BEGINNING A NEW LIFE.
On arriving at the Thirty-fourth Street ferry Garrison idly boarded a
Forty-second Street car, drifting aimlessly with the main body of Long
Island passengers going westward to disintegrate, scatter like
the fragments of a bursting bomb, at Broadway. A vague sense of
proprietorship, the kiss of home, momentarily smoothed out the wrinkles
in his soul as the lights of the Great White Way beamed down a welcome
upon him. Then it was slowly borne in on him that, though with the
crowd, he was not of it. His mother, the great cosmopolitan city, had
repudiated him. For Broadway is a place for presents or futures; she has
no welcome for pasts. With her, charity begins at home--and stays there.
Garrison drifted hither and thither with every cross eddy of humanity,
and finally dropped into the steady pulsating, ever-moving tide on the
west curb going south--the ever restless tide that never seems to reach
the open sea. As he passed one well-known café after another his mind
carried him back over the waste stretch of “It might have been” to
the time when he was their central figure. On every block he met
acquaintances who had even toasted him--with his own wine; toasted
him as the kingpin. Now they either nodded absently or became suddenly
vitally interested in a show-window or the new moon.
All sorts and conditions of men comprised that list of former friends,
and not one now stepped out and wrung his hand; wrung it as they had
only the other day, when they thought he would retrieve his fortunes by
pulling off the Carter Handicap. They did not wring it now, for there
was nothing to wring out of it. Now he was not only hopelessly down
in the muck of poverty, but hopelessly dishonored. And gentlemanly
appearing blackguards, who had left all honesty in the cradle, now
wouldn't for the world be seen talking on Broadway to little Billy
Garrison, the horribly crooked jockey.
It wouldn't do at all. First, because their own position was so
precarious that a breath would send it tottering. Secondly, because
Billy might happen to inconveniently remember all the sums of money he
had “loaned” them time and again. Actual necessity might tend to waken
his memory. For they had modernized the proverb into: “A friend in need
is a friend to steer clear of.”
A lesson in mankind and the making had been coming to Garrison, and in
that short walk down Broadway he appreciated it to the uttermost.
“Think I had the mange or the plague,” he mused grimly, as a plethoric
ex-alderman passed and absent-mindedly forgot to return his bow--an
alderman who had been tipped by Garrison in his palmy days to a small
fortune. “What if I had thrown the race?” he ran on bitterly. “Many a
jockey has, and has lived to tell it. No, there's more behind it all
than that. I've passed sports who wouldn't turn me down for that. But I
suppose Bender” (the plethoric alderman) “staked a pot on Sis, she being
the favorite and I up. And when he loses he forgets the times I tipped
him to win. Poor old Sis!” he added softly, as the fact of her poisoning
swept over him. “The only thing that cared for me--gone! I'm down on my
luck--hard. And it's not over yet. I feel it in the air. There's another
fall coming to me.”
He shivered through sheer nervous exhaustion, though the night was warm
for mid-April. He rummaged in his pocket.
“One dollar in bird-seed,” he mused grimly, counting the coins under the
violet glare of a neighboring arc light. “All that's between me and the
morgue. Did I ever think it would come to that? Well, I need a bracer.
Here goes ten for a drink. Can only afford bar whisky.”
He was standing on the corner of Twenty-fifth Street, and unconsciously
he turned into the café of the Hoffman House. How well he knew its every
square inch! It was filled with the usual sporting crowd, and Garrison
entered as nonchalantly as if his arrival would merit the same commotion
as in the long ago. He no longer cared. His depression had dropped from
him. The lights, the atmosphere, the topics of conversation, discussion,
caused his blood to flow like lava through his veins. This was home,
and all else was forgotten. He was not the discarded jockey, but Billy
Garrison, whose name on the turf was one to conjure with.
And then, even as he had awakened from his dream on Broadway, he now
awoke to an appreciation of the immensity of his fall from grace. He
knew fully two-thirds of those present. Some there were who nodded, some
kindly, some pityingly. Some there were who cut him dead, deliberately
turning their backs or accurately looking through the top of his hat.
Billy's square chin went up to a point and his under lip came out. He
would not be driven out. He would show them. He was as honest as any
there; more honest than many; more foolish than all. He ordered a drink
and seated himself by a table, indifferently eyeing the shifting crowd
through the fluttering curtain of tobacco-smoke.
