THE STEP ON THE STAIR.
There had been two days of rain already, and Allan Dorris sat in his
lonely room at ten o'clock at night, listening to its ceaseless patter
at the windows, and on the roof, and its dripping from the eaves,
thinking that when the sun came out again he would go away and leave it,
and remove to a place which would always be in the shadow. Davy's Bend
was noted for its murky weather, and the nights were surely darker there
than elsewhere; but he felt that after his departure he would think of
the sun as always shining brightly around The Locks, and through the
dirty town, even lighting up the dark woods across the river, which
seemed to collect a little more darkness every night than the succeeding
day could drive out; for Annie Benton would remain, and surely the sun
could not resist the temptation to smile upon her pretty face.
Davy's Bend, with all its faults, would always remain a pleasant memory
with Allan Dorris, and he envied those who were to remain, for they
might hope to see Annie Benton occasionally pass on her way to church,
and be better for it.
He loved Annie Benton to such an extent that he would rather be
thousands of miles away from her than within sight of the house in which
she lived, since he had sworn not to ask her to share his life; and the
next morning before daylight he intended to go to some far-away
place,--he did not know where,--and get rid of the dark nights, and the
rain, and the step on the stair, and the organ, and the player who had
exerted such an influence over him.
He had not been able to sell The Locks at the price he paid, although
the people had been grumbling because they were not offered the bargain
originally; so he intended to turn it over to Mrs. Wedge, and poor
Helen, and the noises and spectres which were always protesting against
his living there at all, and become a wanderer over the face of the
earth. Perhaps his lonely life of a year in The Locks would cause
another ghost to take up its residence in the place, and join poor Helen
in moaning and walking through the rooms.
Mrs. Wedge had disappeared an hour before, her eyes red from weeping,
but she was coming back at three o'clock in the morning, at which time
Dorris intended to leave for the railroad station; so Dorris settled
himself in his chair to wait until the hour for his departure arrived.
How distinct the step on the stair to-night! A hundred times it had
passed up and down since Allan Dorris sat down a few hours before; and
the dripping rain at the windows made him think of sitting up with a
body packed in ice. Drip; drip; drip; and the ghostly step so distinct
that he thought the body he was watching must have tired of lying in one
position so long, and was walking about for exercise.
The light burned low under its shade, and the other side of the room was
in deep shadow. He thought of it as a map of his life; for it was
entirely dark and blank, except the one ray in the corner, which
represented Davy's Bend and Annie Benton. Yet he had determined to go
back into the shadow again, and leave the light forever; to exist once
more in toil and discontent, hoping to tire himself by excitement and
exertion into forgetfulness, and sleep, and death.
Death! Is it so dreadful, after all? Dorris argued the question with
himself, and came to the conclusion that if it meant rest and
forgetfulness he would welcome it. There had been a great deal of hope
in his life, but he was convinced now that he was foolish for
entertaining it at all, since nothing ever came of it. Perhaps his
experience had been that of other men; he gave up one hope only to
entertain another, but experience had taught him that hope was nothing
more than a solace for a wretched race. The old hope that they will be
better to-morrow, when they will get on with less difficulty and weary
labor; but to-morrow they die, and their children hope after them, and
are disappointed, and hope again.
Should Death open the door, and walk in to claim him, Dorris believed he
would be ready, since there was nothing in the future for him more
pleasant than the past had offered. He did not believe he was a morbid
man, or one given to exaggerating the distress of his own condition, but
he would give up life as he might give up anything else which was not
satisfactory, and which gave no promise of improvement.
How distinctly the step is climbing the stair! He had never heard it so
plainly before, but the faltering and hesitation were painfully natural;
he had heard it almost every night since coming to the house, but there
was a distinctness now which he had never remarked before. A long pause
on the landing; poor Helen dreading to go into the baby's room, he
thought, whither she was drawn so often from her grave. But it advanced
to the door of the room in which Dorris sat, and stopped again; he drew
his breath in gasps--perhaps it was coming in!
A timid knock at the door!
The face of the listener turned as pale as death, and he trembled
violently when he stood upon his feet. Should he open the door or lock
it! Going up to the fire, he stirred the smouldering coals until there
was a flood of light in the room, and turned up the lamp to increase the
illumination. Still he hesitated. Suppose he should open the door, and
find poor Helen standing there in her grave-clothes! Suppose she should
drop on her knees, and ask for her child, holding out her fleshless
fingers to him in supplication, and stare at him with her sightless
sockets?
After hesitating a long time, he went to the door and threw it wide
open, at the same time springing back from it in quick alarm.
Annie Benton!
