In answer to a really desperate telegram from Zerlina, I left Hames
hurriedly, and arrived at Zerlina's, to find her out and all the
children apparently well. I was shown upstairs into the drawing-room. In
Diana's house I am never "shown" anywhere; however, in Zerlina's I am,
so it is no use discussing that question. The drawing-room into which I
was shown was empty of furniture except for the sofas and chairs which
were arranged round the room against the wall. As Zerlina's room does
not err as a rule on the side of emptiness, I realized that there was
going to be a party. I felt like the child who said, "There's been a
wedding, I smell rice!" One knows these things by instinct.
The butler solemnly informed me that there was going to be a party, and
that Miss Hyacinth would be down in a moment.
I thought it odd that Zerlina should have said nothing about a party;
but then she never says anything about measles, or whooping-cough, or
re-painting rooms, until I am within the doors and unable to escape. I
remembered she had urged me on this occasion to come early. I sat down
on a sofa and sadly fixed my gaze on the parquet floor. How different
had been my arrival at Hames! My conscience smote me. I had no train, no
cooking stove, no woolly rabbit in my box. But then neither was there
a Hugh, Betty, and Sara. At Hames should I have sat in the drawing-room?
Never! Of course I know what some people will say: that it is my fault;
if I had treated the children as I treated Betty, Hugh, and Sara, it
would have made all the difference; but it wouldn't, really. It is, the
mother of the children who makes the difference; it is her attitude to
the aunt which is adopted by the children. If Diana had been out,
the house would have resounded with shrieks for Aunt Woggles. But in
Zerlina's house children never shriek, people never rush to the nursery.
The children are always tidied before they are brought down to see me.
Of course some people will again say, "Quite right"; and it is quite
right that for such people they should be tidied; but do those people
realize what a wall tidiness builds between child and grown-up? Have
they ever thought what a boy feels when his mother comes down to see him
at school and the first thing she does when he comes into the room is
to say that his collar is dirty, or that his hands want washing? At
that moment, perhaps, she lays the first brick in the wall which builds
between mother and son. He is a happy boy and she a blessed mother who
stand always with no wall between them. All a boy demands of his mother
when she comes to see him at school is that she shall behave just
like other people, and that she shall dress properly. If she can be
beautiful, so much the better: it will redound enormously to his credit.
Boys are very sensitive about their belongings, but when praise can
be bestowed they bestow it, as in the case of Tommy, who wrote to his
father, who had been down to the school to play in a match, Fathers
against Sons, "Dear father, you did look odd, but you made the second
biggest score."
While I was pondering over these things, the door opened and my niece
Hyacinth came in.
"Hullo!" she said; "mum's out."
"So I hear," I said; "won't you kiss me?"
"Oh! I forgot," she said, twirling round on one leg and holding out a
cheek to be kissed. "There's going to be a party to it."
"So I see," I said; "what sort of a party?"
"Oh! it's the end-up of the dancing class, four to seven; that's why mum
asked you to come early."
"She isn't in yet?" I asked innocently.
"Oh! she's not coming," said Hyacinth, raising her eyebrows and
laughing; "she always has something to do on dancing days. The Frauleins
get on her nerves. They sit all round the room."
And Hyacinth indicated the position of the Frauleins with a sweep of her
arm.
"What time is it now?" I asked.
"Half past three," she said; "I'm ready."
"I'm not," I said savagely.
I went upstairs, vowing vengeance on Zerlina. I could have shaken
Hyacinth, poor child, and why? Because her legs were too long, or her
skirts too short, or the bow in her hair too large? What a disagreeable,
cross-grained professional aunt I was! Or did I miss the hug Hyacinth
might have given me?
I was only just ready when the children began to arrive. I flew
downstairs and found not only children in every shape and form, but
mothers in big hats and trailing skirts, and Frauleins in small hats and
skirts curtailed, mademoiselles and nannies. The nannies I handed over
to the nursery department, and the mothers and the Frauleins and the
mademoiselles I arranged in a dado round the room, making inappropriate
remarks to each in turn. No surprise was expressed at the absence of
Zerlina.