The staple subject of conversation was the Carter Handicap, and he
sensed rather than noted the glances of the crowd as they shifted
curiously to him and back again. At first he pretended not to notice
them, but after a certain length of time his oblivion was sincere, for
retrospect came and claimed him for its own.
He was aroused by footsteps behind him; they wavered, stopped, and a
large hand was laid on his shoulder.
“Hello, kid! You here, too?”
He looked up quickly, though he knew the voice. It was Jimmy Drake,
and he was looking down at him, a queer gleam in his inscrutable eyes.
Garrison nodded without speaking. He noticed that the book-maker had not
offered to shake hands, and the knowledge stung. The crowd was watching
them curiously, and Drake waved off, with a late sporting extra he
carried, half a dozen invitations to liquidate.
“Kid,” he said, lowering his voice, his hand still on Garrison's
shoulder, “what did you come here for? Why don't you get away? Waterbury
may be here any minute.”
“What's that to me?” spat out Billy venomously. “I'm not afraid of him.
No call to be.”
Drake considered, the queer look still in his eyes.
“Don't get busty, kid. I don't know how you ever come to do it, but it's
a serious game, a dirty game, and I guess it may mean jail for you, all
right.”
“What do you mean?” Garrison's pinched face had gone slowly white. A
vague premonition of impending further disaster possessed him, amounting
almost to an obsession. “What do you mean, Jimmy?” he reiterated
tensely.
Drake was silent, still scrutinizing him.
“Kid,” he said finally, “I don't like to think it of you--but I know
what made you do it. You were sore on Waterbury; sore for losing. You
wanted to get hunk on something. But I tell you, kid, there's no deal
too rotten for a man who poisons a horse--”
“Poisons a horse,” echoed Garrison mechanically. “Poisons a horse.
Good Lord, Drake!” he cried fiercely, in a sudden wave of passion and
understanding, jumping from his chair, “you dare to say that I poisoned
Sis! You dare--”
“No, I don't. The paper does.”
“The paper lies! Lies, do you hear? Let me see it! Let me see it! Where
does it say that? Where, where? Show it to me if you can! Show it to
me--”
His eyes slowly widened in horror, and his mouth remained agape, as
he hastily scanned the contents of an article in big type on the
first page. Then the extra dropped from his nerveless fingers, and
he mechanically seated himself at the table, his eyes vacant. To his
surprise, he was horribly calm. Simply his nerves had snapped; they
could torture him no longer by stretching.
“It's not enough to have--have her die, but I must be her poisoner,” he
said mechanically.
“It's all circumstantial evidence, or nearly so,” added Drake, shifting
from one foot to the other. “You were the only one who would have a
cause to get square. And Crimmins says he gave you permission to see her
alone. Even the stable-hands say that. It looks bad, kid. Here, don't
take it so hard. Get a cinch on yourself,” he added, as he watched
Garrison's blank eyes and quivering face.
“I'm all right. I'm all right,” muttered Billy vaguely, passing a hand
over his throbbing temples.
Drake was silent, fidgeting uneasily.
“Kid,” he blurted out at length, “it looks as if you were all in. Say,
let me be your bank-roll, won't you? I know you lost every cent on Sis,
no matter what they say. I'll give you a blank check, and you can fill
it out--”
“No, thanks, Jimmy.”
“Don't be touchy, kid. You'd do the same for me--”
“I mean it, Drake. I don't want a cent. I'm not hard up. Thanks all the
same.” Garrison's rag of honor was fluttering in the wind of his pride.
“Well,” said Drake, finally and uncomfortably, “if you ever want it,
Billy, you know where to come for it. I want to go down on the books as
your friend, hear? Mind that. So-long.”
“So-long, Jimmy. And I won't forget your stand.”
Garrison continued staring at the floor. This, then, was the reason why
the sporting world had cut him dead; for a horse-poisoner is ranked in
the same category as that assigned to the horse-stealer of the Western
frontier. There, a man's horse is his life; to the turfman it is his
fortune--one and the same. And so Crimmins had testified that he had
permitted him, Garrison, to see Sis alone!
Yes, the signals were set dead against him. His opinion of Crimmins
had undergone a complete revolution; first engendered by the trainer
offering him a dishonorable opportunity of fleecing the New York
pool-rooms; now culminated by his indirect charge.
