SCENE. _The scene is laid in_ JOHN KARSLAKE'S _study and
smoking-room. There is a bay window on the left. A door on
the left leads to stairs and the front of the house, while a
door at the back leads to the dining-room. A fireplace and a
mantel are on the right. A bookcase contains law and sporting
books. On the wall is a full-length portrait of_ CYNTHIA.
_Nothing of this portrait is seen by audience except the gilt
frame and a space of canvas. A large table with writing
materials is littered over with law books, sporting books,
papers, pipes, crops, a pair of spurs, &c. A wedding ring
lies on it. There are three very low easy-chairs. The general
appearance of the room is extremely gay and garish in colour.
It has the easy confusion of a man's room. There is a small
table on which, lying open, is a woman's sewing-basket, and,
beside it, a piece of rich fancy work, as if a lady had just
risen from sewing. Laid on the further end of it are a lady's
gloves. On a chair-back is a lady's hat. It is a half hour
later than the close of Act III. Curtains are drawn over the
window. A lamp on the table is lighted, as are, too, the
various electric lights. One chair is conspicuously standing
on its head._
NOGAM _is busy at the larger table. The door into the
dining-room is half open._
SIR WILFRID. [_Coming in from the dining-room._] Eh--what did you say
your name was?
NOGAM. Nogam, sir.
SIR WILFRID. Nogam? I've been here thirty minutes. Where are the
cigars? [NOGAM _motions to a small table near the entrance door._]
Thank you. Nogam, Mr. Karslake was to have followed us here,
immediately. [_He lights a cigar._
NOGAM. Mr. Karslake just now 'phoned from his club [SIR WILFRID _walks
toward the front of the room._], and he's on his way home, sir.
SIR WILFRID. Nogam, why is that chair upside down?
NOGAM. Our orders, sir.
VIDA. [_Speaking as she comes in._] Oh, Wilfrid! [SIR WILFRID _turns._
VIDA _coming slowly toward him._] I can't be left longer alone with
the lobster! He reminds me too much of Phillimore!
SIR WILFRID. Karslake's coming; stopped at his club on the way! [_To_
NOGAM.] You haven't heard anything of Mrs. Karslake--?
NOGAM. [_Surprised._] No, sir!
SIR WILFRID. [_In an aside to_ VIDA, _as they move right to appear to
be out of_ NOGAM'S _hearing._] Deucedly odd, ye know--for the Reverend
Matthew declared she left Phillimore's house before _he_ did,--and she
told them she was coming here!
[NOGAM _evidently takes this in._
VIDA. Oh, she'll turn up.
SIR WILFRID. Yes, but I don't see how the Reverend Phillimore had the
time to get here and make us man and wife, don't y' know--
VIDA. Oh, Matthew had a fast horse and Cynthia a slow one--or she's a
woman and changed her mind! Perhaps she's gone back and married
Phillimore. And besides, dear, Matthew wasn't in the house four
minutes and a half; only just long enough to hoop the hoop. [_She
twirls her new wedding ring gently about her finger._] Wasn't it lucky
he had a ring in his pocket?
SIR WILFRID. Rather.
VIDA. And are you aware, dear, that Phillimore bought and intended it
for Cynthia? Do come [_Going toward the door through which she has
just entered._], I'm desperately hungry! Whenever I'm married that's
the effect it has! [VIDA _goes out and_ SIR WILFRID, _following, stops
to talk to_ NOGAM.
SIR WILFRID. We'll give Mr. Karslake ten minutes, Nogam. If he does
not come then, you might serve supper.
[_He joins_ VIDA.
NOGAM. [_To_ SIR WILFRID.] Yes, sir. [_The outside door opens and_
FIDDLER _walks in._
FIDDLER. [_Easy and business-like._] Hello, Nogam, where's the
guv'nor? That mare's off her oats, and I've got to see him.
NOGAM. He'll soon be here.
FIDDLER. Who was the parson I met leaving the house?
NOGAM. [_Whispering._] Sir Wilfrid and Mrs. Phillimore have a date
with the guv'nor in the dining-room, and the reverend gentleman-- [_He
makes a gesture as of giving an ecclesiastical blessing._
FIDDLER. [_Amazed._] He hasn't spliced them? [NOGAM _assents._] He
has? They're married? Never saw a parson could resist it!