The children began to dance. There was a particularly painstaking little
boy in a white silk shirt and black velvet knickerbockers, very tight in
places, who danced assiduously, looking neither to the right nor to the
left. "Right leg, To-mus, left leg, To-mus!" came in stentorian tones
from a Fraulein in the corner, who suited her actions to her words by
the uplifting of the leg corresponding to that recommended to Tomus's
consideration, and bringing it down with emphasis on the parquet floor.
By the sudden quickening of leg-action on the part of my painstaking
friend, I knew him to be Tomus, and by that only, so many of the boys
looked as if they might be Tomus. The real Tomus asserted himself
manfully, however, by using the exactly opposite leg to that ordered by
Fraulein. I liked this spirit of independence, and determined to make
friends with him so soon as that dance should be over. I took the
liberty of introducing myself; he made no remark but took me by the hand
and led me out on to the landing, and there he found two chairs in the
orthodox position. Into one of these he wriggled himself by a backward
and upward movement, and I sat in the other. How absurdly easy it is for
a grown-up to sit down! I waited for Thomas to make a remark; I might be
waiting still, if I had not made a beginning. He looked at me under his
eyelashes, and tried not to smile. It was an effort, I could see, and I
could tell just where the dimples would come. When the effort became too
great and the dimples asserted themselves beyond recall, he looked
away and put out a minute portion of his tongue. Having done that, he
subsided into grave self-possession.
I began to feel embarrassed, and asked him how old he was. He smiled.
"Do you like dancing, Thomas?" I said.
He looked away, and every time I addressed him he seemed to retreat
farther into his chair, until I had fears that he would disappear
altogether from my sight. His waist-line seemed to be the
vanishing-point. I made no further effort, and relapsed into silence.
Thomas continued to gaze at me and smile. At last he extended a fat
little hand, uncurled one by one four soft little fingers, and revealed,
lying in his palm, a short screw. It was evidently his greatest
treasure, for the moment.
"Is that for me, Thomas?" I asked. "Nope," he said, shaking his head.
"Is it your very own?"
"Yeth," said Thomas, drawing in his breath. He shut his little hand, put
out his tongue just the smallest bit, and became serious and silent.
"Is it a present?" I asked. Having got so far, it seemed a pity not
to go on. He had done me the greatest honor that a small boy can do a
woman, which, by the way, was what our Nannie said when she told us that
a strange man had proposed to her on a penny steamboat.
Thomas shook his head and said, "Nope."
"Did you find it?" I asked.
He nodded. "I always find fings," he said.
Beyond that I could get nothing out of him. I have not often sat out
with a more embarrassing partner. To be continually stared at and
never spoken to would, I think, make the boldest woman shy. There was
a stolidity about Thomas that promised well for England's future. There
was a steady resistance from attack that was really admirable; but I was
not altogether sorry when Fraulein pounced upon him. As she led him off
I heard him say, "Parties do last a long time, don't they, Leilein?"
Having lost Thomas, I sought a new partner. A tall, fair girl with
wide, gray eyes, a pink-and-white complexion, a beautiful mouth, and a
delicately refined nose, interested me, as I imagine she has continued
to do every one who has met her. She reminded me of spring, with birds
singing and flowers flowering and trees bursting, just as Diana does.
As it was quite the correct thing for girls to dance with one another, I
made so bold as to ask her for a dance. With the timidity of a boy just
out of Etons, or perhaps I should say, of a shy boy just out of Etons, I
approached her. "Right-o," she said, "let's see."
She puckered her penciled eyebrows and studied her program. "The third
after the two next?"
She bowed gravely, and I said, "Thank you." I felt very young and
inexperienced as I returned the bow.