Garrison considered the issue paramount. He was furious, though so
seemingly indifferent. Every ounce of resentment in his nature had been
focused to the burning-point. Now he would not leave New York. Come what
might, he would stand his ground. He would not run away. He would fight
the charge; fight Waterbury, Crimmins--the world, if necessary. And
mingled with the warp and woof of this resolve was another; one that he
determined would comprise the color-scheme of his future existence; he
would ferret out the slayer of Sis; not merely for his own vindication,
but for hers. He regarded her slayer as a murderer, for to him Sis had
been more than human.
Garrison came to himself by hearing his name mentioned. Behind him two
young men were seated at a table, evidently unaware of his identity, for
they were exchanging their separate views on the running of the Carter
Handicap and the subsequent poisoning of the favorite.
“And I say,” concluded the one whose nasal twang bespoke the New
Englander; “I say that it was a dirty race all through.”
“One paper hints that the stable was in on it; wanted to hit the bookies
hard,” put in his companion diffidently.
“No,” argued the wise one, some alcohol and venom in his syllables,
“Waterbury's all right. He's a square sport. I know. I ought to know,
for I've got inside information. A friend of mine has a cousin who's
married to the brother of a friend of Waterbury's aunt's half-sister.
So I ought to know. Take it from me,” added this Bureau of Inside
Information, beating the table with an insistent fist; “it was a put-up
job of Garrison's. I'll bet he made a mint on it. All these jockeys are
crooked. I may be from Little Falls, but I know. You can't fool me. I've
been following Garrison's record--”
“Then what did you bet on him for?” asked his companion mildly.
“Because I thought he might ride straight for once. And being up on Sis,
I thought he couldn't help but win. And so I plunged--heavy. And now,
by Heck! ten dollars gone, and I'm mad; mad clear through. Sis was a
corker, and ought to have had the race. I read all about her in
the Little Falls _Daily Banner_. I'd just like to lay hands on that
Garrison--a miserable little whelp; that's what he is. He ought to have
poisoned himself instead of the horse. I hope Waterbury'll do him up.
I'll see him about it.”
Garrison slowly rose, his face white, eyes smoldering. The devil was
running riot through him. His resentment had passed from the apathetic
stage to the fighting. So this was the world's opinion of him! Not only
the world, but miserable wastrels of sports who “plunged heavy” with ten
dollars! His name was to be bandied in their unclean mouths! He, Billy
Garrison, former premier jockey, branded as a thing beyond redemption!
He did not care what might happen, but he would kill that lie here and
now. He was glad of the opportunity; hungry to let loose some of the
resentment seething within him.
The Bureau of Inside Information and his companion looked up as Billy
Garrison stood over them, hands in pockets. Both men had been drinking.
Drake and half the café's occupants had drifted out.
“Which of you gentlemen just now gave his opinion of Billy Garrison?”
asked the jockey quietly.
“I did, neighbor. Been roped in, too?” Inside Information splayed out
his legs, and, with a very blasé air, put his thumbs in the armholes
of his execrable vest. He owned a rangy frame and a loose mouth. He
was showing the sights of Gotham to a friend, and was proud of his
knowledge. But he secretly feared New York because he did not know it.
“Oh, it was you?” snapped Garrison venomously. “Well, I don't know your
name, but mine's Billy Garrison, and you're a liar!” He struck Inside
Information a whack across the face that sent him a tumbled heap on the
floor.
There is no one so dangerous as a coward. There is nothing so dangerous
as ignorance. The New Englander had heard much of Gotham's undercurrent
and the brawls so prevalent there. He had heard and feared. He had
looked for them, fascination in his fear, but till the present had never
experienced one. He had heard that sporting men carried guns and were
quick to use them; that when the lie was passed it meant the hospital or
the morgue. He was thoroughly ignorant of the ways of a great city, of
the world; incapable of meeting a crisis; of apportioning it at its true
value. And so now he overdid it.
As Garrison, a contemptuous smile on his face, turned away, and started
to draw a handkerchief from his hip pocket, the New Englander, thinking
a revolver was on its way, scrambled to his feet, wildly seized the
heavy spirit-bottle, and let fly at Garrison's head. There was whisky,
muscle, sinew, and fear behind the shot.