NOGAM. Yes, but I've got another piece of news for you. Who do you
think the Rev. Phillimore expected to find _here_?
FIDDLER. [_Proud of having the knowledge._] Mrs. Karslake? I saw her
headed this way in a hansom with a balky horse only a minute ago. If
she hoped to be in at the finish--
[Fiddler _is about to set the chair on its legs._
NOGAM. [_Quickly._] Mr. Fiddler, sir, please to let it alone.
FIDDLER. [_Putting the chair down in surprise._] Does it live on its
blooming head?
NOGAM. Don't you remember? _She_ threw it on its head when she left
here, and he won't have it up. Ah, that's it--hat, sewing-basket and
all,--the whole rig is to remain as it was when she handed him his
knock-out. [_A bell rings outside._
FIDDLER. There's the guv'nor--I hear him!
NOGAM. I'll serve the supper. [_Taking a letter from his pocket and
putting it on the mantel._] Mr. Fiddler, would you mind giving this to
the guv'nor? It's from his lawyer--his lawyer couldn't find him and
left it with me. He said it was very important. [_The bell rings
again. Speaking from the door to_ SIR WILFRID.] I'm coming, sir!
NOGAM _goes out, shutting the door._ JOHN KARSLAKE _comes in.
His hat is pushed over his eyes; his hands are buried in his
pockets, and his appearance generally is one of weariness and
utter discouragement. He walks into the room slowly and
heavily. He sees_ FIDDLER, _who salutes, forgetting the
letter._ JOHN _slowly sinks into the arm-chair near his study
table._
JOHN. [_As he walks to his chair._] Hello, Fiddler! [_After a pause,_
JOHN _throws himself into a chair, keeping his hat on. He throws down
his gloves, sighing._
FIDDLER. Came in to see you, sir, about Cynthia K.
JOHN. [_Drearily._] Damn Cynthia K!--
FIDDLER. Couldn't have a word with you?
JOHN. [_Grumpy._] No!
FIDDLER. Yes, sir.
JOHN. Fiddler.
FIDDLER. Yes, sir.
JOHN. Mrs. Karslake-- [FIDDLER _nods._] You used to say she was our
mascot?
FIDDLER. Yes, sir.
JOHN. Well, she's just married herself to a--a sort of a man--
FIDDLER. Sorry to hear it, sir.
JOHN. Well, Fiddler, between you and me, we're a pair of idiots.
FIDDLER. Yes, sir!
JOHN. And now it's too late!
FIDDLER. Yes, sir--oh, beg your pardon, sir--your lawyer left a
letter. [JOHN _takes letter; opens it and reads it, indifferently at
first._
JOHN. [_As he opens the letter._] What's he got to say, more than what
his wire said?--Eh-- [_Dumbfounded as he reads._] what?--Will
explain.--Error in wording of telegram.--Call me up.-- [_Turning
quickly to the telephone._] The man can't mean that she's
still--Hello! Hello! [JOHN _listens._
FIDDLER. Would like to have a word with you, sir--
JOHN. Hello, Central!
FIDDLER. That mare--
JOHN. [_Consulting the letter, and speaking into the 'phone._] 33246a
38! Did you get it?
FIDDLER. That mare, sir, she's got a touch of malaria--
JOHN. [_At the 'phone._] Hello, Central--33246a--38!--Clayton
Osgood--yes, yes, and say, Central--get a move on you!
FIDDLER. If you think well of it, sir, I'll give her a tonic--
JOHN. [_Still at the 'phone._] Hello! Yes--yes--Jack Karslake. Is that
you, Clayton? Yes--yes--well--
FIDDLER. Or if you like, sir, I'll give her--
JOHN. [_Turning on_ FIDDLER.] Shut up! [_To 'phone._] What was that?
Not you--not you--a technical error? You mean to say that Mrs.
Karslake is still--my--Hold the wire, Central--get off the wire! Get
off the wire! Is that you, Clayton? Yes, yes--she and I are still--I
got it! Good-bye! [_He hangs up the receiver; falls back into a chair.