"That's all right," she said. "Where shall I find you? It doesn't
matter, I shall know you again"; and she had the audacity to write on
her program, for I saw her do it, "white dress, red hair."
She was borne off by a triumphant boy, who looked at me as much as to
say, "You're jolly well sold if you think you are going to nab this
dance."
I asked a hungry-looking boy with many freckles who she was. "Oh! that's
Dolly," he said; "she is a flyer, isn't she?"
"Dolly who?" I asked.
"Oh! just Dolly; that does." He looked away, looked back, hesitated,
and swallowed. I, feeling that he perhaps needed the assistance a man
sometimes requires of a woman, encouragement, smiled at him.
"You wouldn't dance this, I suppose?" he said.
"Certainly," I answered.
We danced. He was a nice boy, very much in earnest, very much afraid of
tiring me, very much afraid of letting me go, too shy to stop, until I
suggested it, for which act of consideration he seemed grateful.
He told me he had five brothers, all older than himself; that he never
had new trousers, always the other boys' cut down; that he liked school;
wanted a bicycle more than anything in the world--of his very own, of
course; wanted a pony of his very own; wanted a dog of his very own. He
hadn't anything of his very own.
I said I supposed he thought his eldest brother very lucky.
"Because of the trousers?" he asked.
I said, "Well, yes, I suppose he has the new ones."
"Well," he said, "you see he doesn't. That's the chowse of the whole
thing. He is the eldest, but you see Dick's the biggest, so he gets the
new trousers. It is hard, isn't it?"
I said it was indeed.
"The best of it is," he said, "I am catching jackup. He is in an awful
wax. I shouldn't be surprised if I were bigger than him next holidays.
Do you like dancing? I simply loathe it--not with you, I don't mean I."
He told me many other confidences, and I was really sorry when he
remembered, with an evident pang, that he had to dance with that "rum
little kid over there."
I was quite certain that he would never break a promise. I could picture
him going through life always keeping promises, rashly made, no doubt.
I wondered what he would talk to girls about at dances years
hence--trousers? Hardly. By that time he would have trousers of his very
own, and they would cease, in consequence, to be things of interest.
He would be a soldier--of that I could have no doubt. He was the kind of
boy England wants and can still get, thank God! say pessimists what they
will.
While I was awaiting my Dolly dance, I came upon a small, disconsolate
boy.
"I'm looking for an empty partner," he said.
I captured a passing girl, very small, and they danced away together.
The boy I could see was very energetic, the girl was very small and fat.
As they passed me I heard her say, "I--can't--go--so--fast!"
"Very sorry," said the small boy, "but I must keep up with the music."
Dolly found me. "I think I had better dance gentleman," she said; "I
think I am as tall as you." With a tremendous effort she drew her slim
figure to its full height, and, gazing up into my face she had the
audacity to say, "Yes, I do just look down upon you; anyhow, men
aren't always taller than girls. My cousin says so, and she goes to
dances--heaps--and she is six foot."
We started off, I felt at once, on a perilous course. "You see," she
said, "I had better--steer--because" (bump we went into somebody),
"because--I dance once a week--always" (crash), "sometimes oftener--so
I get--plenty of practice" (bang) "in steering, and that helps. I love
dancing--don't you? Oh, that's all right--it's--only--the stupid--old
mantelpiece--I always go into that--it sticks out so--doesn't it? It is
hard--rather!"
Dolly was a flyer and no mistake. I was brought to a standstill at last
by colliding with Thomas's Fraulein.
"It's all right," said Dolly generously, "you didn't hurt us!"
Fraulein was hurled on to a sofa and made no remark. She gave up
temporarily the management of Thomas's left leg.
"Shall we sit out?" said Dolly. "It is hot, isn't it?"
She fanned herself with a very small program and tossed her hair back
from her face. It was such lovely hair.
"Hair is beastly stuff, isn't it?" she said. "Wouldn't you love to be
a boy? Oh, I promised mother not to say I 'beastly'; that's one of the
things I would like to be a boy for, because boys may do such an awful
lot of things."