He had firmly expected to see the ghost of poor Helen; instead he saw a
fresh and beautiful girl, but so excited that she could scarcely speak.
There was a look of reckless determination in her face which made Allan
Dorris fear for the moment that she had gone mad, and, strolling about
the town, had concluded, in her wild fancy, to murder him for some
imagined wrong.
"How you frightened me!" he said, coming close to her. "Just before you
rapped, the ghost of poor Helen had been running up and down the stair,
as if celebrating my resolution to leave The Locks, and give it over to
her for night walking. You have been out in the storm, and are wet and
cold. Come in to the fire."
The girl crossed the threshold, and entered the room, but did not go
near the fire. She seemed to be trying to induce her hot brain to
explain her presence there, for she turned her back to him, as if in
embarrassment.
"I can no longer control myself," Annie Benton said, facing Dorris with
quivering lips, "and I have come to give myself to you, body and soul. I
am lost to restraint and reason, and I place myself in the hands of him
who has brought this about, for I am no longer capable of taking care of
myself. Do what you please with me; I love you so much that I will be
satisfied, though disgrace comes of it. I will never leave you again,
and if you go away, I will go with you. I have loved you against my
reason ever since I knew you, for you always told me I must not, and I
restrained myself as best I could. But I cannot permit you to go away
unless you take me with you. O, Allan, promise me that you will not go
away," she said, falling on her knees before him. "Do this, and I will
return home, to regret this rashness forever. If you do not, I will
remain, let the consequences be what they may."
Dorris looked at the girl in wonder and pity, for there was touching
evidence in her last words that she was greatly distressed; but he could
only say, "Annie! what are you doing!"
"You have taught me such lessons in love that I have gone mad in
studying them," she continued, standing beside him again, "and there is
nothing in this world, or the world to come, that I would not give to
possess you. I relinquish my father, and my home, and my hope of heaven,
that I may be with you, if these sacrifices are necessary to pacify my
rebellion. If you have been playing upon my feelings during our
acquaintance, and were not sincere, you have captured me so completely
that I am your slave. But if you were in earnest, I shall always be glad
that I took this step, and never feel regret, no matter what comes of
it. Did you think I was made of stone, not to be moved by your appeals
to me? I am a woman, and every sentiment you have given utterance to
during our acquaintance has found response in my heart. It may be that
you did not know differently, for there is too much sentiment in the
world about women, and not enough knowledge. But I did not deserve all
the good you said about me; it made me blush to realize that much that
you have said in my praise was not true, though I loved you for what you
said. But I show my weakness now. I could not resist the temptation to
come here, and, as you have often told me, when anyone starts to travel
the wrong road, the doors and gates are all open. _Yours_ were all open
to-night, and I came here without resistance."
Dorris was too much frustrated to attempt to explain how his front gate
and door came open, which was, perhaps, the result of carelessness; but
he seemed as much alarmed as though a ghost, instead of his sweetheart,
had come in at them. Without knowing exactly what he did, he attempted
to take her wet wrap, but she stepped back from him excitedly.
"Don't touch me!" she said excitedly. "Speak to me!"
"Sit down, and take off your wet wrap," he answered, "and I will."
She unfastened a hook at her throat, and the garment fell to the floor.
Her dress had been soiled by the walk through the rain, and her hair was
dishevelled; but she never looked so handsome before as she did when she
stood in front of Dorris, radiant with excitement. But instead of
speaking to her, as he had promised, Dorris sat motionless for a long
time, looking at the floor. The girl watched him narrowly, and thought
he trembled; indeed he was agitated so much that he walked over to the
window, and stood looking out for a long time.
"You say you could not resist the temptation to love me, though you
_said_ it was wrong," the excited girl continued. "Nor could I help
loving you when you asked me to, though you said I should not. You never
spoke to me in your life that you did not ask me to love you. Everything
you said seemed so sincere and honest, that I forgot my own existence in
my desire to be with you in your loneliness, whatever the penalty of the
step I am taking may be. I have so much confidence in you, and so much
love for you, that I cannot help thinking that I am doing right, and
that I never will regret it. Speak to me, and say that, no difference
what the world may say, you are pleased; I care only for that."
A picture, unrolled from the heavens, has appeared on the outside, and
Allan Dorris is looking at it through the window. A long road, through a
rough country, and disappearing in misty distance; travellers coming
into it from by-ways, some of whom disappear, while others trudge
wearily along. There are difficulties in the way which seem
insurmountable, and these difficulties are more numerous as the
travellers fade into the distance; and likewise the number of travellers
decreases as the journey is lengthened. At length only one traveller is
to be seen, a mere speck along the high place where the difficult road
winds. He tries to climb a hill, beyond which he will be lost to view;
but he fails until another traveller comes up, when they help each
other, and go over the hill together, waving encouragement to those who
are below; into the mist, beyond which no human eye can look.