For a moment he is overcome. He takes up telephone book._
FIDDLER. All very well, Mr. Karslake, but I must know if I'm to give
her--
JOHN. [_Turning over the leaves of the telephone book in hot haste._]
What's Phillimore's number?
FIDDLER. If you've no objections, I think I'll give her a--
JOHN. L--M--N--O--P--It's too late! She's married by this!
Married!--and--my God--I--I am the cause. Phillimore--
FIDDLER. I'll give her--
JOHN. Give her wheatina!--give her grape-nuts--give her away!
[FIDDLER, _biding his time, walks toward the window._] Only be quiet!
Phillimore!
[SIR WILFRID _comes in._
SIR WILFRID. Hello! We'd almost given you up!
JOHN. [_In his agitation unable to find_ Phillimore's _number._] Just
a moment! I'm trying to get Phillimore on the 'phone to--to tell Mrs.
Karslake--
SIR WILFRID. No good, my boy--she's on her way here! [JOHN _drops the
book and looks up dumbfounded._] The Reverend Matthew was here, y'
see--and he said--
JOHN. [_Rising, turns._] Mrs. Karslake is coming here? [SIR WILFRID
_nods._] To this house? Here?
SIR WILFRID. That's right.
JOHN. Coming here? You're sure? [SIR WILFRID _nods assent._] Fiddler,
I want you to stay here, and if Mrs. Karslake comes, don't fail to let
me know! Now then, for heaven's sake, what did Matthew say to you?
SIR WILFRID. Come along in and I'll tell you.
JOHN. On your life now, Fiddler, don't fail to let me--
[SIR WILFRID _carries_ JOHN _off with him._
VIDA. [_From the dining-room._] Ah, here you are!
FIDDLER. Phew!
_A moment's pause, and_ CYNTHIA _opens the front door, and
comes in very quietly, almost shyly, as if she were uncertain
of her welcome._
CYNTHIA. Fiddler! Where is he? Has he come? Is he here? Has he gone?
FIDDLER. [_Rattled._] Nobody's gone, ma'am, except the Reverend
Matthew Phillimore.
CYNTHIA. Matthew? He's been here and gone? [FIDDLER _nods assent._]
You don't mean I'm too late? He's married them already?
FIDDLER. Nogam says he married them!
CYNTHIA. He's married them! Married! Married before I could get here!
[_Sinking into an armchair._] Married in less time than it takes to
pray for rain! Oh, well, the church--the church is a regular quick
marriage counter. [VIDA _and_ JOHN _are heard in light-hearted
laughter._] Oh!
FIDDLER. I'll tell Mr. Karslake--
CYNTHIA. [_Rising and going to the dining-room door, turns the key in
the lock and takes it out._] No--I wouldn't see him for the world!
[_Moving to the work-table with the key._] If I'm too late, I'm too
late! and that's the end of it! [_Laying the key on the table, she
remains standing near it._] I've come, and now I'll go! [_There is a
long pause during which_ CYNTHIA _looks slowly about the room, then
sighs and changes her tone._] Well, Fiddler, it's all a good deal as
it used to be in my day.
FIDDLER. No, ma'am--everything changed, even the horses.
CYNTHIA. [_Absent-mindedly._] Horses--how are the horses?
[_Throughout her talk with_ Fiddler _she gives the idea that
she is saying good-bye to her life with_ JOHN.
FIDDLER. Ah, when husband and wife splits, ma'am, it's the horses that
suffer. Oh, yes, ma'am, we're all changed since you give us the
go-by,--even the guv'nor.
CYNTHIA. How's he changed?
FIDDLER. Lost his sharp for horses, and ladies, ma'am--gives 'em both
the boiled eye.
CYNTHIA. I can't say I see any change; there's my portrait--I suppose
he sits and pulls faces at me.
FIDDLER. Yes, ma'am, I think I'd better tell him of your bein' here.
CYNTHIA. [_Gently but decidedly._] No, Fiddler, no! [_Again looking
about her._] The room's in a terrible state of disorder. However, your
new mistress will attend to that. [_Pause._] Why, that's not her hat!
FIDDLER. Yours, ma'am.