I soon found out that Dolly liked boys better than girls.
She loved horses and dogs.
She hated and detested bearing-reins.
She didn't want to come out.
She thought grown-ups silly, except some--
She loved the country and strawberry ice.
She hated dull lessons, and I very soon discovered that there were none
other than dull.
She collected stamps.
She longed to have a pet monkey or a brother, she didn't much mind
which.
At the mention of brothers I looked down at Dolly's slim legs, clothed
in fine black silk stockings, at the valenciennes lace on her muslin
frock, and I imagined that if she had any brothers, the younger ones
would be quite likely to have started life in trousers of their own.
Yes, Dolly looked like it. I learned a great deal from her in the time
it had taken me to get "yeth" and "nope" out of Thomas.
The energetic boy who had been obliged to keep up with the music at all
costs, the little fat girl's in particular, came up to me, and said in
an aggrieved voice, "Miss Daly has spoilt my program; she can't write,
and she has written big D's all over it. Will you write me out a fresh
one?"
Which I, of course, did. Really it was very careless of Miss Daly.
The children danced hard, with intervals for tea and refreshment; and
as seven o'clock struck, there was a transformation scene. With
conscientious punctuality the party-dressed children turned, into little
or big woolen bundles, as the case might be. The last bundle I saw was a
pink woolen one, weeping bitterly. My heart was wrung. The noisy crying
of a child is bad enough, but when it is the soft weeping of a broken
heart, it is unbearable. Of course it was my friend Thomas. I stood on
the staircase unable to do anything, for he was quickly borne from the
arms of Fraulein by a big footman, and no doubt deposited in a brougham
in the outer darkness. Poor Thomas!
I hoped that the right sort of mother would be at home to unroll that
pink bundle, a mother who would pretend that it could not be her darling
who was crying, but a strange little boy with a face quite unknown to
her. Where could he have come from? And so on, until Thomas would be
ashamed to be seen with a strange face, and would smile, and then his
mother would say, "What is it, my darling?" because, of course, it was
her own darling who was crying, and she would never rest till she knew
why.
I went back to the drawing-room quite happy that Thomas should be
unrolled by the right sort of mother, and as I walked across the room,
my foot slipped on something. I looked to see what it was I had trodden
on. It was a short screw, Thomas's precious possession. "That was why
the poor pink bundle was crying!"
"Hyacinth," I said, "who was Thomas?"
"Which one? There was little Thomas and the Thomas who lives a long way
off, and then just plain Thomas."
"I mean the fat little Thomas who danced so hard."
"Oh! that's the little Thomas," said Hyacinth.
"Where does he live?" I asked.
"Oh, quite close; when we go to tea there we walk. He hasn't got a
mother, so there's no drawing-room. She died," added Hyacinth, as if it
was an every-day occurrence that Thomas should be left without a mother,
instead of its being a heart-breaking tragedy. A child with no mother,
no mother to unwrap the pink bundle, no mother to grieve for the screw,
no mother to understand things. Perhaps his mother had been a Diana sort
of mother.
"Oh, Thomas," I thought, "I must send you back your screw." I didn't
care what any one said--he should have it.
If he had had a mother, it wouldn't have mattered, because she would
have known it was a screw he had lost, and she would have known just
what comfort he would have needed; whereas a Fraulein would know nothing
about a screw, beyond the German for it, and the gender, of course. And
of what use is that to a child? It may sound very unconventional, and I
suppose it was so, to go to a strange house and ask for Thomas, and my
only excuse a small screw. But still I went!
I pictured a lonely child in a large house with a Fraulein and a nurse,
perhaps two; those I could face. A tall, sad father I had never thought
of! I am afraid I am not suited for the profession, I am too impulsive.
I rang the bell. The door was opened by a solemn man-servant, who did
not show the surprise he must have felt when I asked for Master Thomas.