As Billy turned about to ascertain whether or not his opponent meant
fight by rising from under the table, the heavy bottle landed full on
his temple. He crumpled up like a withered leaf, and went over on the
floor without even a sigh.
It was two weeks later when Garrison regained full consciousness; opened
his eyes to gaze upon blank walls, blank as the ceiling. He was in a
hospital, but he did not know it. He knew nothing. The past had become
a blank. An acute attack of brain-fever had set in, brought on by
the excitement he had undergone and finished by the smash from the
spirit-bottle.
There followed many nights when doctors shook their heads and nurses
frowned; nights when it was thought little Billy Garrison would cross
the Great Divide; nights when he sat up in the narrow cot, his hands
clenched as if holding the reins, his eyes flaming as in his feverish
imagination he came down the stretch, fighting for every inch of the
way; crying, pleading, imploring: “Go it, Sis; go it! Take the rail!
Careful, careful! Now--now let her out; let her out! Go, you cripple,
go--” All the jargon of the turf.
He was a physical, nervous wreck, and the doctors said that he couldn't
last very long, for consumption had him. It was only a matter of time,
unless a miracle happened. The breath of his life was going through his
mouth and nostrils; the breath of his lungs.
No one knew his name at the hospital, not even himself. There was
nothing to identify him by. For Garrison, after the blow that night, had
managed to crawl out to the sidewalk like a wounded beast striving to
find its lair and fighting to die game.
There was no one to say him nay, no friend to help him. And hotel
managements are notoriously averse to having murder or assault committed
in their house. So when they saw that Garrison was able to walk they let
him go, and willingly. Then he had collapsed, crumpled in a heap on the
sidewalk.
A policeman had eventually found him, and with the uncanny acumen of
his ilk had unerringly diagnosed the case as a “drunk.” From the
stationhouse to Bellevue, Garrison had gone his weary way, and from
there, when it was finally discovered he was neither drunk nor insane,
to Roosevelt Hospital. And no one knew who or what he was, and no one
cared overmuch. He was simply one of the many unfortunate derelicts of a
great city.
It was over six months before he left the hospital, cured so far as he
could be. The doctors called his complaint by a learned and villainously
unpronounceable name, which, interpreted by the Bowery, meant that Billy
Garrison “had gone dippy.”
But Garrison had not. His every faculty was as acute as it ever had
been. Simply, Providence had drawn an impenetrable curtain over his
memory, separating the past from the present; the same curtain that
divides our presents from our futures. He had no past. It was a blank,
shot now and then with a vague gleam of things dead and gone.
This oblivion may have been the manifestation of an all-wise Almighty.
Now, at least, he could not brood over past mistakes, though,
unconsciously, he might have to live them out. Life to him was a new
book, not one mark appeared on its clean pages. He did not even know his
name--nothing.
From the “W. G.” on his linen he understood that those were his
initials, but he could not interpret them; they stood for nothing. He
had no letters, memoranda in his pockets, bearing his name. And so
he took the name of William Good. Perhaps the “William” came to him
instinctively; he had no reason for choosing “Good.”
Garrison left the hospital with his cough, a little money the
superintendent had kindly given to him, and his clothes; that was all.
Handicapped as he was, harried by futile attempts of memory to fathom
his identity, he was about to renew the battle of life; not as a
veteran, one who has earned promotion, profited by experience, but as a
raw recruit.
The big city was no longer an old familiar mother, whose every mood and
whimsy he sensed unerringly; now he was a stranger. The streets meant
nothing to him. But when he first turned into old Broadway, a vague,
uneasy feeling stirred within him; it was a memory struggling like an
imprisoned bird to be free. Almost the first person he met was Jimmy
Drake. Garrison was about to pass by, oblivious, when the other seized
him by the arm.
“Hello, Billy! Where did you drop from--”
“Pardon me, you have made a mistake.” Garrison stared coldly, blankly at
Drake, shook free his arm, and passed on.
“Gee, what a cut!” mused the book-maker, staring after the rapidly
retreating figure of Garrison. “The frozen mitt for sure. What's
happened now? Where's he been the past six months? Wearing the same
clothes, too! Well, somehow I've queered myself for good. I don't know
what I did or didn't. But I'll keep my eye on him, anyway.” To cheer his
philosophy, Drake passed into the Fifth Avenue for a drink.