissatisfaction, I was led to conform
to what the Pope had enjoined, as to the intermission of my penitential
exercises; and I wandered for some days idly through the streets of
Rome, meditating chiefly on my past life, on the penitence which I had
undergone, and the career which was yet before me.
On the last of these idle days, as I passed through the Spanish Square,
there was a mob assembled round the stage of a puppet-player. My
attention was at once attracted by the croaking voice of Pulcinello, and
the laughter of the audience. The first act was ended as I came up--the
curtain dropped, and the audience stood in anxious expectation of the
second.
The little curtain again drew up. The youthful King David appeared with
his sling and his sackful of pebbles. With the most ludicrous gestures,
he proved that the monstrous giant should now be slain, and Israel
rescued. Then there was heard a fearful hollow roaring and rustling
under the stage, whereupon the giant mounted up, with a huge and most
absurdly ill-proportioned head. How was I astonished, when, at my first
glance of this giant's head, I recognized the features of my old friend
Belcampo. Right under his head he had, by means of an ingenious
apparatus, contrived to fit on a small body, conformable to those of the
other puppets, while his own person was concealed by the stage drapery,
which last served, at the same time, for the mantle of the giant.
Goliah, with most hideous grimaces of visage and contortions of his
dwarfish body, held a proud and threatening discourse, which King David
only now and then interrupted by a shrill and contemptuous laughter.
The mob were diverted out of all measure, and I myself being wonderfully
attracted by this new apparition of Belcampo, allowed myself to be
carried away by the impression of the moment, and broke out into the
unrestrained and hearty laughter of boyish delight. Alas, how often
before was my laughter only the convulsive vibration of that internal
torment which preyed upon my heart!
Hereafter, the combat with the giant was preceded by a long disputation,
wherein King David demonstrated, with great erudition and eloquence,
wherefore he must and would smite his frightful antagonist to death.
Belcampo made all the muscles of his countenance writhe and play with
the most inconceivable vivacity, indicating extreme rage. His gigantic
arms stretched themselves out against the less than little David, who,
meanwhile, saved himself by incredible leaps and bendings, vanishing
altogether, and then coming into sight again--now here, now there, even
from the folds of the giant's own mantle. At last the pebble flew from
David's sling against Goliah's head. He fell down lifeless, and the
curtain dropped.
I laughed always more and more, excited not merely by the absurdity of
Pulcinello, but by my previous recollection of Belcampo's grotesque
genius. Probably I laughed too loud, for the people seemed to notice my
conduct; and, when I turned round, there was a dignified Abbot standing
near me.
"I rejoice, reverend sir," said he, "to find that you have not
altogether lost your relish for terrestrial enjoyments. After I had
witnessed your most extraordinary penitence and devotion, I believed
that it would be wholly impossible for you to be diverted with follies
such as these."
While the Abbot spoke thus, it seemed to me as if I ought to feel
ashamed of my levity, but involuntarily I answered him in a way of which
I directly afterwards repented. "Believe me, Signor _Abbate_," said I,
"the man who has once combated, like a stout swimmer, with the stormy
waves of this changeful life, never loses altogether the power of
lifting up his head bravely from the dark flood!"
The Abbot looked at me with significant glances. "Indeed!" said he, "I
know not which to praise most, the poetry or logic of your illustration.
I believe that I now understand you completely, and admire you, reverend
sir, from the bottom of my heart!"
"I know not, for my part, Signor _Abbate_," replied I, "how a poor
penitent monk can have excited your admiration."
"Excellent!" said the Abbot. "You do not, most reverend father, run any
risk of forgetting the part you have to play!--You are worthy to be the
favourite of the Pope!"
"His Holiness," answered I, "has indeed been pleased to honour me with
an audience. I have done homage before him in the dust, as is becoming
towards him, whom, on account of his tried virtues, Omnipotence has
chosen for his vicegerent on earth."
"Well, then," replied the Abbot, "you, too, are no doubt a well-chosen
vassal of the triple-crowned, and will nobly fulfil the duties required
of you. But, believe me, the present Pope is a jewel of virtue, compared
to Alexander the Sixth, and you may perhaps have erred sadly in your
reckoning. Go on with your part, however--What is well begun is half
ended!--Farewell, most reverend father!"
With a laugh of unrepressed scorn, the Abbot started away, leaving me
confounded and almost petrified at his conduct. When I connected his
expressions with my own remarks on the Pope, I became convinced that the
latter was by no means that conqueror deservedly crowned "after his
combat with the beast," such as I had supposed him to be; and, at the
same time, I could no longer entertain any doubt that my penitential
exercises must, to the majority of the public, have appeared but as a
hypocritical and artificial system, adopted only to force myself into
notice. Astonished and bitterly mortified, I returned home to my
convent, and going into the church, had recourse to long and zealous
prayer.
Then the scales seemed to fall from my hitherto blinded eyes, and I
recognized at once the temptation of the powers of darkness, who had of
new endeavoured to involve me in their snares. Only rapid and instant
flight could save me from destruction. And I determined with the first
rays of the next morning to set out on my way.