CYNTHIA. Mine? [_Walking to the table to look at it._] Is that my
work-basket? [_After a pause._] My gloves? [FIDDLER _assents._] And I
suppose-- [_Hurriedly going to the writing-table._] My--yes, there it
is: my wedding ring!--just where I dropped it! Oh, oh, oh, he keeps it
like this--hat, gloves, basket and ring, everything just as it was
that crazy, mad day when I-- [_She glances at_ FIDDLER _and breaks
off._] But for heaven's sake, Fiddler, set that chair on its feet!
FIDDLER. Against orders, ma'am.
CYNTHIA. Against orders?
FIDDLER. You kicked it over, ma'am, the day you left us.
CYNTHIA. No wonder he hates me with the chair in that state! He nurses
his wrath to keep it warm. So, after all, Fiddler, everything _is_
changed, and that chair is the proof of it. I suppose Cynthia K is
the only thing in the world that cares a whinney whether I'm alive or
dead. [_She breaks down and sobs._] How is she, Fiddler?
FIDDLER. Off her oats, ma'am, this evening.
CYNTHIA. Off her oats! Well, she loves me, so I suppose she will die,
or change, or--or something. Oh, she'll die, there's no doubt about
that--she'll die. [FIDDLER, _who has been watching his chance, takes
the key off the table while she is sobbing, tiptoes up stage, unlocks
the door and goes out. After he has done so_, CYNTHIA _rises and dries
her eyes._] There--I'm a fool--I must go--before--before--he--
[_As she speaks her last word_, JOHN _comes in swiftly._
JOHN. Mrs. Karslake!
CYNTHIA. [_Confused._] I--I--I just heard Cynthia K was ill-- [JOHN
_assents._ CYNTHIA _tries to put on a cheerful and indifferent
manner._] I--I ran round--I--and--and-- [_Pausing, she turns and takes
a few steps._] Well, I understand it's all over.
JOHN. [_Cheerfully._] Yes, it's all over.
CYNTHIA. How is the bride?
JOHN. Oh, she's a wonder.
CYNTHIA. Indeed! Did she paw the ground like the war-horse in the
Bible? I'm sure when Vida sees a wedding ring she smells the battle
afar off. As for you, my dear Karslake, I should have thought once
bitten, twice shy! But, you know best.
VIDA, _unable to keep her finger long out of a pie, saunters
in._
VIDA. Oh, Cynthia, I've just been through it again, and I feel as if I
were eighteen. There's no use talking about it, my dear, with a woman
it's never the second time! And how nice you were, Jack,--he never
even laughed at us! [SIR WILFRID _follows her with hat and cane._ VIDA
_kisses_ JOHN.] That's the wages of virtue!
SIR WILFRID. [_In time to see her kiss_ JOHN.] I say, is it the
custom? Every time she does that, my boy, you owe me a thousand
pounds. [_Seeing_ CYNTHIA, _who approaches them, he looks at her and_
JOHN _in turn._] Mrs. Karslake. [_To_ JOHN.] And then you say it's not
an extraordinary country!
[CYNTHIA _is more and more puzzled._
VIDA. [_To_ JOHN.] See you next Derby, Jack! [_Walking to the door.
To_ SIR WILFRID.] Come along, Wilfrid! We really ought to be going.
[_To_ CYNTHIA.] I hope, dear, you haven't married him! Phillimore's a
tomb! Good-bye, Cynthia--I'm so happy! [_As she goes._] Just think of
the silly people, dear, that only have this sensation once in a
lifetime!
[JOHN _follows_ VIDA _out the door._
SIR WILFRID. [_To_ CYNTHIA.] Good-bye, Mrs. Karslake. And I say, ye
know, if you have married that dull old Phillimore fellah, why, when
you've divorced him, come over and stay at Traynham! I mean, of
course, ye know, bring your new husband. There'll be lots o' horses to
show you, and a whole covey of jolly little Cates-Darbys. Mind you
come! [_With real delicacy of feeling and forgetting his wife._] Never
liked a woman as much in my life as I did you!
VIDA. [_Outside; calling him._] Wilfrid, dear!
SIR WILFRID. [_Loyal to the woman who has caught him._] --except the
one that's calling me!