"During our entire acquaintance," Dorris said finally, coming over to
her, "you have said or done nothing which did not meet my approbation,
and cause me to love you more and more. You did not force yourself to do
these things; they were natural, and that was the reason I told you to
keep away from me, for I saw that our acquaintance was becoming
dangerous; why, I have offered to tell you before. But what you have
done this night pleases me most of all. I have been praying that you
would do it for months, though I did not believe you would, and, much as
I loved you, I intended going away in the morning for your good. I was
afraid to ask you to share my life, fearing you would accept, for I am a
coward when you are in danger; but now that you have offered to do it,
and relieved me of the fear I had of enticing you into it, I am happier
than I can express."
Annie Benton's face brightened, and she put her hands in his.
"Please say that my face is not cold and passionless," she said. "Once
you told me that when we were out on the hills, and it has pained me
ever since. Say that there is hot blood and passion in my veins now."
"When I said that," he answered, "I was provoked because you had so much
control. I had none at all, and declared my passion within a few weeks
after I knew you, but when I did it, you only looked at me in meek
surprise. But I understand it all now, and I want to say that although
you may regard what you have done to-night as an impropriety, it is the
surest road to my heart. If it is depravity, I will make you proud of
depravity, for I will be so good to you in the future that you will
bless the day you lost your womanly control. The fact that you have
trusted me completely caused me to resolve to make you a happy woman,
and I believe I can do it. I love you because you have blood in your
veins instead of water, and I will make you a queen. I am more of a man
than you give me credit for; I am not the gloomy misanthrope you take me
to be, for you have rescued me from that, and I will make the people of
Davy's Bend say that Annie Benton was wiser than the best of them!"
He struck the table a resounding blow with his fist, and had the enemies
of the man been able to look at his face then, they would have been
afraid of him.
"May I sit on your knee, and put my arms around your neck while you
talk?" she asked.
"Yes," he answered, picking her up with the ease of a giant, and kissing
her on the cheek. "You may ride on my back all your life if you will
only remain with me. I have never felt like a man until this moment, and
those who have fault to find with my course had better keep out of the
way. There is a reason why you and I should not be married--as we will
be before the sun shows itself again, for I intend to send for the
minister to come to the church when I am through telling you how much I
love you, and you shall play our wedding march while I pump the
organ--but I am in the right. I have endured misery long enough to
accommodate others; let them expect it no longer! And now that you know
what I intend to do, listen while I tell you who I am, where I came
from, and why I forced you to your present novel position."
"I prefer not to hear it," the girl said, without looking up. "I did not
know you before you came to Davy's Bend: I am not concerned in your
history beyond that time, and as a mark of confidence in you I shall
reserve the telling of it until our married life has been tested: until
I am so useful to you (as I am certain you will be to me) that, no
difference what your secret is, we will consider it a blessing for
bringing us together. But for the disagreeable part of your life we
would never have met; we should think of that."
"Another time, then, or never, as you prefer," he replied. "I would have
told you long ago, had you encouraged me to. Anyway, it is a story of
devotion to others, and of principle practised with the hatred and
contempt and cowardly timidity which should only characterize villains,
and villainous actions; of principle carried to such an extent as to
become a wrong; but from this hour I shall act from a right motive, in
which my heart sympathizes; which affords me a return for effort, and
which will aid in making me a better man. I shall live to accommodate
myself henceforth, instead of as a favor to others. But what will the
people say of our strange marriage?"
"I fear it is a sad depravity," the girl answered, "but I don't care."
"Nor do I; how lucky! If it satisfies you and me, let every tongue in
the world wag, if it will afford them enjoyment. I have neither time nor
inclination to hunt down the idle rumors that may find their way into
circulation concerning my affairs, for what does it matter whether old
Miss Maid or old Mr. Bach thinks good or ill of me? I never cared about
such trifles; I care less now that I have you."
Had Dorris looked at the upper sash of the window over the porch,
instead of at the girl, he would have seen a malicious face looking in
at him, but he was too much occupied for that, and the face was soon
withdrawn.