Another, still more solemn, showed me into a downstairs room. I refused
to give my name, and a very large, serious Thomas rose from a chair as I
was ushered in, "A lady to see Master Thomas." So my errand was in part
explained, but the part left to tell was by far the most difficult. If
only Thomas had lost anything but a screw! No father could be expected
to know how it had been treasured. Supposing Thomas had been crying
because he had a pain, which sometimes comes to children after tea?
Supposing he hadn't been crying for his screw at all? Supposing he
repudiated all knowledge of it?
But here I was, screw in hand, and my story to tell. I told it. I was
grateful to the tall, sad Thomas for being so solemn, and not even
smiling, when I mentioned the screw. He said he was very grateful for my
kindness, and he went so far as to say he was sure Thomas had valued the
screw.
While some one was coming, for whom he had rung, he told me that when he
had taken Thomas to the Zoo, the only thing which he was really excited
about was the mouse in the elephant's house! Somehow or other that
little story put me at my ease, for it showed that the big Thomas at
least understood in part the mind of a child.
A nurse, not sad-looking I was glad to see, came in answer to the bell,
and the big Thomas asked if the little Thomas had lost a screw? In that
I was disappointed, the best nurse in the world might not know of a
screw. But the big Thomas did not wait to hear; he was sure the little
Thomas had, and he said we were coming upstairs to restore it to him. Of
course I had said by this time that I was Zerlina's sister-in-law.
We went upstairs, I following the tall Thomas, past the drawing-room,
past that bedroom whose door I knew was closed. A mother's bedroom is
nearly always in the same place in a London house, a child blindfolded
could find it, and the handle of a mother's door is always within the
reach of the smallest child; and so easily does it turn, that the door
opens at the slightest pressure of the smallest fingers.
Up we went to Thomas's own bedroom. There in his bed he sat, no longer
crying, but still sad and solemn, with evidences in his face of a sorrow
that rankled. He smiled when he saw me, too much of a gentleman to show
any surprise at seeing me in his bedroom.
"Thomas," I said, "I have brought you back your screw which you lost." I
put it in his outstretched hand, and a smile rippled all over his face.
Suddenly from out the darkness came a stentorian voice, "Right hand,
Tomus!" It was Fraulein! Thomas put out his right hand, and I, putting
aside all convention, gave him a real "Sara hug" for the sake of that
mother whose door was closed. It then began to dawn upon me how very
unconventional it was of me to be hugging a comparatively strange child,
in a perfectly strange house, and I hastily said good-night to the
small Thomas and the big Thomas, nurses and Fraulein, and literally ran
downstairs, followed of course by the big Thomas. At the foot of the
stairs I ran into the arms of Mr. Dudley.
His exclamation of "Aunt Woggles" was involuntary, I felt sure, and he
had every right to visit a sad, tall Mr. Thomas. But I thought Diana
ought to have told me that I was likely to meet him at--Well, a
stranger's house; so how could she? The only thing that consoled me was
that in all probability Mr. Dudley would explain my profession in
life, and that I had a screw loose. Yes, that would exactly explain the
position. Otherwise I didn't exactly know how he could describe me.
Well, Zerlina of course said I was mad. She didn't agree with me that
the screw could not possibly have been sent back in an envelope with a
few words of explanation. She said she would have bought a nice toy for
the child. What's the good of a toy to a child when he has lost a screw
which he found his very own self, any more than a squeaking rabbit is
to a child who has a "lubbly blush"? That was a lesson I had lately
learned.
I didn't say all that to Zerlina, because, you see, she is a mother, and
I couldn't understand these things. She was very much surprised at being
late for the party, so surprised. She was full of apologies.
It was so good of me to help her! Had the darling children enjoyed
themselves?
I said, yes, they had, and the adorable mothers, and the delicious
Frauleins, and the heavenly mademoiselles. At this Zerlina looked a
little pained, and I was sorry I was cross, but I felt her want of
sympathy for Thomas. But then she had never passed that closed door.