JOHN _returns, and_ SIR WILFRID, _nodding to him, goes out._
JOHN _shuts the door and crosses the room. There is a pause._
CYNTHIA. So you're not married?
JOHN. No. But I know that you imagined I was.
CYNTHIA. [_After a pause._] I suppose you think a woman has no right
to divorce a man--and still continue to feel a keen interest in his
affairs?
JOHN. Well, I'm not so sure about that, but I don't quite see how--
CYNTHIA. A woman can be divorced--and still-- [JOHN _assents; she hides
her embarrassment._] Well, my dear Karslake, you've a long life before
you, in which to learn how such a state of mind is possible! So I
won't stop to explain. Will you be kind enough to get me a cab? [_She
moves to the door._
JOHN. Certainly. I was going to say I am not surprised at your feeling
an interest in me. I'm only astonished that, having actually married
Phillimore, you come here--
CYNTHIA. [_Indignantly._] I'm not married to him!
JOHN. [_Silent for a moment._] I left you on the brink--made me feel a
little uncertain.
CYNTHIA. [_In a matter of course tone._] I changed my mind--that's
all.
JOHN. [_Taking his tone from her._] Of course. [_After an interval._]
Are you going to marry him?
CYNTHIA. I don't know.
JOHN. Does he know you--
CYNTHIA. I told him I was coming here.
JOHN. Oh! He'll turn up here, then--eh? [CYNTHIA _is silent._] And
you'll go back with him, I suppose?
CYNTHIA. [_Talking at random._] Oh--yes--I suppose so. I--I haven't
thought much about it.
JOHN. [_Changing his tone._] Well, sit down; do. Till he comes--talk
it over. [_He places the armchair more comfortably for her._] This is
a more comfortable chair!
CYNTHIA. [_Shamefacedly._] You never liked me to sit in that one!
JOHN. Oh, well--it's different now. [CYNTHIA _moves and sits down,
near the upset chair. There is a long pause, during which_ JOHN
_thoughtfully paces the room._] You don't mind if I smoke?
CYNTHIA. [_Shaking her head._] No.
JOHN. [_Lighting his pipe and sitting down on the arm of a chair._] Of
course, if you find my presence painful, I'll--skiddoo.
_He indicates the door._ CYNTHIA _shakes her head._ JOHN
_smokes his pipe and remains seated._
CYNTHIA. [_Suddenly and quickly._] It's just simply a fact, Karslake,
and that's all there is to it--if a woman has once been married--that
is, the first man she marries--then--she may quarrel, she may hate
him--she may despise him--but she'll always be jealous of him with
other women. Always! [JOHN _takes this as if he were simply glad to
have the information._
JOHN. Oh--H'm! ah--yes--yes.
CYNTHIA. [_After a pause._] You probably felt jealous of Phillimore.
JOHN. [_Reasonably, sweetly, and in doubt._] N-o! [_Apologetically._]
I felt simply: Let him take his medicine.
CYNTHIA. Oh!
JOHN. I beg your pardon--I meant--
CYNTHIA. You meant what you said!
JOHN. [_Moving a step toward her._] Mrs. Karslake; I apologize--I
won't do it again. But it's too late for you to be out alone--Philip
will be here in a moment--and of course, then--
CYNTHIA. It isn't what you _say_--it's--it's--it's everything. It's
the entire situation. Suppose by any chance I don't marry Phillimore!
And suppose I were seen at two or three in the morning leaving my
former husband's house! It's all wrong. I have no business to be here!
I'm going! You're perfectly horrid to me, you know--and--the whole
place--it's so familiar, and so--so associated with--with--
JOHN. Discord and misery--I know--
CYNTHIA. Not at all with discord and misery! With harmony and
happiness--with--with first love, and infinite hope--and--and--Jack
Karslake,--if you don't set that chair on its legs, I think I'll
explode. [JOHN _crosses the room rapidly, and sets the chair on its
legs. His tone changes._
JOHN. [_While setting chair on its legs._] There! I beg your pardon.