"I have never expected anything that was unreasonable," Dorris said,
probably recollecting that his actions had been such as to give rise to
a suspicion that he was a fickle man, and could not be satisfied with
anything. "I know all that it is possible for a woman to be, and I have
hoped for nothing beyond that. I ask no more than a companion of whom I
will never tire, and who will never tire of me--some one who will keep
me agreeable company during my life, and regret me when I am dead. There
are people, and many of them, who fret because they long for that which
is impossible. I have passed that time of life, and will be content with
what life affords,--with you. I am not a boy, but a man of experience,
and I know I will never tire of you. I have thought of the ways in which
you can be disagreeable, but your good qualities outweigh them all. I
know you are not an angel; you have faults, but it gives me pleasure to
forgive them in advance. If you will be equally charitable with me, we
will be very happy."
"I have no occasion to be charitable with you," she answered.
"Then you never will have," was his reply. "Marriage is the greatest
inheritance of man, but it is either a feast or a famine. The contrast
between a man who is happily married, and one who is not, is as great as
the contrast between light and darkness, but there are many more of the
first class than of the latter. It may be a false social system, but
very often those who ought not to marry hurry into it in the greatest
haste. I have thought that the qualities which attract young people to
each other are the very ones which result in misery: and that love
should commence in sincere and frank friendship; not charity or
sentimentality. I do not believe in affinities, but I do believe that
there is only one person in the world exactly suited to be my wife, and
I intend to kiss her now."
He did kiss her, but with the tenderness a rough man might display in
kissing a tiny baby.
"Although you say you love me, and I _know_ you do," the girl said
thoughtfully, "you have always acted as though you were afraid of me.
You never kissed me but once before in your life, and then I asked you
to."
"Afraid of you!" There was a merry good humor in Allan Dorris's voice
which would have made anyone his friend. "Afraid of you! Am I afraid of
the sunshine, or of a fresh breath of air! I am afraid of nothing. I had
the same fear of you that I have of heaven--a fear that you were beyond
my reach, therefore I did not care to contaminate you with my touch. But
if ever I get to heaven, I will not be afraid of it. I intend to make
love to you all my life, though I shall be careful not to make myself
tiresome. We will reverse the rule, and become lovers after we are
married. You once said that I was queer; I cannot forget that charge,
somehow. I _am_ queer; in this respect: I was born a bull with a hatred
for red flags, which have been waved in my face ever since I can
remember. I may have been mistaken, but I have always believed that I
never had a friend in my life, although I craved one more than anything
else. But you have changed all this; I am contented now, and ready to
give peace for peace. Of the millions of people in the world, am I not
entitled to you?"
He held her up in his arms, as if he would exhibit her, and ask if that
small bundle was an unreasonable request, since he asked no more, and
promised to be entirely satisfied.
The loud report of a gun on the outside, followed by a crash in the
glass in the upper pane of the window as a bullet came in to imbed
itself in the wall above their heads, startled them. The girl sprang up
in alarm, while Dorris hurriedly ran down stairs and into the yard.
"A careless hunter has allowed his gun to explode in the road," he said,
when he returned after a long absence. But this explanation did not seem
to satisfy even himself, for he soon went down to the lower end of the
hall, and aroused Mrs. Wedge, by throwing the window-prop on the roof of
her house. On the appearance of that worthy woman, who came in with her
eyes almost closed from the sleepiness which still clung to her, but who
opened them very wide at sight of Annie Benton, he said,--
"Will you two please talk about the weather, and nothing else, until I
return? I will return in a few minutes, and make the necessary
explanations. If there is anything wrong here, I will make it right."
He left the house hurriedly, and they heard the big iron gate in front
bang after him, but when his footsteps could no longer be heard, and
they no longer had excuse for listening to them, the two women sat in
perfect silence. Occasionally Mrs. Wedge looked cautiously around at
Annie Benton, but, meeting her eyes, they both looked away again, and
tried to appear at their ease, which they found impossible. Fortunately
Dorris was not gone long, and when he came back he put the girl's cloak
on, as if they were going out.
"We will return in a little while," he explained to Mrs. Wedge, who
looked up curiously as he walked out with Annie Benton on his arm. "If
you care to wait, we will tell you a secret when we come back, as a
reward for not speaking while I was out of the room."
Down the stairs they went, out at the front gate, and toward the town,
until they reached the church door, which they entered. On the inside
they found Reverend Wilton waiting for them at the chancel rail, and
although he tried to appear very much put out because he was disturbed
at that unseasonable hour, and yawned indifferently, he was really
interested. Perhaps he was thinking of the rare story he would have to
tell at breakfast.
Dorris had evidently given instructions as to what was expected of him,
for as soon as they stood before him he read the marriage service, and
pronounced them man and wife; after which he congratulated them and left
the church, which was probably in accordance with his instructions, too.
A single light burned in the building, which barely extended to the
vaulted ceiling, and which did not prevent the pews and the pulpit from
looking like live objects surprised at being disturbed at such an hour;
and leading his wife up to the organ, Dorris said: "We will have the
wedding march, if you please," whereupon he disappeared behind the
instrument to work the bellows.