CYNTHIA. [_Nervously._] I believe I hear Philip. [_She rises._
JOHN. [_Going up to the window._] N-o! That's the policeman trying the
front door! And now, see here, Mrs. Karslake,--you're only here for a
short minute, because you can't help yourself, but I want you to
understand that I'm not trying to be disagreeable--I don't want to
revive all the old unhappy--
CYNTHIA. Very well, if you don't--give me my hat. [JOHN _does so._]
And my sewing! And my gloves, please! [_She indicates the several
articles which lie on the small table._] Thanks! [CYNTHIA _throws the
lot into the fireplace, and returns to the place she has left near
table._] There! I feel better! And now--all I ask is--
JOHN. [_Laughing._] My stars, what a pleasure it is!
CYNTHIA. What is?
JOHN. Seeing you in a whirlwind!
CYNTHIA. [_Wounded by his seeming indifference._] Oh!
JOHN. No, but I mean, a real pleasure! Why not? Time's passed since
you and I were together--and--eh--
CYNTHIA. And you've forgotten what a vile temper I had!
JOHN. [_Reflectively._] Well, you did kick the stuffing out of the
matrimonial buggy--
CYNTHIA. [_Pointedly but with good temper._] It wasn't a buggy; it was
a break cart-- [_She stands back of the arm-chair._] It's all very well
to blame me! But when you married me, I'd never had a bit in my mouth!
JOHN. Well, I guess I had a pretty hard hand. Do you remember the time
you threw both your slippers out of the window?
CYNTHIA. Yes, and do you remember the time you took my fan from me by
force?
JOHN. After you slapped my face with it!
CYNTHIA. Oh, oh! I hardly touched your face! And do you remember the
day you held my wrists?
JOHN. You were going to bite me!
CYNTHIA. Jack! I never! I showed my teeth at you! And I _said_ I would
bite you!
JOHN. Cynthia, I never knew you to break your word! [_He laughs.
Casually._] And anyhow--they were awfully pretty teeth! [CYNTHIA,
_though bolt upright, has ceased to seem pained._] And I say--do you
remember, Cyn--
[_He leans over her armchair to talk._
CYNTHIA. [_After a pause._] You oughtn't to call me "Cyn"--it's not
nice of you. It's sort of cruel. I'm not--Cyn to you now.
JOHN. Awfully sorry; didn't mean to be beastly, Cyn. [CYNTHIA _turns
quickly._ JOHN _stamps his foot._] Cynthia! Sorry. I'll make it a
commandment: thou shalt not Cyn!!
[CYNTHIA _laughs and wipes her eyes._
CYNTHIA. How can you, Jack? How can you?
JOHN. Well, hang it, my dear child, I--I'm sorry, but you know I
always got foolish with you. Your laugh'd make a horse laugh. Why,
don't you remember that morning in the park before breakfast--when you
laughed so hard your horse ran away with you!
CYNTHIA. I do, I do! [_Both laugh. The door opens and_ NOGAM _comes
in, unnoticed by either._] But what was it started me laughing?
[_Laughing, she sits down and laughs again._] That morning. Wasn't it
somebody we met? [_Laughing afresh._] Wasn't it a man on a horse? [_As
her memory pieces the picture, she again goes off into laughter._
JOHN. [_Laughing too._] Of course! You didn't know him in those days!
But I did! And he looked a sight in the saddle!
[NOGAM, _trying to catch their attention, moves toward the
table._
CYNTHIA. Who was it?
JOHN. Phillimore!
CYNTHIA. He's no laughing matter now. [_Seeing_ NOGAM.] Jack, he's
here!
JOHN. Eh? Oh, Nogam?
NOGAM. Mr. Phillimore, sir--
JOHN. In the house?
NOGAM. On the street in a hansom, sir--and he requests Mrs.
Karslake--
JOHN. That'll do, Nogam. [NOGAM _goes out and there is a pause._ JOHN,
_on his way to the window, looks at_ CYNTHIA, _who has slowly risen
and turned her back to him._] Well, Cynthia?
[_He speaks almost gravely and with finality._]
CYNTHIA. [_Trembling._] Well?
JOHN. It's the hour of decision; are you going to marry him?
[_Pause._] Speak up!
CYNTHIA. Jack,--I--I--
JOHN. There he is--you can join him. [_He points to the street._
CYNTHIA. Join Phillimore--and go home--with him--to his house, and
Miss Heneage and--
JOHN. The door's open. [_He points to the door._
CYNTHIA. No, no! It's mean of you to suggest it!
JOHN. You won't marry--
CYNTHIA. Phillimore--no; never. [_Running to the window._] No; never,
never, Jack.
JOHN. [_Opening the window and calling out._] It's all right, Judge.
You needn't wait.
_There is a pause._ JOHN _leaves the window and bursts into
laughter. He moves toward the door and closes it._ CYNTHIA
_looks dazed._
CYNTHIA. Jack! [JOHN _laughs._] Yes, but I'm here, Jack.
JOHN. Why not?
CYNTHIA. You'll have to take me round to the Holland House!
JOHN. Of course, I will! But, I say, Cynthia, there's no hurry.
CYNTHIA. Why, I--I--can't stay here.
JOHN. No, of course you can't stay here. But you can have a bite,
though. [CYNTHIA _shakes her head._ JOHN _places the small chair,
which was upset, next to the table, and the armchair close by._] Oh, I
insist. Just look at yourself--you're as pale as a sheet and--here,
here. Sit right down. I insist! By George, you must do it! [CYNTHIA
_moves to the chair drawn up to the table, and sits down._
CYNTHIA. [_Faintly._] I _am_ hungry.
JOHN. Just wait a moment.
[JOHN _rushes out, leaving the door open._
CYNTHIA. I don't want more than a nibble! [_After a pause._] I am
sorry to give you so much trouble.
JOHN. No trouble at all. [_From the dining-room comes the cheerful
noise of glasses and silver._] A hansom, of course, to take you round
to your hotel? [_Speaking as he returns with a tray._
CYNTHIA. [_To herself._] I wonder how I ever dreamed I could marry
that man.
JOHN. [_Now by the table._] Can't imagine! There!
CYNTHIA. I am hungry. Don't forget the hansom.
[_She eats; he waits on her, setting this and that before
her._
JOHN. [_Goes to the door, opens it and calls._] Nogam, a hansom at
once.
NOGAM. [_From without._] Yes, sir.
JOHN. [_Again at the table, shows, and from now on continues to show,
his true feelings for her._] How does it go?
CYNTHIA. [_Faintly._] It goes all right. Thanks!
[_Hardly eating at all._
JOHN. You always used to like anchovy. [CYNTHIA _nods and eats._]
Claret? [CYNTHIA _shakes her head._] Oh, but you must!
CYNTHIA. [_Tremulously._] Ever so little. [_He fills her glass and
then his._] Thanks!
JOHN. Here's to old times! [_Raising his glass._
CYNTHIA. [_Very tremulous._] Please not!
JOHN. Well, here's to your next husband.
CYNTHIA. [_Very tenderly._] Don't!
JOHN. Oh, well, then, what shall the toast be?
CYNTHIA. I'll tell you-- [_After a pause._] you can drink to the
relation I am to you!
JOHN. [_Laughing._] Well--what relation are you?
CYNTHIA. I'm your first wife once removed!
JOHN. [_Laughing, drinks._] I say, you're feeling better.
CYNTHIA. Lots.
JOHN. [_Reminiscent._] It's a good deal like those mornings after the
races--isn't it?
CYNTHIA. [_Nods._] Yes. [_Half-rising._] Is that the hansom?
JOHN. [_Going up to the window._] No.
CYNTHIA. [_Sitting down again._] What is that sound?
JOHN. Don't you remember?
CYNTHIA. No.
JOHN. That's the rumbling of the early milk wagons.
CYNTHIA. Oh, Jack.
JOHN. Do you recognize it now?
CYNTHIA. Do I? We used to hear that--just at the hour, didn't we--when
we came back from awfully jolly late suppers and things!
JOHN. H'm!
CYNTHIA. It must be fearfully late. I must go.
_She rises and moves to the chair where she has left her
cloak. She sees that_ JOHN _will not help her and puts it on
herself._
JOHN. Oh, don't go--why go?
CYNTHIA. [_Embarrassed and agitated._] All good things come to an end,
you know.
JOHN. They don't need to.