And such a wedding march was never heard before. The girl put all the
joy of her heart into melody, and made chords which caused Allan Dorris
to regret that he could not leave the bellows and go round in front to
wave his hat and cheer. He was seated on a box in the dusty little
corner, working away industriously; and when he heard how eloquently the
girl was telling the story of her love for him, tears of thankfulness
came into his eyes and surprised them, for they had never been there
before. Your cheek and mine have been wet with tears wrung from the
heart by sorrow, but all of us have not been as happy as Allan Dorris
was on his wedding night.
But there was more than joy in the music; it changed so suddenly into
the plaintive strain of the minstrel baritone as to cause Allan Dorris
to start. It may have been because the player was executing with the
left hand, and without a light; but certainly it was difficult, like a
life. But when the chords were formed, they were very sweet and tender,
as we might say with a sigh that flowers on a weary man's grave were
appropriate.
At last the music ceased, dying away like the memory of sobs and cheers
and whispers, and taking his wife's arm through his own, Allan Dorris
walked back to The Locks.
Mrs. Wedge was informed of the marriage, and could do nothing but cry
from happiness; and after she left them Allan Dorris and his wife had so
much to say to each other that daylight came to congratulate them while
they were still seated in their chairs.
* * * * *
But what is this which comes into the mind of Annie Dorris and causes
her to start up in alarm? It is the recollection of Thompson Benton, her
plain-spoken father.
"O Allan!" she said. "What will father say?"
"I will go over and hear what he says," Dorris replied promptly, putting
on his hat. "You can go along if you like."
What a bold fellow he was! And how tenderly he adjusted the wraps around
his wife, after she had signified her desire to accompany him, when they
stepped out into the frosty morning air!
It was about Thompson Benton's time to start down town, and as they
paused before his front door, not without misgivings, he opened it wide
and stood before them. Evidently the girl had not been missed from the
house, for there was genuine astonishment in the father's face as he
looked from one to the other.
"What does this mean?" he said, looking at Dorris sharply from under his
shaggy eyebrows.
"That we were married this morning," Dorris replied, not in the least
frustrated, though his wife trembled like a leaf.
He gave no evidence of the surprise which this announcement must have
caused him, but looked sullenly at Dorris for several moments, as though
he had a mind to try his strength with him; but when his eyes fell on
his child, his manner changed for the better. Motioning them to follow
him, they closed the door, and all sat down in the pleasant family room
where the girl's recollection began, and where her father spent his
little leisure in the evening. Here old Thompson looked hard at the
floor until he had thought the matter over, when he said,--
"I have never found fault with the girl in my life; I have never had
occasion to, and if she can justify what she has done I am content. Are
you sure you are right, Annie?"
He looked up at her with such a softened manner, and there was so much
tenderness in his words, that the girl forgot the fear which his hard
look had inspired when they met him at the door, and going over to him
she put her arm around his neck, and softly stroked his gray hair as she
replied,--
"That which I have done has made me very happy. If that is
justification, I am entirely justified."
"I require no other explanation," old Thompson answered. "From a little
child you have been dutiful, sensible, and capable, and though my
selfishness rebels because I am to lose you, a father's love is stronger
than selfishness, and I am glad you have found a husband you regard as
worthy of your affection. You have drawn a prize, sir."
He looked at Dorris as a defeated man might look at his rival when he
thought it necessary to hide his mortification, and offer
congratulations which he did not feel.
"There is no doubt of it," Dorris promptly answered.
"She is very much like her mother," old Thompson continued, "and her
mother was the best woman in ten thousand. If I gave her a task to
perform, she did it in a manner which pleased me, and she was always a
pleasant surprise. _This_ is a surprise, but I find no fault; I cannot
regret that Annie knows the happiness of a young wife. I am a rough man,
but I made her mother a very happy woman, and in remembrance of that I
am glad the daughter has found a husband she can honor. I have so much
confidence in the girl's good sense that I do not question her judgment,
and I wish you joy with all my heart."
He took both their hands in his for a moment, and hurried away, Dorris
and his wife watching him until he disappeared in a bend of the street,
when they went into the house to make their peace with the Ancient
Maiden.
As Thompson Benton hurried along toward his store, swinging the
respectable-looking iron key in his hand, who can know the regret he
felt to lose his child? His practical mind would not help him now, and
he must have felt that the only creature in all the world he cared for
had deserted him, for the old forget the enthusiasm of the young.
It was a fortunate circumstance that the day was bad and customers few,
for they would not have been treated well had they appeared.