CYNTHIA. Oh, you don't mean that! And, you know, Jack, if I were
caught--seen at this hour, leaving this house, you know--it's the most
scandalous thing any one ever did, my being here at all. Good-bye,
Jack! [_After a pause and almost in tears._] I'd like to say,
I--I--I--well, I sha'n't be bitter about you hereafter,
and-- [_Halting._] Thank you awfully, old man, for the fodder and all
that! [_She turns to go out._
JOHN. Mrs. Karslake--wait--
CYNTHIA. [_Stopping to hear._] Well?
JOHN. [_Serious._] I've rather an ugly bit of news for you.
CYNTHIA. Yes?
JOHN. I don't believe you know that I have been testing the validity
of the decree of divorce which you procured.
CYNTHIA. Oh, have you?
JOHN. Yes; you know I felt pretty warmly about it.
CYNTHIA. Well?
JOHN. Well, I've been successful. [_After a pause._] The decree's been
declared invalid. Understand?
CYNTHIA. [_Looking at him for a moment; then speaking._]
Not--precisely.
JOHN. [_After a moment's silence._] I'm awfully sorry--I'm awfully
sorry, Cynthia, but, you're my wife still.
[_There is a pause._
CYNTHIA. [_With rapture._] Honour bright?
[_She sinks into the armchair._
JOHN. [_Nods. Half laughingly._] Crazy country, isn't it?
CYNTHIA. [_Nods. After an interval._] Well, Jack--what's to be done?
JOHN. [_Gently._] Whatever you say.
[_He moves a few steps toward her._
NOGAM. [_Quietly coming in._] Hansom, sir.
[_He goes out and_ CYNTHIA _rises._
JOHN. Why don't you finish your supper?
[CYNTHIA _hesitates._
CYNTHIA. The--the--hansom--
JOHN. Why go to the Holland? After all--you know, Cyn, you're at home
here.
CYNTHIA. No, Jack, I'm not--I'm not at home here--unless--unless--
JOHN. Out with it!
CYNTHIA. [_Bursting into tears._] Unless I--unless I'm at home in your
heart, Jack!
JOHN. What do you think?
CYNTHIA. I don't believe you want me to stay.
JOHN. Don't you?
CYNTHIA. No, no, you hate me still. You never can forgive me. I know
you can't. For I can never forgive myself. Never, Jack, never, never!
[_She sobs and he takes her in his arms._
JOHN. [_Very tenderly._] Cyn! I love you! [_Strongly._] And you've got
to stay! And hereafter you can chuck chairs around till all's blue!
Not a word now.
[_He draws her gently to a chair._
CYNTHIA. [_Wiping her tears._] Oh, Jack! Jack!
JOHN. I'm as hungry as a shark. We'll nibble together.
CYNTHIA. Well, all I can say is, I feel that of all the improprieties
I ever committed this--this--
JOHN. This takes the claret, eh? Oh, Lord, how happy I am!
CYNTHIA. Now don't say that! You'll make me cry more.
_She wipes her eyes._ JOHN _takes out the wedding ring from
his pocket; he lifts a wine-glass, drops the ring into it and
offers her the glass._
JOHN. Cynthia!
CYNTHIA. [_Looking at it and wiping her eyes._] What is it?
JOHN. Benedictine!
CYNTHIA. Why, you know I never take it.
JOHN. Take this one for my sake.
CYNTHIA. That's not benedictine. [_With gentle curiosity._] What is
it?
JOHN. [_Slides the ring out of the glass and puts his arm about_
CYNTHIA. _He slips the ring on to her finger and, as he kisses her
hand, says_:] Your wedding ring!
CURTAIN.
* * * * *
Transcriber's Notes
Page 614: Phillmore changed to Phillimore. (MISS HENEAGE. Thomas, Mr.
Phillmore's sherry?) (THOMAS _gives the list to_ MRS. PHILLMORE _and
moves away._)
Page 654: entremely changed to extremely. ([JOHN _looks entremely dark
and angry;_)
Page 679: nad changed to and. (WILFRID _nad_ CYNTHIA _are practically
alone_)
Page 685: tradional changed to traditional. (in the tradional
bridegroom's rig.)
Page 691: couldn'. changed to couldn't (his lawyer couldn'. find him)
Page 691: importantt changed to important. (He said it was very
importantt)